I slipped and you caught me.
You're holding on to me so tight.
You have both of my hands in yours.
Im hanging off the edge of a cliff and I'm trusting you to pull me up.

But you don't.

You tied rope around my wrists as I stared into your eyes but I saw nobody there in you.
My wrists are burning and I'm too scared to move for if I do I might fall into an abyss.

So I stay. I have no choice.
You left for days. You would come back to check on me. To make sure I was still alive.

As long as I'm breathing, I'm yours.

Weeks went by and I realized I'd rather die than be yours.

So I let go.

I wanted love
But loving him was black
Like a cave that I was interested to explore
Newfound beauties that I thought would bring me excitement
But instead it cut me off from the world and held me captive.

I found you and my eyes were introduced to color
My skin felt the sun and my hands reached for life
You found me and you painted my whole world with excitement and laughter
And We fell in love.

Loving me is begging for a heart break baby-
But I'll show you if you let me

I have something to say and it's taking me so much courage to tell you. It's a scary feeling and it's also so overwhelming. I wake up with these thoughts splashing around in my head. They overflow onto my day and drown me in thought of us. I've been holding back for some time now, thinking that this feeling is rushed. I thought that by holding back I may be able to better grasp it and analyze it to make sure that it's real. And now that I've taken this time, I'm finally ready to share.  I'm ready for you to know that I won't ever let you go. I'm ready for your next move, whatever that may be and I'm ready to stand by your decision. I'm ready to smile every day for the rest of my life. I'm ready to be loved and give love in return. I'm ready for big dreams and future planning. I'm ready for commitment. I'm ready for mistakes and hiccups along the way. I'm ready for uncertainty. I'm ready for passion and a breath taking life. I'm ready to give you my hand, my heart, my mind, and my body. I'm ready for you to know that I'm ready for you. I know that I'm ready, but I'm also ready to wait for you to be ready too.

You ****** up
And I forgave you
I told you that would be the last time I'd take you back
Thinking I'd scare you straight
But I didn't and you ****** up again
And I was so angry
The last words I said to you was
What the **** am I doing here
And I walked out.
I felt so weak
But I thought that was my strongest move
I thought you'd call
I thought you'd knock on my door
But you never did
But even though I told you I wouldn't forgive again
Even though I was so angry
I loved you still
And I would have taken you back if you had tried
I would have willingly struggled through your deceit
So I silently thank you today for not giving a ****
Because you didn't deserve me.

It just so happens that beauty covers these scars best.

"You're crazy baby"
He held my face in his hands
He kissed me and said
"You're not going anywhere"
He kissed me like he needed me
And he ****** me like it was the last time-
Every time

"You're crazy baby"
He loved me through his wickedness
Through his lies, through his cheating nights
"You're not going anywhere"
He loved me in the only way he understood
We loved and lied like Kennedy and Marilyn

"You're crazy baby"
He would yell, as he moved like fire through the house
Destroyed my sense of security and my sanity
His favorite wall paper was his fist through the sheet rock
"You're not going anywhere"
He was a **** fool
"You're crazy baby"
I finally yelled back
He ruined what could have been a masterpiece
And it will be his worst regret
"You're not going anywhere"
I finally realized
He will forever be trapped in this hole

And I was **** right.. he never did make it anywhere

Write it down
Sing it aloud
Draw it now
Because you feel it

He said one day you will see
You will soon live through all that you've done to me
You will soon realize how deep my love was
And how no man in this universe can ever measure up
I can't wait for that day my love, I can't wait for that call
For that moment when you tell me that when I left you lost it all
For that instant gratification I will feel through your pain
And I know the day draws nearer with every breath that you take.

From the moment I saw you
I knew you would be the death of me

...and I would let you be.

