He chose her, not me—
the story ends where I am erased.
A triangle now a straight line,
and I’m left wandering the empty angles
of what we once were.

He deleted it all,
every thread, every laugh, every word.
The silence isn’t just loud;
it’s a void.
Now there’s no proof he actually existed,
Without proof, it’s as if I’ve been mourning a mirage,
a shadow of love that never cast light.

I saw this coming all along,
like storm clouds gathering on the horizon.
But hope is a stubborn liar;
It breathed life into dreams I should’ve buried.
And now the sting cuts twice as deep—
first for his choice,
and second for believing he might choose me.

It was foolish of me to think,
when he said, “I’ve been writing something for you,”
that it could be anything but a goodbye.
Still, my heart dared to hope—
that maybe it was love,
a promise, a beginning.
But no, it was an ending
wrapped in words that shattered me.

But what aches deeper
than his absence
is this war within.
My brain, ever the protector,
whispers: forget him, let go.
But I won’t let it win,
no matter how much it begs to shield me.
I know it’s trying to save me
from a pain too sharp to bear,
but I need to survive this
without losing the pieces of him.

Because I don’t want to forget,
not the love I have for him,
not the way he smiled,
not the way his voice felt like home.
Every detail, every fragment—
I’ll carry them all,
even if it breaks me.
The pain keeps him real,
and to lose him completely
would be worse than the ache of loving him alone.

Rereading the scraps,
the echoes of us,
I cling to them like artifacts
of a fleeting world.
They tether me to a past
that my mind tries to bury,
but my heart refuses to lose.

It’s a cruel mechanism,
this erasure of survival,
and I can’t let it win.
I want this pain to stay,
to pulse, to burn,
to be the proof that he existed
and I wasn’t just dreaming
the loss of him.

He stands at the crossroads, torn in two,
Between me and time, what is he to do?
I, the spark, the chaos, the flame,
Time, the steady—unwavering, tame.

They were friends first, their bond was light,
Born of comfort, not love’s true might.
She gives him safety, a familiar embrace,
But love isn’t comfort; it’s a deeper space.

I dance in colors, bold and wild,
Time whispers softly, serene and mild.
She moves in circles, unbroken, clear,
I leap through shadows, chasing the near.

Yet I stand faithful, steady, and true,
My love is constant, my promises few.
While she plays games, fleeting and free,
Chasing thrills without loyalty.

She’ll claim she feels, she’ll whisper “it’s real,”
But her actions betray what her words conceal.
For love isn’t fleeting, it’s steady and whole,
Yet she’d share him freely, with no care for his soul.

I see her using his heart as a tool,
Playing him softly, making him a fool.
For her, it’s a game, a fleeting affair,
But for him, there’s more, though she doesn’t care.

She loves the chase, the lust, the dare,
Invites a third without a care.
Her heart’s a wanderer, unanchored, loose,
While mine is tethered with no excuse.

When I hear they’re together, my heart starts to break,
A pain so deep, it’s more than I can take.
Yet she stands there, willing to share,
As if his love is a game, not something rare.

If we’re opposites, stark as night and day,
How can his heart beat in both our sway?
Does he love her stillness, her endless grace,
Or the thrill of my ever-changing pace?

I hold his secrets, his dreams, his fears,
I would stand beside him through trial and tears.
Yet her fickle heart, unbound by shame,
Would most likely cheat and tarnish his name.

Perhaps he is both—the wild and the calm,
Drawn to our worlds like a hymn and a psalm.
Yet, in this triangle, I can’t help but see,
What he loves most may not be her or me.

We could have had a world with tender hands,
A place where love and trust could stand.
Your laughter lived inside my chest,
Your voice—the song that I loved best.

But tides have turned, and we must part,
Unravel bonds that tied the heart.
To strangers now, we must return,
Though every fiber aches and burns.

Your shadow lingers in my days,
A haunting glow, a quiet blaze.
Yet strangers again we must learn to be,
Though love still whispers endlessly.

