Tears like rain, on her cheeks is found
They are always there, falling down

The sorrow is etched in lines on her face
Still she carries herself with beauty and grace

She's always there when someone is in need
Happy to help with every deed

Yet there she sits all alone
Not even a place to call her own

There's no hero for her to call
She feels like a little rag doll

Kicked to the side
A downward slide

cobwebs of memories are forming in her mind
Twisted and contorted she is now misaligned

She's coming undone, seams ripping apart
If only someone would give her their heart


©Pauline Russell

Let me lie my head upon your chest
Allow me to take a little rest
Wrap your arms around me tight
I'm weak and weary from the fight

In your arms
Finding the charms
Voices are calm
No sounding alarms

For just a moment, the world slips away
I found Heaven on this day
The soothing sound of your heart beat
Warmth and security, it's such a treat

Worries all gone
No clanging gong
With nothing wrong
Only the heartbeats song

In brief seconds, you let me believe
There's more to this world than what I see
The moment slides by way to fast
Your light is fading, shadows are cast

Time to go
I sink below
Seeds you sow
Demons still show

Can't wait till your in my presence  tomorrow
You chase away all demons and sorrow
The rest of my life I will remember your smile
Wonder if you'll know, you was my hero all the while

©Pauline Russell

Sorry I haven't written in a while
Sometimes I can't see through the darkness and the fire
Sometimes I can't see beyond the flood of tears
It happens more with growing years

Sometimes my paper flies astray
Sometimes I can't find my way
Have no fear, I'll emerge from the black
When I arise from the smoke, you'll know I'm back

©Pauline Russell

When it's my time to go
My spirt from my body will flow
It's off to the crematorium, I know

Don't hold on, just let me go
My ashes just let them flow
I'm no longer here, this you know

©Pauline Russell

When I die and go away
All I want is sweet decay
No Heavenly violins or strumming harp
All I want is pitch black dark
No streets of gold
My pain it could never hold
No pearly beautiful gates
Gates belong on cages and crates
So please my loving God, take me off your list
I just no longer want to exist

©Pauline Russell

I went down to the sandy bay
Just to watch the water sway
I chased the tiny ***** at play

Sitting on the sand to enjoy the view
***** closing in, quickly withdrew
Dimonds twinkling on a field of blue

Sea gulls screeching a hello
Eloquently they ride the winds flow
As off to the sea they go

The small waves start to dance
Sun and water have such a romance
Everythings perfect at first glance

To speak of this is quite taboo
Even in paradise things are askew
There in the waters deep deep blue

In the darkness or brightest place
Monsters of all kinds still give chase
They inhabit every single space

There's no heroes, they've all died
There's no need to wail or cry
No comforting that can be applied

There's no one left to intercede
Come and have a seat by me
We can witness the ocean bleed

We'll sit and watch the scene unfold
As they munch down soul after soul
We've all been bought, we've all been sold

©Pauline Russell

I'm done for the day
What else can I say
I no longer want to play
Emotions starting to sway
My mask flew away

Leave me alone
I just want to go home
There's nowhere to roam
I'm turning off my phone
Gonna Lie down tired bones

I'm done for the day
Thoughts in disarray
They never obey
It's a feeling of dismay
Being life's proverbial prey

©Pauline Russell

Just as things are coming together, it falls all apart
It starts in the mind, but ends with the  heart
At the end of the rainbow, what is found wasn't sought
When the beginning becomes the end, simply restart

©Pauline Russell

Don't you realize what you let go
What you let out your door stroll
Don't you know, another one you won't find
It was something amazingly strang, a one of a kind
You didn't object, you didn't give chase
From your mind will it be that easy to erase

When you gaze into the fire's dying embers
Will all those moments not be remembered
But I guess it didn't mean that much
Or tighter you would of clutched
With your actions you made it clear
You just watched it disappear

Was your vision so impaired
That you seen it like smoke in the air
Past love gone bad, it left you stolid
She left your heart frozen solid

Sadly my love you couldn't return
A strongly guarded  heart, only I got burned
But one harsh day you might see
You lost something uniquely special......me

