Call me a sucker.

Here it is again; you're sorry,
You're an *******,
You'll never do it again,
You care, and you do love me.

These arguments fit your face so well.
Hair-twirling, the wet eyes that grab
Everything. Full lips parting and all
I can think about is pushing them back.

Soon I'll have my hands on your ribs,
And we'll both blow, and I'll fall to sleep
Like a grand piano from the 9th floor. Once
I crash I may dream that it's all okay. And you will shower, to wash all that good **** away.

A world in colour lies
                semi-distant, semi realised,
A near-forgotten future exsanguinates, yearning
              in the weakened glow, of infinite winter morning.
The voice, the voices, the voiceless, my anger, my age,
                Pan-millennial youth in coming years will fade,
It will carry duvet and pillow from hateful home
                to halfway-house until half way home
It will make all its hearts into the shape of cardboard,
                blemish the fire with chemical ****, **** hard,
It will seek forgiveness at the steps of screen,
                beat asthmatic chests, fingers, ribs and seams,
It will see itself cower in the horrible light of mirror,
               sail to the sun on wings of fakes lashes,
And it will burn, burn not in forgiving hangover sodium,
                but burn in the eye of a guilt yet to come,
And it will drown, drown at the blessing of the water,
               drown at its birth time and time over,
And it will wound, wound in scythe and cushion comfort,
                wound the waking dream in Siamese horror of sorts,
And it will leave strangled in the cords of its university hoody,
                leave alone at night, touch itself and cry.

Bursting rhythm from the panopticon, viewing all aspects
                of itself engulfed in ex-disney coloured acid
                spewing forth from the desired wreck,
Hurtling profound and profane into and beyond
                ******* and love and love and *******,
                *****-tinged snows lubricating seasons onward into each other,
Gut-busting, gut-busting, gut-busting societal downpour to harridan office
                from liquor dormitory, escaping and elevating
                on citalopram or selegiline,
The surgeons and nurses, the poets and builders, ever restless
                at the unbolted door, screaming into their unread palms,
                comparing varying hell to holy water lakes of others,
Sipping the dew from paradise wing, discontent with all
                in purgatory-England whilst licking the knee
                of America and imagined Europe,
Wanking itself dry at the lottery of thought,
                crude reckonings spiralling sugar into salt
                landing on the tongue of want,
Feeling crucified at the Atheist tea party,
                climbing the cross of trend
                supplying own milk and nails,
Unwanting in the chrysalis, ignoring coming candles
                but fantasising a thousand symmetrical suns
                to limited avail and idea.

But idea there will be, birthed, blood-hungry
                gnawing at the heel ‘til bare bone,
And it will rip apart fat riddled arteries,
                Deconstruct, Reconstruct all the bodies and the cites,
And it will write and spell all the words wrong
                realising that what ‘they’ are selling is sign language for the blind,
And it will note of itself as harsh but not unkind,
                reject bribe bread and water be it divided or divined,
And it will say of cartography “No need as of yet,
                I have seen men lost in the lining of a suit,
Crying into their shoes, uncombed, unfettered, unfertilised, without hope,
                after laughing into empty lakes.”
We can each say “My God, my empty sky, my cartoon prophet, my local MP,
                I have seen everything and want none of it,
                I am alone in a narrow shape of time,
                watching us all unfurl to the scent of burning feathers and hair,
                to the sound of punctured veins.”
We watch silent litanies for graceful pardons of filth,
                in “Amen” then nothing,
We watch our age’s world rend lung
                through hollow cheeks and air in our bones,
We watch ourselves into eyes or no eyes at all
                watch ourselves read last lines and then
                watch ourselves realise and whimper
                from ulcerated gut, tongue or pen,
                the everlasting knell…

                “…And it will happen again…”

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
   —The Serenity Prayer

I. Heron

I was born arrow-straight, built for flying,
Three skipping stones past Otter Creek, hollow
Bones blanketed by slate gray, blue stones slight
And callused by well-worn prayers and shallow
Swells of minnows — subterranean aches —
And water cold on yellow scales, hardened
By the calamity of sunsets, lakes —
The drowning weight of too many pardons.
Dip low, tend this broken shoreline sweetly,
Spread shadowed wings and break honeyed silence.
Forgiveness take flight at dusk, discreetly
Written in psalms. Tepid soul find balance
Between the calm, a resting river space
This old trembling mind cannot displace.

II. Quetzal

After the storm, the chaos and quiet
Meet like dew poised on timid fingertips
And shallow grasses to quell the riot
Stirring inside. Fix fragments of this ship
Made of broken parts. My soul’s petrichor:
Inhale failure with a benediction
That fills tired lungs with bravery, before
Nature proposed expectations — fiction
Taut and mended by truth. The earth exhales
In breaths refreshed by rain, accompanied
By loudening trills and harmonious tales —
The tremor of circumstance, and the need
To continue existence like the weeds
That grow in sidewalks despite human greed.

III. The Pelican and the Gull

American Magicicadas choose
To surface seventeen years after birth
For the purpose of recreation. The Blue
Pelican cannot quietly unearth
The patterns of the tide without the gull,
But she does so with tireless trials
And the moon at her back — the lunar pull
Shaping stray shells for a little while.
Twenty-one years of tawny solitude
Shattered by innate desires, buried
Deep by stubborn aches, and kindly allude
To breathing for the first time. Weight carried
And lifted by rekindled hope, reaching
Sands like a button shell kissing the beach.

IV. Kingfisher

I pondered self-acceptance before diving
Into seas uncharted, with the patience
Of Tibetan monks softly harvesting
Grains of sand on an abandoned shore. Since
Emptiness is impermanence, we change
Like shifting seas suspended in nature,
Born from the crease of God’s hand — rearranged
Flaws bound by circumstance. Come close. Nurture
This silent heart into awakening.
Beyond these gray waters surges the sun,
Hopeful in the wake of a newfound spring,
Ochre and alizarin. We become —
Aware that no one saves us but ourselves,
With self-worth rising in tremendous swells.

Before the gate has been closed,
before the last question is posed,
before I am transposed.
Before the weeds fill the gardens,
before there are no pardons,
before the concrete hardens.
Before all the flute-holes are covered,
before things are locked in then cupboard,
before the rules are discovered.
Before the conclusion is planned,
before God closes his hand,
before we have nowhere to stand.

Lone star walking roads,
crowbar in hand
cowgirl I'll die for,
I died and I died again,

fluent in 6 country's,
passports; pardons
no cargo,
but luggage is a stainless steel flask,

half full,
half way,
to the moon
if you asked me?

Cadillacs in space,
expensive taste
that's masked with
— the cheap stuff,

inspired souls,
they walk,
and this forsaken path,
they'll never make hell a ***** deed or two from heaven,

counterparts
we're equals,
we're lost
they're my colleagues,

a scandal from remembrance,
remember we followed rules?
no response
****!

there's a shift
in the rubix cube, 
a memo from the warden,
no weapons in the visit room,

coordinating sin,
a taste of gin
before the see you soons,
world was much warm before stone replaced the sand dunes,

scoff at the elixir,
cordially
she casts stones,
******* of a demon crossing ponds is all the child knows,

tales of the fishermen,
who heard it through the corridors,
all and all departed,
with a fear of the other gods,

strictly prohibited,
a swig of the forbidden fruit,
who are you to judge me,
When Your Son Is Not Of Holy Proof!

wedded to a mortal said your honor,
absent i do's,
abstinence is bliss
and your crime ascends civilian law,

guilty -- you're filthy,
your son will never know your soul,
I know my role and play it well,
Your god never admits he's wrong,

so why would I?
— a baby cried,
I'm present for my son's birth,
and leave before an open eye the practice of a perfect curse.

