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K Balachandran Dec 2014
A look deep in to her eyes and it subtly pushes in to a trance,
her lips in a smile curl,from where a primordial memory dances,
much deeper than visceral, in effect it's clearly transcendental
she becomes a pointer, to the quest entrenched within soul

I want to ask her this, how does she transfer her subtle essence
to me with such effortless ease, as if we were bound together,
with few words, looks and touches,like the dance of a painter's brush,
a way to connect so quick, or is it an existing channel that has opened?

An experience without parallel in life, so exhilarating to me
to discern, internalize and imbibe, a zen beyond human logic,
wasn't she a presence, in the deepest layers of my psyche?
an apparition that came to light, when the time was just ripe!
RA May 2014
Don't try to pin me down. Instead,
let me flutter gently around the twinkling lights
that look intriguing to me at the moment.
Don't try to catch me. Instead,
watch me keep my distance and try to understand
that I can still exist happily in the freedom of solitude.
Don't try to predict my changes. Instead,
know that even I cannot usually do so, and try,
if you so wish, to weather with me my changing seasons and summer storms.
Don't try to immitate me. Instead,
realize how beautiful you are as yourself and furthermore,
I am not something you should immitate, want to be.
Don't try to change me. Instead,
accept me as I am. Though your forced changes may indeed be better
for me, your acceptance will make me want to better myself.
Don't try to explain me. Instead,
internalize that some things are inexplicable
and that my reasons for being this are so much uglier than you see.
Don't try to justify me. Instead,
remember that even those who are hard to grasp
make mistakes, even horrible ones, and sometimes need someone not to forgive.
Don't try to destroy me. Instead,
listen to me when I warn that many have tried, purposefully
or otherwise, and I am not so fragile as I look. You will end up burnt.
Don't try to push me away forcefully. Instead,
ask me to go. I will understand, I promise
I only want distance to be a respectfully created space, not a hidden minefield.
Don't try to reel me in. Instead,
if I come to land near you, bear in mind that this is rare
but, too, bear in mind you have no obligation to want me here.
Please, don't try to pin me down.
If you ever do., I will be a dead thing of former splendor
pinned to your corkboard, and you will finally understand me
when all of my entrails come spilling out, displayed to you
and I lay, helpless.
“She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.” --Jerry Spinelli, Stargirl

April 9, 2014
~12:14 PM
    edited May 4, 2014
Kevin Eli Dec 2012
I find the tragedies of people so heartbreaking. Addiction is misunderstood, and this has become my understanding.

I realize that this disease is not about drugs. Drugs are only a symptom of addiction or the "ism". Some people do drugs, while others collect things, suffer endlessly in painful relationships, others obsess over things they cannot control.

The real beginnings of many of our problems comes from far back in our lives starting with childhood and upbringing. We are told that we are expected to be a certain way and that we must follow the examples of others. Even though we should believe that adults that abuse us are wrong, we internalize it and find it to be our faults. “What did I do wrong? I shouldn't have done that. I must do better next time.” I have looked inside of myself and translated that this life terrorizing issue is hard to understand, yet simple.

We have a personality we have grown up with and created. An ego represented by coats of armor that we put on. We put on a new layer of armor each time we are hurt or learn a lesson. Eventually these suits of armor start to get so heavy, we cannot move, we cannot breathe. We try to walk around and be true to ourselves but our defenses make it nearly impossible. We only want people to see what we let them to and tell our true nature to shut up. We think our true selves aren't enough to be loved and isn't worth showing people. We become ashamed of what we actually are underneath. Our Egocentricity takes over and creates that facade we want people to see.

There are several walls we must break down in order to free ourselves of the thousands of layers of armor we put on over our lifetimes. We have the first wall: our personality we present to others. We must know it and see ourselves for what we actually are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a wonderful human being that is deserving of everything life has to offer. The second wall is the big brute who bullies you at any cost to keep himself alive: Self-hate. It is your greatest critic, your manipulator, and your source of evil. You must look at your self-hate as a black dog behind you that is always barking, looking for attention, undisciplined and untrained. Wild, vicious and dangerous, it will do anything to get what it wants from you and does not love you. It will beg and give you those puppy eyes, but it is always lying to get what it wants... In front of you is another dog. Your true self. It is a little puppy that has not been nurtured or given attention in a long time. This puppy does not bark, it does not cry. It just wants your unconditional love as it has for you.

