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Day Oct 2017
scared for them to see too much
always trying to keep
the facade..
Day Jan 2016
walking down the street at 4 a.m.
can't figure out, where I am
higher then the sun, you know
so why do I feel so low?
street lights fade in and out
now starting to doubt
the sanity of my mind
soberness of my kind
i mean how can I go
when my feet are so slow?
bottles, leaves and pills
are what time kills
but is it worth the high
when inside you slowly die?
is the blur of a night
worth the live-long fight
of trying to remember your own name
when you're done playing the game?
Day Apr 2017
Do I say I love you, ...
to hear it back?
Day Dec 2018
C a n
                y o u
                        l o v e
          m e
  when
I
can
not

?
Day Sep 2015
I'm scared of being weak,
Afraid that someone might see.
Someone might call out my flaw.

So I stand up and fight,
I hide behind words of spite,
All because of insecurity.

I never look behind and see,
Never see the trail of hurt following,
Not hearing the cries.

My name is Bully.
I make myself strong,
No matter what.

Turning my eyes away,
To afraid to say,
I'm sorry.

Because that would be weak,
And I'm not weak.
No matter what.
Day Oct 2017
my dog needs more love from me,
i have so much more to write
all the world still left to see
someone waits to hold me at night
calls that i have yet to place
i have kisses yet to give
food i still havent learned to make
i have so much more to live

there are days that i just lie in bed
and wonder what I'm here
but there is still so much i havent said
and the future is so near
i have someone who makes me happy
Day Feb 2016
it was too hard to constantly be around
some who
i loved
but didn't love me
or at least
"not in the same way"
Day Dec 2015
looking in the mirror and not seeing myself
but the emptiness beside me
and wishing
*you were here
Day Sep 2015
Funny how no matter how hard we try,
in a hundred years, we'll all be forgotten.
Even those that rise above,
Will only be pages in a book.
The only one reading is a little girl,
trying to study for a test.
Day Jan 2017
Being a poet, it's frustrating,
not having the perfect words
to explain how I feel for you
Day Mar 2017
Holding him, his sobs echoing into my chest,
My tears paused for a moment to rest
Salt and water showed so much love
Something I didn't know he was capable of.
Such a small time frame and it all changed
So real and warm and unexpectedly strange
I'd never seen a man burst into tears
Releasing all of his emotions and fears
Pulled back his face, blaringly red
And I will never ever forget what he said
"I'm sorry", and with that I just tore
I knew I had made his heart heavy and sore
"Baby, no it'll all be okay"
All that I could manage to say
Wiped off his cheeks but the pain still came
His face was dry but his eyes not the same
Pulled him close and held him tight
All of my emotions tried not to fight
But in the moment all I could feel
Was his pain, so open and loud and real.
For Luis.
Day Oct 2016
Oh, isn't it the best
when someone says
"trust me, I'm here."
and then the next day
*"Oh, just kidding."
my life
Day Feb 2018
Here I am still growing,
learning all that I can,
and look I'm still going.
I stopped worrying bout a plan,
because in the end
I have learned;
it will all work out .
Day Oct 2017
i stopped looking for comfort
in the arms of another

and instead found peace
in the air brushing my face

solace in the sweet familiar scent
of leaves hitting the ground

traded waiting around
for someone who disappoints

into the beauty abound
and the patience it gives

for while people can provide
behavior often proves fallible

but finding peace
in concepts and ideas

is what will
lead you to inner happiness.
Day Mar 2016
blue breezes and trees sway,
wind blows every care away.
cold twisting and turning to warm,
birds and bees begin to swarm.
never overwhelmed, just busy,
and playing until you're dizzy.
girls and boys will do no good
would play all day if they could.
sniffles and sneezes, a minor pain
who cares, now that winter is slain?
we cheer and shout that winter is done,
the frozen battle has been won.
victors are Warmth and Sunshine.
Summer and Winter intertwine,
bringing forth something...new,
all for the pleasure of me and you.
I'm embracing the Spring spirit. It's just been a good few days and I'm happy. Just want to share my happiness with you all!! Enjoy!!
Day Jan 2017
too much to think about but so much time
Day Jan 2019
Will you love me when I'm dead and gone?
Request you play my favorite song,
and listen closely to the words.
Please,
let this fading soul be heard.
Day May 2017
I traded good night,
for I love you
and then wondered
why i was always *so tired
Day Nov 2015
they told me to chase my dreams
but what if
i can't sleep?
Day Jan 2016
strawberry smoke drifts in the lungs
of a boy
thinking about the selfish brunette
that tore him apart

recycled air drifts out of the lungs
of a girl
trying desperately to make him forget
the girl who broke his heart
Day Sep 2015
I've been told the world moves fast,
but yet I'm still standing still,
Gravity holding me down.
Well, I don't want that.
Maybe I want to fly.
To me this symbolizes  the weight of society  holding down potential of people.
Day Oct 2016
Flashing lights sweep past your face,
illuminating something you don't understand.
A beat so deep your core is rocked,
and everything sounds like an oscillating fan.