The tavern roof was smokey
with a pall of blueish ash.
The juke box was a- booming
as it played "The Monster Mash".

A giant puffed a burning witch
whilst smoke rings he exhaled....
While victims of our neighbor,
Vlad...on stakes were all impaled.

The Faceless Man was grinning...
from ear to missing ear.
The hanged man turned his twisted neck
to sip a mug of beer.

The Headless Horseman shouted
for an aspirin or three.
He popped them down his gullet
where his head was meant to be.

The zombies waited tables
and the werewolf tended bar.
Mothra was the carhop
and took orders car to car.

Godzilla worked the griddle
and served burgers ala carte.
Dracula complained about the steak
caught in his heart.

Ghosts and ghouls were dancing
with abandon on the stage
While cyborgs did "the robot"
'cause they thought it was the rage.

The mummy came unraveled
as we took him for a "spin"
As Frankenstein played tuba
to contribute to the din.

Igor brought "the monster"
and then Freddie brought his claw.
Jason brought his butcher knife
and his buddy from "The Saw".

The guillotine was working
and the raven refereed
So nevermore would pardons
be
allowed to intercede.

The pendulum was swinging
to the beating of my heart.
I hoped that I would wake up soon...
then did so...with a START!

Halloween is coming.  So, I guess
I should prepare.
Watch out for bars with men from Mars...
'cause BEASTIES party there!

The president has caused a stir.
OH-ME-oh-MY-oh.
He has pardoned Arizona
Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

A man convicted of criminal contempt
Of court enjoys impunity.
He violated civil rights
At every opportunity.

Refusing to follow an order of the court,
He's a man who fudges
When it comes to obeying laws
And listening to judges.

The practice or racial profiling equals
Clear discrimination.
It looks as though it also wins
Trump's approbation.

He has called the bigoted sheriff
A "selfless public servant"--
A ludicrous description to
Those who are observant.

Is this one of many pardons
That Trump extends
To others as he pardons his
Family and friends?

Thumbing your nose at law and order--
OH-ME-oh-MY-oh--
Happens when you pardon crooks
Like Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

-by Bob B (8-26-17)

Pills, pills for the mentally ill
The more you take, the worse you'll feel
So down the hatch
Yep down your throat
Very soon you'll be wearing this coat
A hug me jacket tarnished in white
With buckles and straps wound so tight
But for now some side effects I wrote
Down here on this pretty little note
Increased thoughts of suicide
And harsh voices to which you can't hide
Nausea, drooling, and anxiety too
And whoever seems to be "after you"
We'll put you to sleep
You won't make another peep
Strap you to a cozy bed where you'll slumber
Pump you till you're as cool as a cucumber
To which we'll add you to our lovely garden
No ifs, buts, or beg your pardons
What's the matter?
You seem unwell
You're as mad as a hatter
This I can tell
So don't start a spell
Don't start a clatter
We'll pick up those pieces to which your mind has shattered
Just take this pill
In fact why not stay
You're better off here anyway!

Recollections on Chaliyar.

In youthfulness was Chaliyar.

As I saw her next , from afar

Amidst the greenery was, she

Dancing in pleated clothes.

In spotlight of the setting sun

In tune the Air that hummed

On rail the wheels trumpeted

Gallery across the river I stood

Watching her”jahiliat” life moves

Lured all by giggle and smile

Ripples, eddies her beauty spots

She was mine I was hers!

Oh! My Chaliyar, recall, whence

We started and parted;

Made our veins venomous.

By-gone are by-gone-

God loves and pardons ;

He is with them that pardons

God won’t hear our prayer

If we keep deaf ear to prayer.

Unrelenting oars push a yacht.

The fume of trade shrouded me

With the smoke of train chocked

Down in water I plunged, yelled

Help, Help Oh! helpless yelp.

THE TIME rippled, wriggled

Coiled around while none

But Allah held me around.

On a delta I lay bare; hence

I write on rights we need.

……….



Note : Chaliyar is a river in northern Kerala, India, once most polluted.

“Jahiliat’ is an Arabic word means uncultured/impure period in life.

Allah is the name to denote the Almighty Creator that all religions expected to worship.

On the first day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
An alternate reality.

On the second day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Two NDAs and an alternate reality.

On the third day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the fourth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the fifth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality

On the sixth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the seventh day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the eighth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Eight super spreaders, seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the ninth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Nine COVID cases, eight super spreaders, seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the tenth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Ten crooked pardons, nine COVID cases, eight super spreaders, seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Eleven lawyers losing, ten crooked pardons, nine COVID cases, eight super spreaders, seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

On the twelfth day of Christmas the White House gave to me:
Twelve new indictments, eleven lawyers losing, ten crooked pardons, nine COVID cases, eight super spreaders, seven Russians hacking, six childish tantrums, five hundred lies, four racist thugs, three Trump steaks, two NDAs, and an alternate reality.

-by Bob B (12-18-20)

I saw a golden river,
You see it only in dreams
I am no special than you are,
But the river, oh it streams.

In curls where the locks lie,
The unstoppable river slowly strides,
Down the silver mount of hope
Into the chasm it merrily rides.

In the darkest point where ever you are,
It glows with great exuberance,
It shines, it's northern star,
With darkness it summons for a dance.

Its shiny pearls ray on roofs,
Of the deepest parts where you hide,
You've lived a lie, you see that proof?
the truth illuminated by northern lights.

The blissful river brims and swells,
Where you can't reach it, it pardons,
Though it's a dream it may somewhere,
Steal from the gardens,
It may be obscure, hidden behind,
Oh, it steals from my mind.

It was a partial sober bliss,
To seek a heaven on earth but in sleep,
My haze vision was sweetly kissed
And pulled out from the river so deep.

Oh, the river of golden hills,
I'll find you if I have to keep my breath still
Oh, the river of golden hills,
You will forever echo in me with your sweet trills.

Oh the river of golden hills.

The day is Monday, March 16th, 2015.
We are in the Idaho State Correctional Institution.
Today, the Idaho Commissioners of Pardons and Parole will decide if my ****** will be released on parole in September.

Many people come in, exchanging their I.D for their visitors' pass.
We all wait in a small L-shaped room, tense, waiting.
His family comes in, and the guard escorts them to another room.
Finally, a parole officer enters. She leads us through a metal detector.
We have to wait in the visiting room, while my ****** is brought into the hearing room.
His family goes in first, then us, along with my supporters.
The deputy calls us to order and explains what will happen.
He says his family may speak, if they have a statement.

She stands up.
"Your relation?"
"Mother."
"Go ahead."

He has managed to get his GED.
He has had his own struggles with other inmates.
He is a "good Christian boy."
He has served his time for his "non-violent crime."
I cry.

The deputy looks doubtful.
He tells the commissioners to begin.

Commissioner Bowstaff is first.
She asks him the nature of his crime, his five DORS, his lost job while inside.
She asks if he is aware of the recommendation they received.
He says yes.
She phrases her next thought carefully:
"Are you aware the interviewer described you as aloof, uncaring, and says you describe yourself as the victim?"
He seems befuddled.

Next is Commissioner Matthew.
He is a sharp looking man, and asks if he feels like his crime is "violent."
He responds.
"No."
"And yet you call yourself Christian?"
"I am Christian."
"God should be ashamed then."
His parents are shaking their heads.