You must not ignore the black dog behind you. It must be stared straight in the face and you must say NO. This is where the last wall and line of defense against your true nature and love for yourself hides: Fear. You are afraid that this desperate black dog will bite you when it doesn't get what it wants. It will bark so loud you cannot hear anything and you are afraid of being ripped apart and die if you do not give it what it needs. Yet, this dog has a hidden chain attached to it you have never seen or knew about before. It cannot get to you if you don't let it near you. You must make the deep and soul searching decision through great fear and with courage to never give this dog what it wants again...
Turn your eyes forward...

See the little puppy in front of you? It looks at you with those big eyes filled with the desire for you to love it and take care of it. That puppy is you... Don’t be afraid of the work it takes to raise that puppy, because it will grow up slowly yet surely and be your undying companion; always guiding you to the happiness you deserve. Give it some water, some food, your love and take it on walks.
This is you. This is your puppy. If you can learn to love this puppy and nurture it, you will have found you love yourself. When you can love yourself, you can then love another...
The suits of armor come off and you can finally move away from that black dog behind you forever. The love you found will flow into you. You will be able to live with freedom, unchained from your self-hate and fears. Nobody can say you are a bad person anymore. You have taken such good care of that puppy that you don’t need anybody's approval. Your own puppy is happy, and he loves you unconditionally. It is unconditional love for yourself.

Everybody has this armor on and everybody has different weights on their shoulders. It is up to you to decide when to break free. I will pray for you all in the mean time. Please pray for yourself and others.
And as you do, remember to love freely.
Meghan Johnson Dec 2014
Internalize
Rationalize
Idolize
I can't sleep at night.

Have I sanded you in my memory?
Rubbing your rough edges down
to fit the hole left in me.

These memories can't maintain my constant invasions.
Can you put a lock on a mind?
Can you forget when he's all you can find?

Some equations can't be solved.
Watch who you alloy WITH/
tools you employ WITH/I emphasize
WITH/
no exaggeration/
emphatic to their exasperation/
no caption no captain  all to captivating
verbose elocution what? verbose?
what ever
You write doesn't become rote/
the execution of the elocution of the words that Were spoke/
problems arose oppose deal with them aplomb/
synchronizing with flows currency is then what becomes/
electrifying with these verbs action astound/
pound for pound every now and then do a thing with a noun/
pronounced or
yet possibly you haven't notice/
surmount the insurmountable couldn't count the posers/
when most fake it you get most focus/
internalize their emotion fuel the fire ferocious/
fandom analogous?
non comparative/
A new style I guess/
tandem me and 26 The Narrative/
Laurin Thor Jun 2018
The dreadful is not bearable.
The good is unreachable.
Our gods condemn us.
And death is a curse.

We all suffer. We all fear.
Anguish and distress
are not utterly in our hands.
We are not in control
of our life and death.

Do not despair.

~

For somatic dread
is equalized by
the deepest pleasures.
For fear is merely
an imperfect prison.

Do not despair.

~

For the good
is within our reach.
Let go of empty desires.
Dismiss aversion
and attain true delight.

Do not despair.

~

For the divinity of the gods
is our shield.
Internalize the truth:
within the divine
there is no wrath.

Do not despair.

~

For our deepest grief
lies in the fear of death.

Do not despair.

For death is no curse
and life is not far from complete.
Embrace mortality
and make it the gem of your being.

No damnation awaits.
No sorrow is at hand.
For death is insentient.
The ancient sage:
his life my blueprint
his death my archetype.

Do not despair.

For death is insentient.

