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4.7k · Oct 2018
Day 1
Jarene Oct 2018
34
24
34
the numbers controlling my life
the numbers that i strive to be
pure perfection
causing my body to eat itself
while it withers away
into nothingness

im exhausted
trapped in hell
a hell created by numbers on a measuring tape
just one less calorie and i'll be okay
i'll be happy
finally beautiful enough

300
the calories fueling me through my days
as i drag along
until i find myself
closer
to the edge
of self destruction

deeper in hell i fall
trapped even further in the darkness
praying i can find my way
back to the light
back to sanity

ugh
i want my life back
i want to know what it is like
to wake up in the morning loving yourself
to look in the mirror not hating
every aspect
of the person
in front of you
to get through a day without
having to shield your face
to hide the burning tears
rolling down your cheeks  
to not have the
destructive thoughts
waiting
to drag you though the dirt
when you think you are finally okay

i want to know what it's like to be me
again
Join me on my journey to self love and enlightenment. Through all the pain, the good days, and the bad. This is me in the raw, completely bare, and valunarable. This is for al the people out there that are also suffering. Let's grow together. You are not alone!!!
3.9k · Oct 2018
old habits
Jarene Oct 2018
all i want
is to be
wrapped up in your hoodie
sleeping
with your arms around me
3.0k · Jan 9
sex
Jarene Jan 9
***
i thought
***
was supposed to be
beautifully passionate
the exploration
of two souls
but what is
***
when it is selfishly
lustful
when all you see
is a hot
body
a temporary
object
and nothing more
nothing below the surface
2.0k · Jun 2018
to my first love
Jarene Jun 2018
i never thought i would be able to fall in love
ever
physically or emotionally
extreme vulnerability
was an absurd concept
in my mind
but i jumped
took a leap of faith
into the abyss of impossibilities
and free fell
right into the safety net
created by your arms
the tenderness of our fingers intertwined
soon became my life vest
if these feelings were to suffocate me
you would pull me back to the surface
and revive me
with the purity of your breath
i would always be okay
because i loved you
i love you
i still love you.
this love
that i try so hard to make evaporate into the nothingness
never fails to find a way to come pouring back into me
you took your full name
and engraved it into my soul
so there it stays
like a ball and chain
always reminding me of what could have been
1.8k · Aug 5
thank you hellopoetry
Jarene Aug 5
because of you
when feel defeat  
i now bleed black ink
to hello poetry:
thank you for giving me an outlet. a place where I can speak freely when i am at my lowest, in the darkest place i can reach. thank you for giving me a place to i can put the thoughts that i cant comprehend in my head, and making me realize I'm not alone. i cannot thank you enough!
Jarene Jun 2018
My thoughts are spinning
A whirlwind of blurry memories
From the night before
Again
You are toying with my mind
Making me go insanely mad
Your hands passionatly caressing my body
Was a feeling like no other
Does he actually want me for once?!?
Your lips against mine
Lit a fire inside of me
I couldn’t believe
I was finally good enough for you  
I never wanted those feelings to subside
But of course
When I woke up
You were gone
I was just a drunk hook up
to you
I was naïve for thinking I would ever be anything more  
And now here I am
Alone once again
Wondering why I will never be enough
For you
787 · Nov 2018
save me
Jarene Nov 2018
my heart hurts
i’m stuck with
this curse
i need to learn
how to love
before
it kills me first
644 · Oct 2018
my sanity
Jarene Oct 2018
i don’t know
where i’d be
without poetry

probably
in the ground
planted with the
flowers and trees

a forgotten
name
drifting in the wind
among the leaves
473 · Aug 27
i miss you
Jarene Aug 27
three words
you could only tell me
when you were drunk
432 · Jul 2018
over you
Jarene Jul 2018
you had me trapped
by the love
i still had for you
my hands on someone else's body
was a sin  
that formed an indescribable feeling inside of me
one that ate me from the inside out
and crippled me
until i was incapable of functioning
like a human being
i was stuck neck deep in quick sand
ready to fade away
until i met him
he broke the curse
the one you had placed on me
he set me free
free to love again
free to feel again
free to be me again
i am yours
no longer
goodbye
young love
373 · Oct 2018
the other girl
Jarene Oct 2018
here I sit
in the middle of the bar
trying to hid the tears
begging to water
my rosy cheeks
i thought i was okay
until i saw her
she’s perfectly
beautiful
the way her eyes twinkle
when she looks at you
the way her tattoos light up her skin
the way her voice is so welcoming
like you could tell her the world
without the slightest worry of
judgement
i see why you love her
her beautiful soul
**** i wish i was her
Jarene Jul 3
you ask me to tell you
everything
but when i do
you brush it off like
it’s nothing to you
what’s going to happen
when i tell you
i’m feeling exceptionally blue
will you believe then
that it is true
or will you gasp
when i float off into the wind
like old souls do
248 · Jul 1
i’m ok.
Jarene Jul 1
if only you could see
i’m falling apart at the seams
a beautiful mess
as self distructuve as can be
232 · Aug 5
the unknown
Jarene Aug 5
will you still
love me
when you realize
i'm far from perfect
183 · Jun 29
lost
Jarene Jun 29
lost in the void
between i love you
and i need you
do you know the difference
because i’m starting to
the difference between
i love you
and
i need you
the difference that can
change our world
and split it into two
a world where
i know
i will endlessly cry
for you

— The End —