Waking got up with the sun, and walked across the sky/He shimmered through the whooshing air, there espied me with his eye/Stepping through my window pane, he woke me gently, called my name/Praises be to God the Father, The Spirit and the Son/I have woken and begun, to sing praises to them One.

Sleeping rose up with the stars, and used moonbeams for a slide/He bridged the gap between us and came softly to my side/ Telling me his brother left, he sang to me, with his sweet breath/I became oblivious, and entertain myself/ Visions wild, with passions sweet, stir my mind, unique to sleep.

Laughing traveled on a cloud, from white towers to the ground/ bringing gifts from God in heaven, here to take the hearts turned leaden/ He invited Joy to join him, on his cotton magic carpet/ on a whim, I jumped in, and flew to his parapet.  

Weeping hailed from Hades, bringing sadness in her palms/dressed in dismal shades, I ran from where she trod/ But a glimpse of her I saw, having dwelt with Sons of life/ I could not keep her long, in me was little strife.

Tonight I’m drowning in tears
because I didn’t let myself speak

It’s probably not that you were awesome
(but you were)
It’s probably not that it was worth it
(but it was)
It’s not even that you deserved it
(but you did)
It’s that your words became an apiary
And all my bees built honeycombs with the curves of your face
Now your words no longer come
nor does your smile grace me
The sweet honey has drained into the jars of my heart
And I’ve tried to forget you
but the syrup on my tongue remembers you
it puddles into the hexagons of your name
whispering like bees wings





I strengthen myself with sugar
and beeswax feeds my flame
that I harvested on a day my feelings decided to dance around you
like bees they nestled in your flowers
How long will I eat of your honey?
How long will your sweetness remain in my memory?

I’m impressive
and I’m waiting to be impressed

I had forgotten,
The way vines tendrils will change,
Surprising me with a heart,
A tight curl in unlikely place,
I was focused on the past,
The thick, brown stem,
Crawling straightly,
Up the wall,
And didn't notice,
New, purple plants,
Shooting from the ground,
To wrap around,
The highest windows,
So long had I stared,
Upon the old and well-established
(but rotting away),
My mind gasped in wonder,
At the vine,
Who retained its youthful vigor,
And willowy form,
After enduring years by the straight stock,
Pale green reached deep into
But a few,
Bricks,
And was my favorite flavor.

WE count the broken lyres that rest
Where the sweet wailing singers slumber,
But o'er their silent sister's breast
The wild-flowers who will stoop to number?
A few can touch the magic string,
And noisy Fame is proud to win them:--
Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!

Nay, grieve not for the dead alone
Whose song has told their hearts' sad story,--
Weep for the voiceless, who have known
The cross without the crown of glory!
Not where Leucadian breezes sweep
O'er Sappho's memory-haunted billow,
But where the glistening night-dews weep
On nameless sorrow's churchyard pillow.

O hearts that break and give no sign
Save whitening lip and fading tresses,
Till Death pours out his longed-for wine
Slow-dropped from Misery's crushing presses,--
If singing breath or echoing chord
To every hidden pang were given,
What endless melodies were poured,
As sad as earth, as sweet as heaven!

like honey dripping down
golden pathways to a sea of spiced tea
like the cinnamanly smells curling up
to caress my face
Like the deep red liquid firey below
with hints of home and rest and apples
excitement in the cold unknown
You are a rare delight for ears and sight

come wild one
come Willow
come west
It is time to leave your rest
rise
awake
the truth inside your chest
has blossomed

I learned to stand,
and break my fall,
To give space,
when quarters squeeze and ache,
But have I learned to defend?
I know how to chase,
But how do I keep?
I can lift a knife to cut into my family,
But can I lift my hands to build a home?
Love, like a child,
comes along easily enough,
But keeping it alive is hard.

the strongest hands
have slipped into the place
the grooves and curves
I didn't know was meant for you

this is love
to find my hands are strong
to slip them into place
the grooves and curves
You didn't know was meant for me

to carry
to be held

Gluttony,
Like every sin,
Is built upon a Lie,
The Lie,
That what you have sat down to enjoy,
Is Closer,
Than Love,
My heart calls,
And cries,
Wanting to be comforted in real arms,
Not chocolate,
Not honey,
But warm mouths,
And strong hands,
And words woven,
In Heaven.

