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Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
my love

what do you want me to do?
I just can't seem to find a way
to get along with you

it doesn't matter what I say
you still treat me
that same ol' way

you say my
affection
can't be found,
well,
you'll see**
when I'm not around
People never seem to realize what they have until suddenly, they don't
588 · May 2016
Extraction/Attraction
Colten Sorrells May 2016
went to the dentist, faced my fears
extractions left me shedding tears
but much to even my surprise
they only flowed from my right eye

I'm wired kinda strange,
you see
I think
there's something wrong with me
some things that most don't like to feel
can really give me quite a thrill

you can punch me in the face
'til blood is all that I can taste
you can scratch me,
brand me,
bite me
but all that **** will just excite me

after the dentist stitched me up
and wiped blood from my cheeks
I asked her when I could return
and she told me 2 weeks

I'm terrified, but I can't wait
to me it was the perfect date
I can't explain the reason why
but that **** makes me feel alive

I'm wired kinda strange you know
those pliers had me set to blow
I bet I am the only one
who thinks that kinds **** is fun

that day my worries were erased
and I could barely feel my face
and I could swear I fell in love
*or was it just the loss of blood?
584 · May 2016
Design's Demise
Colten Sorrells May 2016
most pay no mind to humble vines
that rise from the decay
to scale the spires, steal their lives
and cover them someday

and most find them a nuisance, true
but they don't see what they can do
they scale up high into the trees *
and live on after you or me

when progress leads to it's demise
both wood and stone choked by the vines
in sprawling cities, quiet towns
foundations will come crumbling  

down

without a fight, these humble vines
will rise from the decay
when progress gives way to demise
they'll take it back someday
Repost...one of the first poems I posted here and wrote with my muse
Colten Sorrells Jun 2016
I'm staring daggers
bleeding inside

&

I'm torn and tattered
dead inside

behind this smile
broken teeth

I'm

still losing weight
still losing sleep

silently crying
out for help

I

make everything
about myself

you'll never know
how much I need you

because

all I show
is I don't see you


*but I see more
than you might think

I dropped the ******
I quit the drink

I'm never right
I'm never wrong

you'll see the light
before too long

but I'll be gone
before that comes

to all that's wrong
I will succumb

I beg my friends
don't come around

please don't jump in
just let me drown

but no one cares
so why should you?

I'm going down
so you won't, too
...So I guess this is goodbye
559 · Oct 2016
Replaceable
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.

I've done this
"love" thing way more times
than I care to admit

and it always fell apart
at some point or another
and another would come along


so

despite what we may like to think,
we are all replaceable
to some extent

but

you know,
It's kinda funny
I never felt so replaceable
until I met you


but
there's no way
I would even try
to replace
*you
Don't mind me, I'm just writing some **** for someone who will probably never read it.
559 · Nov 2016
loss
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
dying alone,
being forgotten,
fire,
heights,
and the weather
are all pretty reasonable fears

but,

my biggest fear with you
is being happy,
because I know
that it will be life-changing
my world will revolve around you
and no matter what happens,
I'll know that you alone
will be enough to sustain me
and then one day
I'll wake to find
that you're gone
and I'll be completely lost
and I'm really not sure if I can make it through all that again. You're my everything
543 · Nov 2016
Plaid
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I was going through my clothes
and I suddenly realized
just how much an object
can invoke memories
when I came across my  plaid shirt
with white buttons
that I wore the first time
I went to my therapist  
then later I got my love swallowed up
by a complete stranger
at the state park
that I met on Facebook
on your time
oddly enough, the thing
I remember most vividly
was the scenery
and the warm breeze
on the riverbank
before that it was
my favorite shirt



VII B

11/2/16 22:06
It was a strange day
517 · May 2016
Numb (10w)
Colten Sorrells May 2016
was
feeling

D
O
W
N

but,
now
I don't
f
  e
     e
         l

anything,  really
501 · Nov 2016
Stuck
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I'm stuck

here at the bottom

and

******

rolls *downhill
repost from back in April
499 · Oct 2016
"I Pick You"
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.