A thousand people around you,
jumping out of sync to a song with so many meanings.
and for *just a moment
, you are not you,
but a lost soul glad to be home.
Day Jan 2016
i really thought that i would be better by now,
Day May 2016
quiet, calm and loving
your voice gives me life

soft, slow and caring
your hands give me love

all i ask is that you
never let me go
Day Apr 2016
ah, at least,
relief!*
at the end of another day,
my pen
waits for me!
i'm starting to write song lyrics. not sure if I should post them or not? anyone have any input on that note?
Day May 2015
Happiness is not a choice.
Sometimes it's here.
Sometimes it's not.
Day Feb 2016
Waiting, watching, hoping, praying, needing, wanting
for
somebody,
ANYBODY
to
NOTICE ME
and I know its not socially acceptable for such a public cry of attention
so forgive me
but i'm SO tired of just sitting here hoping for
strangers....
to give me the affirmation that I am enough
am I so low to crave the eyes of people i don't even know?
...I know....that these words will go
UNNOTICED
but yet i continue to SCREAM my thoughts
and pour out my heart to you people
so thank you  for scrolling by
*if only you knew the awful AWFUL effect it has on me.
I'm sorry for this
Day Jan 2016
bing
someone you barely know alerting you that you're still not good enough
ring
a person you care about calling just to see if they can use you for they're own selfish purpose
ting
a bell screaming that you're late to a class that "blesses
you with worthless education and stress
bing
an oven crying out to let you know that some food that you dont want is ready to eat
ding
showing up to a party where all anyone really cares about it whether your high or in bed
sing
another song playing some meaningless lyrics about something you have no interest in
slam
another door closing let everyone know just how much of a freak you really are
drip
blood running off of a soul that is shocked that they're anything still left inside
shuuush
water running to wash off the evidence of a broken heart dripping with liquid pain


silence
**lying on a bed alone waiting for the cycle of emptiness to repeat itself when the dawn comes
Day Apr 2017
.          Pretty girl
.          R ed dress
Want tO dance
.   Oh My god, Hell yes.
❤️
Day Oct 2015
a
cricket
chirping
to
the
wind
demanding
to
be
heard
Day Aug 2018
I slowed down
to run you over,
so I wouldn't hurt myself.
Day Nov 2020
Every sunset
slowly shifts.
The eyes adjust,
as lighting splits.

Reflections of moments past
light the way.

We are never truly
living in the present.

Always, rushing forward,
Day Feb 2016
positive energy flows from the corners of your smile
- negative attraction when you leave the room
= like a perfect polar bond
Day Feb 2016
drinking and writing are much the same,
i know both by name
both become easy
when you're feeling too much

the only difference is

one is called an addiction,
the other a passion.
Day Aug 2016
Waking, I am left with my thoughts,
to contemplate myself, my being.
Questions of "What am I doing?",
Often tend to leave me fleeing.

Hot water pouring down my back,
in a shower of uncertainty
Standing still and all alone,
with a pressing sense of urgency.

But as always, I shake it off
and soon begin to dry.
The ending of this sentence,
is nothing, but a sigh.
Day Jan 2016
throwing up all of my feeling in a poem
so I don't have to face them
in the "real world"
as if spilling my soul on HP
could ever fill the emptiness
consuming me whole
Day Jan 2019
God?

I thought I heard you today,
in the voice of a man
asking me for a cigarette.
A nineteen degree request;
faint on a cold, city street.
A memory of Sunday story
caught me off guard.
" Silver and gold have I none;
but such as I have give I thee."
I've since stopped attending
my scheduled worshiping.
Long forgot,
about an un-kindled burden,
but today I wondered,
are you still here?
Day Nov 2015
we're all mad here
because in the rabbit hole
no one gets out*
alive
Day Jan 2016
To her I am a Warrior
To them I am a Coward
To some I am an Addict
To me I am  *Strong
Day Nov 2015
supposed to be studying but
thinking about him
supposed to be working but
thinking about his smile
supposed to be sleeping but
thinking about his eyes
supposed to be looking forward but
*too busy looking at him

supposed to be moving on but
*too hung up on him
i need to get over this and stop bothering you all with sad love poems
Day May 2016
when i was younger , i feared of the monsters under my bed,
but now I'm scared because they all came to live in my head
and the hunger, it screams to be fed,
and I'm weak, so soon my skin turns red,
and I'm wondering now if it i'd be better off dead?
it been an awful morning, feeling so so empty rn. started crying at school and at this point im just done
Day Jan 2019

