here the
cold comes
with
dark days
and
heartbreak

i cried today because
i looked in the mirror
and didn't like what
was looking back at me

i found a loophole
from the promise you
made me make

hands shaking
and lips trembling
i crave your hips on mine
push into me
and satisfy my lust
your wet lips meet my body
leaving marks
purple and blue
you don't hesitate to claim me yours

my turn too satisfy
my warm tongue meets your neck
leave little trails down your chest
to your hips
all the way down
i will start from bottom to top
form my mouth around you
spread my warmth to your body
won't stop till we're both shaking

push me down and take charge
pin me against the wall
come into me and press against me
hard
lay me on the bed
lick me
move your tongue fast
allow my nails to scratch your back
dig into you
my moans encourage you to go more
driving me insane
making me shake uncontrollably

i pull you up hard
and take all of you in me
matching your thrusts
going as fast as we can
as hard as we can
thrusting our hips
drenched and heated
we melt into each other

“All my friends tell me how toxic the memory of you is. I know it’s toxic, I drink to forget you. My liver has given up on me and I still can’t stop drinking, because for the time that i’m feeling the burn of the ***** down my throat I can’t feel the pain of my broken heart.”

Misty air,
Hushed laughter,
Adrenaline rushing.

That night,
I realized who I wanted to be;
What made me happy.

Silenced chime,
Creaky door handle,
His shadow.

I ran,
I ran as fast as my feet would allow on the mushy ground.
I ran from the haunting life.

She stayed close,
Ran with me.
She ran with me,
Away from my life.

Soon enough,
He caught up.
Our source of freedom,
He came from behind.

Wet feeting smacking the road,
We walked to his old red pick-up.
My first time seeing freedom.

My first time,
Doing what I wanted.

No one could control me,
Not even my parents.
No,
I didn't allow it.
I didn't allow their leash to hold me from what I wanted.

Starting engine,
I realized who I wanted to be.
I realized who I was.

I wasn't their innocent little girl.
I couldn't be what they wanted.
I couldn't do what they wanted.

I realized,
I was an adrenaline ******,
A free-spirited girl,
Reckless.

I couldn't be,
The quiet,
Self-less,
Innocent girl.

So that night,
I allowed him to take me away.
Take away my leash,
The invisible force holding me back.

That night,
I became who I wanted to be.

in your darkest times
you reach for the bottle
running from your problems
drinking the night away
along with those memories

but darling
just one drunk night
repeats after another
and you will fall into the habit
and lose yourself

have your heart given back to you
shattered and bruised multiple times
then come and ask why im so bitter

because please tell me how i am supposed to trust with all i've heard,
trust with the words you spoke of
turning bodies into jokes and filling my ears with words that have nothing more than an intention of being evil,
laughing and talking words of some of my own insecurities

please tell me how i am supposed to trust when all the men i have ever had to deal with have turned their backs,
physical abuse or emotional
smacking me in the face with their hand or their words,
regretting me and pushing me off,
acting as though i was nothing but an ugly girl or just a needy little fool begging for their love

change my mind and please prove to me that not all men with leave me crying a countless number of tears,
countless hours of me too hurt to get up and move from the spot they left me laying at,
reminiscing on the words they spoke to me;
their daughter or their ex

i am wounded by a number of men
and you scream to me to trust you,
you scream to me that you would never ever do anything to hurt me,
even when we part,
you want me to trust you
and i cannot find myself to it

because darling,
if you try to trust one after another
and they all seem to break it the same,
how can you find yourself to trust again?