Commissioner Moore.
"You minimize everything. You aren't taking responsibilities for your actions. If you can't follow the rules in here, how do we know you'll follow them out there?"
"I don't know."

Commissioner Bowstaff asks if, as the victim, I have anything to say.
I tell her yes, and she asks me to stand and state my name.
"Lauren Busdon."
"You have a minute to speak."

I tell them I am terrified to see him.
I will start my senior year in August.
His release will continue to effect my school career.
I have only just managed to speak the word "****" in the last two months.
There are other girls, so many others, who are afraid to say anything.
But they say it to me.

They dismiss us to make their decision.
I sob as we walk out of the room.

Everyone is proud of me, saying no matter what, I did my best. I was there, that's what matters now.
But what if it wasn't enough?

The deputy comes in to shake my hand.
"The commissioners have come to an agreement. Parole will be denied for 18 months, and we will meet again in September of 2016."
I laugh and my dad slams his fist on the table. My mom dissolves into tears.
"You are welcome to hear the announcement."
I say, "hell yeah I want to hear it!"

He hangs his head when they tell him.
His mother makes a strangled noise of upset.

We leave.
People are hugging me.
I am crying.
I don't know if I should be proud, or if I should just revel in the sheer joy of not having to see him for 18 months.
18 more months of freedom.
18 more months of trying to live.

A mob boss for president…
Yikes! That's what we've got--
One who profits from crime
Without a second thought;

Who keeps his family close by;
Who's close to each paisano;
Who looks less like a Lincoln,
And more like Tony Soprano;

Who praises convicted felons,
And pardons them as well;
Who cares less about country
And more about his cartel.

Loyalty is his mantra.
His underlings owe him all.
He sounds like a mobster when
His back's against the wall.

He'll rip you a new one if
You ever decide to flip
And prove that you're a rat,
Or try to give him the slip.

"Flipping should be illegal,"
He brazenly repeats.
Without it he knows there'd be
More crooks on the streets.

A power-hungry bully:
It's his goal to be one.
Listen to his rhetoric:
"I know a rat when I see one."

His fixer threatens reporters
And does the boss's bidding.
But when he seeks revenge,
The boss isn't kidding!

Driven by ambition,
Egomania and greed,
He lets mob ethics guide him
To always take the lead.

He's the kind of guy
You read about in books.
Watch how he surrounds
Himself with other crooks.

Those who cooperate
With law enforcement will find
That he retaliates
If ever he's maligned.

Top decision maker,
He gets such a thrill
Promoting or demoting
Anyone at will.

Having a no-good mob boss
As leader strikes a nerve
Because it's hard to accept
That that's what we deserve.

-by Bob B (8-25-18)

I have used up all my tokens
and squandered all my pardons;
all that’s left is tarnished pyrite
and a jewellery box for two.
For I will tear your heart out
and feed it to the coyotes;
you may be the one for me,
but I’m no good for you.

As the field runs crimson
I’ll proceed to crack your spirit.
I know that this is foolish,
but love - this is all I know.
If the moon would make a bargain
on the dust that seals up fractures,
I would strip my backbone
reaching out to make it so;

I would mend each tiny crevice
- plant hydrangeas in the darkness,
but without a new foundation
it is all still frail and makeshift;
and each compounding weight is
all crushed-guts and shattered-statements.
Again we’re set a whirling;
we can’t recognize our faces.

The strongest tree is only paper
and my convoluted nature
is just a fallacy I’ve built to house,
my fear of what is true.
So, we’ll dance until our knees split,
you’ll repeat that we’re a unit
and as I kick the chair out
choke a final, “i love You.”

. . .  .  .   .   .    .    .     .     .     .      .      .       .       .        .         .          .           .                 .

Amidst staggered breaths
my fragile frame converts to dust.
Oak entombs the ashen ruins
of a long awaited  
Us.

there's always that trailing off i get when i write,
oh god, whiskey is a ******...
    it drags you like a mermaid to the depths,
i start to feel an anchor in my mind
even though my heart is steady-numb...
   and i evidently become slightly dyslexic...
  but hey! what can you do:
     either drink and be miserable,
  or drink and unfold with terrible spelling at
the end of a session... and feel shame the next
day, having seen the outpouring
from the previous night...
      better still... i could recommend tending to
a small vine-patch...
and like me: taking a break from whiskey once
a year and drinking your own produce...
    unless of course you have a local turkish shop
nearby that sells out-dated beer
  at half the price... let me tell you:
that's ****** marvelous... nothing like
out-dated beer... it's right up there with the rollercoaster
and the kick! my my! it's so sudden...
      but it hits the spot,
all the disorientative effects of mushrooms:
without excess Dali lodged in your eyes...
so yeah, out-dated beer... double the trip...
but today is different, i have about 30 litres of
home-made wine just ready to be drunk,
   i've downed one bottle and i'm running
errands with the next... but i'm not miserable
in that i'm washing away my sorrows...
the funny thing about making your own wine
is that once you drink it: you celebrate...
you start to think about all the effort you put
into making it... how you picked the grapes from
the vine, how you squashed the grapes,
how you stood bedazzled by melting sugar
        in a little bit of water over the stove
(and how it started looking very much like
heavy water, or mercury, but see-through) -
and how you sniffed the stench of yeast,
and then waited for a month or so for the ****** thing
to take up strength...
   and now you're drinking it...
                    oh yes... wine in essex is very much
agreeable... and my my: i am really celebrating this
endeavour... it's not as fake as going to the shop
and buying a bottle of wine... i am drinking
my own work... i am celebrating, there's no god
or omen in the world that can tell me otherwise...
    i waited a year for this, well: two...
i don't know what happened last year, i mistimed...
the grapes froze, there was a sudden surge of frost
and i was really upset because of it, 2 years ago
i was drunk like a skunk for several days
and wrote some poems in between,
      and put my own wine on the christmas table,
but since i was ****** for so long, i could only
showcase one bottle...
      well they do say there are spirits out there,
and i must say: wine, esp. your own really is
the veritas, as the saying goes: in vino veritas...
    bring it back to whiskey, or Ms. Amber as i like
to call her... she's not sour, and she's pulverising,
so she's no friend of the tongue... in case you're wondering
i'd like to call herr goebbels right now...
         but can you feel a shame of having misspelled a word
drunk, because your hands started to feel
   a bit like a daddy longlegs with one or two legs missing?
in terms of the keyboard...
what are the prime digits?
right hand: ******* - ****! now my hands feel conscious
of me talking about them...
middle and thumb (for the spacebar) -
   index finger for the opening bracket (  
pinky finger for the enter button -
                 to make room for the next line -
which makes me wonder about my left hand,
it would appear that i'm left handed when before
the keyboard -
   the main provocators are the index
middle and... surprise surprise! the ring finger!
the left hand thumb sometimes does
                       use the space bar also...
the the right hand ring finger is hardly used...
i remember watching my doctor type at a keyboard once...
a bit like a crow pecking... it went like this:
index (right) index (left)
    index (right) index (left)
               index (right) index (left) - it was agony...
it was a bit like standing at a supermarket cashier with
an old lady in front of you, buying butter and milk
and talking for an hour while counting her change...
   ageism? no! just your typical life-bound comedy of
how the stats stack... we spend this many years in traffic...
and my, the hand thing...
       yep, next thing you'll - aha! there is the ring-finger
utility in the right hand after all - it comes with words
that come shortened, i.e. you'll... the ' mark,
and also the backspace button...
                  i was going to say: (the shift button?
pinky owns it) - as the great kabbalists have this fetish
of looking at your hands, it's worthwhile to note down
this geography of the keyboard...
   they'd just point at the indententions of the hand
and spew words out like: girdle of venus...
     malkhut (silent h) -
                 which brings to mind:
   we already know the name is silent,
  since you might be served an indian dish called
dhal... and in fact you would be served such a dish,
but you'd only say you ate daal... or dāl...
then again that's also true with the pedant puritan
who'd note it as: dhāl... which is funny that this isn't
merely coincidental... a language that doesn't
use diacritical marks, and has a third arm sticking out
of it in terms of what letters remain silent (but are
inserted into words nonetheless), and a concentration
of the same rubik's "cube" akin to y and w...
      y and i are so close! you can almost feel them pushing
together, or giving birth to something!
  why?! why?!
                         (insert snigger)... drunk humour:
it gets the better of me sometimes...
   so yes, that thing about kabbalists and the hand thing,
other words could be included, like: keter,
               bina(h),             gevura(h),  
strangely enough Hod...   tiferet (what a beautiful word),
    yesod....     chok(h)ma(h)...   chesed...
netzach! hey! surfing u.s.a., i think i'll bring my banjo
to sniff out whether i'm part of the scene:
dangle dangle plop plop... ah poo...
                   p pi po'h...           and last weekend
we had snow... it scared the bejesus out of people
for a while, but things returned to normal nonetheless...