©Pauline Russell

Spinning and whirling, of course it would stop
Right here at this God forsaken spot
That wheel of time never did like her
In good times that wheel couldn't spin faster
In bad times that wheel would be dragging an anchor
Grinding through loneliness, bad things did occur

It use to be when she was in this agonizing place
Floating there in outer space
Desperately wanting friends so bad
But in outer space there's none to be had
Night time in her darkened room, she let the agony go
With every sharp slice like fire, blood filled with agony would flow

Spinning slowly into good times, it brought with it friends
One was a soul-friend connected through centuries, he was a Godsend
Teaching her how to deal with the loneliness, and darkness
He reminded her of the pen's savage caress
He was a great poet, with a shattered caring heart
"Bleed ink on the paper to make it depart"
"I love you dear friend, use the pen instead of the blade to drain
All the agonizing sorrow, and dark thoughts in your brain"

Soon figuring out they were friends of the soul, talking everyday
She prayed it would always stay that way
She got use to the "I love you" said to each other
When she was sad, big Bear hugs that smothered

Quickly the wheel spun good around to bad
In that day, in just a few hours she lost all she had
His demons had won, they had finally taken him down
On deaths door, bet you can guess by who he was found
It was a grief of the soul, she had never felt before
Far beyond agony, sorrow, or pain, this was a different door

One by one the other friends slowly disappear
It doesn't matter how, she's right back here
Wheel grinds slowly through loneliness
She's trying everything not to be depressed

Carefully she takes out and caress the tiniest wrinkle out of the paper
Pen now in hand, writing so fast ink almost becomes vapor
She drains her pain into her new friends she creates
With the blackest ink her darkness she tries to illuminate
With her paper friends she tries  to banish the crushing loneliness
Trying to fill the spot he left, trying to fill the emptiness

©Pauline Russell

So ******* lonely it hurts so much
No one to talk to no one to touch
There's only sorrow in my core
I don't want to exist any more
Wishing I would of joined my friend when he died
But all I do is ******* sit here and cry
Every year I hope it gets better, but it only gets worse
I'm so very tired of living under this curse
God please take me in some way
What I have is not life, but decay
I can't take my own life, it would hurt my family to much
But please take me home God, I can no longer to this life clutch
Time does not heal wounds only more does it create
Please God I can no longer live in this state.
God please hear my plea
I no longer want to be

©Pauline Russell

I'm counted among the fortunate few
That gets to see the magnificent  things I do
Extraordinary eyes that can see
The pitch black holds so much glee
Owls wings reflect the moons glow
It's sent silently to deliver wisdom to our souls
Listen closely, it's the nightingales sweet breath
She's singing loud but soft of tender love and of sweet death
I'm one of the few allowed to see
The turtles lay their eggs then return to the sea
Up on the mountains near the top
I watch the panther make it a rabbits last hop
Don't be blue, sad or cry, it's the cycle of this life
Furry cubs survive, cutting through flesh with teeth like knives
Look real close in that darkened sky
You'll bearly see the bat's fly by
I can see the wind as it blows the limbs
Every mighty trees is it's victims
I'm the shadow man, I am the One That sees
Everything in the night that plays so free
If your ever up in the late, late night
Keep your eyes open wide, of me you might catch a sight

©Pauline Russell

Here I am again, back where I began Iron locks, rusty doors,
It doesn't matter how hard I try
The fires are fiercely fanned

Leaving only ashes, smoke always lingers
I pick myself up, dust it all off
Wonder why I bother, again and again
Sifting for fragments, with ****** bruised fingers

Why do I do it over and over, just to return
Back to the cage, I'll never escape
Breaking out for a moment, slammed back in
I'm alive but never lived, I watch my years burn

Why do I hold on to hope, I should put it all down
How can I find the pieces, so very tiny,
Over time and places, they've been scattered
Will I ever be myself again, my mind is twisted around


I'm waving the white flag, I'm calling it done
To weak to get up, no reason to be found
Leave me in my ashes, this Phoenix won't fly
Every ounce of my pain is a boulder, now buried under a ton