He is the darkest memory
Buried inside, beneath all this skin
Causing a chemical imbalance
Gnawing at my every *****...
We dance when I sleep
Spinning circles around the ballroom in my head
A fantasy he uses to distract me
Gripping me, twisting me, until I am dead

You've never felt hate before
Not like the kind you've instilled in me
I feel so possessed with this evil rage
That craves men's hearts, it's so hungry.
What have you done to my hopeful self
You turned me into someone I used to loathe
All I ever want to do now is play reckless games
With each one of their souls..

My insides turn to ice and a sheet of black slate cover my eyes the longer I go without you.
You melt off the hatred that consumes me and I become an angel within your arms.

The innocence that remains inside of me
Darla, is what her name shall be
Running through the forest as if she were free
Wearing an old fashioned white dress with scrapes on her knees
The lightest shade of blonde hair that you ever did see
Dirt on her hands while her seat for supper remains empty

Darla, oh Darla, where might you be...
Chasing the butterflies and buzzing with the bees
Napping in the meadow is where you may find thee
Dreaming of Darla, she and I are dancing
Away with each other, where I wish I could be her and she wishes she were me.

Pick a star darling
And my heart will be drawn to the same
As we stare at the same sky from separate worlds
I feel my tears fall and I can't restrain.
One by one they make a path
Through my makeup and to the ground
I close my eyes just to see your face again
But not for too long, for my eyes would drown.
They melt into my book pages
Little black droplets that leave fainted stains
You cry too, from heaven I feel you
While I stay here silent in your rain.

I'm a little better every day
With each week that passes my eyes see clearer
With each moment that you're not around
I find my thoughts a little more cleaner.
I don't say your name when I'm half awake anymore
Or reach out my hand for you when I'm alone
Check my screen every five minutes for your name to pop up
And I finally deleted your number from my phone.
Erased your name from my heart nearly completely
Convinced myself that I was worthless to you
This made the whole "moving on" thing much easier
Once I realized that's all I needed to do.
Now that I took a step back and see what this was
You're not nearly as great as I made you out to be
You kinda just fall into that same pile as the rest of them
And in time you will be completely dead to me.

I appreciate your compassion. I recognize your desire to love and your joy in others' company. I notice your childish ways and your faith in love. I know that you live to be loved.

I once longed for you. I had no other desire above you than to absorb you completely. Feel your energy race through every synapse in my body and embrace you within every fiber of my body. There was once a time that I envied you. I envied you for remaining hopeful in the idea of love and being able to shut yourself away from the darkness that was once me. You found a safe hiding place inside of me that sheltered you from the storm for so long. And then there was light. And so you rose. You blossomed through me like a beautiful rose garden and shared your smile. You made me smile. You made me view the world differently and most of all you let love.

But your time has passed. I'd rather be alone. I wish for you to leave. Permanently. Pack what little remains of you and move out. There is no more room for you here. At this point I just wish for silence. You've brought many happy memories but you've also brought so much heart break.

Please understand, I am most grateful for the light that you have shown. And even though I ask for you to leave, does not mean someone else won't find value in you. Someone out there needs you; it just isn't me anymore.

I did not walk
I was dragged through this valley
With her
A shadow of death
Though I do not fear the outcome
I fear this journey.

These jeans slip off my waist
The way you slipped through my fingers
I'm a little bit lost with an unmarked direction
Fighting the light you left behind that still lingers
Tangled in these bedsheets
Hiding from real life in just my underwear
Reaching for you, where you're supposed to be
But it's not you who's there
Lay me down, he takes what he's here for
I hesitate and he continues to stay
Without you I feel lifeless
I slowly feel my body decay.

I had a dream of you
But somehow it was mixed with reality
You hated me because you loved me still
And yet you found someone to replace me

I was envious of her, jealous that you chose her
Even though I had someone else too
She was the woman, married to Hector
Whose sister you slept with when I loved you

We exchanged our daughter in a parking lot
You made no effort to hide her
Foreign emotions overwhelmed me
Settled resentment returned

Her name I always remember from high school
She is Blanca, still technically Mrs. Blanca Garcia
Somehow you both resemble the devil
To remind me of your affair with Hector's sister, Ophelia

¡Diablo vete!
You're a past memory, long forgotten
You come in the night, inconspicuously
Finding any light left to darken.