On a hot August day
I was struck with the blues
'cos I had nowhere to go
and not a thing to do

but  when it came the time for me
to check the mail again
I came across a package there
that really made me grin

it was a big and heavy box
with lots of books inside
and a little shiny thing
that almost made me cry

It's kinda like a dogtag
but has a different shape
but holding on to it can bring
a big smile to my face

It's just a little guitar pick
that's made of stainless steel
but I just can't explain the way
that it can make me feel

now when I'm feeling worthless
a burden none should bear
I have something to show me that
there was a time you cared

the words "I pick you" on the side
from when I had your favor
the taste is something bittersweet
that I can't help but savor
498 · Nov 2016
I killed my Savior
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
When she found me I was in hell
My body was an empty shell
Was just about to give up hope
and then she tossed me down a rope

I didn't even have to climb
I finally emerged to find
The kindest soul I've ever met
whose kindness I would not forget

She calmed my demons, healed my heart,
and dried up all my tears
Gave me the strength to fight again
and helped me face my fears

And for all this she did for me
asked nothing in retrun
She followed me into the fire
and I just let her burn

She built me up from nothing
as she withered up and died
She gave up everything for me
And ill never know why

She pulled me from the pits of hell
and seen that I'd be well
But by that time she lost all hope
I didn't toss her down a rope

I guess that all the seeds you sow
you have to one day reap
When she took all those sleeping pills
she really meant to sleep
481 · Nov 2016
003
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
003
same thing every morning
I make coffee, clean up dog messes
feed critters, check traps
then maybe breakfast



*15:07
I always serve others before I take out the time to serve myself, yet a lot of folks seem to like to call me selfish
468 · May 2016
Gittinfiddle
Colten Sorrells May 2016
well

...

I was pickin a diddly
on my gittinfiddle
the other day

'cos, well...
I'm a gittinfiddler

and as soon as I gripped
my fiddler
and picked,
just hard enough
to tickle the diddly-hole
a little bit
all of the sudden
it
let out
the single most
gittinfiddlediddliest
sound
that had ever
violated
my tender
juicy
ear holes


**** was crazy

anyways,
I didn't miss a stroke
as I fiddled out
the remainder
of that diddly
on my gittinfiddle
with my fiddlediddler
right in the sweet spot
...

just far enough
from the diddly-hole

and the result*
was
******'
gittinfiddlediddlilicious
465 · Apr 2016
38 Days
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
38 days sober

and life is great

so I had a few beers

to celebrate

so then I had
dozen shots
and even smoked
a little ***

now I'm puking in a bucket
and life is great
I think I'll lie down now*
to celebrate
456 · Oct 2016
Fall
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
shades of green turn to rust
as the pulse of life relaxes
and the days get shorter

finally, some relief from the sticky air
the weather is just right
for a few hours of a few days of the week

chilly mornings, cold rains
and a bountiful harvest
that stains my lungs black and sticky

as colors slowly slip away
the warmth that fully filled my lungs
is being replaced with shallow, icy breaths

**I
444 · Apr 2016
I Am Machine
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
I'm a human radio
my body is a metronome
to wood and wires I am linked
I am one with this machine

my only expense is I can't see
if I'm learning or it's learning me
and I sound better by myself
than when I play
*for someone else
No music, no life.
Know music, know life
439 · Nov 2016
002
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
002
I tried to stay impersonal
but when I got inside
it was just too late for me
the feelings won't subside



*14:30
I try to move on but I can't get you out of my head
422 · Jun 2016
Obsession (?)
Colten Sorrells Jun 2016
I think I may
just need some help
I love you more
than life, itself

there's nothing that
I wouldn't do
to make sure I
wake up to you

I put my future
in your hands
let you take care
of all my plans

I just hope "we"
don't take too long
but then, you've never
steered me wrong
This distance is rough, but do not worry, I will wait until this distance is no longer between us. Hearing your voice is more than enough to keep me going
413 · Jul 2016
Heartbreak (20W)
Colten Sorrells Jul 2016
She told me she don't want me,
yet she was willing
to drive*
seven hours
*from Pennsylvania
to take my dogs
411 · Oct 2016
Mirage
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.
.

