I hear you on the radio,
driving to work.
I swear, I almost get sick in the car
at the rush of memory
sometimes.
I remember firelight flickering
across your face,
a dark corner of a bar you wanted
to get away to
after you played a show,
when everyone wanted a piece
of beautiful you
except me, blushing.

Passion Pit was blaring overhead.
I told you about my family,
we're beekeepers from Ohio.
You watched me as
friends of friends approached me,
flirted, I was sultry.
You asked me
if I was warmed by the beers.
Made eyes
like you wanted
to get the hell out of there.

A customer from work, some
rich investor shmuck,
texts me today.
"What are you wearing?"
I'll tell you.
How many ways can I say "remorse"
before it sounds ****?
It does nothing for me anymore.

But no jokes come to mind,
no evasive, coy replies.
Just a flashing cursor on my
telephone
as I remember summer *******
and someone I left behind.

Make outs in a photobooth
that lasted all night
as they swept the floor to
close up shop.
Only our shoes peeked out
under the curtain
threatening to blow our cover.
You wouldn't be thinking about
our cover.
You'd be thinking about what
I was wearing.

You remember
the color of my tights.
You've told me.
The way my sweater fell off my shoulders.
Saltwater-sealed
sandcastle collarbones.
The more you were obsessed
with me,
the more I didn't need you.

You placed my
hand over your heart
that night in the photobooth,
so I could feel the butterflies
surging through your chest.
They ruptured in rhythm
with each flashbulb
of light
at the magic, calculated touch
of a girl who had learned
to trust no one.

I didn't want any
attachments.
Doesn't everyone always leave?
No, recording in Richmond,
touring across the country,
passing through Brooklyn,
sleeping on a friend's
floor in Denver,
You still asked me what I was
wearing.

A sly grin watching you, breathy and
raw, finish yourself in front
of the camera
late nights when you were away,
listening to you beg for me.
Just the way you'd say my name
And all the words when
we wouldn't speak.
You brought me back honey
from Honduras.
Told me about beekeepers there
and scuba shops on little islands.

I was afraid to start my life
again with someone.
Too young to plan to
run away with you.
The unspeakable distance
I never told you:
I was sleeping with a man I had
loved once
the week before I met you.
He had stopped loving me
long before.

I left you before you could leave me.

It was some cheap hotel off I-75.
A Korean movie with subtitles
was playing in the dark
and we were slushing wine
and sliding bodies
Your sweat was like nectar
and you gasped as you entered me.

I didn't know when I met you
there was nothing left
of me to offer.
Isn't timing half the battle in life?
I never explained it.
Couldn't bring myself
to drive your nice car like you wanted
while you were away.
Drink your honey in my tea
without grimacing at
the bitter taste of grief to it.

I got tired acting confident.
I got bored telling you what I was wearing.
I got angry that you had never been hurt
by someone
not wearing anything.
You were
empty
and easy and
looking for something I couldn't give.

You brought me with you.
I don't know how,
VIP passes and interviews,
always on the road.
We stopped talking,
but you reinvented me
so many times over
different in your mind.

Maybe it was my aire
of not needing you like
the other girls.
Not remarking on
the contour of your jawline,
Your firm muscles,
clenching
and pulsing for me, leaving you
crawling, still
now,
remembering
what I was wearing.

Today i pulled a Dr. Manhattan.
I went to Mars.
Here, i can build my own little sandcastle.
I am ok here;
i am ok with myself;
i am ok without you
                                        or you
                                                     or you.

I wake up to the sound
The sound ,noones ever heard
It's my last day to afford a fortune
Nothing that we couldn't learn........

Maybe we'll wake forgiving
It's better safe than sound
Maybe we'll fight forever
Nothing that can't be done......

Back to the past, we ride
Holdin' it dear to our hearts
It's my last day to buy my fortune
Nothin' that I couldn't learn.......