One hundred forty-four hours spent
~ dreaming ~
about twenty-four hours of bliss

Happy Monday!
Day Aug 2019
I want to be invisible
but, really what I mean
is
I want to be okay
with the way that I am seen.
#socialanxiety #social #peace
Day Sep 2017
as we laugh, sing and dance
i stop a moment, heart in hands
turn to you, and then i say
promise me, you're here to stay?

lifts my chin, looks in my eye
forever and ever, until I die
and even after, turned to dust
your heart is safe, you can trust

even though my hands still shake
and i have never believed in fate
i hear the truth in what you say
and feel the love you give away
Day Dec 2019
Do what I say
In your own way
Oh, what irony
That I control reality.
Day Jun 2018
tomorrow i have something to do
seems to be a feeling i have alot
but tomorrow always comes
and there is always something to do
my mom asked me to go to church
but i really cant see a point
she really did tell me life was hard
but its so easy to think you know
when you dont know
i wonder "well what do i know?'
well ****
heres another existential crisis
19 is too young for this
but ****, so is 24
or too old? maybe?
****.
keep wearing the grunge
and visiting the nightclubs
cafes and theaters
forgetting about how
*******
tiring this is
thanks mom
im glad you tried to warn me
i gotta make it now
Day Jan 2016
being in love is either
the birth of something so beautiful,
or
the death of something so innocent.
Day Feb 2016
I relapsed
and went deeper then I should've
the blood spilling all over the concrete floor
the blade finding its way to the vein

I failed
and said more then I should've
the words spewing all down his bare chest
the secrets escaping my ever so careful tongue

I lied
and went farther then I should've
the clothes falling to the overseeing floor
the hands grasping for something he could never give

I cried
and screamed louder then I should've
the sobs echoing the empty hallways of a broken home
the tears falling from a heart heavy with shame and pain

I left
and closed the door harder then I should've
the handle thrown out of an angry hand
the frame shaking with the rage of a girl who

went father then she should've
Day Dec 2015
At age five Lincoln was taken from his single mom, who would hit him constantly, and put into a foster home that already contained 4 other boys, all older then himself. He was so frightened; Lincoln had spent all of his life up until this point alone, in isolation and fear. While this new home eliminated the isolation he still spent most of his waking hours in tears. There were many people surrounding him but no one to trust. He had “parents” who only wanted his welfare check, “brothers” who only wanted him as a punching bag, and a social worker who only saw him as another lost soul amongst thousands.
By age 12, Lincoln had been in 6 different homes, all the same as the last. His first had taught him to be afraid, his second had taught him not to trust, his fourth had taught him to run, and his fifth had taught him to fight. He learned that some things are good to be true in his sixth home. He had the perfect family, a loving mom and dad who actually cared about him, but then everything changed. His new “dad” lost his job, and everything fell apart, stress tearing apart a couple and Lincoln being shipped off to yet another new place.
He was thirteen and living in a group home for boys. He felt the push of pressure and loneliness, and found a love for the taste of alcohol and craved the dullness it brought him.  Lincoln was bullied constantly and certainly fought back, he had learned from his first mother the ability to use his fists to let out some of the anger, the rage that wouldn’t go away.
Soon, the aggression building in Lincoln would prove to be too much for the system and he would be cast away, labeled as “hopeless” and sent to a juvenile center to be away from the “socially acceptable” people.
Only sixteen now, and already Lincoln had built a criminal record. Years of low self-esteem and insecurity leading to a life of substance abuse and ****** knuckles. No one looked at him and said “Now, there’s a good kid.”, but instead mothers quickly hushed their children asking “Why is his face bleeding?” or judgmental looks at the tattoos crisscrossing and covering the scars he was to ashamed to let anyone see.
By eighteen, and out on the street, he wandered from place to place staring out with blank eyes, hoping that someone would look into his eyes and see all of the pain and maybe, rescue him, but all anyone ever saw was just a punk who should stop smoking  and just “get a job”, as if it were that easy. As if, anyone had ever taught him how to lead a life that didn’t end up in prison.
On Lincoln’s twenty-first birthday, there was no one around to celebrate, no one to smile, no one to care. He sat on a lonely bench wondering if his birth mother was somewhere out there knowing that today was his birthday, or if she was even alive. He thought about his father, thinking maybe he was leading some luxurious life not even knowing that he had a son out in the world, all alone. He held onto the hope that maybe if his father knew he existed that maybe he would care.
But inside he knew, he knew that noone cared, and no one ever would. No one would ever be concerned about the boy who never knew love.
Day Aug 2016
I wish my words were poetic in your language,
*Because they're just pathetic in mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hello__________________
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