I could never understand
What could force someone
To harm their sacred vessel
To take a knife to their canvas
Painting it the deepest red

But then again
My skies are blue
And theirs is gray
So maybe I don't understand
But I want to try

7/23/2021

When I had my first swimming lesson
My instructor told me
I was a feather
Afloat the shallow end of the pool

But this is not a swimming lesson
Nor is there an instructor
I am a heavy weight
Ready to dive into a treacherous sea

You are the sea
The water
And everything in it

I am ready to dive into you
Soul first
I just hope I don't drown

I gave them fickle fables
Far from forging truths
Fair young women
With facades cast over
Their fear-filled eyes
As they realize
There is no fairy tail
For fabricated dreams
No Prince Charming
Will fall for them
It is the princess fallout
That happens to
All folly young women

9/21/2019

So tell me what it's like
To dream of black and white
To watch the colors fade away
At the break of day

Tell me what it's like
To become defenseless,
Fearful, submissive, helpless
And lose the fight

Tell me what it's like
To see strong spirits
Passionate, and full of life
Change to faded gray

Tell me what it's like
To hold his hand
Love him for eternity
Just because you can

Tell me what it's like
To finally walk the road
That leads to truth
A road no one knows

Tell me what it’s like
To leap across time
To unknown lands of fate
And leave fears behind

Tell me what it's like
To be a meek child
Be born of pure innocence
If only for a while

Tell me what it's like
To witness all of the seasons
Become the same
Without any reasons

Tell me what it's like
To see an ember
Come to life
Like a raging fire

So tonight watch all of the stars fade
And the moonlight die
Let God determine their fate
Like victors writing history

Watch every candlelight
Be doused and suffocated
Destroy them in the night
Overcast them with darkness

What do you see in your dreams
Paint colors with your own imagination
For in our dreams we can do anything
Let nothing be evident
Release it all

So in my dreams tonight
All of my colors will fade
As I dream of black and white

In the darkening light
As the sun makes its descent
You can see two lovers
Setting with the sun
And rising with the moon
Where their love shines brightest
Because while their love
May have been a fiery
And bright passion like the sun
The moonlight captures the royalty
Of their moon-touched love
With all the stars around to bow

Your tears are like rain
In my skies,
But I do not shield myself from the downpour
Because I want to feel every tear shed.
To feel the depths of your sorrow
And with one breath
Relinquish it all into oblivion
Because you wear
Old scars and crooked smiles
But you are magnificent,
An ethereal creature
Worth enough to have my heart.
So take my hand-
And my heart too.
Then maybe your demons
Will learn to fear love

In response to a,
"How are you doing?"
I beamed the brightest smile
And responded with a,
"Good."
But I was not good,
Nor bad
Nor fine
Nor any manner of redundant emotions
But I was lonely
Despite the friends
The family
The boy
And it stirred up a flame of anger in my heart.
How could I be lonely
When I did not deserve it?
In an attempt to fan the flames
I texted
I called
I talked
And did everything I could
To shun the feeling
That is loneliness
But what I did not realize
Is that at this moment in time
On this day
In this hour
I was meant to feel lonely
Loneliness was meant to enter into the home of my heart
And that is okay
So next time he comes along
I am going to open the door
Pull out a chair
Grab him some tea
And abide with him for a moment
Because as crazy as it sounds
Loneliness makes me feel
A little less lonely

He was a cosmic catastrophe
In my heavens
An earthquake
On my foundations
I
Opened the door for
Him
Into my universe
And he could see the worlds I carved
And the galaxies I molded
And how every star I created
Lined up perfectly to make a constellation
A story
My stories
It was all
Magnificent
Glorious
Celestial
Sacred
He saw it all
And wrecked it
I let him in
And he violated me,
My universe,
And all of the precious worlds
I held in the palm of my hand
And with every
Fight late at night
Every word left unsaid
Every bruise somewhere new
I could feel the law of gravity
Unwinding itself
The worlds falling out of orbit
Galaxies fading
Stars dying
My universe was in cosmic chaos
Because I didn't realize
I was the brightest star
And he was a black hole

Gunshots pierce through my ears rendering me deaf
The amount of carcasses leaves me speechless
A bomb combusts before my eyes and I am blind
Gas fills my nostrils and I can now no longer smell
So much pain from the wounds and now I can't feel
Senses of war

Once long ago
You and I were two flowers
Rooted in the same soil
Bonded by a life
Grown from love
And we were inseparable
But one day you
Lead me by my hand
And took me to where
The leaves were the greenest
The trees the tallest
And life most vibrant
And there in the forest of dreams
With a love too ambitious to contain
We planted our own seed
And waited for a new life
That would soon grow from our love
But as fall shed its skin
There was no bud to be found
And praying to Mother Nature
We begged for the seed to take root
But with all life She grants
She can also take
And there in the forest of dreams
Our precious seed did not grow
To be the flower we wanted
But instead laid way
To a soil more fertile and precious soil
And now in the forest of dreams
Where the trees are tallest
And the leaves greenest
There lie upon the soil
Three flowers
Rooted in the same soil
Bonded by a life
Grown from love

O' Costa Vida
That the heavens might ring
For glorious is thine corporate name
The sauce which you so delicately craft
Flows through my veins
And the sweet pork
Oh, the sweet pork
With one bite I am enslaved
As the taste bursts within my mouth
With the strength
Of Zeus' great lightning bolt
The inhabitants of the land Utah
Praise thee all the day
And may thy glory reign
Forever and ever
Amen

1-10-2019

I write words with a blueprint in my mind
But somehow
Common sense always gets left behind

Like a parent trying to tame a child
I reign in the words
With an iron-grip bridle

But the words will do what they do
Because words my dear
Could never be controlled by you

12/17/2018

The tick of the clock
And the thump of the heart
And the chirp of the bird
And the clap of the hand
And the breath of the lungs
And all the things that make me feel
Wrapped up in five senses

Beauty carved
Like a marble statue
A silhouette
Formed by the sun

7-28-2019

Deep within the dense forest
Of your mind
Lies a treasure chest
That lies collecting dust,
A pity for such a valuable thing--
Maybe its time to open it?

