...fell down and shattered into a gadzillion pieces.

It was an accident.
It was fate.
It was moment of weakness.
It was meant to be.

It was a gadzillion pieces of
broken words,
unkept promises,
unspoken hopes.

It was a gadzillion
drops of tears,
gusts of emotions,
jigsawed thoughts.

All those pieces swept into the wind,
spread across sand and sea,
whispered under every breath
and buried... buried.

They unfold and twist,
collide and explode.
Pressurized and purified,
proven true, it

lands back to the very heart of where it started--
with You.

What no ears have heard nor eyes have seen

Peppermills and pancakes
Love
like no other poetry
to perceive
the beauty
in life
in pain
in darkness
in sin

What no mind can see nor hearts can hear

The secret 
byways and highways 

Untold
Unkept
In allways 



I've not met you
I've not known

Yet,
in noways and nothing is everything in you.

Flutter of an evening chill
the black rain, bores into me

Another diamond
engulfs me

Opaque
Tarnished
Branded

Announces
a failing
flickering candle
then smoke

The lower breeds
Lust
Consumes

The ebbs and flows
of withered grass and moss green skies

Alone
I still hold your hand
watch seabirds fly
The pond searching between my toes

and i fly with them
Still holding your hand

there are things worse than death. death is a release. A culmination
of things, of who you were. i come here to think
of all the things i can be thankful for.

the low lights are drowning the stars tonight.
they push them deeper into the heavens
like a fetus refused its way out.

a plane flies by where birds used to flock.
the sound of sirens and construction
pounding and clicking is acceptable tonight. i can talk to you

and not feel awkward. the crane rotates next to me.
i've never seen one of those when i was young.
workers carry on, laboring for minimum.

the gusts of wind blankets me with a chill. i embrace it.
the freedom of the wind. not knowing where it comes from or where it goes.
it could be you.

En Soul-ment and tone
Will never fade away
The undulating skies and fervent seas
The bowels of grass and ****
The mighty winds
Careless tangles of swarms and open bridges and catfish and crayfish and
The reverberations of sounds and laughter
Sonorous and somnolent and alabaster
Mounds its way through the desert storms and wingless chills
Panafery conglomerates itself
Call me
It calls me
And extolls itself
Exaults itself
Highly highly praise and praises be

You say and i heard -
the ease of this pain,
the taming of the winds.

Howling the unspoken,
never knowing the light of things

is easily dismissed.
An imagined feeling,
a dreamful wish and such fancies.

How many times have you visited
and left messages and crumbs?

Seeing the entirity
before it ended,
and your footprints lifting me
until i flew across the sky
this dead night in the daylight.

Every snake and folly trampled on
and the dirt roads travelled us far from each place,
led me back without you.

So i listen now,
the silent vows fulfill themselves

in time.

I want to hold you until a certain time 
of day when the sun lays his head 
on the winter grass, gazing steadily unto you.


We turn our eyes and avert meager glares and 
hoisted brows.
Alas!


What makes this day unlike any other?
The telltale signs of freedom and solitude
whispers
among the dreams and fairytaled wonders we foresaw.

I want to hold you one last time.

-----•○●*●○•----

Look ahead
Buried deep in the ocean's array of waves
Evening passes
The screaming nights

The deep silence 
And the stillness of
This moment
This eternity

Blue and somber white, I ask that
you ponder in your waking dreams and solid songs to bare the fruits with these eyes
like children and horses and such.

Naked and trembling. You frighten me.
Words of a thousand suns are witness.
They cross out the years of servitude and grace.

Absolutions. They yearn
to survive until they crave mortality.

I am about to give way. To see you with fresh sight,
hear the voice of another betrayal. Thus far,
there is only One

I have never seen
I have never heard
I have never known.

Cruelty abates
itself, shuns itself.

We wait in silence and petulance,
longing for a day to last
a thousand days
and more.

II  silence


"I fear I may lose myself
before our first kiss..."


Fifty calls later
we still talk
about nothing

And nothing
is certain
Not the wildfires
Not the rainstorms

Just this beating
of the clock...

I   "LIGAW"

"The vibrato of this gypsy dance
Wanes under the midnight sun"

It's blue and amber all at once. In those brief
moments, i imagine a future for us. 

A flutter of a smile passes. A deep sigh.

I hear a million tones of "maybe",
watch the moon fade.