Tell me,
have you ever
fallen in love with someone
only to find you fell in love with yourself?

I woke up
and found my friend far away
as I ponder what a friend is
and how soon can we all Skype
if it really matters
when you come to visit
will I have gone
swallowed your abandoned names and words
as you pull upon my own discarded pages
and we miss us
as we long to be each other
be ourselves in muscled trueness
Sure the other's place
will round our arms with the strength we lack
walking new streets
exercising our tongues on the ancient, baby green phrases
watch our skin contract
as we learn to deftly act
and somersault through agate hoops
mine for yours
yours for mine
we love to change traditions

Can I wait the hope?
Stay afloat?
On such seas again?
Will I dare?
To ever wear?
This heart upon my sleeve?
I searched the dials on our chests,
And look, it reads, Time Yet,
But rocks ahead, I bet,
No saying when the twilight falls,
And stars come out above our heads,
No vivid golden ones by us I see,
Except ourselves, are we to be?

Power is the trait
I most desire in a mate
To wield an affectation
exude an attitude of skill
To spike imagination
and a joyous sense of will
But I ponder this and pause . . .
For once again I’ve found myself desiring
what I long to carve across my chest
Seeking power in my hands

To all the boys I’ve loved
my downfall was your eyes
I looked into those pools of light
Brown, grey, blue, and Hazel
and saw an endless soul
What vision of greatness stretched out before me?
waves of wonder
For each individual is filled with unfounded gems!
the corals of the deep I long to see
To dive and find such treasure is my favorite past time
But the winds of the outside world have wrecked me
Left me broken back upon my shore
in the waters of men
I’ve ventured in the farthest
Great Tsunamis threw me out
corrupted by great cracks
Tremors shudder in deepest pools
and burst!
into the heart of the diver
who learns that pearls can still be found in tranquil seas
But your eyes still haunt me
the hues of adventure leak out of organized, locked away tubes
whenever my nervous fingers find the end of the rope of present projects
and I long for the salt of the deep

Everyone fights death,
This is just my way,
To keep it at bay,
I hate to say,
That what I crave,
Are the blows,
That weaken me,
And my rights,
Are not what I pretend.
The passions of my tongue,
Hold horrid sway,
Over the way,
The war goes,
I fell so hard,
Yesterday,
The victim,
Sliced open,
By the sweet contents,
Of glass jars.
I said goodbye,
To so much already,
Must even more,
Be taken from me?
I am beset with blindness,
And fear to walk,
Guided by those I know not,
Following the soft and hard
Suggestions of online gurus.
Their most important line,
I most love to despise,
That of listening to
And believing
Myself.

I fear quiet, slinking apathy
that must be addressed in cold agony
I fear glaring flaws
cut out with flashing scissors
I fear lies will slip in
like pills into a drink
Poisons thrown back into a bright throat
From faces of any shape or color
The sharper the chin
The deeper the tears
But most of all I fear I’ll close myself in self-defense
and others in that process

As the pools of knowledge deepen in the mind
the outward appearance falls away
the refreshing convergence
of all past, present and future
creates a calm today

I took 3 years of piano
so apathetic
But feeling guilty
for wasting training in the human apex
wrote down musician on my list of desired traits
in a mate
probably Because I couldn’t measure
Up
Funny . . .
a good half of that list
consisted of proficiencies in where I felt I failed
confused
not understanding how complete I was
not understanding that mastering a musical instrument is not a virtue

Oh God, don’t let me die a thousand deaths again,
After one break I thought I was stronger,
Stronger than this,
But my eyes are only clearer,
And foolish stares me down.
Lock my heart up safe, O Lord,
Put it where it cannot fall,
Into a pool of pointless tears.

You too were sick,
You too were tired and could not get your rest
You too were lonely, for no one understood
You were hungry and sore
You were ***** and poor
Your bed was uncomfortable and sometimes your food tasted terrible

Were you lonely Lord, besides when God forsook you?