Just call the time of death, it's done

©Pauline Russell

I'm trying really hard not to slip down that *****
I'm trying real hard just to cope
I'm trying real hard to distracte my mind
I'm trying real hard different views to find
I'm trying real hard to stop the  dark emotions run
I'm trying real hard to find some sun
I'm trying real hard to deny the sorrow
I'm trying real hard to look forward to tomorrow

I'm trying, I'm not shirking
I'm trying, but it's not working
I'm trying, while my mind is swirling
I'm trying, while the black dog is searching
I'm trying, but I feel him lurking

It's a slow ride, down this slide
It's a slow ride, no where to hide
It's a slow ride, but still I'll collide


Look, you can see the dark side



©Pauline Russell

I didn't move, a scarcely breathed, I didn't want to intervene
What a brilliantly magnificent sight I seen
What played out before my eyes was extraordinarily serene

Intently I watched with child like bewilderment
So slowly with great passion, the Sun kissed the sky, what unforgettable contentment
Never before had I stopped to realize just how they were so compassionate

The colors erupted, as their lips met each others
With magnificently bright yellows, oranges, and reds the sky was covered
For a fraction of a moment, with their glorious love the whole world was smothered

©Pauline Russell

I can feel the monsters skull trying to break out
I can feel the snout slowly growing stout
I can hear the growls deep and fearful start
A crack of all the bones, a moving of the parts
Writhing in pain falling to the ground
No longer can a human form be found

Why are you braced to run
Don't you want to have some fun
After all you called it out from me
When you made my emotions bleed
You was so very **** obstinate
Now turn and face the consequence


He licks his lips, he can taste your lies
He stares intently into your eyes
There is nothing he can't find
Nothing can you hide
Looking you over
He takes a big sniff of your odor
He takes your face in his claws
To him you must plea, he makes the call
Are you worthy of me at all
For my Monster won't rip, won't tear
He'll simply make you miss what use to be there.

©Pauline Russell

My life is now back as it was before
Standing on the outside, as the cold rains pour
I'm battle bruised and very sore
Tired of love's slamming door
As my heart gets stomped into the floor
I loved you right down to your very core
When I asked, silence was your only roar
Your silence it spoke so much more
Guess it's time to tally the score
Seems I was just your little *****

©Pauline Russell

Late last night within my dreams
Chasing the wind, it showed me scenes
How it carved the mountains steep
Made the canyons very deep
Showing me cities centuries old
Glittering in the sun layerd in gold
I watched as the wind carried the sands of time
Burying the cities up, it felt like a loss it felt like a crime

I chased the wind so very far, I had to know
How do you pick where and how hard to blow

"Child by now you should see
I am not in control of me
Like every force of nature, we harken to His voice
What I do is His choice
From the gale winds that tosses ships
Or tornados that through communities rip
I'm the cool kiss on a soldiers sweaty brow
At their feet I spread the sent of death so foul
I touch every single blade of grass
Flowers nod a greeting as I pass
I do my masters bidding without question
Every single thing is but a lesson"

"Brace my friend, Your Winds of change are about to be
You'll no longer have to go chase me
Begging the creator to let it be good just this once
To let you taste happiness and joy in abundance
Through way to many years I have watched you cried
It saddens me all your tears I have dried"

Though you will look but never see
You will always fell the essence that is me
I was your first breath of life, that first pain filled cry
I was there every step, every stumble along your journey, I promise to be your last sigh

©Pauline Russell

In my room locked up tight, so no one else could see
I got your shirt from it's hiding spot and held it close to me
I buried my face in it and inhaled, it still held your wonderful smell
I closed my eyes so very tight, it was almost like you were there
I could almost feel your arms the way you would  hold me tight
I  almost heard your voice, telling me it would be alright

But reality always has a way of creeping in
There is no stoping, tears flowing again
I will never again love, how could I
There's absolutely no reason why
Only left with halve a heart, and that part is shattered
Besides there'll never be another you, so it really doesn't matter

©Pauline Morris

Keeping feelings behind my forts
Thoughts continually contorts
Vision before my eyes distorts
Universe continuously escorts
All the sorrow it transports
All my efforts it thwarts
So I'm feeling out of sorts