I buried my heart in his hollow ground
Latched my soul to his sinister pneuma

He was the walking dead
And I was his conduit.

I thought of her often
She was a siren in the distance
Faint, annoying, pulling me aside, distracting me.
I thought of the way she loved me
A breathless love, a selfish love, more like a ritual.
I thought of her coldness,
The way she shut the world out.
She would look me in the eyes
But I saw nothing. I felt nothing.
I've never felt less from another's soul.

I think of her often,
But I don't like to.

It's not your fault I fell
I should have known better.
You're just a man
I just expected better.

I know this ache
This persistent migraine
I’ve always known it’s the memory of you
Trying to escape
Looking for a way out
Pounding on left side of my brain
Familiar patterns of banging
Driving me utterly insane
DON’T CONSUME WITH ALCOHOL the bottle said
I closed my eyes and downed that champagne
Anything to **** the memory of you
In my heart and my upper domain

Little girl with bright blonde hair
Cheeks painted pink
Playfully hid behind the table
"Mommy do you see me?"

Innocent eyes and a smile so grand
Her laugh so bubbly
She looked up to her mother
"Mommy do you see me?"

Her mother looked down
And she covered her eyes
Only just for a moment
But she opened to a surprise

Her baby girl had grown too fast
And she herself was aged and weary
In the hospital bed, by her side her daughter sat
"Mommy don't leave me"

We walked along the river and approached a small hill.

You reached out for me and offered your help to me, but No.  No thank you
I don't want your hand.

Because me taking your hand is a symbol of trust.

And I don't trust you enough to catch me if I fall.

His words said he loved me
But his hands told another story
His eyes saw right through me
And his soul was just hungry.
He was hungry for love
But he didn't know what that was
He had seen it in movies
And felt it growing up...
But the love that he needed
Was stolen from him
By another past lover
Who turned out to be a witch.
What she took from his soul
He could not find in anyone
So he scours the earth
Still in hope that someone,
Possesses the power
To fill that void inside
And no matter how many women he holds
He is still left empty by night.
He held me and I knew this
But I thought I could save him
I thought that maybe our voids together
Would help us both feel less broken.
But he moved on so quickly
Before I could try
That witch, how I loathe her
For what she has done to his life.

I've been dreaming lately.
Painting watercolor images on the canvas in my mind
Watching romantic movies on my eyelids
Singing in my sleep.
I dream that I confess everything to you
The way that I feel, what I truly think
And I even place my heart in your hands.
I wake up whispering "I love you".
Sometimes your forehead is resting on mine as I say it
Other times you're walking away...
The scenario continues to change,
But the result is always the same...
I continue to love you.

From my three-story apartment window I hear the 2am bar fights,
The sirens of the city race by...
I hear the breaking glass from another wandering soul
and the couples that hate each other then make love in the dark alley below me...
I feel the breeze blended with artists dreams pass by,
I lay in this Cal. king drowning in pillows,
Staring at these 1930 off-white walls that have been molested by so many forgotten visitors,
I lay here and I know why I lay alone...

I'm so consumed by the life outside my window that I do not notice when a life walks out my door.

Maybe one day I'll finish all of these half started rhymes
When the day comes where I can lay in tulips all day sipping a bottle of wine
When the earth stops spinning and I'm resting on cloud

...   ...    ...   ...

So here's to another, half finished piece
Maybe it'll find you more solace than it ever did me.

Drowning. Slow motion. As if in a movie you could watch it. She fell from the dock when he pushed her.

Her arms reach out for him but he stands there still. Watching. Waiting to drown.

The point of view is hers now. She feels her body being pulled down by gravity. It's inevitable. She will crash into the water. Watching him. Waiting for him. To not let her drown.

Their eyes locked on each other. Both anxious. Both waiting. She then realizes he's not changing his mind. She will drown.