there's strong conviction in the notes that pour out her passions to me but I rarely get to hear them

she has a pure, angelic glow
that begs to be defiled
but I can't touch her

her lips are supple
delicate like innocence
but I can't feel them

she's like a myth
that I have to believe in
she makes me strong

when I see her
I see everything i'm missing
but I can't make her real
After over a year it still gets to me
409 · Apr 2016
Would You?
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
if I told you
I killed my love
would you
cry for me?

if I told you
what I'm thinking of
would you
lie for me?

if I told you
now I'm half a man
and feel nothing
inside,
then
would you*
even try to help
or
would you
let me
die

**?
408 · Nov 2016
Found Or Constructed?
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



*can we just
find true love,
or is it
constructed?
I found it in you
407 · May 2016
It's Not The Hell It Seems
Colten Sorrells May 2016
I didn't have much
but I gave you all my secrets
somehow, I just knew
I could trust you to keep them

it's been a year, or maybe more
since I put faith in you
and when you're here with me,
I feel,
there's nothing I can't do

but sometimes you're so far away
and I feel so alone
the only way I hear your voice
is coming through the phone

though each day tears me up inside
it's not the hell it seems
you're with me when I drift away
you're always in my dreams

and there lies my serenity
no worries to be found
no fears, no anxiety
with no one else around

the forests welcome visitors
instead of trying to hide
and no one's ever known betrayal
there's no such word as "lie"

and though we're not the only ones
it's only you and I
and we still have just what we need
to make it paradise

and no matter what happens here
we'll always be together
my only regret is that
I can't stay there forever

though each day tears my soul apart
it's not the hell it seems
there's you, and fields of lavender
there waiting in my dreams
For...well...I'm sure they'll know when they read this
405 · Nov 2016
001
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
001
Sometimes I sit and wonder why
I always feel like ****
but when the box says 4 teaspoons
I have to double it



*13:33
more butter, more better
400 · Nov 2016
Surprise
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



when I clean my room
I always find something good
forgot that I had
391 · May 2016
Cycle
Colten Sorrells May 2016
I keep thinking
the way I've been thinking
so,
I keep feeling
the way I've been feeling

I keep feeling
the way I've been feeling
so,
I keep doing what I've been doing

I keep acting
the way I've been acting
so,
I keep getting
what I've been getting
And I'm just not sure I can break this destructive cycle
389 · Nov 2016
Stoned
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



when the piper calls
and I feel like I'm floating
It's like coming home
388 · Nov 2016
To: S_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I'm fine, just to

let you know,
other than being
very, very depressed

you have been
on my mind but I just can't,
until I get myself together
I really hope you can understand. I just can't face things right
387 · Nov 2016
Say You'll Haunt Me
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I don't care how messed up this sounds
I'm sure you'd tease and taunt me
but right now I'd give anything
to hear you say you'll haunt me



V

*11:56
At least that way you'd always be with me.

I call your name, but you won't hear me. I don't know how I can go on like this. I just want to talk to you
387 · Nov 2016
numb
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
This pain doesn't stop me
the tears I stopped shedding
now I could live well
if I'd just stop forgetting



II

*15:34
387 · May 2016
Lost
Colten Sorrells May 2016
you may think I didn't want you
and maybe you were right
there must be some other reason
that I'm up so late at night

I need you more than anything
more than you'll ever see
I still don't know what to do
without you here with me
...I just had a ****** up way of showing it
385 · Nov 2016
Forever (tainted)
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.