~
This is a poem based on a paper I wrote about a part of the philosophy of Epicurus.
Jay Mar 2014
Me
I like long car rides through the woods while listening to sad songs
I like collar bones
I like songs that romanticize him sleeping with another
I like when his hands shake
I like messy handwriting
I hate being around lots of loud people
I hate when jokes are carried out to long
I don't believe in talking just for the sake of it
It breaks my heart how beautiful humanity is
I'd rather be broke and happy than rich and sad
I like when my fathers drunk because he says all kinds of things I'll never hear him say sober
I hate most shades of green
I cry almost every day
I love Charles Bukowski and F. Scott Fitzgerald
their writing makes me feel alive
I hate the taste of ***
I drink ***** like water
I think I'd still love him with his hands covered in my blood
Pictures of bunnies make me smile
He knows this
I over romanticize the the little habits he has
but they truly are my favorite thing
when I said "I love you" for the first time I thought I meant it
I didn't really mean it until it seemed too inadequate a phrase
I love fresh green grass even though it makes my skin red
I like how clothes smell when they come out of the dryer,
but I hate washing clothes.
I love how my mother is so forgetful,
I hate how she forgets my feelings.
I don't like birds,
but I wish I could fly away.
I hate ignorant people,
I dislike my own ignorance more.
I don't have the patience to read long poems
but I could listen to readings for days
I always stumble over my words when I'm excited.
Green and red are not suitable house colors.
Maybe I'm not as complicated as I feel
I still remember how disappointed he looked that day I broke his heart
I can take others hurting me but I can't hurt others
I like my dad's girlfriend
and not just because she give me alcohol
I drink to **** my insides
I don't see a point in living for a long time
I like angry music
It seems more alive than happy songs
I hate my English teacher but I still think he's brilliant
The Great Gatsby changed my life as much as a work of fiction can
I've only been in love with boys with blue eyes
I only have three best friends
I'm constantly terrified that they hate me
I feel grown up when he holds my hand in his car
The little things he does to impress me make my heart flutter
I love when summer is turning into fall
I've been a parent since the age of three
My mom thinks I internalize other peoples pain until it destroys me
Maybe she's right
I follow about 118 people on twitter
I only know about 30 of them
I've been suicidal since the age of 13
My mother doesn't know
It would break my fathers heart
It breaks my own heart
I compulsively run my fingers through my hair when I'm nervous
He thinks it's cute and laughs
I love his laugh
I can never finish a meal
I hate eating in front of people
I don't believe in god
I did when I was younger
I wish I could sing but I wouldn't want to be a singer
I've never spent the night in the same bed as a boy
I hope he changes that
I try to be sincere
I often fail
I drink too much for my age
But others drink more
I hate when people worry about me
But I don't know how to make them stop
I can't listen to the news without crying
I like raw genuine emotion
I hate absolutes
I always kiss on the first date
I dont believe his promises even though I say I do
My wardrobe consists of blues grays and blacks
I hate where I live but I think that's common
If I lived somewhere else I wouldn't of met him
It makes me angry that my best friend got to kiss him
She's no longer my best friend
I don't like being questioned
Small talk bores me
I don't sleep well
I have vivid dreams about terrible things
There isn't a reason for why I write
Except it feels like there's an animal eating away at my insides when I'm not writing
this isn't very poetic, this is who i am.
Jayanta Apr 2020
It was a sunny afternoon
You identify what is new with me,
I was in puzzle, unable to internalize
“What new you talks about”?
Then you underline on my notebook ‘
Put a margin remarks,
It is different here
Appreciate ‘humanize dimension of nature’
Be careful
“Do not replaced nature from the frame
Never forget about identity of culture rooted in nature! “

That’s you are, a curator of younger
And Pater for many one!
I know you become tired
In the long journey of loving and living!
I know you become aide-de-camp
By rapturing of your beloved one!
I know you want to go for a long sleep
  Please take rest in peace!
We will run-through the practices of curatorship for young
But not for incubation!
In the memories our  adored teacher Prof. Tritha Borkatoki, funder HoD of Geograpohy, Cotton College, Guwahati,Assam , India
Stefan Petersen Mar 2013
I always loved puzzles
as a kid waiting for his food
crayon in hand
the adults are talking adult things
things i never wanted to hear
submerged in simplicity i'll solve the maze
subliminally i internalize
things like adultery and kidnapping
all i wanted to be was a kid napping
why do we become as childish as adults
searching for answers when we don't know the questions
I need money!
I need to be funny!
I need to be strong!
I can never be wrong!!
STOP! sink have a drink
we can talk, walk and stalk the reason for remaining
life is such a perplexing puzzle
no picture of how it's supposed to be
swirls of red love caress the edges
they're all i've managed so far
Emily Jan 2014
My cause of death won't be
A physical ailment
I won't have a heart attack
I won't get heart disease
I won't be plagued with cancer
I won't die of old age