She then became one with the water. Still as ever. She did not fight it.

I would rather be your Friday night than your Sunday morning
Because I know that you're with me Sunday morning.
I would rather be your Unknown Caller.
I would rather be your
"meet me on the corner" or your
"I wish I could stay"
Because that way I would know where I stand.

But I'm not any of these things.
I am your wife. And I am envious of the one who has your heart while I only have your hand.

I remember the rainy night I showed up on your door step begging for answers

It was 2 years later and I cried like it was yesterday

You invited me in and even though I hated you, in I walked

I remember feeling brave
I remember feeling broken, shattered
I remember how easily you brushed my tears off
But you acknowledged how **** I was
Such causality
And I wondered why you had asked me inside with no feeling of remorse.

I left shortly thereafter with fewer answers than I came with
I left with the feeling of regret all over again like a fresh coat of paint

But something happened that night
Somewhere between following you from room to room
Talking about insignificant memories
You reminded me that people move on
You reminded me how sometimes strength is a deep rooted pain, disguised.
And in that night I learned that I don't want your excuses after all
Even if you had any to give.

She waited in peace as he took her breath away
Stood with her eyes closed as he took her to another place
Somewhere she saw only in her dreams,
She could now feel through his hands washing her clean.
A place inside her that was once evil and rough
He now stands to protect her, defending her love.

If for a moment she could escape, she would.
Even if just for a few hours.
Lost in silence or lost in a crowd.

She chose to escape in him.
And had she known that was the most dangerous thing she could have done,
I believe she still would have done it all the same.

Falling in love is an amazing feeling.
But I don't want to feel that every day for the rest of my life.
I want to feel what it's like to be caught.
And live every day with the person who caught me.

Finally home!!
I need a glass of wine. Right now please
I don’t want to be told no or that I shouldn’t
I’m having a glass. Don’t interrupt me.

Out of all subjects of love my dear,
You are my favorite.

Your hands are like an earth quake.
So strong and full of force. Breaking down my walls and crumbling me to pieces in your lap. You vigorously shake my emotions and wreck my fortress that I have taken time and dedication to build.

Your eyes are like water.
So calming and moving. I just want to be your rock. You see right through me and my thoughts like a tropical ocean. But you watch me undress and I see pacific waves crashing in your eyes. I can feel your thirst.

Your mind is like a fire.
So sure of itself and so powerful.  Like a forest fire. It would take many men to stop you or put you down. You know the direction in which you pursue and you burn your own path.

Your compassion is like a rose.
Beautiful and fragile; you are gentle and bright.  You bring smiles and radiance to the room but you make it very clear to me that if I hold you too close, you could hurt me.

Your opinion was not requested
Nor taken under advisement
But thanks anyways

Just hold me

I don't need you to promise that you'll love me forever
Or that it will all be alright.
I'm not a child, I understand that the world is cruel and we don't always mean what we say.
I understand that people grow up and grow apart.
I don't need to hear a happy ending
Or a perfect dream.

Just hold me and be silent.
Let me fantasize what it might be like to live in that moment for infinity with you.
If I could exist in a dream, that would be it.

All this time has passed
I breathe in and exhale.
Day by day, not a word from you
But you came to me in a dream last night
I was shocked to see your face
You stood there for a moment and I felt you cared
Your eyes were as gentle as they ever were
You told me what you had done
And you wanted my forgiveness...
You've had it for quite a while now, lover
But you never deserved it until now.

So much hurt, so much pain
You'd never know it by just a glance
You'd never feel her timid fear of you
While you shake her hand

You'd never know she was touched and abused
By the smile she gives you
And you'd never think twice about her innocence
Because of the way she moves you.

You'd never know of her fear of men
Because she seems so bold
But appearances can be misleading
And her eyes do not tell the story of her soul.

Alone deep inside
She sits and she wonders
Where her heart and soul have ran off to
And why they left without her.