Your name—a ghost upon my tongue,
A song unsung, forever young.

The pieces of you, etched in my soul,
Remain, though I must let you go.
A cruel design—to love, then sever,
To fade to strangers, but remember forever.

Will echoes call you in the night,
To places bathed in softer light?
Where love was found, where hearts were bare,
Will you still feel me lingering there?

For love, it doesn’t simply die;
It folds itself—a breath, a sigh—
And hides in corners of the mind,
A treasure lost, but still confined.

I hoped we’d never walk this lane,
To sever ties and bear this pain.
For soulmates shouldn’t face this end,
A love so rare should never bend.
But you have chosen another path,
And left me broken in your aftermath.

I hope she gives you all you need,
A love that sets your spirit free.
But selfishly, I still believe,
It’s me who holds the key to “we.”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t let go
I wish it were me you’d choose to know.
I want your joy, I want your peace,
Yet I ache to be the one who brings you ease.

So though we’ll walk as strangers now,
And wear this fate we disavow,
Know this: no time, no fate, no fear
Can make the love I have for you disappear.

Tragically, the path we were on has reached its end,
And now will leave us strangers once again.

I thought I could do it; God knows I’ve been trying.
But now I’m not so sure. I’ll just keep hiding it and lying.

I’m not doing well—I haven’t been since I can remember.
I’m trying, I promise that I am; but I don’t think I’m going to make it past December.

It’s easier for me to be strong for other people,
But when it comes to myself, I’m less resilient.
You see, I still don’t love myself enough; isn’t that just brilliant?

I’ve made big strides on the path of self-love,
But I still have such a long way to go.
How does one keep going when it feels like they’re always lost, always searching for home?

I’ve always found comfort in the heart of another person.
You see, they become my home, and when they leave, my self-love only worsens.

I need to find comfort within myself and start looking more inward.
But that’s easier said than done, especially when you want to be done with moving forward.

I don’t want to give up, but then again, yes, I do.
I’m so tired of everything, and honestly, the only thing that was keeping me going was you.

But I’ll never tell you that because, God, it would **** me if you knew.
I know the guilt would eat you alive, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
You don’t need any more on your plate, especially not in the volumes that I have.

Yeah, I know everyone has baggage, but mine is a storm.
A weight too heavy, a shape that doesn’t conform.
It’s chaos wrapped in silence, a burden I can’t share,
A never-ending ache that lingers in the air.

So I’ll carry it alone, no matter how it burns,
And shield you from the darkness with every twist and turn.
You’ve got enough to handle; you don’t need my despair,
I’ll lock it all away—it’s mine alone to bear.

So instead, you’ll never know, because I just couldn’t live with myself if you ever found out.
I have never loved someone more than I love you—that’s the truth, without a doubt.

And even if I decide to leave this earth because the pain just won’t stop,
I don’t want you to ever realize or notice.
There’s more to life than waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t know how many times I can say it, but I just want you to be filled with joy.
So, you’ll never find out just how badly I’m struggling; I’ll just keep pretending and act coy.

You see, I can be a good actress; I put on a ******* good show.
So even if you stop hearing from me, I just want to remind you one last time, because you deserve to know:
I love you with every ounce of my being, and God, I hope you know that’s true.
I’ve honestly never loved anybody as much as I love you.

Our souls are connected—I can feel it; it’s true.
If I can’t be the one to love you, I just hope she does a decent job too.

I love you. I’m sorry. I’ll try to hang on for as long as I can.
But I can no longer promise that I’ll stay; please just know I’ve never met a better man.

I hope she makes you happy and that your love she’ll never outgrow.
You deserve the world, my love. I hope you understand and know.
And that’ll be the last thing you hear from me after I decide it’s time to let go.

I’ll take a step back, I’ll say goodbye.
I’ll put on a smile, even though all I want to do is cry.

I want you to be happy, no matter what that means.
I prioritize your happiness and well-being over my own, it seems.

