I welcomed madness
with open wrists

I spent my nights
alone
without loneliness

I waited for you
with a longing-pain

I wanted my soul
to be laced with yours,

but your soul
doesn’t yearn for mine

I am the lone moon
trying to reflect my light
through your window,
but you’ve shut
the curtains, long ago

I am the fallen eyelash
on your cheek,
but you threw me away
with the merciless wind

I am all the dreams
you’ve had at night,  
but have forgotten
in the morning

Love
is the glowing flame,
and you melt
as it approaches

Listen,
be careful
with that flame,
or it’ll burn you
when that love
starts to sting

They’ll decide to leave you,
and you’ll remain with nothing,
but the fading ashes of that love  

You’ll lose the passing-by warmth
that once visited your frigid heart

So light up a cigarette,
and put out the ongoing fire
inside your chest with smoke

I take a pill,
and wait for it
to doze me off

I take double the dose,
there’s no need to wait

Now, I’m holding
a bottle filled with
promised
goodnight sleeps

I’ll swallow a pill
for each night I stayed up
suffocating  
instead of dreaming

I spoke with
your heavy eyelids, and
its darkness pulled me in
to find my missing path

I asked the tear
as it sheds from
your eyes to touch
the curves of your face,
if I’m welcome in your heart

Can you handle my foreign heart,
or would you abandon it for another refuge?

What is it that pains you?
Is it the never-ending nights,
or do you long for death, like I do

Is the unbearable weight
of existence a burden to you,
and how can I ease it?

All I ask is,
will I ever be welcome
in your heart

In a dream
I drank the color
of your eyes,
and swallowed
the tone
of your voice

I woke up
in the middle of the morning,
and I was six years older

Every inch of me
was yearning for its
                         doom

A broken voice,
crooked smile,
and raw scars

I closed my eyes,
and now,
I’m no longer here

After twelve,
the bitter taste of coffee
still lingers on my lips

Alone,
I resist the idea
of another
suicide attempt

Unspoken to,
an agonizing pain
perches on my chest
like a bird on its nest

I whisper
a prayer
for a miracle
or an ending

It is seven
in the morning,
where I wage a war
against myself

It ends only when
I take the pill

As a bullet
lodged in my mouth,
and I was the one
to pull the trigger

I am the architect of
my own destruction

I’ve survived
a dozen of wars,
and came back alive

Wounded
but alive

Tonight,
I can’t hope

Like Sisyphus,
I am condemned to endure
all this heavy weight of existence

A tragic fate
with nothing,
but a never-ending struggle

I’ve abandoned hope,
and erased my dreams

“Happiness”
is only but a mere escape
from the absurdity of life

It is a false hope,
and I’ve practiced
the art of giving up

Tonight,
I’ll keep an empty stomach
enough to carry
my deathlike solitude

along with a cup of
coffee by your company

A lover moans,
she’s singing our song
like a lone nightingale

She *******,
and it is a sign
of surrender

You die every night
while he’s fast asleep

You’ve said your goodbyes
to him
with every goodnight

And so in death,
you’ll rest your tormented soul

Today,
I’ve dug a thousand graves for every
funeral that rose inside my heart,

and tomorrow will be a continuation
of this never-ending sorrowful funeral

And the only one
who’s grieving
my aching bones
is me,
and me alone

She gave me a flower bouquet
like leaving behind a weeping
bouquet of lilies to wilt softly
on the grave of a loved one

The aromatic scent of lilies
couldn’t overcome the mist
of death ruled by Achlys

The forsaken flower quivers
over the piercing whispers
of her impending doom
when her youthful roots
were unwillingly cut

She withers upon my grave,
and emits the scent of death and I

The decayed petals drop
like blood from cut vines
The brittle dried flower
rots as its color fades from
pure-white and pink
to senescing brown

A slight tint of pink still lingers
as what’s left of her love

The corpse flower
scentless bloom of death belongs
Ghosts with feverish smiles shall
visit me with a bitterly cold embrace

I built sturdy walls
to protect my mind,
and surrounded my
heart with shields

But I broke down
my defense for her
soft touch and
honey-dipped soul

I surrendered,
'cause I’d rather
have her than all
my chipped walls

And so she left

She’s under my skin
like a bruise that’s
unwilling to heal

Her touch
left me trembling

Her gaze
pierced my bones

Her love
scarred my soul

I left,
when my heart
ached to be hers

I’ve found that love tears me
like a papercut
sharp enough to draw blood

And I hold a heart
that’s been torn apart,
but it still beats over the
rhythm of your name

It is brutal
to have reached for
my trembling hand
and hold it

only to dust me off
back to my grave
without a goodbye
nor a burial

It is cruel
to have made me
believe I am one
with the livings

only to make my
second death
far more ******

O, tragedy indeed

I once wanted to ask
if she’d ever met a heavy heart
with such aching pores

See, I yearned for death
till I forgot I’m still
one with the livings

Perhaps I didn’t know
I‘m still here
till she reached
for the palm of my hand,
but it’d start to sweat
so I shy away

When the doctors cut the cord
that was wrapped around my neck,
and ever since that moment
they resuscitated me as a baby
I grew up with the fascination
of cords caressing my neck

I almost did

twice

Until dawn,
a cigarette ash
flew into her right eye

The cigarette remained alight
despite the flood of tears
streaming down her cheeks  

With such a hell
blazing inside her,
she put out fire with smoke

Solitude was her
only consolation,
and all she longed for

There is not a soul
that she yearns for,
but for hers to burn out