I saw a thousand stars
but a thousand stars up
above the sky is no match
for your beautiful eyes.

If I were to die, I'd want my
heart to haunt you
until we meet again;

Please be the light of my
candle for I will be needing
your warmth in this darkness.

Please be the flame of my
candle so when I depart,
my heart will spend time
haunting your ineffable flame.

© Aaron Salagubang, 2020

I.
I have accepted my fate;
My inability to move, to speak
The fast-paced switching of scenes
Each time I get to blink.

I do understand the gap—
The pressure of compactibility; claustrophobia
Interferance may set you ablaze–
Or so I told myself.

II.
It has always been like this:
An ever-repeating cycle
The blending and molding
Into what I ought to be.

Time became my comfort
As I warmed and accepted change
Pieces of me were scattered
Now, I am complete.

crumbs colliding
to form a singularity,
gave birth to my
own destruction

To turn your back and walk away
Away from what you once held dear
Oh dear, you knew you had to go
Go to where the wind will take you
You befriended melancholy
Melancholy was stuck with you
You were merry, you must admit
Admit that it was all okay
"Okay" is what you always say
Won't say for fear of them to know
Know the truth, it can only hurt
Hurt the ones you cherish the most
Most of them will be kept inside
Inside where they can safely slumber
So slumber now though do not sink
Sink in the letters of goodbye

L abirynth of
O dysseys
V enturing the
E ther

this is dangerous
too many times
i wish –
under the bed
on the bed
at my closet
but nobody told me
i'd never get better
it scares me –
*wishing

I wonder
when soon really is
I wonder
if I could still see tomorrow
I wonder
if I could measure *'forever'

I wonder and wonder and wonder

I wonder
how this all began
I wonder
just how would it end
I wonder
who you were before

I still wonder and wonder and wonder

I wonder
if it was a blessing
I wonder
perhaps it's a curse
I wonder
to where I would go

*When I think of you, I wonder...

The open gates tell me I must stay
or be devoured by the lightning ray
The flowers do sprout in the springs of May
only to dwell by the end of the day

Why did you take a different turn
in hopes of getting back?
Headed to the point of no return,
you've bleached the mirthful black

I can't keep up with your speedy pace
that's blinded by beauty, salvaged by grace
There's only so much that I could erase
the only exception is your face

On shallow waters, you've hidden something
whereas every ship mysteriously sank
Spheres will always withold a 'something'
For now I see, it's not as blank.

Caught amid a raging storm,
we mused if to delay
that its eye had yet to take on form
we surge–come what may

The threat of doom, its whereabouts
had flown beneath our feet
may it take away these petty doubts
and let winding roads meet.

You were but a stranger
radiating the empty sky,
dwindling the hours
whenever I felt transparent.

On thin, white sheets, today, I lay
Each IV drop, brings me dismay
There's something I have longed to say...
You pull the plug and make my day.

Life had been a picture box
Wherein all are painted in monotone
Only what's to be seen are being shown
But go down in mem'ry—rusted love locks.

Everywhere you turn,
the pictures look the same
Still in place as you carelessly aim,
A heart can only discern.

Be it winter, spring, summer or fall,
The external; the internal remains
But a sound, a voice, in my head refrains
Yet again, it's the film's time to roll.

Once, I caught a glimpse of a smile
And wondered what it could be
How can an image look so different to me?
A thought unusually worthwile.

Flowers begun to bloom and blossom
Releasing fireworks into the sky
Could these fingertips reach them if ever I try?
Rainbows cried on a sphere of monochrome.

F or when
I n distress,
R escue comes
S aves you from
T he troubling pain

A nd as you lay
I nto the stretcher,
D eath arrives.

•
Duterte said, "My gahd I hate drugs."
Do drugs if ever you want free hugs
With some cardboard and tape embracing you
And a statement saying: "I did drugs too."
•
Do you see a turtle swimming in the air?
I know we're lucky, to see a sight so rare
Swirls and swivels make you feel so alive
Oblivious to the life that you are being deprived.
•
Wait. Where do I live? The monsters are near
If I enter this tunnel, there'll be nothing to fear
There's a rope in the sky, way up high
If I grab this light, will I...