- interlude -

the tyranny of being conscious...
long recognised by eastern philosophy and the practice
of meditation...
  to be away from me...
        and they do so, splendid,
and then all toward vanity, given you're forced
into dreaming... so even when you're not even
conscious... i.e. unconscious...
   you're being fed a dream...
  and however disroted that you in the dream
is... there's still you...
oddly enough: if i make thinking = dreaming
   i can honestly say: i wish i dreamed more
than i thought... me not a mighty oratory gob
after all...
            evidently doing hallucinogenics
   was to excavate the dream into the waking hour...
and that's how i'll leave this interlude,
   i just imagine andy warhol testifying about fame
at the opera...
   or that's me bound to watching:
   alain de botton... or what does need diacritical
marks: alain dé bóttą...
                        dé bóttą... the art of travel,
                    on the QE2...    
      dé bóttą! oh the marvel, French of all languages
is nasal and glottal! when speaking Polish you
might as well be talking in razors...
                  Greek and lisp, English and Cockney rhyme...
and the lost trill of the R... R hollowed out...
                and once again to modern times:
the imperial march (darth vader's theme) vs.
     beethoven's 9th symphony...
                                                             tra la la -
both as universally acknowledged as the sound of
a ****... and perhaps a pigeon's coo-woo
                                                                                       -

...the interlude actually contains what ignited me to
write... drinking aside, but drinking too...
   in all too a great happiness that somehow i live
a life that asks for narrative minimalism,
               i can say: and in between i did **** all,
i thought profanity was necessary,
            and how i'd wish i'd have written a epic
like don quixote... but then i thought: keep it real,
keep it real... av a laugh...
                           i'll probably taste the sour from the wine
sometime soon, once the narrative becomes a Gobi
and i get worked about the eventual loss of
   a carpe diem quickie...
                           but it's still there, for the moment...
        and having realised that: it's gone.
               and i did say:
    by the personnae principle, in line with not writing out
a Tolstoy, i have to admit that i never know
who i encounter in my exploits...
            and there is a personnae principle at work here,
it's not Shakespeare, that much i know,
   it's the practice of personnae incorporation that
does away with: and Titus said:
                                      veni! vidi! vendredi!
(oi oi, enough of the French static, ya ponce!)
          so that's that, poetry has come to resemble
   modern art... given the personnae principle
we have done away with all the intricacies of
        writing a Shakespearean play...
Titus - lo!
   Anthony - a plum tree!
                          as a person competent with narratives
i ask for all people to leave the building...
   a pit of tongues i might also add...
      populo in singuli!       ah freckles and ash...
it has to be: pertaining to the vulgate...
   nothing better than speaking illiterate latin ol' boy...
  a bit like richard brautigan
writing the pill versus the springhill mine disaster -
there the buds of the concept personnae (without clear
indication that we are dealing with a crowd,
so no memorable quote or character, the narrator
is trying to keep his **** together, pardons for the laziness
and lack of indicative marks that there are actually
more people in the room than could be expected...
me and drunk me make up a thousand crude-essentials
as to what is intended to imply: having a good time) -
    sometimes poetry is just that: a quickened code for
acting, albeit without any character-study,
        or diet, or paparazzi...  and it's so quick... you've
watched a movie like a mosquito lived its life and you're
writing the credits...
       like richard brautigan wrote that poem -
      when you take your pill
           it's like a mine disaster.
       i think of all the people
      lost inside of you.
richard brautigan! richard brautigan!
this is the mine disaster company, over!
         yes, we number 34 souls in total.
       and there's your thesis! it must be hard to
write "poetry" and never, not once: experience
the Styx in your travels, the pit of tongues,
         or the personnae principle...
              always bound to rigid narrative constructs,
alway having an aliby with a 'he said it!'
          it must get horrid sometimes,
   living that life of a puppeteer / narrator -
     never really drunk with pesky humour -
       never once enjoing a wicked thought -
        a meddle on the omnius frivolity of life...
but personally? i find it almost bewildering that
of all the ancient Greek gods... Hades was homeless...
that's before Hades was a noun designating a place,
a realm... i just find it hard
to believe that of all the gods, Hades didn't have a temple...
    the only god from ancient greece that didn't
have a temple... sure, they had a statue of him,
  but there was no temple to see to benediction...
now i really think i've over-stepped it...
                     the wine is imploring me to end this
polyphonic nonsense, and think of a monophonic
sound of a woodpecker... relax... think of the sound
when wood is chopped...
      relax... forget this circus of what could be
described as a theoretical exploration of a schizophrenic
symptom... think of a monty python sketch...
        calm



                                                                                 .

Rest in peace willow of the nest
My condolences for such dreadfulness
I did not mean for the sun to neglect you
I did not mean for your leaves to abandon you

Forgive me, dear willow of the nest
Forsaken by all the living
****** by such dreary darkness.

Dear willow tree,
No longer will I burden thee
When your seeds begin to grow
I hope that you know
Your new life will intertwine with my death
And with my last breath I’ll curse you with my sorrow
You won’t see me tomorrow
Past the pain of now’s goodbyes
Please tell me why, oh why!

Dear willow of the nest
Do you think pondering such revenge is best?
Trade your soul in for new branches instead of
Sleeping in the maggots that fill your trunk bed

Meanwhile,
lingering upon the magic tops of neighboring trees are new seeds
They shall bring with them bold opportunities,
Their company shall bloom gardens
They shall dance in the wind while summoning a thousand pardons
For they shall not be the ones to fill your empty nest
That once carried in it a hopeful wish, at best.

Every last piece of me has dispersed into the universe
Never again shall they come together
Never again shall I be whole
You can grow old with your new endeavor
While I create art with my soul.

Goodbye, my beloved willow tree of the nest
You were a fantasy; a courter; a lover;
A whimsical romance, at best.