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I give all of myself
I stop whatever it is I'm doing
To help those around me
I listen to and advise my friends
I assist my family
While no one does that for me
I am left alone 99% of the time

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I must internalize
Whatever emotions I feel
Because nobody understands
How deeply they go
They judge me and find me crazy
There is no one out there
Who is as equally emotionally strung
I am alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that when I get sick
Or when I am hospitalized
Like I was earlier this month
No one seems to think it's a big deal
My mother doesn't pay much mind
Not even the one I'm in love with
Said one word to me
I was alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I don't see hope for the future
I see ignorance all around me
I see laziness and poverty
I don't see any opportunities
For me to get out of this place
I am wandering aimlessly
And alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I hate myself
For allowing my heart and my soul
To break as they both have
I am hypersensitive
I feel abandoned
I am weak and fragile
Even in a crowd of people
I always feel alone

No, I will not die from something physical
I will die from a broken heart
© Peyton 2014
Desperately and frantically,
Grasping on to the
Wisps of every single
Fading memory, and
Struggling to internalize
And remember every
Passing
Moment.
Tick tock
Goes the clock. 
Life feels like a flash,
A vicious dash,
Towards some unknown,
Meaningless end.
I guess to understand
The brevity of life
From such an early age,
Is to be an old soul,
Full of rage at the
Unceasingly increasing toll
Of treasuring every moment.
Tick tock
Goes the clock.
Tick tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Then I'm just a rock..
I wrote this one this morning after reflecting on the urgent nature of human existence.
subpar star May 2016
you are the sun, the moon, every single star.
you are the silent breath that dances with the trees.
you are the snowflakes in the winter,
and the flowers blooming in the summer.
you are both the devil and god
and i could not possibly think
of a more beautiful combination,
because you are catatonic.
you have the potential to explode
and destroy everyone in your path
but instead you internalize your combustion
so the only one who gets hurt is you.
you are the only one i would both live and die for,
but i wish you would learn to live for yourself.
Hanle Barnard Jun 2015
A fragment:
What words can scrape this metal from my skin. I am a ****** pulp, wrecked and stretched on a canvas to your command - you the world that watch me and judge. My painter self-inflated on walls for viewers. See me yawn at the cost; only to be tossed back onto the floor. I am slowly losing my sense of humor, my sense of existence. Such is the industry, such is my life. Used once more for my art - and what is art to but a reflection of my skin; A reflection of my life within this contorted disfigured mind. Only to please, please internalize this second that is passing onto you.  You are reading me like a book. You echo my moans with such precision. You mock the very spirit of me, you human; you trapeze artist that taunt and move across my strings. What movements you make in these dizzy nights, when light reflect me off you. You will never be like me and I will never use you like you used me. I am your eating utensil.  I don’t care what you do. I am an artist. I make my living and so do you. There is no more skin to peal. This skin is raw; dry crust of my remains. I don’t feel much these days. I block you out. This is a contract of our end. You only dance to make a noise; filthy dogs.
An extract from my novel - The Artist and the Wolf
Allania Berkey Mar 2016
I will internalize the words you say
I will memorize your lips and the way they fell perfectly in line with mine
I will hold you hand as an imprint on my heart
I will love you furiously and wildly like a melody grasped in music
I will do all of these things in outrageous outbursts
with honesty
With hope
And with the charitable idea of love
I will love you
Openly, honestly and heavily
I will open my mind and my ironic thoughts
I will
But in a twist of empty faith
You resigned from the will and charitable outburst found in music
The melody halted
As did our will
I will forever remember you
I will embrace the words you once said
I will remember the way your lips touched mine
I will remember your hand on my heart
I will endlessly and sadly remember the love
I will remember the song that always played in the back of your empty room
I will remember the thoughts that fired through my soul
I will always remember you-- *and I'll always remember our unexpected goodbye
jeffrey robin Oct 2014
(                                                )
O             ­                         O