Maybe we'll live forgetting
A something that wasn't said
Maybe we'll find a replacement
A place for you to rest your head....

Back the the howling grounds
Where the dogs of society roam
You can't keep on forgetting
The place where you were grown

Placement that wasn't so right
Back at the pillars and thrones
My sandcastle stands in a mud pit
Waiting to be regrown

How can you sit and stand by
As the hometown grows out of control
You plant chains from a stake pike
And place people beyond their own

Maybe will live regretting
Maybe it's all on you
It's your last day to avenge the fallen,
Something that was brought by you.....

Place a crown on the stand
As peasants wave to you
Look out into the crowds
As friendly faces wave to youuuu

Maybe the Kings forgiving
Maybe the Queens forgot
To help those in need and helping
Of those who couldn't learn......

Maybe we'll find a replacement
Another duet to rule the land
Maybe they'll leash their vengeance
On someone other than you

Loss is a heart drawn in the sand like a mandala,
Or bravery built like a sandcastle,
Too close to the edge of the sea when the tide comes
Slowly washing away every last grain,
Every speck of courage
Built up to walk across the boardwalk
To the end of the pier to look her in the eyes
And smile without an awkward, nervous giggle
To ask her to dance.
Her elegant wrist rests on the old, wooden
Pier guard rail that contrasts
With her soft, creamy hazelnut skin.
Her hair is backlit, gloriously
Set on fire, revealing her radiance.
You are not ready yet and all your plans are sure to fail.
The salt in the air is thick in your throat
As you notice how large the ocean is behind her,
And how high up the planks of wood you’re standing on
Rise above the crashing waves.
Loss is yours because you turn away
A few steps from deeper waters.
The wooden boards beneath you creak.

Picture a man’s solitary stroll on a sandy seaside,
Early time of day, just a short time after low tide,
Water almost calm, gentle waves lapping the shore,
Early morning sun brilliantly blazing the horizon.
Feel the wonderful breeze…smell the salty ocean air…  
See, hear the jaegers, gulls and terns flying without a care.

The soothing sounds of the wind, water and gulls
Are suddenly intruded upon by the sad cries of a small child.  
"What's wrong?" the man kindly asks, as he kneels next to her.
"Someone knocked down my sandcastle," is her reply, tears flowing.
"Don't worry little one, I'll help you build another."
To the little girl's delight, the man smooths away the sand,
In preparation for a newer, bigger, better sandcastle.

Soon his concentration is broken by frantic cries for help.  
Looking out over the water, he sees a tiny figure,
Desperately clinging to one of the buoys marking the deep-water.
Running to the water’s edge, he clearly sees another little girl,
Close in age to the first, whose swimming has carried her too far,  
And now she perilously clings to the buoy, unable to swim back.

The man returns to the first girl
And continues to build the sandcastle.
"The girl in the water is safe for now", he assures himself.
"As long as I can hear her cries for help,
I know her head is above water.
Besides, this other little girl's problem came first.
As soon as I am done with her sandcastle,
I will most certainly rescue the other one..."

And so, the man does build the sandcastle,
One more magnificent than the first.  
All the while he builds, he continues to hear
The desperate cries from the second little girl.  
By sandcastle’s finish, her cries have become weaker, less frequent.
"Are you happy now?" he asks the first little girl.
"Oh yes," she cries, "thank you sir...."
As she joyfully dances around her new sandcastle.

With that, the man springs into action,
Just as she slips off the buoy and goes under.  
He reaches her in record time with all the strength he can muster,
Expertly positioning her on her back with her face above water.
Wasting no time or effort he makes his way back to shore,
As more and more people gather to cheer on the savior.  
He gives CPR - after several coughs, water clears lungs, a life is not lost.
As if on cue, the rescue team arrives, transporting her to hospital.
Extremely grateful parents and the city honor him as a hero.

So what say you?  Is such a man deserving of honor?
How would the parents react If they knew the rest of the story?
Especially since he was the lifeguard assigned to beach patrol!