But that’s what love is: being selflessly devoted.
I’ll gladly continue to sink as long as you’re the one who has floated.

After everything you’ve endured, you don’t need any more stress.
So, I can walk away—I just need to get this off my chest.

You are the most incredible person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.
That’s why I don’t give a **** that my heart is the one taking the beating.

If she is the one, your person, your soulmate,
Why was she in your life for so long before she realized? In my opinion, she’s too late.

Yeah, maybe that’s selfish thinking, to bring up our instantaneous connection.
But you’ve known her for how long, and she’s just now mentioning how she’s always craved your attention?

Maybe I’m bold, maybe I’m just insane.
But from day one of meeting you, there’s no way I could have kept that a secret; you truly consume my entire brain.

If I were her, I would’ve blurted out that I loved you from the moment we met.
So why, after all this time, does she want you to know? It’s like she doesn’t want you to forget.

I don’t know her; I won’t villainize her.
I’m sure she’s a lovely girl. But, sorry-not-sorry, she won’t give you the world.

Like I will, if you’ll let me. It just honestly doesn’t make sense.
How could she let you live life alone when you’ve been begging to be seen?

I see you, John. I’ve seen you since the moment we met.
I don’t want to give up on us—not ever, not just yet.

You’re telling me she could have had you this entire time,
Yet just recently she let you know that you’ve “always been on her mind.”

I’m not calling her a liar—it’s not hard to see why that could be the case.
But I’m just worried she is playing a silly game of chase.

Whereas I am playing the long game; I’m not going anywhere.
I want your love, your heart—****, I want your last name.

Maybe I’m the one who is delusional, or ridiculous, or crazy.
Honestly, I can’t help it; ever since I’ve met you, everything in my life has been a little hazy.

The only real clarity I’ve been able to see is you.
While everything else is dark and hopeless, the only thing keeping me going is how my feelings are true.

I’ve never felt this way, John. There are no words to describe how I feel.
Saying “I love you” doesn’t come close to expressing how this has to be the real deal.

The love poets write about, the kind people die for.
I swear to God, these feelings shake me down to my core.

I BURN for you, in every ******* imaginable way.
You are always in my head and heart, every second of every day.

I want you to know you are so loved, whether it’s me you pick or not.
I’m constantly trying to figure out if I should give up or continue shooting my shot.

You see, I don’t want to make this harder on you; you don’t deserve to feel torn.
I just want to fight for this, fight for you, fight for us—because the love I feel we’d have is all I’ve ever wanted since I was born.

My body literally shakes just thinking about you.
My emotions are so strong, I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

This is something special, something truly unique.
A love I know you and I have always tried to seek.

We could have the world’s sweetest love story, two people completely obsessed with each other.
But to get there, we both have to endure this current purgatory.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, and if I have to I’ll take one for the team.
Because, truly, I’d rather be the one to die than have any more shots taken to your self-esteem.

You are beautiful and wonderful—what the world needs more of.
I have no problem expressing that you’re the one that I love.

If she feels this way too, then I won’t be able to assist.
But honestly, I can’t see that happening—how did she not know she loved you from the moment she realized you exist?

Because that’s what happened to me. And yeah, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Maybe that’s my problem, but I don’t care; I actually believe.

I believe in us and what we could become.
I believe we could be the greatest love story—a love so strong we’d both forget what it ever felt like to be numb.

I want that for you, more so than for me.
I want you to feel true happiness and love—I want your soul to be set free.

Free from the pain, from the demons you keep.
I just want to be the person you wake up next to and the one you’re with when you fall asleep.

I don’t want to make this harder on you; I just want to express how I feel.
Because I know she’ll do the same, but I hope you can tell which one is more real.

I don’t know about you, but I want someone who is sure they love me—that I’m their home.
I don’t want someone who, after years, finally decides they want to be with me because it’s better than being alone.

If, after all this, I’m still not the one you choose,
Please don’t worry about me. Even though, I’m sensitive and easily bruised.