I.
I saw it all through the eyes of a child, knees scraped ****** at the altar of remorse
Who couldn't sing a single hymn without his voice breaking off
And who lost himself in the laughter from the congregation
I took it all in by pieces
The way the dreamers lusted for Icarus, but ultimately settled for getting high on the ground
The way the dreamers became junkies and the way the junkies died like clockwork every hour on the hour,
To be reborn as prophets on a newsreel clicking their tongues about the fall of America
Please
Get down off your high horse, brother
America has fallen and now you're just embarrassing yourself

II.
Mercy for the lovers, they know not what they do
Mercy for the restless, the senseless, the savage
Plucking at chords till they find the voice they need to reach heaven,
Sipping gasoline from the cupped hands of the sons of the revolution,
Mercy for the revolution, they really did mean well once
But their anthems caught on dead air and they drowned in the high tide of their own self importance
And we didn't mourn but we'll sure build them a monument,
A manifesto pieced together from scraps of torn up prescriptions, misspelled names on coffee cups, tobacco spilling out the seams of broken cigarettes
And it will proclaim to the world,
These are the fruits of your labor
These are the lifeless things you bled your youth dry for
Sanctify them, sing their praise from the highest peaks
And receive payment in your next life,
A hundred hymns per heart broken, and a thousand pardons per spirit swallowed whole
Mercy for me, you know I couldn't help myself

III.
We are looking at the underbelly of an evil machine
So when I speak the apocalypse please know I'm being serious,
Lazarus has just finished his third cup of coffee today and he isn't even pretending to be amazed anymore
How could I get that lucky?
Could I unlearn the branding of my soul or am I next up to the chopping block?
If I ever hear the wind cry Mary on the downswing of the blade falling to take my life it won't be soon enough
And I will look back on all the bruises in creation I've left,
In milky white flesh turned deep purple,
In starry American sky lit up by dissent,
In innocence exposed to the fluorescent light of sin,
and yearn to leave each one again,
Just to experience what it feels like to stain something beautiful one last time

IV.
A beautiful boy drags his grandmother's ashes down his throat into his lungs to spit back up epiphany after epiphany, balanced on the manic edge of destruction
An angel faced girl dreams of mountains, the whole world a church to be celebrated
A harlot sings desperate in the street to attract just enough attention to make it through the night
The devil lights another cigarette and waxes romantic about the one that got away
These are the heroes to whom I give silent thanks,
These are the criminals to whom I give violent condemnation
These are the faces I pick out of the static behind my eyes,
These are the hearts I wear stitched into my sleeves
I'd be nothing without you

V.
**** me once more in the neon lit halo of your love and this time give me a shot between the eyes, just to be sure
For I have seen the end and I'd rather just get it over with
String me up between the billboards for life and loneliness and hold me still in the holy visions I have of a last judgement
Shoot me up once more with my drug of choice, the sadness I spent decades mixing in my basement till I got it just right
And let me explode one last time,
Let me be vivid and shameless, let me scorch their retinas and blacken their brains till they start to see things my way
Build me a monument worthy of the king they thought me to be, not the king that I was
Write my eulogy on the back of the receipt for my soul, and never let the ******* tell me I didn't get my money's worth
Martyr me again, and this time I won't back down
I promise
It's the least I can do

Dreaming seems to be a cycled reality,
dueling matters of vague interpretation
almost holding on to a fugue
state of delieverance,
that returns to dreaming.

A wakefulness that pardons our stressors,
exploring how sureness of changing tides
have arrived to wash the shore’s footprints;
turning salutations to a once cumbersom
slumber to keeping these eyes closed.

The mind never rests,
it continues to timely act.
Despite the character of one’s gait
submissive to extrinsic. We dream the same.
A neutrality in recognition,
the deepest desire,
the social matter,
and the human acceptance.

We rise to sleep
to deeply wake
the harden reality we failed,
to accept throughout our day,
removing our knighly armor and face
our dragons which have their own vices,
yet our devices hinder. Our true dreams,
blur between eyes closed
changing to dreaming with eyes open.

Realizing all true negatives are true
positives differing only from accepting
that I can vertically add difference;
we can all equate to change
if you keep dreaming in mind.

Vous reviendrez bientôt, les bras pleins de pardons

Selon votre coutume,

Ô Pères excellents qu'aujourd'hui nous perdons

Pour comble d'amertume.


Vous reviendrez, vieillards exquis, avec l'honneur,

Avec la Fleur chérie.

Et que de pleurs joyeux, et quels cris de bonheur

Dans toute la patrie !


Vous reviendrez, après ces glorieux exils,

Après des moissons d'âmes,

Après avoir prié pour ceux-ci, fussent-ils

Encore plus infâmes,


Après avoir couvert les îles et la mer

De votre ombre si douce

Et réjoui le ciel et consterné l'enfer,

Béni qui vous repousse,


Béni qui vous dépouille au cri de liberté,

Béni l'impie en armes,

Et l'enfant qu'il vous prend des bras, - et racheté

Nos crimes par vos larmes !


Proscrits des jours, vainqueurs des temps, non point adieu,

Vous êtes l'espérance.

À tantôt, Pères saints, qui nous vaudrez de Dieu

Le salut pour la France !

A spark takes a second
The fire lasts a little more
But a pebble is shaped over ages,
By waves beating upon their shore.

What the tide brings under the Sun,
It takes away under the Moon.
The scent of the roses in Spring
Was lost to the winds too soon.

Of what use now is watering a flower
Which already withered to nightly rains?
Of what good are the pardons you shower
Upon a slave who has died in your chains?

This bridge I was building
Collapsed before the mail van could cross
With this pebble I was gilding
That shall remain to you, an unknown loss.

The trembling thunder chains soul to awake.
Though depths be the bane of the weak,
To strike the divine is to drain the opaque.

What holds your reason, should judgment mistake?
Though the alternate prospects are bleak,
The trembling thunder chains soul to awake.

Were it be you, could comfort forsake?
No, unaware, your posture bespeaks.
To strike the divine is to drain the opaque

The valiant of will won’t welcome the quake
Empowered, the sordid, the broken, the meek,
The trembling thunder chains soul to awake

Ethereal dance, whose lost weavings partake
those apes, who stand tall, boasting technique.
To strike the divine is to drain the opaque.

Yet pardons, in diligence, to the transparent fake;
On fires dwell qualms of conceit.
The trembling thunder chains soul to awake.
To strike the divine is to drain the opaque.

Dedicated to Eva and a southern mother
“  I grow weary at times but having my mother’s spirit, I always bounce back”

Through the coldest chill her voice reaches with the warmest comfort in all the vastness that life
Can be she is and always will be the central anchor of life a spirit devoid of all misrepresentation
Love’s most endearing and all enduring I don’t recall a natural physical monument that exists but
It could never stand or grace such a rarefied place that already abides in our spirit our soul the
Almost unlimited mind pays her homage if you checked and ran back to the root of our actions
You would see her precious face eyes glowing with pride at your accomplishments her influence
Is always present like a deep pool of the richest wisdom it surges when you face difficulty or
Know stress without remedy not to leave father out she is the buttress the support beams in all of
His successes his central nerve center tenderness ever winds through his heart and soul and sets
Controls on his actions that would be harder and make life predictably harder she pardons and is
The enabler for him to be a little boy at times that is his refreshing and procures lost magic and
Wonder that is drained by the demands of life her life is a costly one no one else would ever go
To the lengths she goes to they might go but it would be with the complaint this is too hard and
Question is it really worth it she knows the answer to that question there is no greater reward
Than Being the well spring the unending fount that spills and thrills the little ones she brought
Into The world no matter what their ages are and when her earthy sojourn is complete and she
Must cross the chilly waters of the Jordon her limitations now at an end her free and unrestrained
And enlarged noble spirit is in part like the prophet when his guide and enabler was taken he
Received a double portion of his spirit first you have mother naturally that is awesome
Unbelievable then when her earthy duties are over she goes to her reward and lo and behold you
Get her back but twice what you knew before her insights flash in your mind her strength surges
Through your tired and weak body you see ahead with limited sight she is standing on mountain
Tops looking at vistas that create hope from great turbulence of wind that spans the globe and the
Universe taking its beginning from His throne yes she does trim its arrival in your life because its
Two strong for earthy climes it comes just at the right speed enough to make the trees put on a
Glorious show as they twist and bend its musical it’s just fast enough to please and not be scary
That profound ease that slips into your thoughts she has come to rehearse some delightful aspect
She has learned it is gripping it is tinged in mystery so you will long for the knowing it provides
Yes I’m thinking of mother Perry and mother Merrifield as a child I was a thief I stole from these  
Precious mother’s needs that I so needed there are many more that are too many to mention
enjoy Your Treasure if she is present or absent