©Pauline Russell

She waves her hands back and forth across her face
Were eyes pour tears that free fall to her feet
She pleads to whoever, whatever that's out there listing
"please, please no more sadness, it's crushing me from within"
A pitiful moan escapes from the bottom of her being
She collapses as if the bones have escaped her body
Lying there scarcely breathing
She braces for the anguish to wash over.... once again

©Pauline Russell

Stuck inside my head
This is where I fled
I can't find my way out
The bars are much to stout

I scream and shout
I fling about
Searching throughout
There just is no rout

I'm stuck inside my head
So much is left unsaid
I've lost so many friends
In here there is no wins

Going round the bend
No one comprehends
Thoughts just condemn
Slowly sink and descend

I'm stuck inside my head
This is from where I bled
The bars were just to stout
I couldn't find my way out

©Pauline Morris

Sitting on this shelf
Drowning in myself
I think that I'm in hell
**** this flesh made cell

I've got something to tell
Thoughts to dark, my head's not well
It wasn't supposed to be this way
I've got something to say

Broken as a child
Sent my spirit wild
Parties, ***** and pills
Trying to cure my ills

I've got something to tell
Thoughts to dark, my head's not well
It wasn't supposed to be this way
I've got something to say

Relationships with broken men
All of them, barbarian
I left them far behind
Took care of me and mine

I've got something to tell
Thoughts to dark, my head's not well
It wasn't supposed to be this way
I've got something to say

Children grown
I'm all alone
Darkness grows
Sorrow shows

I've got something to tell
Thoughts to dark, my head's not well
It wasn't supposed to be this way
I've got something to say

Sitting on this shelf
Drowning in myself
I think that I'm in hell
**** this flesh made cell

©Pauline Morris

I want to lie down and hug my pillow for a minute
I want to lie down and forget the world and what is in it
I want to lie down and my crazy thoughts derail
I want to lie down and deeply just exhale
I want to lie down and close my eyes to rest
I want to lie down and feel the dark's caress
I want to lie down and forget about it all
I want to lie down and listen to that voiceless call
I want to lie down and forget these ruby laced wrist
I want to lie down and simply not exist

©Pauline Russell

I stand here covered in all my sin
(But what am I to do)
Please just take a look again
(I'm right in front of you)
No way I can make amends
(please open your eyes wide)
Wish you could feel where I've been
(anger is only my disguise)
Under the weight of this pain
(my angry words I threw)
The things I did were not sane
(the distance between us grew)
At times I'm still disarranged
(Fighting , I'm only human too)

I'm so very sorry, I know what I did was wrong
I'm so very sorry, I know I can be  headstrong
I hope you forgive me, but either way we must both carry on
If I'm not in your life's journey, may you feel my love is strong

©Pauline Russell

Suffocated by agony, dazed with confusion
Stuck in reality, that I'd druther be an illusion
Skinned alive, right straight down to raw emotion
Not a save harbor to be found, on my life's raging ocean
A living oxymoron, I'm raw to the touch but inside hollow
How much more will I be forced to swollow

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

How much longer will I stand in front of life's curtain
Knowing only pain and sorrow are for certain
Drowning in the deepest darkest grief
Innocence, love, joy, and sanity, stolen by the thief
How much longer will it be till that final decision
Before it's made, that final incision

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

Only a shadow of what I could of been
Being made to atone for mine and other's sin
I've tasted on my lips everything that could mar
Inside and out I wear the battle scars
Should I step behind the final veil
Slice myself out if this prison cell


©Pauline Russell

Slammed to the bottom of the hole
Where all broken spirits go
A lacerated soul
Rains silent tears that flow

Realizing, I'm now totally alone
Your not here to console
You lost your self-control
Without me you reached the goal

With anger and grief
For drugs I reach
A simple relief
Running away with your thief

©Pauline Russell

I shouldn't even hold on
My children all tell me, you did a little right but mostly all wrong
Feeling like I don't belong

I should let it just end
Boyfriend that will only call me a friend
Down into the darkness I descend

Standing in front of death's gate
Not fast enough to change anyone's fate
Sorrow, anguish, and guilt will not abate

