now I’m haunted by all these holes found in my armor
and if my heart beats any harder I will lose it
well congratulations, I didn’t know
you two had made things so official
just don’t call me when it fizzles
in fact, don’t call me at all.

I hate you!
The way you scream your words,
and how you know how much they hurt.
I hate the way you make me feel,
and how your smile is surreal.
I hate the way you hold my hand,
and pretend that you can.
I hate the way you pull my hair,
because I know that you don't care,
about the way you make me feel,
and how your kisses make my squeal.
I hate the way you bite my lip,
and make me cringe when you grab my hip.
I hate when you pull off my clothes,
and make all my worries turn to hopes.
I hate that I love you.
I love you.

Your hand felt cold,
almost as cold as the way you explained your heart to be.
I never believed that.
How could something so beautiful have a heart of filth?
Not you, no.
Your heart was beautiful, Your heart was gold.
And the way you explained mine to be, the words you used,
worked perfectly for the way i saw yours.
I began to be content with the way you felt for me,
and you content with way i felt for you.
We were okay knowing that we saw the bright in each other.
We were okay knowing that we saw the dark too.
We were okay.

My body was covered in chills,
the sound of your voice made me complete.
Not even the sound of sirens could alarm me.
You were perfect.
And I was not.
But that didn't stop you from screaming to the world that I was.
I loved you.
and you loved me.

"It's okay."

His fingers ran up my leg like a snake searching the bottom of a rain forest.
His eyes shifted to my lips, with a need, he stared.
But I was okay, I was okay with the need.
I was okay with the grip he had on my hair.
I was okay with the way he smashed his lips to mine.
I was okay.

The ground beneath my feet began to give in.

My heart began to break and my head began to ache.
Every word you ever said began to pound inside my head.
But it wasn't over, no.
I was bound to fight for you, but even the words I tried to speak felt like an open wound on my heart.
The day you left, I lost a part of me i'll never get back.
A part where three years, a coffee stain and 6 unfinished books lingered in my head.
The day you left I lost myself in an abyss of broken promises, 2 hour fights and make up ***.
Yet you're still the only thing i'll never forget.

I look up, an unfamiliar face greets my vision.
Upset at the few seconds I didn't have to fix my flaws before this hello,
the words slip my mouth.
A smile, a refreshing picture I capture with my lucid eyes,
painted her face.
Like an already painted canvas being reconstructed to further perfection.
I witnessed the feeling of love at first sight.

The air was cold, but your arms wrapped around my waist like a snake killing its prey, and that warmth was enough to keep me from shivering.
You were some kind of imaginary happiness,
but it was okay because I had nothing to lose.
You spoke words of kindness that melted my heart, and calmed the world.
but the difference between you and the world,
is that the world is always going to be there.

I reached across the table in hopes her hand would too.
But the blank stare on her face and my depression both grew.
The thunder roared at itself as the lights flickered.
The smell of coffee filled the little coffee shop.
Her, a coat and 5 days of unspoken words crushed my mind.
I glanced at the floor in hopes she would speak but she didn't.
She couldn't, and for that I lay my head on the table top,
whispering love songs in my head.
I could feel the sway of unkindness taunt me.
Her eyes spoke of emptiness and questions even I couldn't answer.
She laughed, holding a long sigh at the end.
I brushed my hair out of my face, glancing at the perfection in her smirk.
I had done nothing, therefore my head pounded with nonsense assumptions as to why she laughed.
Her laugh was like a symphony that only gets better on repeat.
Her hand dragged across the table, clinging to mine, our fingers intertwined and in that moment i felt what it was like to love.
In that moment, we  were  infinite.