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Ezis Jan 22
Are you okay? She asks me.
I nod yes but look down
She knows I am not

My past still haunts me
when night circles in
darkness never fleeting

In class I sit with my psychology professor's voice
somewhere in the distance
"What does anxiety feel like?"

Anxiety is the cheese steak
I threw in the garbage the fateful night
my friends in college told me they hated me

It is newly 14 year old Erin
looking over the side of Narragansett Pier
on her birthday thinking what if her head hit those rocks

The fear that no one will love me
I will continue in this world the way I came and will go,
alone.

I don't know how long these memories
will haunt me
my soul forever altered
  Sep 2018 Ezis
Sylvia Plath
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, ****'s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Ezis Sep 2018
I told my mom today that my best friend was experiencing depression.
She is studying abroad
and wakes up everyday feeling like she wants to be dead
So I said to my mother
Liz is miserable and wants to come home
She said to me
"Its home sickness she should stick it out"
Ezis Sep 2018
Sometimes I still miss you
Sometimes is a lot of the time.
I don't know why
but I see you in my dreams

Sometimes you say that you want me
and I say me too
but in other dreams you say her name
and I wake up in sadness

My heart aches
for someone to love me
I don't know why it is so hard to be loved
no, actually, so hard for someone to love me
  Aug 2018 Ezis
Dream
There's moments spent with you that I'll never forget. A brave me, I've never met. A fearless me,safe in your Haven. I hope I can meet her again. It was a feeling I've never experienced before,but one I'm dying experience again. The reason I stopped talking to you was not because I was angry( although I was at first) but because after everytime we spoke I got caught in my feelings, and saw rays of hope. However the next day I would see you with Her and my heart broke all over again. I have cried way more than you can imagine and yet I tried soo hard to hate you but I couldn't find enough reasons because our connection, every conversation felt so **** real. Yes, what you did wasn't right. You hurt me. Really bad. But you did it because it made you happy. She makes you happy.......and thats all I wish for you. I can't unlove you, And I don't want to because what you made me feel was incredible. I do not regret anything. Nothing at all. Even though I've told you I do. But trust me every experience is valuable to me. We were truly amazing while we lasted. I don't want to end this year with a bitter taste and leave with regrets. This is everything I didn't say.
A text to my ex.
Ezis Aug 2018
I don't want to read any romance poetry

I will think of you

and that makes me angry and cry

I miss you and I shouldn't

I want you to reach out to me

but I know it won't happen

this I'm sure

I need to get over you

but I don't want to

I never did

I wanted to be with you

but you wanted her
Ezis Aug 2018
It has been a while since I've written poetry here
and thats because I loved a boy
Who didn't love me

He was selfish
but I was selfless in loving him
and he took advantage of that
even if he wasn't really trying to

He made me a playlist of songs
romantic connotations and all
to speak his mind from what he's scared to say
But he didn't actually say the words
so I couldn't claim he had

Sometimes I wonder if it was all in my mind
or in my heart
was it even real for him at all?
I told him I didn't want to be a second choice
He said I wasn't
But then why are you still wanted the other girl that dumped you 6 months ago when you've been seeing me for 5?

Even now I am still writing poetry about him
and I don't know if he even thinks about me now
It has been 12 weeks since we've talked
But I've seen him in my dreams
I wish they were real
and my heartbreak was not
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