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Day Mar 2020
Did you know I loved you
when you left, last fall?
I didn't tell you
but, I thought you saw.
Now, you're not that far
still you never call.

I'm happy now
well, I want to be.

Sometimes, I wonder
do you think of me?
Day Oct 2018

                           /
                       /
Oh, Mr. Cocktail, fill me up! but
darling, p l e a s e  don't
bother me until
every last
d
r
o
p
is poured.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day May 2015
"One good thing about music, when it hits you,
you feel no pain
," Said Bob Marley once.

We are a society of addicts, not in the literal sense,
but in the sense that music is controlling our lives.

We tell ourselves that we are okay, We're fine
But we can't go a day without our headphone.

It's like music has inter weaved it's fingers into our brains,
As if letting go of it, would **** us right along with it.

Music is great for making us believe in things that aren't real.
It reaches into our minds and whispers to us.

Music, to me, is manipulative, it changes us,
It shows us how our lives could be.

Now, I'm not saying that I hate music,
That's not my point at all.

I'm just saying that maybe, just maybe,
Music isn't the answer for everything.

And, I know I will probably get hate for this,
But that alright.

Because, I understand what it does,
I understand the influence it has.

And, I'm not asking anybody to give it up,
Because that's not fair.

I'm just asking that sometimes,
Take the headphones off.

And Listen,
Listen to everything around you.

Instead of focusing on the music in your ears,
Listen for the music all around you.

Because that, to me, is the true music,
The music so pure, and so true.

The music of nature, the music of people,
Everything around you that makes a sound.

Listen to that and the maybe, just maybe,
You'll understand.

But, until then, just keep going,
Keep listening to what makes you happy.

Because if that what you need to make it through the day,
Then it was worth it.

Because really,
Who am I to tell you not to.
I just want to note that this is not about me bashing on music. I love music as much as the next person. Well, maybe not, but I do like music. It's just something I thought of that I felt like writing. I'm not meaning anything by this poem. It's just my thought. So please, no hate. Thx
Day Dec 2018
Do you ever feel TOO alive?
Day Apr 2017
In the secret place lost and so high
is where I abide,
to clear my eyes
more and more I long
to be by your side
it's where I hide.
in your arms, i cried

I desire you,
with all I do
my thoughts stay on you
I give my heart to you
forever
Day Oct 2015
you asked me if you smoked too much,
and i said no,
because i know what its like,
to have something that lets you escape.

you asked me what my high was,
i instantly knew and  replied,
just keep smiling,
and ill be alright.
if only i could tell him
Day Dec 2018
How could any good,
come from this broken soul of mine?
Prayers never do what they should,
but they tell me I'll be fine.
Depression feeds religion
or is that just my line?
Could this suffering be conviction
my warning from divine.
where is the line between what is right and what is wrong. between what is good and what is bad. humanity will never agree - are we alone in insanity?
Day Mar 2016
Poetry doesn't HAVE to be sad; just filled with EMOTION.
Day Feb 2021
The glass shattered on the floor
&
I stared at it

- i threw it on the ground but,
I couldn’t comprehend my purposeful
destruction -

I loved that cup

Why did I break it?

Sadness fills me up -but- like that cup
I can’t contain the content anymore
Day Sep 2018
she speaks
no
- s h e  s c r e a m s-
i cannot understand.

hush
i can feel you

she beats on me
c r y i n g
i cannot understand

somehow
i have never
learned your language

still
-
after all this time
you lie on my chest

hush
i can feel you

i cannot understand
i am trying
Day May 2015
The way she hangs on everything I say,
As if every word that I speak is a revelation to her.

And the way she needs me to hold her hand when she is scared,
As if I can protect her from any danger, lurking in the shadows.

The little tear she sheds when she's tired,
Even when she tells me she's not.

And the smile she radiates when shes exited,
Even though she tries to be calm.

I just hope that she knows,
I hope she understands how precious she is.

How even when she doesn't think that she is enough,
That she will always be enough.

I hope that she remembers that smile,
That beamed on her face as a little four year old.

That smile that reached into my heart,
And stole it the day she was born.

And I hope that no matter what,
She will always be, My Little Sister.
I wrote this for my amazing little sister, who though frustrates me at times, is the most amazing person I have ever known.
Day May 2019
Racing arms and angry sneakers
in a concrete hallway -
my heart beat.

I can't feel my feet.

"This is the floor." I tell myself,

in auto speak.

Who are you?

