for months,
not a single sentence have i written about you
but not writing about you
and not thinking about you
are two different things

i think i still love you despite everything
how i wish you hurt me harder

there is plenty of time in the world,

just not enough for us

he was as beautiful
as he was cold

i know i shouldn't give up on myself
i don't want to give up on myself
but
its just
too
*******
hard

TORN BEING WISHING YOU CARED ENOUGH TO FEEL BAD ABOUT HURTING ME
AND HOPING
YOU DON'T
HOPING YOU'RE OKAY
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
YOU HURT ME
BUT I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
I LOVE YOU
I STILL DO
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
IT'S OKAY
IT'S OKAY
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
I WANT YOU TO HURT A HUNDRED TIMES
MORE THAN YOU HURT ME
BUT
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE HURT
I'M SORRY
I FEEL GUILTY FOR MY THOUGHTS
BUT
WHAT IF
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARe???
AND YOU'RE FINE???
I'LL BE THE ONE HURTING AGAIN
AND I GUESS
I'LL SETTLE WITH THAT INSTEAD OF
CAUSING YOU PAIN
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE OKAY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING
I DON'T KNOW
I'M SORRY FOR MYSELF
I THINK I LOVE YOU
BUT I'M
CONFUSED
I'M CONFUSED
I'M CONFUSED
DO I HATE YOU FOR ******* ME UP LIKE THIS?
DO I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
DO I HATE YOU FOR NOT CARING?
DO I HATE MYSELF FOR HOPING YOU DO?
BUT
I'M STILL
HOPING
YOU'RE
OKAY

actually
*******
im not sorry
*******
*******
*******

i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry

constantly
weighed down
by things i still
hold on to

everything i do
i do to impress you
everything i say
i say hoping you'd hear
wherever i go
i go to for i know
you're near
you're near

even after we're through
i've made us permanent
long after our feelings have died
my heart will still beat in these poems
and i will still be the starry eyed girl stealing glances in each verse
and in 10 years time
i may see you again
and my head won't buzz, my stomach won't tumble, my cheeks won't flush
but these pages
are proof
that they once did.

DOES LOVE HAVE TO BE REQUITED
FOR IT TO BE CONSIDERED TRUE?

i didn't mind getting
paper cuts
for he was
my favorite book

it's poetry when he speaks
it's supernovas and entire galaxies colliding
when he speaks to me

her hands left graveyards.
over and over, she longed to
hold his heart
but only managed to barely touch
with her fingertips,
just barely within reach
each time

he didn't know what to do with all the headstones

you were barely mine
but it's like
i've already
lost you

i'm so used
to the bittersweet feeling
of love unreciprocated
i've grown tired
but
what am i
without this longing?

i hate everything
would it be any less alarming
than when i say
i hate myself?

let me near enough
to touch you

i don't mind
getting cut
on your edges

i'd like to kiss you

but i can't bring myself
to lean closer

in fear of
tasting all the things
you won't tell me

we've never held hands
so i don't understand
why you've always had such a grip
on my heart

i wish history really did
repeat itself
because i badly
want you to happen to me
again

i had no clue about art
but i knew a thing or two
from just looking at you

i wondered if there was a word
for the sudden melancholy you get
when you think of a distant memory
as if there's gaping hole in your chest
the sudden feeling of loss for something
that was never quite yours - for someone that was never yours

i found myself whispering your name

my mouth will never open
as these feelings overflow
the three little words
sit heavy in my throat

feelings underlying
a longing never dying

I am a desert and you are a tsunami and god I am ******* craving what will never exist.

there was a boy who looked like moonlight;
beautiful and
fleeting

yet this eclipse
seemed to hold on forever

she waited for him like sunrise

she hadn't
felt anything
for so
long
she started
to thank people
for hurting her.

WHY DO I LOVE YOU?
WHY DO I LOVE YOU?
WHY DO I LOVE YOU?
WHY DO I LOVE YOU?
DO I LOVE YOU?
DO I LOVE YOU?
DO I LOVE YOU?
WHY DO I LOVE?
WHY LOVE?
WHY YOU?
WHY

**** **** ******* hell
**** everything oh my god
**** **** **** **** ****

I am gnawing doubt and constant hesitancy
wrapped in a nightmare of a body.
My mistakes are my home, my flaws are where I dwell
But I swear to god
I know I've never been sure about anything
except wanting you all for myself.

there is a difference
between two people in love
and
two lonely people who are together

i fell for you
when you weren't looking,
but
i loved you
when it was too late

i love the smell
of rain before downpour
and the sound of the first few raindrops
falling angry on the roof
i like to pretend its the sound of
you knocking at the door,
eager to come home

bad days don't last

but good days
don't either

i can write your name into my skin over and over
but it doesn't matter how many times i translate these feelings into verses
and convert my longing into lines

i can never write myself into your story

there are plenty of things i wish for
and all of them
are just
you

his heart was cold,
yet his soul
set mine ablaze

ive tried to forget how i feel
ive tried to convice myself to stop
fantasizing about things that wont ever happen
and how this love probably isnt real