Pumping my veins full of drugs
Never again to feel my soul-friend's hugs
Confronted now with only shrugs


I shouldn't even hold on
I should let it just end
Standing in front of death's gate
Pumping my veins full of drugs

©Pauline Russell

My heart is bleeding again
It will never mend
It will never heal
Into my sleep you steal
Giving dreams of you
How our friendship grew
Waking up to reality
Sorrow is a guarantee
I open my eyes
Sun doesn't sympathize
Winds don't care
Everywhere I look you're there
Life now so mundane
Heart bleeding once again

©Pauline Russell

With the reception I'm getting from you
I might as well be in Timbuktu
It's a growing feeling of deja vu

All my words you misconstrue
I tried to explain till in the face I'm peacock blue
One of these days your gonna get whats due

And life, on you is gonna chew
And spit you out like rancid stew
Then maybe you will feel bad for what you do

Treating me like a pair of old brown shoes
Walking on me until your through
An apology is overdue
Don't give me that look you know it's true

With you every thing is a hullabaloo
I think I'll find someone new
With them I'll move to Kalamazoo
There my life you can't askew

©Pauline Russell

Another day and they say "it's a new beginning"
But is it really, it feels more like an ending
An ending of time
In a life that doesn't rhyme

An unending march into the uncertain
Like the droping of life's curtain
Another day closer to the end
But I'm still waiting on my life to begin

I'm tired of this life's storyline
I want a different out come this time
I want happy, not sad
I want the good, not the bad

But there is no off ramp
Sadness leaving it's tattooed stamp
An uneasy feel of being a ***** lost *****
Meanwhile life just goes on like a vamp

Over and over the same music plays
A sorrowful song, for long anguished days
But I want a change in the beat
An uplifting melody to get me on my feet

Will you be my new rhythm
An escape from my prison
Are you my golden key
Will you try to set me free

Will you hold me tight
When I'm a sad sorry sight
There is no cure for my depression
But will you help the darkness lessen

Or will you run for the hills
Jump in the sea and grow gills
Just to get away
From a disease you can not sway

As the darkness continues devouring
Will you leave me here cowering
Slowly choking down another toxic pill
Till this clock like heart's hands stand still

©Pauline Russell

The winds of change she often rode
A wild free spirt, through the galaxy she strolled

Out in the Milky Way, she liked dipping in her toes
See the silver ripples as outwardly they flow

That fiery auburn hair was always in a whirl
When on Saturn's rings she would go for a twirl

She would wash her soul clean, in Jupiter's waterfall
She always loved listening to that planets howling call

Sadly her heart froze solid in the blizzards of Neptune
She flung herself to the Dark Side of the Moon

Like fireflies in the dark, bring life to a child's jar
Silent shimmering tears, gave birth to kaleidoscope stars

Don't bother looking, gone but still close
Another wild free spirit, woven into the cosmos

©Pauline Russell

I was not invited
So I didn't come
Feeling sad and slighted
My thoughts begin to run.......
................................

Meaningless and worthless
Fate spun it's unforgiving wheel
Leaving a life that's mirthless
Dealing sorrow with gleeful zeal

I find myself alone again
The wheel can only spin around
Ending where it begins
On familiar battleground

On my shoulder sets the crow
Memories continually fanned
Very slowly I sink below
Standing firmly in quicksand

©Pauline Russell

But alas there was that fateful date
She spiralled down into the hands of fate
Memories emerged from rusty iron doors
Of long forgotten ****** wars
From the horrific deeds both seen and did
She desperately wanted safely hid

So determined to relinquish her soul
Balancing on the edge of a massive Black Hole

Oh, how she wanted to let it all go
Swim in the Styx steady flow
Voices silently scream and thump
"Just jump"
Quickly darting thoughts, makes emotions scurry
A savage combatant, now battle worn and worried

This painful life seemed insignificant
No use in wishing things where different



In that final, fateful hour
Under the weight of anguish cowered
A hand reached out and let her know He'd hold tight and not let go
He also lived in that darkened zone
But together they'd never be alone
They constantly leaned on each other
From the emotional whirl, they where each other's buffer