^^^

>>>>>>>                //// • ||                 <<<<<<<
<>        

/      (     (        \

################

she
                                           ( pure love )
is quite the thing                        

                                  ­         |||||

THOUGHTS ON BULLYING
~~~

( ---- like an epidemic
         Sweeping thru the culture

Especially amongst the YOUNG )

••                  

every act of disrespect

Every act of insensitivity

Of treating another as Alien

/:::/

Is actually an act of

SOCIAL TERRORISM

Which at the personal level
The one on one level

We call BULLYING

/:::/

Which we mistakenly limit to a recurrent but still
isolated incident ,

But / upon further reflection / we notice that these
incidents are often of a POLITICAL SIGNIFICANCE

In the same way that GANGS  ----- lawyer up ---- and enter
POLITICS and POLITICAL PARTIES

& POLITICAL PARTIES ( as GOVERNMENT )
take on all the characteristics of GANGS
as they start spying on and terrorizing
The population
and basically using their Power as a form of
PROTECTION RACKET

////

We too / internalize these tactics of Control /
and legitamatise them into SOCIAL NORMS
hence
BULLYING

( especially in the School System )

The Schools being where the kids turn into
Lab rats in a maze
and into
BRICKS IN THE WALL

//:://

This TERRORISM / BULLYING

as SOCIAL NORM

is primarily seen in that aspect of a child's life
Where the child is most sensitive

The EMOTIONAN LIFE
the ****** LIFE

••

First / thru the Media
The child is bombarded with
Images of Wanton ****** excess
And always within a commercial setting///

The body as COMMODITY
as PHYSICAL    OBJECT

///

One ATTAINS one of these OBJECTS

if one is  / WORTHY !
( has POWER )

meeting this object
And  KEEPING this object

Becomes a totally INDUCED PREOCCUPATION

and / as it is being played out in young minds /

It is a total MIND CONTROL OPERATION

Instilling IDEAS and ATTITUDES that will last
A lifetime

POLICAL ATTITUDES !

The acceptance of VIOLENCE at all levels
of experience

So early / and so deeply ingrained / that the VIOLENCE seems NORMAL

and then the child becomes dependent on GOVERNMENT
for protection

///////

now / let us look at ourselves thru

OUR OWN EYES !
the eyes of
OUR OWN POETRY

••

The subtlety of our BULLYING !

I LOVE YOU !
YOU HURT ME SO BAD
I AM FORCED TO HURT MYSELF !

This is so obviously simply BULLYING the other person into
doing what you want

I HATE YOU NOW !
AND I HATE YOUR NEW PARTNER !
MAY YOU BOTH GO TO HELL !

The hidden threat is obvious !

This is TERRORISM !

••

The main property of

TERRORISM / BULLYING

Is the way it induces CONFORMITY
into the society

Anyone who stands freely outside these INDUCED SOCIAL NORMS  is harshly labelled and ostracized

This of course begins in the schools ( as you must know )

Words like

FREAK / GEEK / NERD / LOSER / LONER
Etc

Abound // but it is the EMOTIONAL UNDERPINNINGS of these words which are used as a meals of legitimating VIOLENCE that we must notice

VIOLENCE against these OUTCASTS / REBELS become tolerated  by AUTHORITY  

and all Youth is divided
And INNOCENCE RENDERED IMPOTENT  

//

Now

I could go on and on
( and on )
And on  !

With examples

But we all have read ourselves !

///

So
I am just asking that we all examine ourselves
And ask

WHERE DO MY IDEAS ORIGINATE FROM ?

WHY

DO WE HURT EACH OTHER AND THUSLY
OURSELVES THIS WAY ?

Perhaps then
We will see who are friends should be

And who are enemies are
Nicole May 2021
500
Dear Nikki at 5,

I wanted to write to you today
To honor our 500th poem
To honor you and to honor
All of the pain you've carried for us
I think of that one night
Maybe the first time you wrote about your feelings
You were so hurt and angry
Emotional energy like a current
Electrifying your entire system
So you found solace in your words
Scribbling onto your magnetic sketchpad
Letting the anger rush through you
Concentrated energy through the pen
I am so proud of you for coping that way
I know you felt better afterwards
Written words tend to alchemize our energy
Firing ferocity into calm
I respect your instincts
To translate your pain into art
It was beautiful until your peace was shattered
Our mother found your writing and
Instead of discussing your pain and anger
She took your words for gunshots
Ripping apart her already low self esteem
So she sat you down on the stairs
She was distraught and upset
She told you that your words hurt her
That your feelings caused her pain
That you were bad and wrong for writing them
Instead of considering your emotional state
Instead of even asking what was wrong
She loaded your shoulders with shame
Forced you to carry the burden of her pain
A child responsible for the emotions of an adult
You took on that task and couldn't have known