I Have Lost My Poetry

Stained with remnants
of an unforgiving past,
my heart tends to sulk
But then I blink
my two lifeless eyes
and forget where I'd been
before.

*

I live, I die
I shriek and cry
Is life worth living?
With words unforgiving?

Minute white crystals
That sparkle in the day,
Precious little gems
Lay along the bay

Footsteps in the sand;
The past that left a trail
Merry moments building castles
As father begins to sail

Golden summer haze,
In a memory filled with bliss
Nostalgia I had to face
All it took was one simple kiss

I'm sent back
burning in ice
I glide on my skin
drinking venom
from these fangs
Oozing in the dark
Cast from broad daylight
Why even bother?
I puke out this wine
disarranged, how divine!

I am a ghost
among the crowd,
silently looming

The predictability
of the unpredictable,
I linger

At my most,
I take on form,
ever looping

To retain,
To disperse,
To lay low or regain

I wish to be still
At a constant zerø,
if you may please

But I—
spread too thin
or dense too quick;

I will forever remain
in this gentle cycle
rinsed in chaos.

Confined in the bubble of thought,
I sit before this room
the pitchers, the glasses,
the paintings on the wall
The portal behind the window pane,
beholds madness in one's eyes
the cracks, the chipped paint,
the ombre imprint of life

Stroke by stroke, line by line,
you tear your life away
Coloring in the drafted frames
then bind them with a gauge
So much dust have accumulated
more than enough to see your tracks
But turn to a blind eye,
and exhale the puff of smoke

.

Had I let time and weather reach this minuscule pebble
that it had let itself be tainted with powdered pistachio

Had I been so grateful to put it out of its misery
tossed into the river of ever-flowing ink, varnished by the sun

I am a passive vacuum cleaner
inhaling all the toxicity.

My hands were on the steering wheel
I fell asleep, I fell asleep
Drove to the edge of a cliff so steep
There's not a pain that I could feel
Is this a dream, Is this all real?

The bubbles they, begin to rise
I guess it's true, a murky hue
When you believe, there come's a price
Ye had been a fool, what more to do?
Soon to depart, succumb to rue

Pearls of black musn't stare at white
It's time to go, It's time to go
Then spread thy wings and then take flight
My precious beam, go with the flow
If in ashes, burnt, shall you wake,
**know~

Tayo lang naman ang magkasamang umukit ng hugis puso sa mga bituin,
magkahawak ang mga kamay habang nagkukuwentuhan ng mga pangarap at hangarin

Sana... hindi muna magtapos ang gabing ito
Kung magagawa kong banatin at pahabain pa ang oras para lamang mapatagal sa'yong piling

Ngunit kinaumagahan na nang ako'y magising...

Akap akap ang sarili, mabigat ang damdamin
Nagbuntong-hininga't bumulong nalang sa hangin

Hindi ko na alam kung ligaya pa ba ang tunay na hangad
Bakit ba lagi nalang ganito...
Sa panaginip, patuloy mo akong dinadalaw
Naniniwala ako sa salitang 'tayo' ngunit heto't nag-iisa na naman ako

I keep on turning
and skipping pages,
blank as they may be

Reckless enough to
lose them in the way,
still continuing

Life had given me
another book to
be written upon

And yet here I am:
starting and stopping
on a blank canvas

* *

Let not fear be a hindrance
To the things you wish to say or do
And so as the gloom of day
Keep you static, unmoving

Supress no longer
The emotions you bottled within
And let your thoughts ascend
Unto their own paths

* *

Endure the flow;
Leave the circuitry be
Let the pulsations persist;
Let yourself feel a moment for once

Or must the weight of the shadow remain to envelop you
Unless you choose to break away–
Not only shall the sunshine touch your skin,
But the crystals be absorbed and dissolved

The sea
kissed the shore as
they intertwined; cocooned
by long-forgotten memories

*dissolved

raindrops from above
forming into clouds; ignites
twice—the spark of joy

You remind me of daffodils...
Oh, how silly life had been
T'was all so sweet, but I was left with your after taste

I scrambled my thoughts
in search for words yet I lost
myself in the way.