The blur stays with me long after.
It covers up a hollow beating and
a thrill of the unsaid and unmet.

You cast that vermillion border
and glance at me with unswept eyes

Your voice holds pain and the comfort 
of solitude

I have journeyed you a hundred years.
The wind gets caught 
in your waves. You throw us back to sea

I hunger for you,
the clamor of rocks that descend into darkness 
and the clouds that hide your secret skies.

The ecstasy of you in the very 
pit of me waits to come out

and engulf me once more.

We looked at the stars
and the moon to navigate
within the time and spaces of our confines

I see the lunar ricepaddies give their soft glow
and well-lit veins tremble under thin tranquil clouds

Once, I had no home
Tossed in the waves of uncertainty and disbelief,

I looked to the stars and further
for patterns of usefulness
The bright lights were glaring

while the empty seas inside turned dark

I found no reflection.

A minute passes.

I’m miles ahead of where I used to be

Heart, 

you make me flutter, 

you make me scatter, 

then you make me tatter.

The fire, the foal, a coming of age
in the light of the darkness
be still.

Faithful, adjourning
take flight in the stars.
Wind gushes.

Away, you fools!
Grasping the straws
of camaraderie.

We light
we sparkle
then fade


Amen.

i write
because i am upset
and since when has writing become a form
of exploitation of the human condition
?!

this will all be over soon
he said
over? can that be replaced by fixed?
i don't want it to be over
i want my expectations to become real

i don't want you to go
that steady decline you've been in
you made me hope for too many things
we talked about
starting a business
suceeding in business
starting a charity
building communities
we planned out
my wedding
my family
your new house with a swimming pool
you said you'd give me away
watch whether i decide
to be a stay at home parent
or pursue a career
you're still convincing me
to take on a responsibility im not yet ready for
i need you...i still
want to need you
to be my support
at some point i'm not so certain
of my intentions

before
i met you
i was taught
to value
money
to build
a reputation
to keep
up appearances
above all else

with you
all i had disappeared

before
i met you
i learned
to do
what was convenient
to be
invisible to myself
to have
less than what was due

does it stop there?

maybe you taught me
the better part of me
maybe you showed me
the other side of things
but there is so much more
to hope for now

the just will have a cause
worth fighting for

things are at an end
all these will be done
it shall be finished soon enough

It's not because i couldnt live without you
I just want
to have those moments
we always talked about
to have closure before you go
to remember you
with a sense of accomplishment
knowing we completed something
i can hang on to.

Im not ready
to go on my own
knowing we started something
not yet full circle

In your footsteps, i'd lose
myself. we'd lead each
other to burn -- forgoing what
i can be.
                 As it is, we dissipate
in each other's space where time
is only an aspect. There, i fold so
many times, the origami of me crumples.

"Look what I did!"
proud, eager eyes
that beheld a universe
"What do you think?​"

a glance
buried elsewhere
"It's nothing special.​"
"I did the same when i was your age."

eyes meet
"It's a phase."
and turn away
"You will grow out of it.​"

​
nary a word spoken further.

For sport
And other fineries


Where 2 seas meet
Devoid of ourselves


We stray into
A collision --


I lie naked
Bled


Chained and dangled
This burden embraces you


Prepare burial
Spirits severed, set forth

We veered towards calle muerte. It is 
inevitable we come here. Before this, 
there was no us. All things was only
you. One year ago, you called me a
*****. One month later, i learned
about the affair, that i was the obstacle. 

Separation. It provokes anxiety 
and relief. For appearances, a
requirement of exchange needs
subterfuge. It won't help us
to seem greedy to others. I
will not relinquish what is
lawful.

Last week, you invited me,
say you will give stuff
due to me. Yet, not my 
pride? Let's not play
anymore. 

The drive back to my
place disquiets us.

Little specks of profanities

   c a r v e d     t h r o u g h

       and into my chest.

We write the truth
What is
What could be
Not what never was

We write in convenience
Kept short
The necessary evil
Cut to the bleeding bones

We write
To hear the listener
To anger the mob
To announce the obvious

.....................

The soothsayer questions
Not the visions
Nor the whispers

The witch doctor
Dances in flames
Ruts in waters

The prophet profits
In times of plenty
In times of war

10

She knelt
in the hunger days of youth.
Castrated, *****
and ****** up.

"All in the mind,"
they said
"don't isolate yourself
from the wolves."