I had hoped for a new dawn on my return,
I had wished for at least a closing of the wound,
I had thought that perhaps I would learn to forget
And find some new distraction in this time, (indeed there were such times)
But no, I stopped wishing even these, and went back to my old longings,
Went back to the pain I rejected, went back and said “He must be mine”,
Even after all that, my hopes have climbed no higher,
No gleam or glimmer do dull eyes see for such a pastime,
A pastime of pointless longings, hoping, wishing,
That only come to bitter end.

To revolutionize a whole world,
Is easier when one is young,
The tongue still limber and twisting,
Ready to enjoy and change,
But still I often forget in the moment,
And choose death once again,
Creating havoc, even in my brain,
I want to choose life, every time I choose,
I want to make strong cells, and sweet blood,
To be different, and enjoy the fruit of earth,
To be strong and good, full of You and all Your Truth,
To be fertile for the best ideas, and grow into the Greatest
Woman I could be.

And it was given to man
to take the world
and make it each their own

One little point of light, among the vast array
One teeny, tiny bubble in the foam along the bay,
One horse amidst the numerous herds,
One lump among the copious curds,
A face lost in the masses.
But to me you’re like the sun,
I cannot know that you are one,
Nor comprehend your unimportance.
As each star has its place, and lives that it has touched,
Planets orbiting, and songs to sing,
One person can do much.
In one respect you are my moon,
Casting beams down on my heart,
Reflecting purer light,
And pulling me towards righteousness,
By giving me the tides.
Your beauty’s not diminished by the others in the sky,
For beauty always holds its own,
Don’t look at them and sigh.
Like a jewel strung on a necklace,
Like a loop in clouds of lace,
Like a single falling snowflake on a frozen winter lake.
But also like foundation stone,
A warp string in my weave,
The sugar in a wedding cake,
Your work in me won’t leave.

It is so nice to know,
That I am me,
And not you,
I can do,
What I feel is right,
Instead of what you say,
And if I come to believe,
That what you said was right,
No shame,
For living my way,
It is shallow,
To follow words,
Lazy,
To obey without question,
And many times,
Fear,
Afraid to find the boundary lines myself,
Standing in a black lake,
That’s turning into gray,
I’d prefer you didn’t judge me,
I value your advice,
It certainly won’t help your case,
To sentence me in mine,
Trust is a virtue,
And teachers have their place,
But as a proverb wisely said,
Experience is best.
I understand it’s hard,
To always deal cross-culturally,
Your children are so different,
They change every day,
How can you know what’s relevant?
Please don’t say,
My generation is not deep.
My songs are meaningless,
My books can’t measure up,
To those of long ago,
My clothes are immodest,
My speech has lost the richness,
Of our glorious history.
Ha! I say,
And how? I ask,
Can you come to the conclusion,
That your generation was any better?
If it was, why did it not produce even grander children?
Why could it not stop,
This apparent decline?
Do not blame us,
Or forget,
How you longed for freedom,
And acted out as much as possible.
If our acting out seems worse,
I argue it only takes on different forms,
And our craftsmen rival yours,
Every day,
The grand reflection,
Of God I see in us,
Great beauty is wrought,
Throughout the earth,
And if evil is increased,
It is only because,
The number of men has grown.
Everything,
In greater scale.

If the flames haven't fought to cover your sky
then the blaze has yet to reach the lie
the lie that's replaced by a lesson

Love that is real fills the heart with warmth,
Love that is real makes work seem like a joy,
Love that is real isn’t a trouble to show,
Love that is real isn’t concerned with duty,
Love that is real can’t be checked off a list.

the only thing soft about you
was your kissing lips
Your words were much too hard
Your eyes were much too dark
to see me
Strong in all my softness
I’m a woman
and I deserve my biggest fan

Obeying
isn't
Understanding

Don't wait

Until you know

for to know

Is to have let the moment pass

Be a Voice, Not an Echo
plainly blazoned print on orange
and I see that my whole life
has been me gasping
through echoes
to find my own rasping throat
and finally produce
my own sound
for once
and begun
now in a never ending fight
to speak a different color
than the ones I’ve seen before