Before I met you
I thought love was just a lie
and forever was an impossibility

but then I could visualize it

holidays,
vacations
and lazy afternoons

with you at my side

and when I looked at us
I seen something that was unstoppable
like a force of nature

two minds,
two bodies
but the will of a single entity

we could solve the world's problems

but I can't trust you
for the same reason
that you can't trust me

everybody has needs

when I see your lips
I have to think of all the other
lips they've kissed

and I don't share

all the grimy sets of hands
that have explored your regions
and desecrated your sacred ground

on my ******* time

and every single inch
of love you allowed
to enter you

and i'm disgusted

but not because you have given me
any reason to suspect, but because
I know what people are capable of

**I've seen it from both sides
381 · May 2016
Muse
Colten Sorrells May 2016
somehow
I was drawn to her
or was she drawn to me?
a spark ignited
and we made some
intense poetry

wrote some that would
blot out the moon
some took away the sun

some were deathly serious
and others
just for fun

The form was fine,
the rhymes were good

and everything was nice
but one day
tuat mighty flame
just flickered and it died

and things got ugly,
awkward,
and more than a little dark
and everything just
went to ****
without that glorious spark

and pretty soon,
you had to go
you left me with no choice
but sit and try to find the words
now that you took my voice

I told her that I'd be
all hers
but,
I guess she had enough
and something that was
beautiful
*was quickly turned
to *****
381 · May 2016
sh*t
Colten Sorrells May 2016
it
all
     r
        o
      l
        l
          s

d
     o
       w
          n
              -
                 h
                   i
                     l
                       l


               and I'm at the bottom
10-W
379 · Jul 2016
Incomplete
Colten Sorrells Jul 2016
Cold-hearted, discarded

unwanted, unloved

it doesn't matter what I do

it's never good enough



I'm left again without the one

I just can't live without

I wanted so much to believe

but still, I had my doubts



I cauterized the wound

but I can't seem to stop the pain

it's eating at my insides now

it's driving me insane



all my faith I put in you

I viewed you as my savior

there's nothing that I wouldn't do

to try and win your favor



although the distance seemed too vast

you felt like coming home

but it don't really matter now

forever I'm alone
Despite the state lines I really, truly thought that we could be together someday, but now it seems that day will never come. I seen a very bright future for the both of us, but now it seems there never really was an "us".

And no, I'm not going to go looking for anybody to replace you, because I don't really want anybody else. I want you, I ******* need you in my life.  

     But hey, if nothing else, you have opened my eyes to my true potential, and you have set me on the right path. And I will always be thankful for that. I just really wish that I could've somehow walked that path with you.

But at this point I'm sure that you hate me more than you ever have, which is really ****** up, because finally, I'm on the right track. I'm finally doing the right thing. I finally finished putting my past behind me, and I came out clean on the other side, STD-free and 6 weeks sober.


I just don't get it. Why now?
373 · May 2016
I Promised
Colten Sorrells May 2016
I promised

I would be all yours

but I just can't help but share

and I know

that it isn't right

I know it isn't fair


I promised

that I wouldn't drink

promised

that I wouldn't smoke

and here I am

useless again

as I sit

and watch you choke


I know

I also

*promised you


that I would not be dumb

but the sad truth is that

I can't do life

unless I'm numb


I know I could have had it all

I ****** it all away

and now I know

she's too far gone

there's nothing left to say
Guess you were right
369 · Nov 2016
Fall's Fade
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
Icy hands of December
strangle Augusts' warm breeze
as signs of its passing
are shown in the trees



I

*14:27
367 · Jun 2016
Incomplete(?)
Colten Sorrells Jun 2016
I'm a singer
with a bad case of mic fright
I'm a writer
trying to see by the moonlight
I'm a speed metal guitarist
without a pick
I'm an expert drummer
with a broken stick

I guess what I
am trying to say
Is I haven't always
been this way
I can do it myself

but sometimes,
I might need some help

I have some trouble
getting through
but that missing piece,
I find


**is you
I could keep going, but
I think you get the idea
366 · Oct 2016
Medijuana
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.

my body is here
but my mind is elsewhere
constructing chaotic scenarios

my anxiety really gets ahold of me
and keeps me going anywhere
or doing much of anything

I welcome death, but
life scares me shitless
so I hide in my house

but

when I take her into my lungs
none of that **** really matters
and my mind is free to wander

everyday tasks become an adventure
as some of that childlike sense of wonder
makes things **** less
Side effects :

happy
hungry
sleepy

may lead to junkfood
365 · Nov 2016
Resolution
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

