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Algernon Mar 21
split up in a fun house miror kinda way
I am struggling with a powder brush
what am i supposed to be blending?

see my eyelashes my knees
I sit on my hands, rub my white knuckles
watching as I put my hair up, down , up down
controlling corralling
see my elbow sliding off the bar
built for adults bigger than me
forever in a world a size too big
my heel is always slipping
I think people are looking at me
wondering if my mom let me borrow her sweater
how sweet they are all thinking
this child is allowed to wander the streets playing dress up
how adult she must think she is

my phone has ****** recognition
and when it doesn't know me
I get scared that I changed
and I didn't know it

I am boarding a bus I shouldn't be on
tunnel lights show me myself in yellow passing glimpses
here is your face
again and again and again aginst 20 thousands backdrops of bad decisions
quilted together to make one stringy path on a math
quilted together to keep me warm

my face in her mirror
I place my phone face down
cold water does its best
I spit and spit and spit
I don't know what I think I can spit out

at the restaurant alone
Algernon Dec 2020
with you
it's like a game of freeze tag
every time you touch me
I stop in my tracks
and immediately
begin the slow process

of melting
Algernon Dec 2020
My roommate did a juice cleanse
He looked and felt so good So I did the same.
Chugged nothing but holy water for a week. Left the water in the beam of the newmoon. Tried to flush the bad out of me. I asked my tired liver to do more. Tried fire. Tried sage. Tried charcoal. Tried swallowing stones in hopes they’d grind up what I couldn’t get rid of. Tried pulling my teeth out So my bite marks couldn’t be traced back to me
in hopes even id believe it
but these are the hands that hit and smothered and signed
these are the lips that cut and lied

there was nothing to clean but my body
and even then I sometimes like the way I smell without soap

I am re learning faith in my own fingers
Leaps of it through my wrecked knees
Trust falls into myself

Chug chug chug. Drown drown drown.
the good and the bad mixed into a dark chocolate batter
tonight I eat the whole cake
Algernon Dec 2020
When I am stressed I imagine I am a whale
In the middle of the blue ocean
I am not big - I am the perfect size
For a whale
I swim in water that does not fight me
My body was made for my home
I sing and it is always in chorus
I eat simple meals that nourish me completely
that I strain thru my gorgeous bristle teeth
I don’t own a toothbrush
Because I am a whale
I am fast but slow but moving at the exact pace I need to
I rest when I need to
I sing when I need to
I travel the globe and sometimes visit the beach not unlike people
It is my planet
and my planet is blue
Algernon Dec 2020
I sit next to you
being close
And I can feel
my atoms start to pull towards you

Your gravity is stretching me open
Slow and steady and inevitable
the universe expanding

Man made fences
but with you
I am open pasture
Ever bigger ever green
Ever being

So I give my molecules permission
Every single one
To pull me apart
Algernon Dec 2020
you said
"snow makes everything pretty"
so the second it started to get cold
I went outside and waited
Algernon Dec 2020
Got stirred up to foam
trying so hard to dissolve
all the sweet
back into me
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