whatever i do
will always waste my life away
at least that's what you say.
i guess you managed to sway
me onto your side.
because i'm not doing anything i want
to do at this point.
you've made me use another font
to write my life
instead of the messy handwriting
that i'm supposed to use

crayons in hands
and stickers on face
with a cute headband
as i decorate my camera case

♡

i miss those days

♡

a pen in hand
and pimples on face
with a rubberband
as i speed up my pace
to finish studying

♡

that's me now

i have a nervous habit
of peeling the skin on my lips
like a jumpy little rabbit
and sometimes blood drips
and my fingernails are reddened
then i stare at my hands in fear
but my mind slowly deadened
and i won't be able to quite hear
the pounding of my hearbeat
or notice my bloodied hands

oh. you actually reached out.
had me for a second there.
thought this friends fallout
will be the last time i swear-

the last time that i will get hooked
the last time that i will get addicted.
but my mind's fluked.
chasing after attention to be excited-

but all i got?
was extra tears and snot.

I used to hate mosquitos.
The way the itchiness keeps me on my toes
And the way the rash grows
As I live with a doze

But at least they need me.
At least they craved for me.
At least they're attracted to me.
Unlike everybody else.

the urge to somehow
**** myself painlessly
and allow
myself to walk around aimlessly
is starting to
creep up and up
as shampoo
dripped down from my hair
and i say to myself
when...?

anxiety doesn't suddenly appear
it's there because of others
and when we look drear
we try to drag our covers
up and up
hiding our tired faces
because we don't want to cleanup
and show others traces
of our weaknesses

his heart flourishing,
while hers' wilting.
his feelings were a lie,
yet hers was real to get core.
he couldn't care less,
couldn't love unless,
she stripped off her clothes;
offering her body,
for a terrible man like him.
she took it as a whim,
thought it was normal;
then he fell for another,
leaving her in the dust.
she thought it's a must,
that in order to love;
you need to give, and give,
until he's satisfied.
she was never justified,
and passed away,
with a broken heart.

feels like everyone's
angry at me
but i ain't aiming my gun
at them
because I'm done
being mad all the time
and i just wanna have fun
so i felt light and happy
and went for a run
for the first time in a few weeks

have always wanted to escape reality-
from disney princess movies as a kid
to being a pre teen feeling real ******
reading all those fantasy books
then discovered romance and ****
as a weird teenager that barely lives
and keeps wanting to cut
myself but I know nobody gives
a single **** about my dreams
because I've always wanted to just fly
or shoot beams
or getting really really high
with dopamine in my veins
because if I met my fated partner in a whole another world
I'll be content for no reason
at all <3

i wanna sleep so badly
after barely sleeping for days
it's as if my sanity is sadly
running away from me

can barely open my eyes now
and i feel like my brain's gonna melt
but i'm not scowling
like i did when i was wide awake though.

it's as if something's possessed me,
made me go a bit insane with a smile.

I FEEL SO HAPPY TONIGHT
because i'm alone
and i can freely write
and nobody would disown
me just because i wrote
and not being their perfect child
oh and i can gloat
to my friends until we smiled
and laugh till our throats hurt

i cried till
my eyes were swollen
today, and still-
tears are drippin'

wonder how to
stop them from forming
wonder if feeling numb
will stop my emotions from storming