Ever since birth, she's been your little song bird.
She'd sit on the foot of your bed and sing to you as you fell asleep at night.

Even when you're angry with her, she'll make you happy by singing you a song.

Even when you're disappointed in her, she'll gain your faith by singing you a song.

Even when you yell at her, she'll gain your forgiveness by singing you a song.

Even when you disagree with her, she'll compromise by singing you a song.

Even when she's battered and scarred, and broken and crushed by life itself, and is aching for the freedom she so desperately needs,
She'll always sit at the foot of your bed like she did ten years ago, and be your little song bird.

Why can't you ******* leave me alone?!
Why can't you stop bothering me?!
Why do you have to be such an *******?!
We are not alike.
Nothing we do is alike.
YOU ******* SCARE ME.
JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN MY MISERY.

That moment when you just feel so alone and unwanted that you basically beg to let the tears roll down your cheeks but can't bare to let them.
That moment when you just wish the ground would swallow you up and let you be alone.
The time when everyone is together except you and you feel so unwelcome that you just leave.
When you're in a room full of people but you feel an empty breeze and barely notice the looks on people's faces because you're too lonely to look at them.
That moment when people think you're a snob because they're too intimidating for you to talk to.
When they think you're stuck up because you never strike up a conversation, yet they can't either.
That moment when you just feel unneeded by the world and finally think about really leaving.

It's funny because she always thought they would have the perfect ending to the perfect love story.

It started with a boy who cared but didn't love,
who made it seem like she was his whole world, but in reality she was just a pea on his plate of opportunities.
He broke her heart, and the new boy was there to put it back together.
It started with a kiss.
One tiny magical peck on the lips in the end of ninth grade that started it all.
From that day on, she was hooked.
His alluring persona and overwhelming scent engulfed her as his arms did when she saw him.
Their caring ways attracted one another, but at the wrong time.

So they waited.
A summer passed. An autumn passed. A winter passed.
He had been with other girls, and she had been with other boys,
but they always came back to one another.
Soon the spring showers started to roll around, and the two got close again.
She was interested in someone else, while the boy admired her beauty from afar.
He was entranced. Captivated by her innocent affection for the other guy, who didn't know the definition of caring.
It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair to him that she was so involved with someone else that she couldn't notice the boy that was right in front of her.
It wasn't fair that she was trapped in his web of lies, but wouldn't listen when she was told the truth.
She was bewitched by the fellow's spell, while the boy's seat belt was fastened around him, not letting him escape from her enticement.

Eventually, she started to see it.
The true colours of the web spinning spider started to peek through, while she noticed the light radiating off of the boy who's one desire was her.
After falling asleep on the phone for multiple weeks, she started to see it.

The boy asked her to the spring dance, and she agreed.
They got ready together, but she wouldn't let him see her until she was done.
When she was, she strolled into the kitchen where he was sat, and he stopped in his tracks.
He stood up abruptly, his hands on her waist, mesmerized by her elegance.
They arrived at the dance together, staying with one another for most of the night, where most of their feelings grew stronger.

Days later, after the continuous midnight philosophical phone conversations, he finally built up the courage to ask her to be his.
She agreed with no hesitation, elatedness filling her to the brim, practically spilling out of her as she saw him the next day.

Their first kiss during their relationship was enchanting.

It set the wonderful romantic tone of their relationship, that lasted only a mere two months.
A sheer two months before she went back to the toxic snake who took advantage of her kindness.
The boy was hurt. He was hurt that after all they had been through, she still went back to that monster, who he knew would just destroy her again.

But he was wrong.
What destroyed her was the realization.
The realization that even though the relationship was over, her feelings were far from gone.

It was hardest when she saw him go back to the girl he was with during the fall,
But just for one night.

Summer passed.

She was still furiously in love with him, but he had moved on.
There was not a trace of emotion left for her in his body.
No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find love for her in any small fibre of his being.

He was done.

And she was crushed.

