your demons chase you just as hard as mine chase me

broken bottles and promises
burning lungs and lost thoughts
slowly but surely
i found a loyal companion

there will always
be a side of you that
i will never see.

im falling to pieces
and you're filling the cracks
sadness is slipping in
and depression is coming back

"where were you when everything was falling apart"

i could not turn on the lights
because there was no point
it's like using a black light
in an empty cave
an attempt with a failure

and it is creeping under my sheets and pulling the blanket over my head
i can barely breathe and see nothing but darkness and there is no escape

it is my companion when im alone and always offers its friendship
he is a trend and people claim him
but he is not all that made of to be
he is not cool and is not made for just the need of sympathetic words
he is the short sentences and lost interest
the lack of sleep at night when my mind is racing
i have a partner that follows me around and i would do anything just to give him up

people ask why
and how can i explain something that even i cannot make sense of
how can i explain the shutting box and closing doors
how can i explain the emptiness i feel and how numb i get

the tears shed without reason
the need for a hand to pull me up
someone to replace my mind
how can i love anyone when i am accompanied by another who consumes all of my time and thoughts

this is for the Boy who i talked about religion with
the one i sat with on the bus in 8th grade
the Boy that i had three classes with
constantly borrowed your notes

you were quiet and very serious
a lack of friends and words
you listened to old school rap
and no one would have expected that
i wish i knew more

your desk was empty in class today
and i sat and felt tears trickle down my face
no one asked if i was okay and i could not help but wonder if that is how you felt
so alone and misunderstood

i wish i asked if you were okay
and im sorry i did not
im sorry i shyed away

get away
stop creeping back
leave me alone

tomorrow makes a year that you said you were done with me
but ironically i dreamt of you last night

corner me in
claim me yours
no one has to know

secret kisses with
hushed moans
grab my waist

you've waited too long
put your hands
where your eyes wander

always watched over
we can't be trusted alone
and this is the reason

old loves
and
stale cigarettes
came back
tonight

you are not home
you are a sweet escape

im empty
**but i feel so good

you weren't there when you promised you would be
and maybe im hurt because i never healed properly
i wrote so much about you
you were my poetry
you were the light at the end of my tunnel
now you're just the one who kissed me and left until you wanted more

I hate everything
and I wish I was smaller
I wish it was easier
My throat cannot scream
any louder and im just done

you spoke and
i heard something inside of me
**crack

your name lingers around
in all of my poetry

and ive noticed
you look at her
the way i still
look at you.

and this chilling weather
is all too familiar
played back memories
and a breeze to bring us closer
and the seat next to you
is filled with warmth
but it's not mine anymore

i always find a problem with myself
i promised you i would never judge
but i always seem to judge myself

love and infatuation
i don't know what to do
you're a risk and
i don't know if i should take it

you were writing love notes to her
while all mine were written to you

is there a rehab
for self-hatred?
because i don't
fall into drugs.
i fall back into
hating myself.

you talk about
getting away from here
you'll be gone
just shy of a year
but that means
you're leaving me
and everything
we used to be
im trying to
make myself feel

was anything we had real?

a boy talked about you today
stated that he could tell that
i still loved you
said he could tell by the way
my cheeks flushed red when
he talked about you
when he asked a question
he said he knew to ask me
because i was the one who
knew you best

i peeled my layers away
gave you my raw wounds

all you did was pour salt on them

hearing of him touch you
where my hands are supposed to be
sends chills down my spine
is it too late to make you mine?

mom is hooked on medication
unknowingly an addict
dad is a *******
worthless apologizes one after the other
and she
she is a disaster
a product of their creation