The train passed by me
Like a leaf in the wind
And pretending to keep to myself
I put in headphones
But they played no music
And just when I couldn't feel
Any more empty than I already did
I catch your eyes
Blue eyes
Too blue
With a hint of gold
And my gaze lingers there
One second too long
But a second worth it
Because he smiles
And there are a hundred and one
Hidden messages in that smile
And I look away
With heat pulsing against my face
Because some boy
With too-blue eyes
And a hint of gold
Made me feel a little less empty
And a little more something

Hearts ache
Another pill to take
Dark dreams
Silent screams
You awake in the night
But are too afraid to turn on the light
Fear grips you at the very core
Until you finally get the courage to say
"No more."

I've searched my whole life
In the darkest crevices
At the tallest heights
In the most hidden of shadows
And under the heaviest rocks
But I can't seem to find you anywhere
And when they say you'll find the one
I begin to doubt them

My family asks why I keep them at a distance
And I tell them
That every time I open my heart
They shroud it in black dust
From the cruelty of their words
Words from good intentions gone wrong
Wrongful actions
Disguised as "I did this for you."
"And I am your mother."
A mother's love
I know is there
Somewhere
But it just breaks my heart
To know
I have found more safety
In the harbor of a stranger's home
Than in my own family's docks

I write as if I know the caress of a hand
As it traces its way down my skin
Sensations interwoven together
To form the most sacred kind of feeling
But I have never touched a boy in my life
Which is a tragedy in and of its own

I thought I was
   A calm breeze
      By the seashore
         Instead I became
      A burning flame
   That burned all
In it's way

I never knew
That angels
Dressed in mundane clothing
Could enter my life
And offer up shards of light
To slowly piece together
My fractured heart

10/21/2019

I use a suppression
To the ADD
I call it depression

12/13/2019

I fall through a chasm of cracks
Deeper into the depths of something
So treacherous and so fantastic
My breath is halted
And all I can do is
Fall
Fall into you
Into the water blue eyes
That are as tumultuous as the waves
It is a dangerous adventure that I gladly take

It began with a fiery passion
   Formed deep in the earth
      Where heat raged against pressure
         But it was a love that possessed
            Too much pressure
               That burst at the seams
                  From the very depths
                     Of an ancient volcano
                        And unleashed a rain of ash and smoke
                           Now these two lovers are
                              Free falling
                                 And winding
                                    They clash against the water
                                 In the heat of a riptide
                              Yanking back and forth
                           Until the water threatens
                        To drown their lungs
                     But a wave of sorrow
                  Carries them
               Limp
            And completely exhausted
         Onto the beach
      Where coarse sand is their bed
   And salty water
Is replaced by salty tears
                                                           ­              As a storm begins to form
On the black and white horizon

You are
Fraud
Phony
False
Fake
Fraudulent
Forged
Feigned
And above all
A folly in my vocabulary

11/1/2019

Loving you is more than a penny in a pocket
It is nights intertwined like vines
And the most precious of flowers bloomed
From such a costly love

Loving you is patience prolonged
Past the point of poignancy
And arriving where the sun finally begins to rise
In our storm-tinted horizons

Loving you is thoughts jumbled together
I cannot think thoroughly
This throbbing pain triggers
The most love-obsessed migraine

Loving you is sacrificing
All the things in the world you deemed yours
And becoming familiar with the word ours
Our love
Is worth it

When you and I become
Us
Two lovers intertwined
Wrapping around the other in an intricate dance
We sew our hearts together
With the thread of our souls
Soul mate
And so much more

Was I expendable to you?
You molded me
overused me
and now you've thrown me away.
You think your actions
are merely a ripple
in a pond.
But in reality
you are a storm
in the sea.
You left chaos in your path
and now I'm stuck
cleaning up the mess.

Why do regrets only come
In the dark cloak of night
When you are most alone
And your thoughts spiral
Into the black hoard of darkness
Night is
An emotional tornado
And I am a flat landscape
Waiting to be wrecked

You and I on a summer's night
With our hands interlaced
It seems like Lover's Fever
But behind loud laughs
And complete adoration
There is a falling of something
So hard and so deep
Could it be love?
And shaking the thought from my head
Because love does not come so easy
I try to tune out the pounding heartbeat
And turn my gaze away
Straight into your eyes
And although the music
Is too loud for words
The look in your eyes says everything

Tick tock
Time
Telling
Me
To
Take
More
Time
Turning
Tales
Into
Truths--

True love
Taking
Tormenting
Terrifying
Touching
Trusting

True love is timeless
True love demands time
So take your time

3-25-2019

The sun never shines on lovers
For it is at night under the covers

That the moon gives way to desire
To light their love with fire

10/22/2019

There are millions of stars
But we limit ourselves
To only a handful of constellations
To tell the stories
Of the sky

10/30/2019

It is your inherit right
To have a love
That breaches beyond the bounds of death
And cradles you like the stars do the moon

All it took was one crack
On an already fragile glass
To send me shattering
Into a million tiny pieces

Her once hazel eyes
Are now tinted with red
And her cheeks are flushed
With mother nature's own blush
Her lip trembles
As a raindrop slides down
The canvas that is her face
And although she weeps
It's more like a painting
Than a scene from a movie

12-29-2018