your lips
weren't as soft as a flower's petal

your eyes
weren't the color of the sky

your fingertips
were hills of rocks & dry skin patches

but still
flowers bloom at each step you took

i love you so much,
i don't know what to do

Falling in love will always hurt. Even if you get to marry them & have the happiest moment of your life, walking down the aisle or waiting at the altar for your lover. One of you will have to leave sooner or later.

Scenario #1, they die first. That **** will hurt. You will no longer feel their arms around you. The softness of their hair will be missed by your hand. Those late night movie marathons and fort-buildings will all become memories. Because they're gone. And as they leave, they took every single particle of you with them. And it's going to hurt for the rest of your life.

Scenario #2, you die first. You will spend seven years in whatever place you may go after you die, waiting for them. And sometimes, you will inevitably watch them move on and worse, fall in love with someone new. When it's time for them to die, there's a possibility that they might not even look for you in heaven or hell. For they're going to be busy waiting for their new lover to follow them into the light.

And you will become a distant memory.

Love will always hurt.

Darling, what have you done to me? It seems as though 3 months ago I was writing about the pain of romance and bitterness. Then all of the sudden I was romanticizing brown eyes & cigarettes. Don't you know I hated the smell of smoke? My nasal cavity reacts badly to secondhand smoke but somehow, it doesn't when the smoke comes from you.

And all of the people are starting to say, "You look so happy with him" instead of asking, "Rough night?"

I haven't written anything sad for the past 2 months. I no longer sleep with a heavy heart. Is this what happy feels like?

Darling, what have you done to me?

I hear the drops of rain crash against the roof of my home and poetry started to run among my veins. Each raindrop that hits the streets outside my house is yearning for me to write about you. And I’ve told myself that I will never write a single sentence about the boy who left wet kisses around my collarbones then burned my skin with his saliva that contaminates white lies. I promised myself that I will never write one more word about the boy who I’ve spent time teaching endearing phrases from foreign words in hopes that he will say those phrases in thought of me but I stood around the corner as I listen to you say those phrases to someone else.

Now, look at me. Writing about you again. The booming of the raindrops on my roof empowers my hand to move and write your name in this paper. The petrichor intoxicating my brain as I lose control of myself. And here I am realizing that fact that I was born to write about people who never gave a single **** about me.

“Ethan, do you think someone will deeply love me in the future? Do you think that someone will love me so much that even though he has seen me walk to him so many times before, he'll cry once he see me walk to him in white with flowers in my hand?”

Doctor, oh doctor
Help me breath again,
Stitch up the lines on my wrist
And paint my desolate brain

Doctor, oh doctor
I couldn't feel my face
They told me I would be okay,
They told me it was just a phase

Doctor, oh doctor,
I feel like death
Everything hurts,
And I don't want to breathe again

You are not my world, you are not my everything. You shouldn't be my world, you should never be my everything. But it's the way you make me feel like I was the brightest star in your whole galaxy. How you became the harmony to every song I have ever listened. It's the way I looked directly in your eyes and suddenly, heaven & hell was at peace and the stars have aligned. It's the way you made me feel like everything was alright.

You were a shining masterpiece until the way you disguised as a diamond that cut me open and left me bleeding a river. It's the way you tore down my walls then lit it on fire. It's the way you bury a dagger below my back. It's the way you poison me with your sharp lies. It's the way you scribbled all over me, which might seem very pretty, but darling, the ink killed me.

It will hurt when I look at you, it will hurt when I don't. And I'm here to tell you right now, to give you permission to **use me. Use every bit of my red heart. Drain me from all of my colors and being. Paint me black. Kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the jaw. Hold my hand as you stab me in the stomach. Kiss my lips as you pull the trigger through my head. Rip open my chest. Take my heart. You don't have to stitch me back. Hold my pumping muscle. I'm sorry if my blood would ever stain your high-end shoes. But I'm asking you to let me enter oblivion in your arms. For I would rather die a painful death with you, than live seeing you love anyone else.

I undertake from the farthest moon in the universe,
That your love will always be requited
And if fate ever fell into reverse,
I'll find a way to keep you in my head.

I pledge from the deepest ocean in the world
That my shoulder would always catch your tears,
My words would always fill your ears,
So, dear, don't fear.

I oath to anyone reading this,
That you'll be the blood in my veins,
My love will grow as tall as the trees,
And I'll be there to ease any of your pain.

I commit to carry the weight of your world,
I'll make sure your sky doesn't cry
I'll love you through every mould,
I'll love you 'till I die.

Your eyes remind me of the fireworks and the bright lights that illuminates New York City during the New Years. Your touch resemble the hypnic **** that occurs to me just as I’m about to sleep, making me jump. Your voice makes my blood rush to my head, making my face the color of the gore my nose sometimes bleed. Seeing you smile is like looking at that fiery star in the sky, what we often call the Sun. And every night, I fall into my bed; just like how I always fall for you every end of a day.

~
*can also be found at my blog; orionmaciah.co.vu

you're strumming my heartstrings like how angels do with their harps & i bet that it did hurt when you fell from heaven but that doesn't hurt as much when i fell for you

1.) By the time you're reading this, you are probably bigger than I am right now & I just want to let you know that Mom, Dad, Brother, Friends (Real friends though, I hope you already met them by now) & I is and am proud & will always be proud of what you decide to be.

2.) Never ever forget where you came from & who was with you through your journey. Never forget to thank them.

3.) Always, always forgive. But, do not easily forget.

4.) Please control your nativity. Do not easily fall for a person's words/actions.

5.) The worst things in life comes free to us.

6.) Always remember to use your talents. Improve it. Share it. You have potential even though your past self didn't have any.

7.) Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's not a surprise that by now, you're either experiencing a heart ache or you've gone through one before. Or you could be madly in love with someone. Just try to love yourself more, please.  

8.) Putting yourself first sometimes is okay. It does not & will never mean selfishness.

9.) Beware of the phrases "I'll always be here for you." "I am not leaving" etc. You cannot always decide when someone has to leave your life. The greater one might leave first then the worst. Some people will leave you, expect that. I'll hope and I'll pray that God shows you differently.

10.) By now, your experience has leveled up and you've been through things. It might change your perspective & goals. Go seek your great perhaps. You can do it, I believe in you.

i've never wanted to be something that touches the human skin casually since the day i met you and i can see the universe in clear high-definition from your gray eyes, they remind me of the moon

im not content with the idea of us at least sharing the same sky because maybe, just maybe, you are also sharing it with someone else

what if each individual is a universe? eyes that resembles nebulas, birth of a cell that looks like the death of a star.
and this universe we live in, is just another human being? and every hurricane is an emotion lurked, every earthquake is a feeling of extreme anger, tsunami waves like our eyes in times of devastation, despair, joy & anything else. what if the planets & the stars are cells that build up this universe?

what if theres another earth
about 9 trillion miles from this earth
where everything isn't what it is
and everyone isn't who they are


and in that another form of life,
there's another you & me.
this time, the feelings i have for you is requited & the daydreams i dream every day is happening.

and if that is real then i'm happy.
because it's nice to think that in another life, i can be happy.
and that's all i want for me.