yes, what, an, absurdity...
the apparent otherness to being...
so what is the "other" option?
the apparent "self" (with a missing
adjective affix of -ness)
                 to being?
you know...
   Heidegger writes more about
the universal condition of
being,
    than the particularißation
of beings...
somehow... pluralism of existence
escapes him...
  somehow, but
          somehow: not by chance...
i'm actually wearing a pair of stinking
socks,
i'm starting to surmise a paranoid
presence of a skunk...
but i won't...
because i know that i've been
wearing this pair or socks,
for two days, solid...
    pardon the expression...
                     i self-taught myself
the English language aged 8 / 8+...
and it wasn't even a realisation...
there! there we go again...
  realization...
but what would be more correct?
realißation...
        first lesson, in diacritical
application...
     second lesson...
         there is no lesson...
English is not a universal language,
nor does it, exactly, portray itself
as universally minded...
     it has particular rules,
and particular laws...
        no... English is no
1 + 1 = 2...
  it never was, and it never will be...
now...
                  you, telling me,
that it is, just as well...
is not helpful...
              i want more...
         hmm...
how to put it?
i remember a car drive with
a friend of mine...
and i remember,
distinctly...
how he was scolded for not
remembering the alphabet...
  ****, even i don't remember
the alphabet,
there are too many words
that are required to erode my memory
in order to spell them...
why would i need to memorize
the ******* alphabet?
         education is,
after all,
the prime tool for
memory erosion...
the personal memory...
whatever the **** matters...
   that there's existence
contra that's there-existence -
and such a posit,
is an escapade into a non-pluralism -
given the obnoxious there,
without a posit for "a" here...
given that there is the certain
posit of, existence...
      while "here": isn't even
a being, or beings...
                   and as such:
such an un-entertaining exercise
in the native tongue...
  it could be summarized in even
allowing a man to, blush!
      sorry, i don't speak the native
tongue,
i speak a native tongue that
the natives don't speak...
               not if they're supposed
to be deemed a: nation
of shopkeepers.
                       language requires either
rhyme,
or logical simplicity for the natives
i've encountered,
there is no chance in hell
for there to be a play on words,
or a deviating logic behind
every or any sentence
structures...
        it's madness!
madness!
       they'll bring down
intelligence,
cover it with retardation...
and call in the psychiatric examiners...
as they always do...
        i'm used to it...
do i mind?
      em.... how about extending
my tenure of making criticism
postmortem a 100+ years,
and then we can rekindle
the conversational demands
of said, question?
  what i found though?
the German call life: sein -
or being...
the French call life: existence -
or rather:
out of every and within every
worthwhile inclusion of
an exampled instance,
that culminates in a allocated
revision:
   worthless without
an exclusion of non-examinable
instances,
           i.e. pitiable
the career in dream interpretation...
one of life's grand pardons...
or whatever verbiage there
needs to be included in
crafting a deviating:
  faux pas...
           it's still a question
of... what existence pertains to:
an observation of
being,
                  or an observation
of beings...
                well then...

sein    :        wesen

    contra...

          be present, be located -
hence?                 da -
  i.e. there...

                but... what is "here"?
da               contra          
                                         hier... no?

by "being" there, i can be,
"there"... within the allocated "being"
of beings...
              but i can't be, "there",
by allocating myself
to the being of beings:
while also allocating myself
a being of being...
no?

                   since to allocate myself
a being of beings,
i'd have to subsequently and
simultaneously allocate
myself a, being off, being:
to counter the exampled:
beings,
   name the nullified being,
in the manner off being, of beings.

see how atomißed language
can become?
   see the roots, Germanic in English?
i could have spoken perfect German
if i was only allowed...
but the English education
structure focused on learning
French...
i hated French...
i hate French...
       if i was given an option
to learn German... i would have
probably learned it...
after all...
         English is not a Romance
language... it's an offshoot
of the Germanic tongue...

might i add...
the friends i once had...
began hating me...
after they realißed that my "girlfriend"
went by the name of Sophia...
and that...
   their own girlfriends were
becoming a chore...
   choices are choices!

you can't speak this sort of
language piquancy to a woman,
and expect a reply of replicated jests
of a missing sense of humor...
you can't speak this language
of insolence,
   a language of impracticality,
of, "philosophy"...
because... you just can't!

    not the language of a Gnostic
who drew:

         (H)          (H)
            
                   A

the eyes, above the sigh of
                                enlightenment;

and always, along came the sight of
the (W)eaving lineage of perpetuated
life,
   with the canonical retort
of woman, sarcastic...
                                                    ­   E(h)?!

it's either called: watching that technicolour
masterpiece... bell, book & candle,
kim or kimberley or some other from 1958...
and all those photographs
of the empire state building being
constructed...
without a single bungee jumper
or those suicide nets from the neck and bones
of the sweater shops of Corono alias
Mexico and some third party pardons
for the: better placed bet of
the faking it capitol...
and now i know that sargon of akkad
has welsh roots...
which means absolutely nothing...
it also means:
root i... be the don of man
in the girth of the 'oods!
massive attack's - live with me video:
which is twice better than the prodigy's
slap my ***** up...
namely how ******* up
trajectory hulk and spewing leaves you...
when ***** is done solo...
and when all of whiskey is drank
without an honest remark for patron:
ms. amber...
and there's no vinyl record shop
in the vicinity...
a high street where you only get to buy
mobile phones, trackers,
shoes, cheapshit clotches...
pardon coffees and lazy doughnuts
without ever having ever sniffed
living yeast...
always that packaged dry load of ****...
live with me:
i do hope you never jest at the platonic
offer of dreaming even
a sly measure of it coming true...
nothing i write is allowed to fall onto /
into a pillow...
i can imagine a pillow to be a mouth
to be a guillotine i imagine
sleep to be: the precursor ****** of lingering
death...
that bottle of cider and a shot of whiskers?
if there's anything akin to double-dutch...
there's the double-irish...
which is... ugly h'orange...
oh why so ranging Dublin away from
Boston, massachusetts;
privy... come... let's talk...
why is it that the green in the three colours
if Ireland... even the green looks...
"cheap"? it's not the sort of green of Italy...
and sure as ****...
that orange isn't the red of Italy...
and that orange is oh so much cheaper
than... the house of orange and the sinking -
red light district of amsterdam...