One by one
a chunk of flesh
is just a piece of
stolen candy.

"Don't fear us,"
they said.
"We'll keep you alive.
It will be our pleasure."

  20

My thoughts are written
on the side of my head.
Yet, they hide from you.

Under the letters,
your commas and clauses,
your conditions.

Words.
They mean nothing.
Yet everything is seen in them.

Why.
It never ends.
Well.

  30

It went on. This series of
talks. It ails me. 
The cheapness of this
masquerade.

The farce 
is fun to watch. Happy with
this comedy
of silence, and the cold.

Children used to play,
now used for play-- 
like bots,
or chess.

If I didn't have
a God, a heart, a soul,
you'd be happy
with your ghost in a shell.

  40

The legal guy spoke as if
he knew what was right.
Legal is something else.

What do i know.
"You know nothing, John Snow."
is a fine meme for one of us.

I can hear the anger in your tone,
the hysteria rises each time I dont go along
willingly.

When I was a child,
I thought like a child.
How convenient that was for you.

How to demarcate 
the silence 

behind respect 
vis-a-vis consideration? 

One is taken 
and [ab]used 
the other, reciprocated. 

The blind and blinded 
show their anger, 
make us fools. They 
call us stupid 
and uninitiated 

That is 
how they want us 
to remain. A threat 
to remove.

Nano therapy.

Scares the hell outta me.

Smaller than virus, bigger than antibody,

a little chip squeezes in RBC.

It's suppose to

gather

identify

target

cure

change.


A brain's being transferred bodies.

AI talks on their own.

Kids' brains are screentime putty.


Who needs China, Korea, ISIS,

global warming and political doofuses.

We're ripe from our own advanced illnesses.

Our tight ****
holes make
sure everybody gets
their comeuppance.

she wrote love letters​
    when she was eight. her insides
    were all over.  once, she drank
    a bottle of tears until she drowned.
    but she didn't.
    she breaths in it.

    in the long grass, she walks naked through the strong wind
    as cogon danced against her skin,
    marking her in lace.

    years
    ago, she stopped writing letters.
    she drew her face across the wall
    and stared for hours until she could
    look at herself no more.

    i saw her
    on a rocking chair, singing softly as
    she looks far away. she sings
    the letters she used to write --
    how warm and clear the waters were,
    how gently the breeze whispered.

    she closes her eyes
    to remind herself
    how it is to be kissed for the first time.

The little pieces
reverberating

carries more than a share.


I knew nothing
until I knew

the terminal part of you.


        She continues dreaming
     in stage 4 of REM. The acquisition
        of all known things
    is built on fragility.

             Harsh realities stay as nothing
             and memories are all we have.


             He sips an empty cup
     m m m... pretends it's wine.

        He looks at her that way.
        

   How mighty fine we are
   to see the fullness of things.

that artist who brings red roses to his mother's front yard everyday.
He stifled a drunken rebellion
in time for us to sleep naked under comets and Jupiter's eye.

I never knew what became of his sister
or his wife.  He makes
the most beautifully haunting music,

the way the tell-tale heart beats under the boards.
I see him in black
against falling snow and a brown path.

No one ever thought to ask him what happened to his neighbor's dog,
or his newly manicured lawn. But there he is
each morning, walking down the street; and we greet.

I sigh each time he bows his head
and tips his fedora to cover his eyes as we pass each other,
hoping to see him again.

There are worse
things than lack
of your    stuff.

It's difficult, but
all that stuff
you want, really
isn't worth me.

I could say...

make love to me
and touch me here...there...
etcetera.

I probably shouldn't.

Some things are better.

The pin point

ready to

implode


               I had my fill

               of pawprints on snow

               and cookie cutter dreams


Twine and hemp

left hanging by the big      bad       wolf

full of red

and dry meat


                                   Let sleeping dogs      sleep-

betray

                                   their post                and I

                                   shall walk               away

i believe
it isn't love
it isn't bad intent
but it is full of the self

it wasn't intended to hurt anyone
or to rule over anyone
greed
and self-preservation
brought fear
and bred anger

it made you do things
and destroy others
enough to bring down
families

you will never know
the terrible consequences
of what you perpetuate
as long as you get
what you want
everything is collateral damage

i can believe
there were no ill
intents
only ill
effects
and

they will come for you.