I'm just writing to write.
In the mood to write.
Words keep coming into my head but I make no sense of them.
Sentences pop into my mind but they mean nothing.
They're just words.
Why does it matter how many I say?
Why does it matter how many I don't say?
I don't want to be loud anymore.
I don't want to be giggle-y.
I don't want to always have a smile on my face.
I don't want to pretend that everything is okay.
I don't want to put on a fake happy persona.
I want people to see me as a real person.
Not a person with a childlike laugh.
Not an insanely happy or peppy person.
I just want to be seen as me.
A girl who has real emotions.
A girl who CAN handle it when you tell her things.
I'm not immature.
I'm not under-developed.
I'm not a genius.
I'm not simpleminded.
I'm just in-the-middle.
I'm in between, like every one of you.
I know, I'm rambling.
But is that okay?
There are so many words bottled up in me and some of them are so irrelevant.
But I want to say them.
I want to express myself but I can't.
I want to be me but if I am me, no one will understand.
"Why aren't you happy like your usual self?"
"Why aren't you giggling when I light-heartedly mock your laugh?"
"Why aren't you smiling?"
But then.. Maybe there will be that one person who realizes that..
I'm not always how I portray myself to be.
I'm just a confused little girl.

"Babyyyyyy"
"I love you a lot."
"I just want to see you :c"
"Babe I miss you"
"I said no to every other girl, but maybe to you, because you're really sweet"
"You're such a cutie"
"Dude"
"I don't want to lead you on"
"I don't want to ruin our friendship, because it's so great"
"I just don't feel the same way"
"You're not my type"
"You're like a sister to me."
"You're gorgeous and more attractive than most girls your age, but I'm just not attracted to you"
"I'm sorry"
"I don't want to hurt you"
*doesn't talk to me for four days

I miss how we used to be.
I miss when I could talk to you comfortably.
I miss when we cuddled and kissed each other's cheeks.
I miss when you put your hand on my thigh and rubbed it softly.
I miss when I felt your stubble on my ear when you spoke
I miss when we were us.
I miss when we could sit in silence
I miss when you loved me as much as I love you
But that all had to change.
I still miss it, though.

I come to you crying, but you don't respond.
You look at me strangely, like I've gone mad.
You ask me what's wrong, and I tell you, "He's gone."
But your answer is always, "It isn't that bad."
"He's just a boy" you say, "A waste of your time."
But then why is he always clouding up my mind?!
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
of the way it feels when he holds my hand?
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
about us leaving to Neverland?
A place where there are no distractions,
Nothing pulling him away.
Nothing making him busy or unable,
to share with me, a wonderful day.
A wonderful day filled with hugging and laughter.
With jokes, and some kisses, and more kisses after.
A day filled with love, and nothing but fun,
Though that doesn't really happen, in the real world of glum.
The real world of school, and homework, and time.
Where there's no moments spent on just loving your life.
Your life filled with people, and nature and love,
Though all we think of is money, and work, and up above.
Making sure we've got good jobs, so our little ones can live.
But where is our life? The ones that we give.

I never even got a chance to show you a third of what I feel.
And I know I'll never get to.

Those moments where you've been so sad for so long,
And the little happiness you have has to be challenged.
When you feel, but you're not allowed.
Religion doesn't matter.
Belief doesn't matter.
Because the only thing that matters to me,
Is happiness.

I want you to be happy
But I want you to be happy with me
But I want you to want to be happy with me
Like I want to be happy with you

Why can't anything work out?
How come, feelings can't ever be reciprocated?
Why did I even try?
I knew someone like you wouldn't ever want someone like me.
I knew you would end up saying no.
Because who does?
Who wants the girl who sits alone at night writing stories and poetry and songs?
Who wants the girl that just wants to make someone happy?
Who wants the girl who wants to love them, and nurture them, and make them feel on top of the world?
Who wants the girl who has trust issues?
Who wants the girl with the problems?
Who wants the girl who's sensitive and dramatic?
Who wants the girl who cries at comedy movies and eats spoonfuls of nutella?
Who wants the girl that plays with make up when she's bored?
Oh right. No one.
Who wants me?
No one.
Why can't everyone have happiness?
Why did the happiness I had have to be limited?
Why did you have to say no?
Why does everyone hurt me?
Even if its unintentional.
Who wants that girl who's hurt?
Right. Not you.

That moment where the past four months just feel a waste.
When you look inside yourself and think,
Am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be happy?
Then you look back at him and think,
I love you.
Why can't you love me?
The tears flow freely, but to no relief.
The only assistance could be him.
Holding you, shushing you, and telling you you'll be alright.
But instead you have the cold sheets you sleep on at night,
And the cat laying at your feet.
But that's not what you want.
Even though it could be what you need.