- the pleasure always comes
with the final tilt of the glug and...
what's to be made kosher of a goat...
or a ram...
the levite fiddly-bits of orthodoxy
baronage: when any variant of prayer
ensues...

no, i can be associated with the crazy cat ladies...
i too own two maine **** cats...
one's headlining as being over 10kg in... "size"...
another is teasing 7kg...
and i vacuum the house every, single day...
i'm truly like an adolf ****** when it comes
to the house being free from it ever
being believed to be a house
that entertain petting cats...

i hate fur... two cats you can keep:
but as long as the house, you sweep...
is... bound to a frequence of once a day...
every day...
ecce diem: omni diem...
that's how i will only allow myself
to keep cats, if the house is vacuumed and freed
from fur, every, single, day...
perhaps i'm asthmatic with a jealous nose
that always wants to inquire
the heights of mountains and the pitfalls
of valleys... and clarifying noble waters
of the spring...

and with a 3rd of a worth of a chemistry's
degree... one could almost wish
to be... this sort of willing...
to be a trashman...
and plot the next leibniz move of never
making it to going out...

my tidy... my tidy...
the best jobs with the least amount
of contact with people playing
sycophancy and the crab and tapeworm
roulette / violin...
if that's... obviously an utopian dream
outside of canada... sign me up!

it's still ***** orange to me...
even the green look *****...
just like: what do you call french navy?
certainly not romanian blue...
the swedish yella is not the romanian
gold-tinge primark yellow...
just saying...

not even excuses for bulgarian green
can match with italian green...
austria is no better when it comes
to red...
the germans have a red in their flag...
that... somehow works
with the red and yellow...
which the belgians seem to lack...
even though they share the same colours...

dutch orange is never really orange:
except when it comes to a football match...
by then the irish orange is
aenemic... to say the least...
and the green is pale...
perhaps because it is left to contrast
with orange rather than red...
and only the french match up to "blue"
of the union jack...
but only thanks to the navy teasing purple
of st. andrew's cross flag of:
tease Midlothian!

the cider is 'ere... the scotch is 'ere...
what do i have to complain about?
complain... complain...
no... nothing... really.

Got 2 fingers for this night
2 bloodshot eyes on the town's small size.
I'll take this walk on shaky toes,
take 1 more bottle for the icy road.

3 years, 3 months and countless ghosts,
some angry friends, a long walk home.
     I stumble down Wyoming Street
   and ball 2 fists inside my coat.

                      Stunted
I tripped while running in place,
bit my tongue and cut my nose up--
    ****** my pretty, spiteful face.
                   And I'm just
                       punting
and slurring while I beg for pardons.
Forgive my weak and sour heart--
                  didn't mean it
when I said "Goodbye and **** this place."

I'm a werewolf on nights like these--
popping joints and twisting knees,
yellow eyes and dagger teeth;
full moon makes my lungs freeze.

When memories claim my mind,
can't see through greyscaled eyes.
Sorry to waste your time
          but I seem to have misplaced mine.

Hundred questions for myself.
Emptied 15, placed them on my shelf.
0 answers inside each 1.
Shapeshifter's sorry that I killed your fun.

3 years, 3 months. 1 long walk home.
I gambled with these dicey ghosts.
I spilled some drinks and said some things.
Grab my coat and hope you can forgive me.

                      Stunted
I zipped my leaking lips up.
Bit my tongue -- I'd made no progress
     Hung my petty, spiteful face.
                  And I'm just
                      punting,
but could you forget my infractions?
                 didn't mean it
when I said, "Goodbye and **** this place."

I'm a werewolf on nights like these--
Claws bared and licking teeth.
So, please just don't mind me
as I walk out on unsure feet.

Sorry to waste your time,
but I seem to have misplaced mine.

There is something there, in the essence of this, something that i tasted, salt and sweat, dripping from your fingertips. There is footsteps in the stairway around my heart, i hear them creaking in the moonlight, as you find your way in the dark.
Where is my vision?
I don't tend to look at your eyes, i cannot, i do not have to be that strong. I found a million pardons, when i was asking if there was something i did wrong. I feel the scoop of your hand on that familiar place on my back, and i headily breathe you, as i hear your knuckles crack, from the weight of my familiarity.
Where do i come from?
What is that whisper in the ****** air. The dreams that i have are so absent and so bare. I lost and i lose and try to walk again, on broken ankles, with broken toes, my legs have the strength of ten men. And i am lost, i am lost, and i will say it again. But i am lost in being lost, so is this my religion, my prayer and my a-men?
Where is my heart?
Free me, throw me into the air, shoot me, ****** me, act  like you don't care. There is no obligation in an ounce of your tone. Your music is denotation, your heartbeat becomes a microphone. And you sing, you sing, a love song to me 'Dorothy you are home'
Where is my place?
Dreaming of second comings, and i desperately seek your face. I want to kiss you, to kiss you, with my lips, i will erase. You are nothing more to me, than a seeker in this battle of sun-down to sun-up. Find me, come hide me, come fill me with your cup.

God serve us in daily bases,as daily we gaze through the rays of the sun with a reflection of the daily light.so lazy but utalised nor fertilised as we crawl under daily sins getting so much early abit more yearly,daily daily i look foward nor backwards.i sight fears while getting frozen tears daily daily daily saviour above lime pardons until i barely live all the daily life days.

give me sleep
the waves have lapped over me
for years now
and the crashing has left me shivering

give me sleep
until the moon pardons these waters
for just a day
while we wait
just let me be null

give me sleep
so that when i wake again
my throat is clear and air flows freely
and my chest sways with the tide
instead of against it

until then

give me rest
give me rest so i may wake refreshed
to face the rising moon
without this salt water chest

Fable IX, Livre V.


Fier de sa charge magnifique,
Fier de porter, je ne sais où,
Pour je ne sais qui, l'or du Chili, du Pérou,
Et du Potose et du Mexique,
Un gros vaisseau marchand revenait d'Amérique.
Le joyeux équipage était des plus complets :
Passagers, matelots, soldats, maîtres, valets,
Favoris de Plutus, de Mars ou de Neptune,
L'emplissaient, l'encombraient de la cave au grenier
Ou du fond de cale à la hune,
Pour parler en vrai marinier.
De Noé l'arche était moins pleine.
Un rat cependant grimpe à bord,
Et, sans montrer de passe-port,
Sans saluer le capitaine,
S'établit parmi les agrès.
Un pareil commensal ne vit pas à ses frais.
Aussi s'aperçoit-on, tant au lard qu'au fromage,
Grignotés, écornés par l'animal rongeur,
Qu'on nourrissait un voyageur,
Qui n'avait pas payé passage.
Le conseil de guerre entendu,
Vu l'urgence, un décret rendu
Hors la loi met la pauvre bête.
En maint lieu maint piège est tendu,
Et des mâts maint chat descendu
De maint côté se met en quête ;
Le proscrit, qui d'un coin oyait et voyait tout,
Et tremblait un peu pour sa tête,
Dès que le conseil se dissout,
Au patron, d'un peu ****, présente sa requête.
« Pitié, pardon, grâce, seigneur !
« Je renonce à la friandise.
« Foi de rat, foi d'homme d'honneur,
« Je vous paierai le tort qu'a fait ma gourmandise.
« Seigneur, qu'on me débarque au port le plus voisin,
« J'y trouverai quelque cousin,
« Ou rat de cave ou rat d'église,
« Mais gens à vous payer tout prêts.
« Le continent doit être près.
« Que ce soit Angleterre, ou Chine, ou France, ou Perse,
« J'ai partout là des intérêts
« Ou de famille ou de commerce ;
« J'ai partout là crédit. - Ni crédit, ni pardons
« Pour les escroqueurs de lardons,
Dit en jurant l'homme à moustache.
« Force à la loi : Raton ! Minet ! » Le rat se cache.
Gascon, fils de Normand, il savait plus d'un tour.
Mais à quoi bon ? La nuit, le jour,
Cerné, guetté, chassé, harcelé sans relâche,
Il ne mange, boit, ni ne dort.
Peut-il échapper à son sort ?
Partout on a mis des ratières,
Partout on a fait des chatières,
Partout la peur, partout la mort !
Elle est préférable à la vie,
De terreurs ainsi poursuivie !
Mourons donc, mais en homme, et vengeons-nous d'abord.
Il dit, et de ses dents, meilleures que les nôtres,
Usant, limant, rongeant, perçant en maint endroit
La nef qui sur le Styx s'en va voguer tout droit,
Dans l'abîme qu'il s'ouvre il entraîne les autres.
Je tiens même d'un souriceau,
Qu'heureux plus que Samson au jour de sa revanche,
À la ruine du vaisseau
Il échappa sur une planche.

