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Sitting in front of the vanity
Going thru the motions of getting ready
Glancing at the floor
seeing myself lying there
fetal position, wailing


Sitting watching TV
With the love of my life
Glancing at the walls
seeing myself throwing the remote
breaking whatever I can, yelling


I'm at work
Talking to my colleagues
looking at their faces
punching everyone


Going into my room
Looking at my youngest
He's sleeping peacefully
Seeing myself holding him
Trying to keep his hallucinations
His depression
His suicidal thoughts
All at bay


This I do
I hold him
Only as a mother can
Praying to God
To heal his mind
Knowing this, this is why

Why I see myself
Lying on the bathroom floor
Breaking whatever I can
Physically assaulting my coworkers


All I can do is pray
All I can do is hope
Pray and hope for my child
For him to be better
For him to thrive
Depression in children is real. Wake up!
I have cried a thousand tears.
I am now dry
You said you wanted me to hurt
You have done your aim
For my love for you will not cease
But yours for me now, in the breeze
I am now but a husk
A shell of what I was
For I have let you destroy me
You broke down my walls
So long ago
I felt secure with you guarding them
Then you turned
And I am now empty
Your love for me
Now forever in the breeze
And her tears fall down like a waterfall from green eyes
Chest aching in pain unsurpassed
As she sits on her couch
No pictures on the wall
Cold metal art instead
She realizes
She is truly alone
No one there to comfort in her time of need
She let so many things take away from her
No friends
No family
She is truly alone
crying waterfalls
Here we go again
I knew it was to good to be true
I was feeling happy
Smiling more
Laughing, loving
Then out of nowhere
WHACK!
No reason
No real trigger
The old words flow in..
"you're not good enough"
"he must have someone else"
"you'll never work again"
"might as well just die"
"can't even take care of your kids"
"your whole life is a lie"

My heart races
My tears threaten to fall
I don't know why
It's just there
I can't turn it off
GOD! Please save me!!!
This is a real problem in many lives. We can't just turn it off. Unfortunately, it controls us. We can take medicine, but it's only a bandaid. Love us, remind us we are worth it. That our fears may seem real, but you are there to protect us. Please don't judge us. Stay with us. We always need a hand...
SURRENDER YOUR HEART
REMOVE THE GUARDS AND RELINQUISH THEIR SHIELDS.
YOU NEED TO FEEL THIS THOROUGHLY
LOVE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE SAFE OR MEASURED SO,
LOVE IRRATIONALLY.
JUMP OFF A CLIFF WITHOUT CONSIDERING CONSEQUENCES,
LOVE SPECIFICALLY.
PAY ATTENTION ON THE SMALLER DETAILS OF THE BIGGER PICTURE,
LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.
BECAUSE THERE WILL BE DAYS WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE HER, BUT THE LOVE MUST REMAIN AND IN THE EVENT THAT LOVE BREAKS YOU, LET IT BREAK.
DO NOT CLOSE YOURSELF OFF OR SHUT YOURSELF DOWN.
YOUR HEART WILL BE SHAPED AND RESHAPED, BUT IN THE END IT WILL STILL BE YOURS.
AS HUMAN WE ARE BLESSED WITH THE SKILL OF ADAPTATION IT’S KEPT US HERE FOR EONS, YOU WILL ADAPT.
Not mine, but I really love this and wants to share it.
It would have been so easy to keep going straight
Not take the turn left
Straight….a mere 13 miles and I'd be at your door
Straight….you'd have to face me
Straight…..tell me where I went wrong
13 miles, so close, eternity away
drawing a deep breath thru the tears
I turn left

This road….11 miles and I'll be at my door
This road….face to face with myself
This road…..to question what I did wrong
This road…..internal interrogation to play with my demons
11 miles, so close, too fast
Straight….I did not go
Straight
….
I'm sitting on my back porch
Smoking a cigarette
Looking at the stars
Hazed out by smoke
Oklahoma is burning
Flames are all around
Smells like a campfire
Even in town
Livestock are dead
Running for the barren river
Wildlife gone
Majestic mountain lions
Climbing in the burnt trees
Only to die of smoke inhalation
Oklahoma is burning
River beds running dry
Dear Lord above
Give us rain
Help us see an end to this nightmare
Of Oklahoma burning
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