Now, friends, after considering all of this fuss,
The question bears asking, what about us?
Are we making sure of more important things,
Or are we busy building castles in the sand?

Promise me that you will build me
A sandcastle by the crashing blue
The way I promise you that I will
Kiss you amidst the clouds in the sky

Promise me that you will take me
To your parents' house on your birthday
The way I promise you that I will
Take you to my grandmother's grave

Promise me that you will keep your promises
Your fingers slowly undoing my mistakes
My prayers overcoming your false steps
This is my promise to you, I promise

Happiness reminds me of a sandcastle
It can be corrodred by the lickings waves
Or taken all at once by the tide of life
But we'll come back and rebulid
It might be larger or smaller
We might destory it on own accord
Happiness is becoming a metaphor
I'm content to watch on the ocean floor

some hold the high ground
claim it as theirs
soon to realise they have built on sand.

Years ago I met a boy.
Who became the man I followed across the globe.
Who became a boy yet again, years later.
Like a child painstakingly building a sandcastle all afternoon,
Investing time, love, affection,
He trampled me before the tide ever could.

I put New York on my keyring.
I carried the loss of that little heart with me everywhere.
I carried it with me into every chance encounter.
Into every lonely late night drive.
I carried that heavy weight with me in my pocket everywhere.
Always.

I'd reach my hand into the pocket of my coat.
The familiarity of its worn edges somehow reassured me with its loss.

But then came a glimmer of something new.
And I thought, maybe this little broken heart is only a memento after all--A token.
Maybe it's not completely broken.

Today New York fell off inside my pocket.
As if to say, "It's time."

It is the loss of a loss.
It's a relief--
The chance to gain everything.
And it's terrifying.

Am I safe in your hands?
Please, make sure this castle stands.
Make it a mighty fortress.
One with a moat.
Keep my wounded heart afloat.

the meaning of an apology:
echoes of a thousand I’m Sorry’s;
the silence of deceit, its awful slink;
the humbled hope to atone,
to pay amends where due,
to mend the maimed,
and trust renew.

forgiveness is a sad word:
it bears the scar of a wound;
to forgive is to hope with hurt.
it is to trust in tide to wash ashore;
for in lack of trust and hope,
it is noble to sink with the ship.
it is bolder yet to hop asea,
and let tide be guide.

the parable of the builders:
the wiser built his house on  rock,
the rain came down,
the floods came,
the winds blew,
and beat on that house;
and it did not fall,
for it was founded on a rock

the foolish built his on sand,
the rain came down,
the floods came,
the winds blew,
and beat on that house;
and it fell — and great was its fall.

determination's downfall;
for, is a house still not a house
despite its foundation?
fortune's fortress looms;
our sandcastle holdfasts hampered in comparison,
but home is neither keep nor battlement,
neither moat nor bailey,
neither portcullis nor drawbridge;

home is where you touch the ground,
where you choose to grow...

the rain will retain its hiss;
but the rain is still the rain,
the floods remain the floods,
and the wind is just the wind.

~ Inori

While on a beach where
An elegant tribe of
Young ladies in tight
Lime-green dresses radiant dared
Bent over to kiss
And so destroyed a sandcastle hallucinated there!

hi dudes

last year i had to do, my dad died and i had to share my brieving oh yeah

last year i had to do, you see my previous life cronus, had to reincarnate my dad to betty

you see i was running and walking and i lost energy

because i was really hyped up, i ain’t into fetes at schools

but i had to do that because i was trying to remember dad and grieve

you see dad was throwing down memories

and i was the belconnen santa meeting the tuggeranong santa

you see i had to say, i was the christmas man

i did a lot of youtube videos and i don’t do as much now

because i am getting tired, maybe it’s my body reforming to make sure i don’t back to the psych ward

as i said i had to do that last year because i want to take all the hype out of my brain