En préceptes, lecteur ami,
Ce petit apologue abonde.
Si je l'en crois, en ce bas monde
Il n'est pas de faible ennemi.
De plus, le sage en peut induire,
Et l'homme puissant doit y voir
Qu'il est dangereux de réduire
Le petit même au désespoir.

A seventy year old woman is waiting at her physician's office in a hospital gown. Her name is called by a secretary, and she calmly gets up to walk to the desk. She is told that her doctor is waiting to speak with her in his office, where he has the clothes she arrived in.

After some time, she exits the office in her dress, shawl, and shoes. She is clutching a manilla envelope. She is wide-eyed, calm, and content. Her face glistens with the fresh residue of tears.

The woman's granddaughter is waiting in her sedan, parked in an adjacent parking structure. She is listening to music on the radio. The woman shuffles to the passenger seat door and enters the car. The granddaughter instinctively starts the car and begins backing out of the parking space. As they're leaving the parking structure, the granddaughter notices the manilla envelope held by the woman. She stares at it, missing her signal to turn onto the road. She ***** her head back forward, and her lip quivers before gradually morphing to a smile. She turns off the radio before continuing their trip home.

The woman enjoys many nights with her relatives and friends, hosting dinner parties and being treated to recreational outings.

When the woman meets friendly acquaintances or loved ones in public, they always deliberately congratulate her before swiftly and gracefully continuing their conversation as normal.

One month after the previous doctor's visit, the woman is awakened by breakfast in bed, prepared by her daughter and granddaughter who are both doing their best to contain their beaming excitement.

"These deviled eggs are wonderful. I knew you would share the skills I taught your mother."

The woman's daughter asks her if she'd like some privacy.

"Oh, no. The more the merrier! I almost couldn't sleep with how much I wondered who would be standing in my kitchen right now. Feel free to let them in, just one at a time at first if you wouldn't mind."

The woman's daughter exhaled in delightful affirmation, and obliged. The daughter and granddaughter left the woman's bedroom.

A tall man named Harvey with white hair, a scully cap,  and glasses put down a mimosa that he was nursing onto the kitchen counter. He smirks when he notices the woman's daughter nodding loudly as she walks towards the crowd. Harvey turns to the rest of the small, tight-knit crowd who are enjoying each other's company in the kitchen. He pardons his interruption, asking if they mind that he go first. Empathetically, everyone in the room encourages him to proceed.

Harvey enters the woman's room.

"Oh my lord! I wish I'd finished that script!"

Harvey chuckles at the woman's remark, bending over to hug her in her bed. The woman gleefully reciprocates, with a grape still bouncing around her mouth.

"You know, I give you full permission here on out to use or adapt anything in my vault. Consider it my retirement gift. If you need to talk to any of the new people to get the rights, just call Diane about it first. She'll straighten it all out."

Harvey praises the woman's work, saying he couldn't do any of it justice. He thanks her for the gesture, but says it won't be necessary. They spend almost fifteen minutes reminiscing with one another.

He asks her how she's feeling.

"Great, actually. Now that I've had more time to process all my feelings recently, especially with everyone else, I feel more dignified. I feel ready for what's to come. I'm surprised we're one of the few cultures of this world that do this. I always knew that this is how we meant it to be, but I was still scared of the future and didn't quite trust the process. Now I'm confident since I've felt that the process is itself trusting me. Does that make any sense?"

Harvey thinks it does. He asks if the woman would like to speak to some of the others, and she agrees.

Over the course of ninety minutes, a hearty handful of relatives and close friends visit the woman in her room in small groups, thanking her for everything they've given them and receiving her own loving compliments in response.

After everyone's spoken to her individually, they all excitedly rendezvous in the kitchen with a pastor. The last of a charcuterie board is picked at by the younger attendees while the daughter speaks to the pastor, who arrived within the past half hour. The daughter is nervously trying to clarify procedural details with the pastor, but the pastor replies speedily and in a reassuring tone.

All the visitors file back into the woman's bedroom, lining the perimeter and encircling her bed. The pastor proudly strides to the center of the room, facing the woman who is practically glowing with honor.

The pastor introduces himself out of formality to the room, but with an infectious sense of levity in acknowledgement that everyone's already acquainted with him. He thanks the woman for electing him to be the officiant of this traditional meeting. He joyously espouses a soliloquy of his personal admirations for the woman, recounting their bonding memories. He acknowledges the mutual love in the room, recognizing those in attendance.

He reaches a cadence, announcing that everyone is gathered in this room today to deliver a greeting of congratulations-in regards to some landmark information-to the woman.

The pastor looks directly at the woman and calmly says "congratulations, Eve. You're dying."

"I AM?!?!"

Grape juice leaks onto her blouse from the side of her mouth.

Clashing at gold, is a folly surely,
As bashing at skulls; is a scarring thing.
Turmoil for those who weep but rarely,
ye have set aflame the fiery king.
He burns those who persecute under his wing,
Whom he reflects with a tornado flame.
His realm expands and as his subjects sing:
“Ye King Of Fire triumphant your reign.
Forever may you stay as king and all be tamed.”

He pardons all who try to be godly.
And he destroys those who are not trying.
The King Of Fire Singes the unworthy.
And protects those who are under his wing.
He commands the skies and the one sighing.
He always protects his queen just the same.
The flame he controls mirrors the stunning,
The force he utilizes reveres his name.
The force of ground, and fire and sky is his fame.

little people with big mouths and shriveled hearts
filled with excuses and pardons beneficial to themselves
pretending that the little game is just that: a game

forgetting about feelings and filled with fallacies
pieces are placed in their perfect position
strung along like stupid, sorrowful simpletons

experience is not something that can be fooled
anger is not something to be played with
apathy is something to fear

love is  patient and kind
love is also obstinate and persistent
it will not be misused or mistreated

true love is not an elementary concept
small minds simply cannot understand
naturally cling to games that only give empty satisfaction

A prayer is just a cry of becoming human
A cry is just a scream
Of a frightening belief.
And how do we remember how to speak in tongues,
And to flow through moving tunnels
While molding the body to fit something else-
A pattern not yet seen?

Being silent doesn't stop
Others from knowing your unquiet thoughts;
We are more alike
Than we will ever be different.
Just save the last breath for god,
Who pardons all your conscious confusion.

That last, most brilliant light you'll never see
Is only a brain being consumed
By the entrophy of existence.

The stars are well-lit cemeteries
Of illumined souls, that went forgotten once
In the unevenness between the boundaries
Of time, space and heaven.