We're on a
Merry-Go-Round
that never stops
going round

We're on a
Roller Coaster
that never stops
it's ups and downs

We're on a
Ferris Wheel
that never stops
spinning

We're on a
ride full of problems
that never
gets solved

my slurred words that night
were not let out for your lust
when i said no
teasing was not my intention
i was not asking for more

my mind hazy
and left contemplating
but the alcohol in my veins
would not let out more than a no
my limbs were weak
and you had full control on me

the night went on
and i finally gave in, gave up
your persistence was not fading
and time was not letting me leave

the weight of your body atop of mine
my eyes closed
i wanted to be somewhere else
with every trace your fingers left
i knew i'd scrub that part for a countless number of minutes after

my mind sober enough to know that
this would all be over soon
also sober enough to bash myself
mad for being a tease
or even tempting him

how could i be so dumb
showing so much skin
with my outfit or the way i spoke
how could i not have expected to be touched

do you get lost in my curls
big and dark, confusing
do you trace the lines of my lips
my light shade of pink
do i take your breath away
when words curl out of my mouth
speaking poetry and not even
knowing it
am i the kind of girl you would
stop on the street to compliment
am i beautiful?

she is counting on you to
turn her cold body warm
take the hair from her face
as she throws up blood
from not eating, just drinking

she is counting on you to
bring the happiness back
make her feel loved
to pull her out of the hole

she is finding herself in you
begging you to pull her out
bring the sunlight and laughter
help her out of this depression

im torn between
reliving the old crush
the wandering eyes
smart remarks
knowing you want me
and yet feeding into it

putting on the right jeans
walking in the room
knowing that you're alone
and you want all of me
it's innocent teasing

but this is old
i was merely five
the remarks began
buying my food
i was claimed by you
screamed you loved me
everyone knew

yet you never make a move
my sister catches your eyes
tight shirt with a small waist
your lustful eyes glimpse
i want you to touch me
and you're coming more strong
you've waiting eleven years
can you not take the teasing?

what is supposed to be
beautiful and full of joy
will only tear me apart

life starts for one
forming inside her
and i cannot think of
anything else except
her life ending
along with what left
we have

our lips met
mine taken by surprise
The Killers playing background
while you slowly reached up my shirt

"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this..."

from lips meeting
to your tongue running down my neck
down to my chest
pushed me down and held my face
breath shortening and moans escaping while your hands worked your way to my body

pushing you up
and straddling down on you
I've never been so close to someone
our bodies hot and drenched in sweat
it may be cold outside but I'm hot for you

how many people
can you really fall for
because in between a life full of
clutter and confusion
i somehow managed for fall for
a girl and a boy

thin pink lips
and dark brown eyes
strong back
and strong features

i want your arms
wrapped around me
i want your heart
to be all mine

sweet words
and loving gazes
heart felt letters
and random gifts

i want your love
and your loving shares
i want your heart
to be all mine

as we grow throughout life
we see through many eyes
from the oblivious to the wise

we learn to see through the lies
and learn that nothing is forever
no words can keep things together
we learn that people will say things
and not mean it
that pinkies don't always keep promises

through our eyes we see
the evil in others
the deceiving
we see our worlds being torn apart
right under our shoes
we see others tearing us apart
ripping our souls to shreds
for no reason

we will see some beauty
of the stars in the night
the beauty in a person showing
kindness and love
we will see the beauty
in people's words


we will feel the warmth of somes love
and the hatred of others
the lust of our lovers
the connection of our sisters

through our bodies we will learn
throughout time
that nothing stays the same
and that soon enough
everything will change
but we must learn

this world can be so cold
ugly and mean for a girl like you
your fresh eyes don't see what
all they've expected as a young girl

but think about the sun that shone
down on you in the morning
think about the boy you have laying
next to you as happy as can be

think your way to a happy world
you're a fresh girl with a fresh mind
a girl who's time is not too late to be
happy

you're blood
but i feel like our love
has turned into lost water

we don't talk as much
but today we did
i got you for a whole hour

your face upon my screen
i don't think i realized how much i have missed you
i didn't realize how much i missed our laughs
until you had to go
and my throat swelled
my eyes watered
choked up a goodbye

screen shut
and the tears wouldn't stop coming
hands shaking
how could i let you slip away

i want to ask about
the letters i wrote to you
do you still keep them?
read them from time to time?

i asked you last July
you said you still had them
kept them through your
last girlfriend
because you promised me
that you would not just throw
them away

but im stuck wondering
how long did that promise last?
how long was it until nothing
we said mattered anymore?