But don’t let your heart be heavy. Don’t worry about me at all.
Because, although I hope I’m your person (and honestly, I feel I am), this story—our story—will always be my favorite to recall.

I love you. I adore you. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.
We could have the world’s sweetest love story—that’s a promise I can guarantee.

It’s easier to be mad at you than it is to admit that I miss you.
It’s easier to pretend to hate you than it is to admit that I love you.

I don’t think you’ll leave my mind any time soon.
Genuinely, You are the stars to my moon.
Honestly, I hope you never will; I hope it just gets easier on my heart.
I patiently wait to hear from you still, which honestly sounds really stupid—I swear to God, I’m actually pretty smart.

It may not seem that way because you’ve turned my world upside down.
I promise I don’t typically walk around with a constant frown.

I’m fine, really. I’m just trying to heal.
Most of the time, my brain tries to convince me that you’re not even real.

You see, my brain does this thing where it makes me forget.
You’d think that would be helpful during hard times like this.

And although it can be helpful, it also really hurts.
Because I don’t want to forget you,
Remembering that you exist keeps me from living in the dirt.

Okay, that may be dramatic, but I can’t really help it.
I’ve always had emotions too strong to control, but I’m trying my best to deal with it.

They say it’s a superpower, and I swear I’m trying to believe them.
Because honestly, it mostly feels like a curse, not a hidden gem.

My emotions have always controlled me, so I’m trying my best to learn to control them.
I figure it’s the best way to solve most of my problems.

You see, I am emotional, loving, and kind.
But most people don’t know that because I don’t let them into my mind.

But you? You’re stuck there. Like I said, you live rent-free. But I need to try to move on because I also understand that I need to let you be.

We both have demons that we’re fighting with every day.
Although I wish I could be there to help you fight yours,
I don’t want to stand in your way.

In the way of happiness,
The way of a future with her.
You see, I’d rather you be happy, even if it’s not with me—
Even though you are my clarity while everything else is a blur.

You see, that coping mechanism that I mentioned,
The one about subconsciously forgetting?
Yeah, well no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t; which is extremely frustrating and upsetting. Honestly, mostly I just find it so ******* confusing. I don’t ever have control over it, but I guess my feelings for you are the reason it’s diffusing.

When it comes to you, it’s hard to forget anything you said. When you spoke, it’s like my brain was writing down notes by carving them into my head.

Like, I remember your middle name and that you were born in March.
I even remember the color of your eyes and the way your smile has a slight arch.
You see, you mostly sent me pictures of your smirk, and I think I know why.
You’re busy fighting your demons so much,
Trying your best to forget, even if that means getting high.

So, you can’t genuinely smile much because you’re in so much pain.
I can relate and it makes my heart hurt,
And I wish I could help take it all away.

I could write for hours about you, but I should let my brain rest.
As I mentioned, you’re living rent-free in my head,
And I need to get some energy for tomorrow.
You see, every day I’ve really been failing the “I don’t miss you” test.

Your heart is so loving, so beautiful, so kind.
There’s not a single day now that goes by
That you’re not on my mind.

You’ve touched me in ways I’ve never been touched before.
You’ve touched me, yet you’ve never actually touched me before.
By that, I mean my soul felt found, as it’s always been lost.
I understand that putting yourself out there comes with a cost.

I am so thankful you exist and that our lives somehow crossed paths. I will miss seeing your smile; I will miss hearing you laugh.

My heart is bruised, my stomach in knots.
Many other people are shooting their shot,
But my basket is moving, swerving all of the *****.
I’m no longer interested in entertaining others;
I hope one day your heart calls.

You live rent-free in my head.
I think about you 25/8—if that even exists.
Who knows? You could be my soulmate.

I’ll never forget you, and boy, I don’t want to.
I hope one day you’ll let me love you.
You’ve made a dent in my brain the size of a crater.
This isn’t “goodbye”; this is simply “see you later.”

It’s not your fault.
12 days of knowing you; I practically love-bombed myself.
I should know better, that’s a me problem.