so i can totally relax when i am with company

i remember taking a girl to a few concerts at stage ’88 and a tent over near parliament house, ya know john farnham

and sitting near parliament house watching the carols, and i like the lighting of the christmas tree

and i wanted dad and mum to see what canberra has to offer, and

i got hyped up, as my childhood desire of me, wanting to be famous, so i went on the internet

to see what i am good at, and yes, i am good at art, art colony, yes i am good at writing hello poetry

yes i can put a show on, youtube, and i am into a lot of what youtube has to offer, on my Facebook page

you see, i know i said, i will never go on Facebook but i had to, i am famous on the computer

and last year, dads spirit was getting into my body, and most of my videos were created by dad

and dad isn’t around, he’s betty, actually what is really happening, i am having fun, but i am getting tired

from entertaining, you see i had a few good ideas from youtube, like the carols by computer screen

i will be doing that again this year, and i am bringing bing crosby back to life as him and frank sinatra

were getting their spirits into my body, to let people know what christmas shows used to be, dad helped

you see dad taught us how computers can relive the past, youtube has dads spirit all through, but in a way

the people on youtube do things that dad wouldn’t approve of, even me, but everybody is different

you see preaching discipline is wrong, because you go to the youtube page, to learn what different people

are doing, you see when i was young i was sort of the black sheep of the family, in a way, i just disappeared

like what happened in 2013, and dad told us about his cat who used to turn the radio channel to the smokey dawson show

you see he lived his childhood from radio, but we were one of the only families who had a computer back in the 80s

well, we weren’t really, i am sure many more families had computers in the 80s, but not as much as now

dad looked like an old fogie, and i was teasing him, but that doesn’t mean i hated computers, and it doesn’t mean i hated dad

because in those days, only old fogies had the best computers, and in those days, you had to have money to be famous

you had to be good also, you see last year in 2014, i was having problems with the death of my dad, i was writing all this crap

and i couldn’t get  the anger out of my body and it was hard, but i finally got it out, but dad took a while to bring me back

because i like heavy metal, and i like the idea of bringing the carols by computer screen to life, i might seem like an old fogie at the moment

but that is better than being too woosey to be a computer nerd, you see dad is helping me be able to read my poems at the poetry

slam on the 3rd wednesday of each month, you see back in the 90s, i couldn’t read poems like this, and i got teased for that, but

i ain’t living in the past, well if i did, i will live in the year 0f 2002, when i started writing stories and poems, you see writing is better

than sitting on the sideline, when i have a talented family, and i am inheriting some of that talent, but i still like being lazy though

so i sit on my couch doing my tapestry like a cool adult ya see, you see, i find bing crosby and frank sinatra are the best christmas

entertainers, and i have written a few christmas carols like my version of white christmas, i am dreaming of a white christmas well stop

cause it’s too **** hot for that, and summer weather instead of winter weather and the good old winter wonderland, i have a carol summer wonderland

on the beach we can build a sandcastle, and bury uncle robbie in the sand, and my father came out saying carn ya bludgers, give your ****** mum

a ****** hand, you see i remembered dad said, i shouldn’t use ******, but i am taking the mickey out of the aussie language

but i stuck at my guns, determined to bring my carols by computer screen to life, being hyped up, but despite last year

getting a lot of fans, i still was hyped up, like, i want to host the raiders show properly but i need to relax, and at the end of this year

i will dressing up as a bird at the belconnen arts centre doing the cha cha and doing movements to the costume makers story of the bird

i am looking forward to that, and i promise i will be the best bird there, dads spirit is there trying to make people understand that this is

something i like, because this year has been a bit slow for me, but the bird piece will see if i could do movement well, which will bring me

to broadway in my next life, and maybe it might get canberra away from the group status, because i don’t give a toss about canberra

i am still enjoying my life, i have a lot of confidence in myself to be a good actor, mind you, who cares if there might be a few hiccups this year

i still got through it, i will be continuing to do carols by computer screen, this year i am spending christmas eve, with my mum, watching

the muppet family christmas and the carols by candlelight in melbourne and we will have lucky dips, buying thins $3.00 and less

and we are going to the stage ’88 christmas carols together, bringing a picnic dinner, and sing waving candles  to and fro

you see i am determined to keep bing crosby’s spirit still on earth over the computer,

The coach capsized and spilled its freight,
a glut of rabid reprobates,
who swarm towards a sea of lights
and fill their cups with harbour nights.