I am running.
I can't tell if this one will make sense to anyone but me.
Day Feb 2016
Sometimes happiness creeps up
In the weirdest places
Following me ever so softly
Sometimes hiding, so I won't see her
Then pouncing onto me suddenly
She shows her face when I first wake
In the light shining into my bedroom
She appears when I succeed at something
Though she tried to appear small
She's there in a kiss from a lover
In between lips she quietly escapes
She has me when a friend laughs
And she watches as I smile
For she knows it's been a while
Since she's last came
She knows that I miss her so
And she knows
I don't want her to go.
Day Jul 2015
How can I help you see,
When I ,myself, am blind.
Day Dec 2018
been writing about
a dream
thought never would
come true
but now i find
myself
in paradise
with you
the only question
that
comes to mind
is when can
I, finally,
make you mine

-
-
-
-
-
marry me,
maybe?
Day Sep 2017
one. a cozy blanket
two. a worn out bed
three. a cracked window
four. a cool fall breeze
five. the sound of the crickets singing
six. protecting arms around me
seven. *an intimate goodnight kiss
Day Jun 2017
to be me or not to be me,
is that a question?
or just a daily routine

for who i am,
is much more than,
anyone can visually see
Day Sep 2017
the familiar feeling of a tear running down my cheek
comforts me, inviting
a wave of sadness
Day Nov 2015
how
can
i
run
from
the
monsters
in
my
head?
Day Jun 2018
One more year and i think i know it all
suddenly everything seems pointless
we keep going and going and going
and truthfully, we all know its a joke
life is ****
and ***** not fair
but we live in selfish minds
so sure
itll pay off one day
which day?
friday maybe?
who knows.
the movies really teach me alot lately
slow down
it really never changes
Day Sep 2018
& two thousand tears, it took me
to figure out
i don't hate life
/
i hate myself.
will i ever fully recover?
Day Nov 2015
i don't want you to listen to me
*
i want you to hear me
because listening and understanding are different
Day Sep 2017
...we should actually look for people...
...before they disappear...
Day Oct 2015
if i dont make it,
don't cry because i didn't get there,
smile,
because i made it this far.
don't cry because i wasn't strong enough,
smile,
because of the strength you gave me.
last night was rough
Day May 2015
Once I had a friend,
So tall and so fair.
She was beautiful,
and kind.

She was everything,
that I wanted to be.
But I knew that,
I could never.

We were a legendary pair,
Her the kind,beautiful one.
Me the slightly annoying but,
always made you laugh one.

I though we would never part,
I dreamed of being at her wedding.
I knew of all that not only we,
but all that she could do.

But, now, we've drifted.
A chasm separating two forces.
One good force,
And one, not so much.

And it's because of me,
All because of me.
For even the greatest of forces,
has a weak link.

I was that link,
The force of destruction.
And chaos,
And so, so much hate.

For as I said,
She was the amazing one.
And I,..
Not so much.

So I gave up,
I fought it.
I spewed words of hate,
In a moment of weakness.

I hurt her,
I lost her.
And now I'm alone.
Alone with my hate and bitterness.

But, I don't regret it,
For it had to be this way.
For the only way for her to fly,
was for me to get off her wings.

And while I loved her so,
I was bound to hurt her.
So in a way,
Maybe this was better.

Now she can be free,
Free from hurt.
She can fly,
Now that I'm done.

But I so desperately need to tell her,
That I am sorry for it all.
I'm sorry for the moments of hurt,
For the pain that I caused her.

I know that it doesn't make it better,
That it never goes away,
But, maybe this is better,
At least there's no more pain.

And while I say "I'm Sorry.",
I also have a hope,
That maybe someday she can say,
"Once I had a friend"
This is for you. Maybe you someday forgive me. I'm sorry.
Day Oct 2017
Recovery will be behind me.
I will learn how to not be so angry.
Falling asleep won't be the hardest part of my day.
All of the scars will have faded away.
Conversations will be easier to start.
I will look in the mirror and recognize art.
Hospitals won't be a scary place.
Home will be a familiar space.
I will look back and I will understand,
that pain and growing come hand in hand.
One day, I'll be stronger than ever before,
and I'll have this moment to be thankful for.
Day Dec 2016
31 days, seems so small
compared to 31 years
one month, only one
of you and me

I'm not the cliche
'Happy one month Babe!!"
kind of girl
but this time seems different

Hoping for the day
I can look back
and look at you saying
"Happy 31 years, Babe."
Teenage love comes and goes. Buts who's to say it can't last.
Day Nov 2015
i tend to stray from "christians"

from people spewing hate at me
and yelling "because the Bible says so"

from hypocrites who tell me i'm wrong
while claiming "nobodies perfect"

from a savior who tells me he's close
but yet never seems to be near

from pastors glancing my way,
restraining an eye roll

from a book of rules and regulations,
yet contradicting every other page

from a group that claims love,
but only shows hatred

i mean for a group of saints,
i sure see alot of sinners
but then i realize im no better
Day Oct 2015
sometimes i wonder if i made you up,
if somehow,
from my innermost thoughts,
you were spawned into existence.
the other part of me,
somewhere out there,
walking,
breathing,
thinking,

somehow knowing that i need you,
as if i called you,
from incohesive musings,
and untraceable cries.
in the womb i spoke,
and you heard,
responding instantly,
saying nonsense,
its impossible,
you are you,
and i am i.