At least you were honest.
We barely know each other.
I can’t judge you at all.
Yeah, it still stings, but that’s a me problem.

Do what you want.
Do what’s best for you.
I’m a hopeless romantic; I crush too easily.
That’s a me problem.

Words are just words. I’ve always been gullible.
I clearly built this up in my head.
That was silly of me, but that’s a me problem.

I can’t have double standards.
Apparently, I still need to grow.
You knew her before I even existed to you.
That’s a me problem.

It’s not a big deal, even if my brain tries to make it so.
It’s valid to be disappointed and hurt.
But I need to remember, that’s a me problem.

I’m so stupid; You’re single.
You’re not committed to me.
I can’t be upset with you for just living your life.
That’s a me problem.

Truly, it’s no big deal. I’m fine, really I am.
You’re allowed to be happy, and I want you to be.
Don’t worry about me; that’s a me problem.

Words are so pretty, so beautiful, so addictive.
I thought we were on the same page, at least that was my perspective.

But words are just words; they have no meaning if the actions don’t match.
Our connection was so powerful; it was hard not to get attached.

Why do I do this every **** time?
God, my brain is so dramatic; I feel like I’m going to die.
Every word you said suddenly feels like a lie.
God, I feel so silly; shut up, don’t cry.

It feels like my heart is in my stomach, no air in my lungs.
It was going too well; I knew I shouldn’t have taken the plunge.
There’s a reason for the saying “too good to be true”.
Why did I think there was an exception when it came to you.

I finally thought I found what I have always been searching for.
Turns out, when one door closes, sometimes there are no more.

No more windows, no more doors to open, I mean.
Which at first I thought was fine, because for once I felt seen.
But it’s not fine, not at all; now I’m stuck in the house.
It’s burning; it’s on fire and I can’t get out.

You held the match and at first it was keeping me warm.
Now she’s at your place and my heart is torn.
The flames are spreading and I can’t find an escape.
You said “talk to you later”, but I’m worried it’s too late.

The warmth now burns and it’s starting to cause pain. Now I’ll be up all night overthinking; won’t be able to calm my brain.

I understand you’re lonely, but you’re not the only one. I won’t judge you for this, but I hope you know what you’ve done.

They say a crush is just a lack of information and now I’m starting to think that’s true.
I got attached to your words and your potential, but I’ll never know if any of it was the real you.

The house is on fire and burning to the ground. It was silly of me to imagine what I’ve always been searching for was finally found.

Maybe the signs have no meaning
Maybe there’s no lines to read between

Maybe my soul needs something deeper
Maybe I’ll never find someone who is a keeper
Someone who fills my cup
Someone who helps me up
When I’m down.

Small talk and pointless conversations, I can’t take
Maybe I should just give up
Maybe my needs won’t ever be met
Maybe my standards are too high
Maybe I’ll never find the right guy

Am I asking too much?
Wanting deep conversations until dusk.

No I’m not mad
No I’m not upset
I’m just disappointed that you may end up being just like the rest.

Yes you’re sweet
Yes you’re kind
So please don’t make me change my mind

I feel so stupid for picturing a future so soon
When I’m still a caterpillar still in her cocoon
My growth is continuous
Although I feel like an emotional mess
I’m only a book half unread

I know I’m just overthinking and in my head
This doesn’t matter and it’s not the end
It’s time for me to take a step back
And realize I’m just being over dramatic again

I’ll just surround myself around those who care
And forget about the fact that I wish you were there

Maybe showing no emotions is the way to go
Deciding to hold back and never show
Stay silent and let them come to me
Then maybe I’ll see I’m worth something

This isn’t over as it’s only just begun
We are a love song that has yet too be sung

On day one, you say hello and let me get to know you. As you start to talk, I become intrigued by you.
On day three, things already progress. We talk in ****** phrases and I picture my head on your chest.
Day four, you make me feel like this could be something real. I see what I hope to have the rest of my life, I wonder how you feel.
Day five, I start fantasizing what it’d be like to be yours. All I want to do is talk with you more and more.
Day six, I do something impulsive and book a flight. The things I am starting to feel for you, I just can’t fight it.