Friendship deeper than can be imagined
Epic enough to be a poetic legend
Their very essence, bonding soul to soul
Love so pure, like the first winter's snow

But alas there was that fateful date
He spiralled down into the hands of fate
Again alone with memories
Echos of what use to be



It's a spiritual knowing
That a love so glowing
Persist only within a true soul-friend
It's a love so strong, it can not end
For when their next lifetime begins
They will find each other, yet again


©Pauline Russell

What's behind the Bright Red Door, is it all my dreams come true
Is this where Time and Circumstances has secretly hidden you
Did Circumstances steal you away before the light of day
Keeping you confined, for reasons Time won't say

Should I crack it open, take a peek, do I dare explore
Do I even want to know the secrets of the Bright Red Door

Maybe it's my lost childhood, that behind it is imprisoned
Books read at bedtime, awake before the sun has risen
Mud pies are made, fire flies chased and all my mistakes forgiven
Before the division, when Happily Ever After was still envisioned

Should I crack it open, take a peek, do I dare explore
Do I even want to know the secrets of the Bright Red Door

Wonder if it's my future there, right beyond that door
I know my past, I know my present, both have left me floored
Would it finally all work out, or the universe's fatal blow
I'm still holding tightly on to hope, so do I really want to know

Should I crack it open, take a peek, do I dare explore
Do I even want to know the secrets of the Bright Red Door

Standing in front of it, mindlessly wringing my hands
Heart beats, that of a humming bird that never lands
Skin on fire, as it turns white with the fear
Hand shaking, turning cold as the **** comes near

Should I crack it open, take a peek, do I dare explore
Do I even want to know the secrets of the Bright Red Door

If old dreams lie behind it, can't I simply dream anew
If it's a lost childhood imprisoned, it's ok, with the years I grew
If the future, shouldn't it remain unseen, leaving hope to grow
For as mere humans we're ment to look forward, only to tomorrow

I turn away from that Bright Red Door, temptation firmly resisted
What does lie beyond, I'm sure is severely twisted

©Pauline Russell

Locked up tight in a lover's cage
Easy target for all his rage

Lies being continually fed
I love you was said
Caught in his web

Sweetly tainted words he continued to weave
How was I ever that ****** naive
Blindly continuing to believe

Moved far from home and friends, freedom firmly suppressed
Long sleepless nights and days of no rest
As his crazy obsessions slowly manifest

Walking on eggshells till the next rampage
Locked up tight in an iron cage
Easy prey for all his rage

Never really knowing why or when the next attack
One word taken wrong, my jaw he would jack
Kept constantly pregnant, so I couldn't fight back

I realize from the outside looking in it's hard to construe
People say leave, but they haven't the slightest clue
But here on the inside, he means every death threat that's spewed

They just don't know that type of griping fear
Of keeping your children safe and near
While trying to hide all the violence from their eyes and ears

What if I left, tried to break free
Would he **** me, like he promised with glee
Would the kids survive, there's no guarantee

I know if he raised them, they would surely be twisted  
As adults would they follow in his steps, also be addicted
I fear their view of love would grow so sadistic

I was determined to get my kids out of his hellish cage alive
One day my opportunity did faithfully arrive
Leaving him to rot in his own putrid cell, while watching us thrive

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be locked up in a lover's cage

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be an easy target for rage

©Pauline Russell

Trigger was hit
Tag, your it
Off goes the switch
Watch the twitch
Bang goes the gun
Wasn't this life fun

©Pauline Russell

One little stick at a time, you feed the fire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire

Carrying a bundle of sticks you cry, "everyone else is to blame"
The relentless winds of time did fan the flame
Now in control the fire takes the reins

With scorching fury it devours all that's within
Till only molten ambers remain  under the skin
Can you remember how this story even begins

One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, you fed that fire

©Pauline Russell

So it began, my life of pain
Covered in shame
Step-dad laid his claim

So it began, my life of woe
Down the rabbit hole
Some known how the story goes

So it began my life of tragedy
It happened so rapidly
It is now my woven tapestry