but i heard the falter behind it,
as if an unborn child,
could comprehend anything,
nevertheless something so important.
but no matter,
because i found you again,
and i'll listen,
for something i haven't heard in a long time,
not since the cord was cut,
and **i became alone.
this is a really personal peom for me and i know it may not make sense to anyone else but i had to write it down
Day Sep 2017
cherish the happy moments
Day Oct 2015
people cry when a lion is shot in another country
but no one cares about
the 17,500 people trafficked into the U.S. each year.
we care more about Miley's latest hair choice,
than the thousand of homeless teens.
nobody wants to put in into perspective,
or think about it.
because maybe if we ignore it long enough,
it will go away,
as if sitting and watching Netflix,
will somehow provide starving families with food.
but, we don't talk about that,
because it's not "socially accepted".
if you care about anyone but yourself,
you're not normal,
how is it that Justin Beiber gets more airtime,
than the people trying to change the world.
everyone talks about how terrible the world is,
but so few are willing to do something about it.
oh well, i guess,
go back to youre blissful ignorance,
who am i anyway,
to make you ponder such things.
someday i'm gonna make a real difference
Day Sep 2015
when thinking takes to much thought
and Sane is something I'm not,
guidelines of right and wrong disappears,
speak of the devil and he appears,
teasing and taunting,
scaring and haunting.
afraid of everything I see,
trying so hard not to be me.
losing all control,
missing every goal.
until the morning breaks
continuing these aches.
never be the same,
playing the same game.
*over and over and over.
Day Mar 2020
haven't you people ever heard of

washing your ******* hands?

No!
it's much better to face these kinds of things
with mass frenzy over-rationing!
I know coronavirus is serious!!! But ofc I gotta put some humor out there :)
Day Nov 2017
im tired of writing the me
that you want to see
i want to be writing the me
that *I want to be
Day Dec 2018
****.
How can I explain.
****.
I I sound insane.
Shush.
I know someone can hear me.
Umm.
They surely see this insecurity.
Welp.
I'm sorry I freaked out there.
Sigh.
I just keep trying not to care.
Day Oct 2018
You can change
the world,
but never fix
humanity.
Day Aug 2020
You can change the world,
but you can never fix humanity.
Posting an old draft I found
Day Jun 2017
it's hard, you see,
to wait, for you and me.
yeah, we're young
and this is fun
but patience..
god, i have none.
i don't comprehend
anything except "now"
and its sad how
impatient i can be
one day alone
by myself at home
and suddenly
my head wont shut the **** up
thoughts drifting
to years i await
married, content
makes me hate
just sitting
and thinking
for as i said,
patience?
what is that?
unedited, simply just my brain flowing
Day Oct 2017
falling in love is scary
but wondering if you're falling out..
is terrifying.
Day Mar 2022
Under my sink is a grave
Here lies a cockroach

I don’t think he meant to be brave
Surely that’s just what cockroaches do

Hide under sinks
Waiting for the rainfall of crumbs
After the smell of **** fills the room

A last meal
Perhaps he had made a request
Or perhaps he had made a mistake
Unable to see the difference between
Peanut butter and poison
Day Dec 2021
Cookie in my hand.

Crumbs on the seat.

No gas in the tank,
but a nice sweet treat.

:)
A story about a lil old man eating a cookie in his car at a stop light. <3
Hope your day was good.
Day Oct 2018
it does not matter
how much
a shadow
w
a
n
t
s
to be in the l i g h t

she cannot change
the way they see
Day Nov 2015
they called him a ******
and spit in his face
because he was never good enough
he was always
too weak
or
too powerful
no matter what he did
they all turned their backs
and laughed
he could never fit in
he was an outcast
because of his
past
no one could move past the fact
that he had
changed
he would forever be labeled
as
broken
crazy
different
a killer
so as he turned
and started to walk away
he didn't understand why
they wanted so badly for him
to understand just how much
they hated him
because what they didn't know
what he hated
himself
**so much more
midnight thoughts
Day Oct 2015
i wonder how many songs i've had to skip,
because they remind me to much of you,
and how many shirts i've had to burn,
because they smell to much like you,
and people i've push away,
because they remind me to much of you.
i wonder,
if i'll ever see the world,
without seeing to much of you.
sigh
Day Nov 2015
i'm so scared of losing you
that i can't picture myself
having you.
i can picture waking up in an empty bed
filled with drunken regrets
i can picture sitting alone
watching you across the room
i can picture rejection and pain
after embarrassment and shame
but i can never picture
you and me
because i'm to scared
of you leaving
right now you're here
maybe not with me
but here
and the fear of that changing
is enough to keep me quiet
i'm currently writing  a book (random thought)
Day Jan 2016
intoxicated by lyrics and smoke
sobered by the hearts broke
high on lips and skin
low when pain sinks in
anxious for his love
depressed from her rejection
trying to make poems rhyme
giving up on any hopes of perfection
Day Jan 2019
How do I handle
waking up
with a strong-*** desire
to bleed out in the bathroom?
Imagining my toothbrush
as a weapon,
bleeding gums are the least
of my worries.
Before I leave for work
quickly check
underneath my mouse pad.
Yup, it's still there,
my blade.
I don't need it,
I tell myself
as I start my car today.
Turn on 104.9
and journey on my way.
Passively suicidal mornings have dominated lately. No apparent reason why. I do it to myself you know?
Day Oct 2015
"tired of feeling"
but
addicted to emotion

"nothing to say"
but
addicted to writing

"whats wrong with society"
but
addicted to the world
afternoon thoughts
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