On day seven, I start to question:
What if this is too good to be true?
What if you’re red and I am blue?
What if you decide that a lilac sky isn’t for you?

Maybe you’ll be my favorite sunrise and I’ll be your favorite sunset.
It’s just so strange I feel this way when we haven’t even met yet.
You smile on camera and I can’t look away
My oh my, I just hope you stay.

This could be the brightest love or the hardest heartbreak
You whisper my name as we stay up too late

Where did you come from? Where have you been?
I’ve been waiting for you to arrive; Please, love, come in.

Your smile brightens my world
I look for you in the night sky
You’re now my own personal drug; I’ve never felt quite this high

My mind’s thoughts are now only of you
Your lips, your eyes, and your dreams too

This could be the brightest love or the hardest heartbreak
I want to know every inch of you, no matter how long that takes

These thoughts just keep coming, visions of you kissing me. This turned into something quite effortlessly.

The way I’ll feel when you’re standing right there
Another vision starts and now you’re touching my hair
I look up at you and you look down at me
For the first time in my life I’m not afraid to be seen

You’ve re-sparked a passion that’s been hidden within me
How did this turn into something so naturally?

Your mind is a maze that I can’t wait to forego,
Finally, I feel as if I am home.

This could be the brightest love or the hardest heartbreak
If it is the latter,
Let me die before I wake.

Why am I drawn to men like you like a moth to a flame?
The moth is so enthralled by the flames beauty, it doesn’t notice the heat. The burn. The pain.

Until it’s too late.

Is it a longing to help those in need? Is it a desperate need for a connection? Is it an attraction to an abused breed? Is it because I’m searching for protection?

Will I ever learn or am I stuck in this cycle?

Will it always be a fight between the Lion and the Lamb? Or Is it just a deep part of who I am? Is it the way I can relate to a bad past? Or Is it the subconscious thought that it will never last?

Either way, there’s smoke in my lungs and my wings are on fire. Again, I’m in too deep. It’s time to say goodbye to you, dear Michael.

When you’re happy: take a step back, look around, and appreciate what you have. A lot will change in a year.

When you’re sad: take a step back, breathe, and don’t worry. Remember, a lot will change in a year.

My mom told me the other day
"I haven't seen the old you since like 6th grade. Do you think she'll ever come back?"

11 years.
It's been 11 years since I've been considered "normal"
11 years since I wanted a future and actually planned on having one
11 years since I didn't feel trapped between being scared to die and not caring if I do
It's been 11 years since I haven't felt the grip of crippling anxiety and the weight of major depression.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. What they don't mention is if it's still possible to break one even if it's been over a decade.

Now I've always thought of bad habits as more of minor things such as biting your nails, swearing too much, or using "umm" as filler words. Can major things be habits too?

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. It's been 11 years and I'm still the same.

I fill up your oil with love and affection
I change your low-self esteem tires to brand new confidence
I clean up all the bad memories left between the seat cushions
I repair any bumps and scrapes you've gotten along the way; every broken heart that felt like the most fatal car crash
When you're all shiny and feel brand new again, you go on your way
Leaving me with nothing but an empty garage

I am a nomad
I travel place to place
Finding homes in people instead of houses

I am a flower
Always blooming new petals, no matter how harsh the winter frost
And for once I am going to plant my roots
In you

I wonder what will **** me first...
The thick smoke from your cigarettes
or
your sweet but devious smile

*Both leave me breathless

I want a life I don't feel the need to escape from

Don't allow him to grow flowers in your heart if he's going to give them to another girl

You won't consider him dangerous because he always has a weapon on hand
Like an angel with a shotgun
He was unexpected and unplanned
He's not dangerous because he's very experienced, with both women and remedies
He intrigues you
Living a carefree, exciting life is his specialty