There were once two people
Two people
Two very different persons
So very much alike.
And one person,
Recognizing how unique the other was,
So intricately spun,
With layers and layers of cloudy fact,
And rainbows of feeling,
Decided she could not be separated from him.  
She would never understand him, he was not made to be understood,
Not being the product of a formula, but a reaction to a thought.
Fear was always with her, something that must be thrown off, with caution in its place.
She feared she was too different,
Feared he was too great,
But her faith was not so weak,
She knew a greater one could take his place,
But a place would always be for him.
She hardly questioned her infatuation,
For it was built on what she saw as truth,
Full of truth he seemed to be.

O Lord,
Why does my heart cry out within me?
Why does it leap from mountain to valley,
From lofty tree to thorny bush?
Why does it smile sweetly and begin to sing,
Only to sigh and be downcast in another moment?
Truly, it does not reflect my life,
For my life is stable, and filled with good things,
You look upon me with love and blessing,
Caring and soothing are your ways.
But my heart won’t be hemmed in,
It refuses to be tranquil,
Like a high-spirited horse refusing to be stabled.
But on you I can always count,
To fill me with joy,
And satisfaction.
May I not sting others when I feel I’m in a pit,
Nor spit poison on myself when I see through clouded eyes.

At times I long for new friends and lovers
Those who haven't known my past
But true love always finds its way
Sinking into ***** cracks
It digs up rotted journals
And asks for all you have

Father
be my net of love
For I fall
and I cannot catch myself

little whisper
wisdom soul
I’ll listen to your quiet voice

I used to think that I could see,
muscles rippling under my skin,
I used to think that I would be too strong to die young,
but I rather wished I could,
I used to believe I'd always be the one,
to run and carry all the others, not be carried myself,
I thought I'd never be sick, but here I am,
I thought that I could overcome by just being me,
that my unformed parts would come to harden into unbreakable steel,
but now I stand in tatters, who will sew my holes?
Who will feed me birthing fire and make me proper clothes?
Will I ever be like I used to be?
I want to be better, better than that.
I want to be tall, and strong, like perhaps I never was.
I asked for humbleness, is this the way?
I hated my pride and prayed that it would die, is this how you answer my cry?
It doesn't seem Your time to me, Your time to take me to yourself, so help me through this now
Tell me where to go, where to find the thing to drink, to make my face solidify,
Or heal me

When they said that love is pain
they didn’t expect me
to quite literally be bleeding

I’ve learned so much since you’ve arrived
And it’s all about being calm
and listening to my heart

So what do you think the world is saying,
when you don’t get the attention of the people you’re looking to?
what secrets stream slowly out like shadows
in that silence?
what knowledge grows in the quiet of loneliness?
Maybe they aren’t who you think
you long ago learned the portraits you lovingly paint
are filled with your own ink
You can’t see clearly
so it’s time to move on
the windows may be just as ***** further up
but ***** windows standing still are clearable
Unlike the ever moving muddy rivers
your imagination took you down

The strings of my heart were out of tune,
And Your fingers couldn’t play,
A crying sound like a dying loon,
Was all that filled my day,
So You turned Your hand to tune them,
And You pulled, and You sang as You twisted,
Tighter and higher, stronger and longer,
Until they were finally in line,
A new song You wrote,
What joy in each note,
Which poured from Your mouth on the throne,
And played on my heart,
A cherished, choice part,
In the orchestra of the world.

When you hold me in your arms,
I weep,
Tears from what I can’t articulate
The illness of a dying earth,
The fight against the demons,
The out of tune voices,
Take their toll on me,
And build,
Like mud upon my clothes,
Rest and cry,
In the safety of your lap,
The only place,
Where I am clean.

Green I am not,
Nor red,
More a peachy pink,
Or a delicate blue,
In my feelings for you.
My eyes are not large,
When they look upon your lover,
Tho my heart turns over,
I am quick to smile,
You are happy.