In between the media, gadgets and social
anxiety, I have feelings too. They
tell me to stop and listen to something
other than YOLO and FOMO. As I browse
through feeds, the limbic
part of me raises the bar a little, while
the frontal part of me swings
between dissatisfaction and hope.

I look at you
from the peripheral field of my mind. I know
you won't stop. Craving
more is what we were made
to become. Somewhere in our heads,
we lost our hearts.

We strive to be first
on land, run off into the end
of our discoveries, then jump.

I am an ascendant. Derived
from none. The wide spaces
between us bleeds

into open waters. Salt has scarred
the umbilicus and feeds
me no more. I breathe

the tides. They recall their dead
and wash them of sins. They
call to me to join them .

I made it somehow
through the tempest

of you. Now
the voices have gone

and the heart doesn't
look any further

than what is here. I
know, right? I can

smile at losing
live with nothing
believe in myself
and best of all

just     BE.

is built on dreams and
agonies that were known too late.

Both mannequins and puppeteers
lay beneath the ashes of rosewood
and petals. The lords and laborers
drink blood like wine and through
their gullets pass equal measures
of stone and excrement.

I bear the flesh
wounds inside.

My eyes continue to see the crumbles
from the roofs. I can still hear hysteria
forcing me to enter. The vines carry fruits;
they are strings that pull me under.

"Dig through the dirt, then
climb up." You taught me
light can still shine
from the ground.

I can remember
what doing good
used to be -- give
food, drink, then
clothe & shelter,
visit imprisoned
and sick people,
bury our dead.

There is no money,
taxes or insurance
to complicate it all.

.                   I thought it was
                           CRAZY

                        the noun
                  not the adjective

      that led to my ultimate demise.

                       No, wait.

               I thought  i (t)  was
                    CRAZY         .

                   the adjective

    (t)  hat led to my ultimate demise
    T^



​

I can be enchanted by how sunlight
through your windows filter brighter
around dirt. Everything out of
your open doors screams self-less "I!"
How the architecture astounds
and enlightens ignoramuses, balconies
bear shortcomings of the uninitiated.

I bought your portraits of
rising from the garbage
left you from those
who ******* you over.

How many people could praise you enough?

Ungrateful, to believe
your enemies and other frauds.
I dare doubt your methods?

The castle surrounded
by gas lamps and
gas lighters can not
burn down
so long as mirrors show
only the beauty of your
astounding heart

-shaped head.

I sleep to feel                                                                          
your touch sway                                              
pendulums.                                                        

                    Images swirl                                                                            
                    in a couldron                                                                          
                    they boil into                                                    
                    mist.

let's save sanity;

write about
the insanities we
see, think, know,
commit.

it will not last
a lifetime

but can save a life.
​

is the moment
I breathed in
and tasted
nothing,
heard the echoes
of limbo
where silent
heartbeats filled in
what time cannot

This interlude of comfort
carries mountains.

There is a line
between the fields
of right and wrong.
We walk, and meet, and
pass each other by.
Beyond the ends of
what we see, our paths
shall cross once more.

A wave of relief
A sigh
A kiss

A contented smile

I am grateful

*She chatted on an on of evidence of past indiscretions. Having said them again and again, made it easier to piece together the broken pieces of her life. Hearing it once more, felt normal.

There was a time life stopped. There's no real way to descibe it. A cool, clear stream rushing around your ankles, carrying away blood from severed veins, while all you can do is watch that fine, red line escape you.

I hated everything. I even hated hating.

Looking back at all of it, recalling the words, you remember the truth, not the smoke.

Maybe i can go to a better place. Somewhere not as polluted. God knows... more than i can say.

Those stolen
glimpses you send
my way ******
permanent slime on skin,
suffocating, paralyzing

into a stiff-person
walk, viscera curdling,
beats slowing
and bones twisting.
I stop

far away, and stay
in a between. I lose
my thoughts and watch
strangers' eyes pry off my skin
until I emerge.

i lie in this empty box
where sunlight shines through dust

my hand lingers on a knife

i see the alleyway and wait
watch dogs devour their meal

i wait for you to come

i tasted it
i held it

i am

Poetry is a dog's work,
writing is a phase to lose.

There is no food in principles,
the principle is in the food.

To forge without craftiness,
an utter waste of labor.

History is a fool,
vanity is now.

*There is no recollection.

The word spoken in silence
already is.