He'll draw you in with his deep brown eyes and Cheshire Cat smile
You'll pray he keeps you around for at least a little while
It's no doubt that he has broken more bones than hearts
His hands have never scared you
Yet his poetic words made you cautious from the start

You'll consider him dangerous because he's charming, loving, and kind
No matter how hard you try,
he'll never leave your mind
The spaces between your fingers are right where his fit perfectly
It's as if you were born from the same star, knowing each other for eternity

You'll feel stupid because by now you thought you would've learned your lesson
Don't worry, for he won't **** you with harsh words or leathal weapons
But you'll fall for him and won't remember how or when
He'll **** you by kissing you once and then never again

Don't give your all to someone who doesn't want it

Love is like a cigarette
It starts with a spark
Warm, bright, and addicting
But eventually burns out
My heart always ends up as the ash tray

Falling for him wasn't falling at all. It was like walking into a house and realizing you're home.

You're like a bad hair day or rush hour traffic
You're like small talk from strangers or those really slow mall walkers

You're like a dead remote control or a flat tire on the way to work
You're like writer's block that goes on for months or a malicious tornado that destroys an entire town


He's like a sunny day with a warm breeze or a reading brand new book
He's like a fresh blanket right out of the dryer or blasting a favorite song with the windows down

He's like hot chocolate on a cold winters night or watching the perfect sunset
He's like the perfect hug or finding money in an old jean pocket

I am like a river. Sometimes unsteady but always flowing, always moving forward.

Because I like to think it's my turn to enjoy a beautiful sunset instead of getting slaughtered by a tornado.

People tend to ask too much of me
Because they know I am willing to give them everything I have

It's such an easy way to get mistreated, manipulated, and taken advantage of

But I will never stop giving all I have, especially to the people that deserve it and even to the people that don't

The happiness of others is way more important than any amount of money, time, or sleep

So let me pay for the little things you want
Let me be late to work so I can spend 10 minutes kissing you goodbye
And let me wake up to answer your phone calls at 4 am when you can't sleep

I will always cross oceans for the people I care about
Whether or not they would cross a puddle for me

I just hope that one day
Someone will return the favor

I feel it again
The sorrow, the emptiness
The dark cloud up above, lingering over head

Is it just a chemical imbalance
Is it sleep deprivation
Is it you

What is causing this
Why does it hurt
Why do I always come back to this feeling

I try to escape but it welcomes me back like an old friend
Like I am unable to go on without it
I don't want to be in it's grasp anymore

Is it loneliness
Is it guilt
Is it depression
Is it you

It can not be an addiction
That requires dependency
I do not depend on you for happiness
You just happen to be the only source of it at the moment

I have always been too passionate
I give everything my all, every ounce of my being
I'm either all in or all out
All or nothing
I feel every emotion too deeply that even after a day of complete happiness, I feel drained

It has come to the point where I feel all my emotions all at once or none at all
I suppose I have gotten so used to being numb,
Being completely emotionless,
That feeling again is overwhelming

I must be broken
Or wired wrong
Or insane

Why is it everyone else seems to have it under control
Have all their emotions and be able to live without shutting down

Why must I walk around like a zombie just to get through the day

Twenty two years and I've just been trying to survive
I suppose it's time, no matter how hard it will be,
To look life straight in the eye and say
*"Bring it"

CAUTION
He's a poet
His words will melt you like butter

CAUTION
He's kind
He'll treat you better than you've ever been treated before

CAUTION
He's easy to love
You'll have a lot of competition

CAUTION
He's brave
He'll make you feel so safe, you'll forget what fear feels like

CAUTION
He has a heart of gold
You won't consider his flaws as flaws. There's so much good, it will always outweigh the bad

CAUTION
He's a thief
He'll steal your heart without even trying


ABORT, ABORT*


Silly girl
I tried to warn you

I can't help comparing him to the holocaust

How he starved me from all affection, giving me small portions once in a while just to keep me alive

"You deserve this"

How his anger and hatred burned me like the fire in the crematory. The smoke spelling out all the hope I had

"*******"

How his vicious words were like poisonous gas seeping into my lungs and killing me slowly.