We do not heed the lighthouse glare,
or match the fortune-teller's stare.
We storm the cliffs as if to pillage
the gift shops of this seaside village.

We mill around a restaurant's doors
and nip at hot dogs with our claws.
Stockpiling rock up by the stick,
whilst wearing hats marked 'Kiss Me Quick'.  

Because we cannot hear their cries
for whispered arcade lullabies,
the gulls will dance above the tide
and mock sandcastle suicides.

The distant fort once planted proud,
clings to the hillside like a shroud.
Its craggy face a last dissuasion,
against the sea's saline invasion.

Perhaps the Ferris wheel's arc,  
can count each dawn against the dark.
A spotlight shone upon each heart,
as we rehearse our weathered parts.

Pastime play or parlor show,
we forget the lines we ought to know
and stumble on with blind devotion,
to pour our years into the ocean.

And yet! We catch the child's smile,
projected on a seafront mile.
His mirth casts doubt upon the claim,
that each new act concludes the same.

The beach begins and ends each dance,
each interval a second chance  
to wake the youth we put to sleep
and cast the hourglass into the deep.

Once
I built a sandcastle
and showed it to
the ocean.
I had made sure
that every detail was
perfect—
working as hard as I could
to keep it safe,
because all I ever wanted was
for it to last long.

The waters hardly noticed,
they were far too concerned
with their own purposes
to even bother
with my effort.
When they crashed at my feet,
it sent the best kind of chills up my spine—
but that only happened
if it was convenient for them.
They'd never go out of their way
just to find their way
to me.

Sometimes I would try
to go out to them,
wanting the seafoam
to rush over my toes
and the cold spray
to splash into me.

But sometimes they didn't come.

The waves went back out
and wanted nothing to do with me.

The next day
I returned to the ocean.
What I found was that
in a matter of hours,
the waves I had
loved so much
had taken the chance
to destroy.
The sandcastle that
I'd worked so *******
was completely gone,
without a trace,
nothing to show for it.
You wouldn't even know that I'd
tried in the first place.

You and the ocean have a lot in common.

I lasso the calf just before it makes the ocean.

overhead, a helicopter
from my past
spins.

my son says
to himself
this isn’t
your father’s
sandcastle.

luck is the stone
that marks
the dream.  dream

the stone
that marks
the dead.

Alone, she collects pebbles
from the sands of seashore
only to throw back each
with all her might, as if
its her revenge;
all of a sudden she stops
throwing them
back on the flat waves,
just to see them leapfrog,
a few times and vanish.

A sandcastle, he was busy
building on damp sand,
laboring alone like a child,
as if it means a lot,
but the spires refuse to
stay up, collapse again and again
against his wish.
it has become a total mess,
irredeemable for him alone,
or even with some help.

Perturbed he looks,
at the very moment-
from somewhere close by,
wind brings the overpowering stench
of rotting sea weeds and dead fish,
that makes them both look up
at once, by chance
and gaze at each other's face
as if they don't
recognize each other,
for a long, long moment.

Let the sea take over the day my sandcastles failed,
Awestruck, glanced over the epitome of waves.
Faulty walls glued by moistened soil
Taken back despite my daytime toil.

Why have we gotten this far sooner?
This eventual scene hastened the need fuller.
Where have we been thus far back?
From the breeze, the promise and the distinctive tact.