I see the darkness of the clouds,
You see the silver lining;
I see the shadow of the night,
You see the light surrounding

I feel the coldness of the winter,
You're the fireplace beside;
I may seem as icy, but
You're the warmth I try to hide

It has always been "No", but
You keep on insisting "Yes"
Unlike me, you're a ball of hope
For now, just let me rest.

* *

C rippling from the stares of the
Y ears that behold when
R eality struck quick
I rradiating where I abode, exposing the
L ife I wished to have not known
L iving in a masquerade to have
E nticed myself into the brink of the unknown

Helped me see
when I was blind,
There to sweep
the mess of my mind.

Helped me feel
when I was numb,
Sought for help
when I was dumb,

Helped me stand
each time I tumble,
Understood
each word I mumble.

Saw beyond
the change I went
Better now,
that it left a dent.

A friend I never knew
I'd have,
Thanks for refilling
my emptied half.

I love the way
his lips curl
and his eyes crinkle
whenever he smiles

I love how
he makes silly faces
and laughs so loud
whenever he's with me

He would randomly call
at random times
just to hear my voice
and for me to hear his

It was those
midnight talks
with him that
made me fall harder-

I was madly in love.
He would sing
me songs to sleep
and kiss me goodnight

He would hold
my hand
and hug me tight.
How I loved those moments.

Those moments
that I wished
could last forever
but they didn't.

I thought I finally
found the one
I'd spend the rest
of my life with

But I was
blind enough to believe
that I could have
a fairytale of my own.

She was fond of the light
Yet he kept her in the dark

Her smile faltered
Her heart grew weary
I knew she was tired.

But despite that,
She still clings onto hope
That maybe one day

One day...

Things could go back
To the way they were
Before her eyes went dim

And she could no longer see
the light.

At the moment, I'm out of ink
But give some time to let me think...
Maybe by then.. but let's just see...
In the mean time, let's draw a tree

A tree, I drew, so lush and green
But its vibrant color cannot be seen...
So with one last look and a heavy sigh,
I crumpled the paper then bid it goodbye

With a fresh new paper, i picked up my pen
Closed my eyes then counted to ten...
Maybe by then.. oh let's just see...
Start anew, let those words run free!

Off to start anew, I opened my eyes
But was frozen in place—met a great surprise
Every single thing... all that's around...
The moon had plummeted unto the ground.

.     Maybe
               I liked
                        rainy
                                days
                      ­                  before
                                               but-
   ever        since       you      came,                                  
    all I
    could
    picture
    were                  
    the                  
              sunny
         days

Cast thou fears away–
A new seed hast sprout–forget
not the sun, my love

Dark skies, dark skies
It's getting darker
I'm not a coward
but I can't go any further
I trip, I fall and I stumble
I forgot where I was going
I heard it again
My heart was pounding.
Little by little, fear rose
Until I saw her,
I suddenly froze.
Water filled my eyes,
Tears came rolling down
I remembered EVERYTHING
As if I could drown.
I could have been the one
I knew it was my time
But she was in the way
I was about to accept the "crime"

My heart was filled with joy
When she came into my life
But there was this day
It all ended with a knife.
I saw her and everything else
It was too much.
I was being stabbed a million times
Who could ever do such???
Time flies so fast.
She entered my life,
but she instantly went away
I thought it would all be fine...
But I know this is not the end.
I have to be true
I will start anew
And live this life through.

Why do you keep coming back when I keep pushing you away?
Why still fill me with sweetness when I'm overflowing with bitterness?
I already showed you what a mess I could be, but you'd still tell me you love me.
And that I'm your beautiful disaster; your perfect girl amidst all the flaws that I could possibly have.

Why?

Sorry for always running away; sorry for leaving; sorry for disappearing
Sorry for every single thing; for making it all harder for you
I know my sorries can't really do much, but I didn't really want to hurt you
I love you. I'm just a coward. I just want you to hold me tight and don't ever let go.

*Please.

Since the day I met you,
there's been this swirl
in the pit of my stomach,
there's this shy little smile
being drawn on my face
whenever I think of you,
and this sense of unrealism
that I could not understand.