:(

There are moments I wished I had been born a man. To be able to give a woman the kind of love that she deserves.

The moment when one truth shattered all the things you believe in,
Questioning if love shown was genuine.
Waking up everyday with a heavy heart and a lodge stuck in your throat.
Crying in front of someone who won't tell a soul

When I was a kid, I had a field trip with my classmates in an amusement park. I was walking relentlessly when a certain doll caught my eye. For a child like me, acquiring it would be the greatest gift of all. And so my dad aka chaperone bought it for me.

I was enjoying my time at the park but I was already  imagining ways of how I would play with that doll as soon as I get home - I would comb its hair, fix it's make up and dress it all up.

I explored that park and rode the ferris wheel last.  It was the night I discovered that I have fear of heights. I was crying when we were on top of the wheel. Relief poured through me when the ride was over and I was just longing to go home.

On the way home, I opened my bag to look for my doll. To my utmost horror, it wasn't in the bag. It was then I realized that I left it in the ferris wheel. :(

The feeling of excitement and anticipation dissipated like bubbles in the wind. All that was left was major dissapointment and plain sadness.

Just like that doll, love has given me dissapointments. I expected and planned too much only for it to be taken away before things even began.  

In the end, I could say that life ***** sometimes. We can't change it. But we can control how we react to it.

Saying goodbye is the hardest.

Fairy tales often tell us there is a prince charming just waiting to swept us off our feet; a knight to fight our battles for us; a fairy god mother to grant us every wish. For so long, I believed this to be true. Only in the latter part that I've realized, that this belief is twisted. It sways us from the real fact that the strength to battle any hardships comes from within. We may get support from outside, but In the end, all left is ourselves to protect ourselves.
As we were born alone, we must learn to fight alone too, occasionally.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to sing 'Someone like You' by Adele in my singing workshop. My voice coach told me, "Think of the time you were heartbroken while you sing this song to make it more meaningful." And I told her "But I've never been heartbroken."

Now, maybe I can finally give justice to this song. I finally know what it feels like. - an emotion that eats me from inside out.

We all have this one friend whom we though we will be with forever.
Yet as time passed, the gap slowly widen and rift ensues.

No matter how much we have been lied to, we cling to the fact that this person will change.

There must always be someone whom we could rely on. Our rock, our anchor.

but you're not mine

Like right now.

Those late nights of deep conversation.

It is human nature to want what we don't have. Once acquired, we lose interest, take it for granted and seek for another chase.

True love counters this. It is valuing what you already have. Not when you no longer have it, you just realize its worth.

Sometimes, the truth hurts. But knowing a person lied to you hurts even more.

Some people want to believe a simple lie than the complicated truth.

I am not one of them.

Can love really be measured?