*how many **** times
have I been where I'm standing
just to turn around?
I have vowed to get my life together more times than I can count, but I'm still pretty much right where I started
364 · Nov 2016
Seed
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

I moisturize the dirt
and start the seed
on it's journey to greatness

then when it's ready
I will transplant it
into a bigger ***

months go by
until days get shorter
and the ground starts to frost

just before that, I take it up by the roots
and hang it to dry
for 7-8 days

then I put some of it in my pipe
strike a flame to it
and burn it to ash
And savor the taste
363 · May 2016
Stuck
Colten Sorrells May 2016
**** rolls downhill
and I'm stuck at the bottom
the smell of fresh air
I've spread forgotten

and all my efforts to ascend
just lead me to frustration
the best that I can hope for now
is bouts of constipation*

warm, fresh blood across my tongue
is all I can hope to taste
from all the times I've tried to climb
and got kicked in the face
362 · May 2016
The Other Night
Colten Sorrells May 2016
I gave myself to a higher power
and she left the other night
she grew displeased when I refused
to make the sacrifice


and though I still cry out to her
she doesn't hear my pleas
but I don't have to sleep alone
because she haunts my dreams


I admitted I was powerless
and I confessed my plight
I had my life all figured out
until she left that night


I still can't wrap my head around
how things are what they seem
I wonder when I think of her
if she still thinks of me


I decided I'd get sober, but
now I don't see the point
I think I'll have myself some beer
and smoke a couple joints


got alcohol to sterilize
and herb to ease my pain
but we already know that I
can never be the same


without my higher power, now
I'm helpless* *in my plight
and it all made such perfect sense
**until she left that night
357 · Apr 2016
Today Was A Good Day (?)
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
I got up at 6 again
I had to take the trash out
put on another extra couple layers
'fore I dashed out

caught up on some housework
as much I could
and loaded up on carbs
before
I went to cut some wood

I'm tired just thinking about it

and  4 pm just rolled around
I'm trying to find my center
my back feels like its gonna break
my hands are full of splinters

my heart is pounding in my chest
like it's going to explode
but hey, I'll make a couple bucks
and get some cardio

...warm out today

"sunscreen is for *******"

****

I guess I'll never learn
now that the sun is setting
man, I really feel the burn

made my way home, made some dinner
and I made some decent green
and on the way back home
I got myself some Dairy Queen
sun tired work life struggle pain
357 · Nov 2016
Break
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.


*my heart is breaking
because I know you're broken
but you won't break me
355 · Jun 2016
Timeless/Eternal
Colten Sorrells Jun 2016
I told her that I loved her so
she told me that she didn't know
for in my words, she had no trust
she thought my words were just of lust

said she won't always be this way
in time, her hair would turn to gray
I told her that I didn't care
she's more to me than curves and hair

that's overrated anyways
I plan to show her, every day
I don't care what her mirrors see
she'll still be beautiful to me

not that it's an issue, though
she's stunning, but she doesn't know
she told me she still had her doubts
but she'll see what it's all about
Flowers wilt, and die, paintings are destroyed, and great monuments crumble with time. But true beauty...that is eternal
353 · Apr 2016
Good Morning?
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
it was

until I made the

mistake
of telling

*you
(10w)
352 · Nov 2016
Elections
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
today brought disappointment
I also think it's strange
that everybody wants a clown
instead of actual change



*16:37
...but at the same time im pro-life, and Hillary is a ******* crook, so I have mixed feelings.
346 · Apr 2016
Numb
Colten Sorrells Apr 2016
wherever I'm headed
it's not where I've been
I promised I'd never
go back there again

but I don't really think this
was part of her plan
I changed myself so much that
I don't know who I am

I hate
what I've become
too much
to feel
has left me
*numb
341 · Nov 2016
Longing
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I long for a place
I doubt even exists
now my heart has gone cold
and my soul is homesick



IV

*16:09
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