That doing so would internalize that responsibility
That you would forever feel at fault
When anyone around you felt pain
She taught you that your feelings are bad
That your inner workings are inherently flawed
Your emotions, your wants, your needs
Normal pieces of your humanity
It all became your greatest enemy
And your most intense fear
I am so sorry that she didn't hug you
I am sorry she didn't tell you it's ok to feel
You deserved love and compassion
You deserved to be taught that
You are not defined by your feelings
She could have taught you that your choices
Carry the truth of who you are
That you made a beautiful decision that day
To write out your emotions when
You could have acted them out instead
I want you to know that I am so proud of you
That your feelings were real and valid
Your feelings matter, every single one
I am so sorry I spent most of our life
Shaming you for being human
Instead of celebrating your sensitivity
I reinforced and added to your burden
I blamed you for every broken thing
And turned you into a target for pain
You deserved to maintain your childhood
You deserved respect for your humanity
I am sorry for the time it's taken me to learn
After 20 years I finally understand that
Your feelings matter and your heart is good
You will no longer carry this pain
I will be the parent that you deserve
Thank you for sticking with me
And thank you for leading us here

I love you little one
You have always been enough

With love,
24-year-old You
My 500th poem, dedicated to my 5 year old self.
Natalie Nov 2014
do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,

she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.

she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.

she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.

she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.
witchy woman Mar 2015
All the words you say to me
honey you must surely realize
I take every word to my fractioned heart
I can't help but internalize
I've told you, darling
I'm in love with the simple literature
Your beautiful, soul-filled voice has painted me
So many lovely, mental pictures
With such power over me,
You're the only one I listen to
That makes me truly believe
This dynamic is laced with its downfalls aswell
For no heaven has ever presented itself
Without it's inevitable hell.
Everyone in this world could be
Throwing stones at my name, they only bruise
Even words that leave mental burns,
Or as far as verbal abuse
And baby I wouldnt care as long as you still thought I was beautiful

So, say everything exactly
how you mean it if you please
Actions speak louder than words
But with the power of love
You absolutely captivate me
Your sentences can break
this writers heart with ease.
I created a second part to my first addition, enjoy!
Life in itself is a learning game
Sarah Rodríguez Dec 2018
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Momma! Can you hear me? I can hear you singing through tears momma. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok momma. I’m not in the dark anymore. Here there’s only light, and plenty of room to run. Momma it’s amazing here!Everything is going to be ok. So please, please, please, momma, don’t cry, rest your head, let me sing to you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

No one knows. No one knows the loss of my own body, the ripping and savagery that took my own flesh. The pain that blooded and caressed my thighs.

They did no wrong, they hadn’t even breathed never the less committed a single sin. My beautiful, beautiful baby. did I do you wrong? Did your creation create a target on your head. A punishment for my sin.

You didn’t deserve to be stripped of the earth, before you could even experience it. To be failed by the body that was supposed to love you the most.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

And I hold these red beads in my hands, thinking of that day when red was all I could see. Grasping this shield singing and praying for healing. Wondering who you could have been. Creating these ideas of who you would of looked like.

If you would of had my brown curly hair and his silly smile. If you would have his musical genius and my creative brain. Thinking just how beautifully beautiful you would’ve been.

Could you solve a math equation from the top of your head, would you sleep till noon like your father, or wake up early like me, would you continue the tradition and play tennis or would you create your own traditions, Would I walk you down the isle, or button up your tux? Oh my dear child you don’t even know what it would have been like to baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirt.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby my sweet child,
Why did you leave before I could even say your name?