You say that we're fine..
But..
Will you still love me the same?
Will you still wrap your arms around me and hold me close?
Will you still help me when I'm a mess?
Will you still make me feel like I'm the only person you need?
Will you love me as much as I love you?
Because I would love it if you did.
Even if there was nothing more behind the action than a friendly gesture,
I would love it if you graced your lips upon my cheek again.
I would love it if you cuddled me in the public mall, where anyone could see, once more.
I would love it if we stayed the same, even though we're different.

I wish,
You could wish,
For the wish of me,
To be in your arms,
The way I wish,
To be in them.

What do you do
When writing becomes a coping mechanism,
But you can't put your feelings into words?

How do you write when there's nothing to write about?
When there are so many things to say,
And so many things to think,
But you just can't put it into words.

Writer's block is like an enemy.
The inability to phrase your emotions,
Or describe the citrus-y, vibrant taste of the orange you're eating.
The inability to write about your day,
Or express your concerns through the beauty of words.

How am I supposed to cope,
When this block is in my way?
How am I supposed to cope,
And get through every day?

I was.. Wrong.
I thought you didn't care anymore.
I thought that because you didn't talk to me as much, you didn't want me.
But maybe what we needed was a break.
A break so we could take a breather.
After all, they do say that
Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

You're all that's on my mind.
For the past 19 hours and 4 minutes, but who's counting?
All I can think of is how much I want to touch you,
And kiss you,
And feel you,
And love you,
But I'll never get the chance to.
All I can think about is the next girl you're with.
And how she won't be me.
I'm dreading that day.
I'll be happy that you're happy with her, but I'll come home and cry,
Knowing me.
I'll tell you she's sweet, but in the back of my mind I'll be thinking that I'm better for you.
My jealousy will hurt me.
She'll be the one who gets to kiss you,
And touch you,
And feel you,
And love you.
The way that I want to.

His soft lips pressed against mine as his strong hands gripped onto my hips.
His hands erased the finger prints you left on my body as he started to feel me.
Your scent was forgotten by my memory as his gathered around me, engulfing me in the intense, manly smell.
My thoughts of you vanished as my mind was flooded with memories of him.
My only focus was him and his body.
His lips.
His hands.
His everything.
He felt so good.
Better than you ever could.
His lust pulled me from your games.
You thought you were in control.
You thought you would win.
But you were wrong.
You lost the game.
And you lost me too.

You never used to inspire me to write.
When I met you, I wished so badly that my writer's block would disappear and I could compose a poem of all the feelings I had for you.
But you know what they say,
Be careful what you wish for.
Because now I can't stop.

Now, the thought of you is so inspiring that all I want to do is write and write and write and write and write and write and write.
Your gorgeous tan skin and bright blue-green eyes force my fingers on the keys to keep going, until my nails are broken and my fingertips are raw.

You never used to make me feel creative.
What happened?

I fell in love.
I dove into the lake of love, heart first,
not realizing that I would never escape it.
I didn't want to escape the canal boat floating down the river of devotion so smoothly.

I should've gotten out when I could.

Little did I know that a shark lingered in that river.
A Great White Shark, ready to lunge at my exposed heart, that rested on my sleeve.
Although what I realize now is,
Sharks only live in the ocean.
The stinging pain in my chest isn't an aquatic beast.
It's love itself,
Trying to rip my heart from my chest and tear it to pieces, before my very eyes.

Love.
The destructive force that tricked me into falling for its lies.
Its promises of joy and happiness,
devotion and fondness.
The infatuation and lust that love guaranteed was all a ploy.
A ploy to catch me in its web, waiting for the spider itself to eat me alive.

You never used to inspire me to write.
But now you're my muse.
I wish I was smarter than this.
I wish I didn't fall in love with your kind heart and your gentle soul.
But remember, be careful what you wish for.
Because maybe, if I hadn't wished in the first place,
My heart wouldn't be so heavy,
And my hands wouldn't be numb from writing endless insignificant love letters to you.

They say to let you go,
But what they don't realize is that I can't.
I can't rid my heart of the beauty of you.
I can't rid my mind of the kindness of your heart.
Even though you hurt me.
Letting you go, and losing you would hurt so much more than not being replied to by you, because I love you.
And I can't lose you.
I guess I'm choosing my fate, to hurt every day of the week,
But it's worth it, to know that you love me.