He had me gasping for air

"Shut the **** up"
Gasp
"You'd be **** if you lost weight"
Gasp
"You're such a *****"
Gasp
"You're so ******* worthless"
Gasp

I have my scars but
Somehow, I made it out alive
Somehow, I'm still breathing

It's only been a few days and I'm addicted to you like heroine.

I've never tried drugs but you are my fix.

21 blocks away. You were kept from me all this time.

So close, yet out of reach. Constantly wishing for someone like you.

1,086 Miles away. I found you

How is it I found my home, while I was so far away?

I've never thought of my body as a canvas
But if you're the artist, I'd gladly be your masterpiece
As long as you promise to draw in pen

When I am intrigued by someone new, I always feel the butterflies

But with you, it's different
My heart tingles

It's as if my soul is calling out to yours saying,

"I'm here
Please come home"

I can not handle shallow souls

I need someone who is deep enough where I am afraid I will drown
if I decide to test out their waters

I need someone brave enough to throw me their life raft
when I am in over my head and can't make it back to shore
on my own

You make me feel intoxicated
I get drunk off your smile
This is the happiest I've been in quite awhile

The room filled with smoke makes it feel like a dream
We talk for hours, but just for minutes it seems

Your laugh is contagious and might be the best sound I've ever heard
You somehow make me blush without even saying a word

That sweet smile of yours makes my knees go weak
As you continue to reminisce,
I notice an eyelash upon your cheek

You make a wish quickly for what you desire
I'm hoping you feel the spark between us,
It could start a raging fire

In such a short time, you've become someone I adore
Oh darling, how I hope I was what you wished for

Sometimes..
I am too needy
Too dependent
Too emotional

Sometimes..
I am too kind
Too vibrant
Too delusional

Sometimes..
I am too intrigued
Too clingy
Too infatuated

Sometimes..
I am too bold
Too honest
Too complicated

Sometimes..
I feel alive
But most times I don't

Sometimes..
It's hard just to stay afloat

Love is like water
And I'm dying from thirst
Sometimes, just sometimes..
I want to be put first

There's no such thing as too much love, my dear.

Some people are like rain
and others are like snow.
Some will make your petals wilt,
and some will help you grow.

People think I am so strong.
"No matter what you go through",
They say,
"You continue to smile. You never give up!"

What they don't know, is that my 'strength' is a weakness.
My 'strength' is forgetting.

I unintentionally forget the words, the situations, the people that cause me pain.

I forget the good.
I forget the bad.
I forget everything.

That's how I cope.
That's how I move on.
That's how I'm still alive.

So no, I am not strong.

Im merely just doing what I have to
to survive.

I stopped wearing my seatbelt when speeding on the highway.
I walk into on coming traffic without bothering to look.
I text while I drive even if I struggle to stay between the lines.

I stopped caring about my safety.
I stopped caring about my life.
I suppose it's because I felt as if I didn't have anything to live for.

Suddenly, I was laying in your arms
Listening to music I've never heard before but instantly loved

Watching the flame of the candle flicker as the light danced across your cheek
Feeling your heartbeat become steady with every exhale

Now I wear my seatbelt.
I look both ways.
I put down my phone.

I am thankful death didn't let me in when I knocked at it's door, for I would have never met you.

You seek adventure.
You are fearless.
You are ambitious.

You've climbed the tallest of trees which blessed you with the most beautiful view.

I am but a sapling.

You water me with your kindness and I am slowly growing stronger.
But even if I grow to be strong and tall and beautiful,
I fear I am not worth the climb.

I am thankful you can make a smile appear on his face and make his eyes squint with pure happiness.

I am thankful you can be there when he needs it and still there even when he doesn't.

I am thankful we are similar enough to make me think he loved me so much that he tried to find
someone like me.

And yet not too similar,
in that, you drive him away,
like I did.

I am thankful you are like me, but better;
For he deserves the best.