Scoop of sand formed to bridges and brigs,
Mold of trail held strung by twigs.
Had I known the way the sandcastle to stand;
I may not have clung on a foundation unstiff as land.

But the dusk shows promise and fulfills a new day soon
Despite seeing the tide rush in my feet, it’s through.
I look on, breathe a sigh, moved on, carried my pail;
Let the sea take over the day my sandcastles failed.

i wish we could go to a park at night
and sit back to back
on a blanket beneath the trees
and talk until the stars tell us to go home
because when i look at you straight on
my knees grow weak and my voice shakes
and maybe i'm not exactly sure what to say
when i'm distracted by
all the what ifs in your eyes
and maybe my mind dizzies with thought
like the possibility that i could be
a high tidal wave
that washes away the foundations
of a barely built sandcastle
and maybe i just wish i could tell you
everything on my mind at 2am
and maybe i'm just really hoping
you feel the same way

there is an old persian legend of a man who falls in love
with a woman and goes insane when he cannot have her.
even after she is married to someone else, he spends his days
composing love songs in the dirt, building sandcastle hearts
just to watch them collapse again when the tide rolls back in.

years pass, and the girl never writes anything back.
i still wonder if she was ever given the chance to.

i was twenty-seven when i learned that you could fashion a
stethoscope out of a cassette tape, broadcast the sounds of your
heart to a double guitar riff that screamed desire. you pressed
play and in an instant, i was priest to your deepest confessional.

i never asked about how you looked at me on the days that my
husband was too busy finding god to join me in bed at night.
i never wanted to know that you sinned in the color of my eyes.
i never thought i’d be remembered for the moment that i traded
krishna for *******, and the thousand days that followed:

day 176: we mix love and self-destruction in an old hotel room
until they go down my throat as easily as sweet red wine.
day 472: you turn watching me get ready for a party into an
excuse to make love to my reflection with the windows open.
day 894: you spend the entire morning restringing your guitar
but i can still recognize another woman’s voice in its tone.
day 1000: i loved you but never had the instruments to prove it.

we’ve both realized that obsession is a drug best left to legend.

to this day, they still call me the greatest muse of rock and roll,
but each switch of the radio dial is just another reminder that i
once tasted like music in the mouths of men, that their words built
me up like a flower-child mona lisa in all the permanence of three
minutes of vinyl, that though i inspired the most beautiful lyrics  
ever written about love, they never called me onstage to sing them.

i was once told that if you love a woman to the point of madness, she
will become it. but any insanity i have remains etched on the insides
of my veins; i walk beaches now, much too old for sandcastle-building.

years pass, and the girl has never written anything back.
i still wonder if she will ever be given the chance to.

even the world’s greatest muses sometimes want to hold the pen.

crumbling like sandcastle
washed away by the wind
kissing names goodbye
freedom in letting go
blessing ourself with
half forgotten mirages
fantasy of being right
cheeks red from the
slap we give ourself
reality check we call it
abusing one self some call it
blowing raspberries
in field of thorns
hate the sin
love the sinner

"There's no point in building sandcastles"
The old man said
As he gestured to the shore
"You see, they're too fragile
And aren't very durable
Unlike me they cant handle the years
Or even days
Against the crashing of the waves
The beating of the rain
Or the sting of the wind"
The wizened fellow was trembling
His hands shaking as if under some immense weight
"You wonder why I shake do you?"
He said, following my eyes
"I shake from experience
And rightly so
Because I learned a truth long ago;
I'm an earthquake
That no sandcastle can withstand"

Tonight I feel a heat in my chest
a heat that lets me know I've dug too deep a hole
a hole I've buried myself in
beneath this bladed grass
this serene soil
this poisonous air

Yesterday, I watched every strand of your hair
watched it become a sandcastle
rising and falling in the wind
and I thought to myself
I could love him forever
That's when I recognized I'd let this go too far
I'd let my love for you drown out all the walls I'd spent so long building up
and I loved it