So it began, my life of regrets
Sadly it's not over yet
Impaled daily on life's bayonet

©Pauline Russell

Hardened and honed
Right down to the bone
Unreachable
Untouchable
Refined in the fires
Of monsters' desires
Irredemable
Irretrievable
Forever being oppressed
Pressed and compressed
Inescapable
Ineluctable
Walking this world alone
Dragging a heart of stone
Unbreachable
Unbreakable
No longer afraid
A warrior was made

©Pauline Russell

Like a tree in the night I get lost in the shadows
Standing here waiting my turn at the gallows

I'm just a mirage
Decked out in camouflage
A black silouet against a sea of gray
The drakness conceals the decay

Watching the moonbeams resistance Against the darks existence
The star's twinkle in denial
But the darkness has been there all the while

Consumed by years of agonizing pain
I don't consider myself even close to sane
Digging through life's haystack to find that proverbial needle
My search is methodical but the results are feeble

So I'm beginning to bending under the weight
Of this wretched life, this darkest fate
For I have already tasted the sorrow
Of every single one of my lifes tomorrows

Once a mighty warrior full of hope and fight
All that remains is poison tainted veins from life's snake bite
So here in the crushing darkness I stand and wait
Hoping the executioner, my years will soon abbreviate

©Pauline Russell

It's hard living in a world where no one cares
While your smothered and shallowed by despair
Sitting here wondering why I was born into this place
Not wanting to be part of this human race
Where money is the great and powerful Oz
It doesn't matter what's the cause
I look and see their hearts have grown cold and calloused
Everything is so off balanced
There is no more unconditional love
No help from up above
We have been abandoned
The trumpets have sounded
Humanity has been stripped of it's compassion
Empathy is in short ration
Gone are the ways of old
To these values we no longer hold
Now it's I'll do for you if you can do for me
That's not the way it's supposed to be
But everyone's eyes have been closed
Their souls have become thorny and cold
We are no longer judged on our thoughts and actions
But by how much money we have for the coming attractions
For if we don't have enough to pay
We become part of the play
We are condemned to be the *****
Then feed into the machines of war

©Pauline Russell

The American people have been Punked
His name is Donald Trump

©Pauline Russell

I'm angry, I'm mad, I can only see red
This feeling is demanding, it needs to be feed

I'll rip and I'll tear flesh from the bone
I'll rip and I'll tear your feelings from thier home
I'll stomp on your head, till your eyes become lose
I'll even stomp on your heart if I chose
I will snap every bone in your puny little body
I will snap every emotion till you no longer  haughty
When done, I'll  have separated your muscle from skin
When done, I'll have separated your body from sin

I'm angry, I'm mad, I can only see red
But don't worry people, for we all end up dead.

©Pauline Russell

The rose has fainted,fell to the dirt
Sorrow lingers like a scent
In it's petals you can see the hurt
Such an agonizing event
I watched its' fall
I seen its decent
All I do now is cry and bawl
My love was not enough to circumvent
I couldn't stop the bleed
As it faded red to gray
It happened with such speed
Emotions bundled up in disarray
Now it's gone, turned to dust
But its' memories remain
In my heart the agony is ******
Not even eternity can ease the pain
My rose is gone
My lifes' sand now a desert
In this garden I know longer belong
For all there is left is grief and dirt

©Pauline Russell

You sat across from me with such happiness
I try to mimic your gladness
At this moment I'm so jealous
So wishing I wasn't callous

For I can't have your joyful feeling
Wounds constantly ripped open never healing
I try to match your smile as a tear forms in my eye
I divert my gaze I don't want you to see me cry
It's not fair to you
To always see my darkened hue

No one can stand my sadness
When they start to taste the madness
They all must go away, or the darkness settles in
Then I lose them to my greatest sin

©Pauline Russell

Ties that bind
They do unwind
And there may never be an answer
It eats at us like cancer
It rots the brain
That inturn fills it up with pain
It hollows the heart
Because that's where it starts
It defens us to the truth
They did it to us in our youth
It's all been swept away Into the great abyss
And now it just grows on us like a cyst
Untill we're released
No relief

©Pauline Russell