Why did you give into the white light and leave me with a scarlet pain?

Did you sacrifice yourself to spare me of what life I would have lived with you in it?

But I want you in my life. I dream of your ringing footsteps, of you crying out for me, of holding you to my breast and carrying for you with everything I have.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, I’m sorry I never got the chance to love you.
But you’re not a baby anymore now are you, you’re my little angel.
Sweet angel of mine, I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry that I can’t internalize a reason for you death even though your death was internal for me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

My beautiful baby I love you till this day.
You might be gone, but the idea of who you could have been lives on with me, forever.

I’m sorry our love died I’m sorry that my body wasn’t strong enough to hold you.
I was carrying so much, that it made me lose my everything that could of been you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

I would have named you Mark or John, or Mary magdalin, I would have rocked you to sleep every night. Loved you with all of my heart, sing to you till your precious eyes closed, and I would be sure to let you know I loved you. I loved you while you were being formed, and I loved and I missed you while you were deformed.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, sweet child of mine, how could you have left when there is so much love left for you here with me. Why did you go home before I had the chance to make you a home of this world. Before I could even see your face before we could even given you a name.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Precious little baby I know you’re at the gates of heaven, and I know you’re not mine, so all I ask from you is to send me a sign that you’re ok, that I can be ok without you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

But I lay here barren and empty.
Scooped bare, and ripped apart internally.
I have nothing to give you but my love.
I will always love you. My sweet beautiful baby. And I will hold my hand to your previous home of my body and feel for your heartbeat, your sweet beautiful innocent heart beat and I will never forget you, the love of my life, the one I never knew.
Jayanta Apr 2014
It is the mother’s care which perks up us,
In our family and clan ………,
In our space and time…..,
In our dream, thought and prayer.. !

It is our mother..
Who edify us, ‘how to begin life…’
Make our life vivacious and beautiful!

It is our mother…
Who create hurdles on our way...
Pose limit to our greed!

It is our mother….
Who define way for us ….
Accomplish our need!

It is our mother….
Whom ……
We worship….
Adore….

We internalize to our brain and vein
To our blood ….
Soul….

Our mother lives in
Land… soil… forest… river ……………,
Even in leaf ..flower, fruit, egg……………
Everybody call her ‘Nature’!
In India we call her 'Prakrti'
Francie Lynch Jun 2018
I would've given birth
To you,
Endured whatever
Mothers do.
Instead, I did
What Dads do.

I rocked you
Til my future shook;
Watched you til
I couldn't look.
As you changed,
I changed too,
To do the things
That Dads do.

You were bathed,
Dressed and fed;
I loved you so much
I was saved.

If there's credit,
Well, I get it,
For teaching you to read.
I took the blame
When you got bored
With school's ABC's.

I followed you
In all your roles,
Your teams,
Your solos,
Your trips,
Your shows.
First to clap,
Last to sit;
I taped it all,
From start -
To finish.

I taught you
How to tie a lace,
Ride a bike,
Golf and skate.
When time arrived
For you to drive,
You learned
On standard,
Never stranded,
You came home alive.

Your highs
I took in stride,
By example taught
Humility's pride.
Your lows,
I couldn't internalize,
I dropped my guard
With my eyes.

When Dad's do well
It's a double edge,
The future wedge.
The world
Revealed
Desired you too.
I don't dismiss
What mothers do,
But when Dads do well,
Both lose you.
Repost: Happy Father's Day, Dads everywhere.
Elise Oct 2013
Do not write your secrets.
They can and will be used against you. Anything on paper your demons will find.
Although, demons aren’t always bad, some are just lost like you are.
You can learn a lot by simple questions. I have learned more about myself when is the presence of something darker than night than from anything else.
And for goodness sake don’t leave your words anywhere in plain sight.
You’re asking for trouble.
Or is that what you wanted?

Do not shout into the void.
No one will hear you, and even if they do they won’t come to save you.
You have to save yourself.
Find peace, even if it’s not the happy kind.
You will thank yourself. And for the record, get used to thanking yourself, you do a lot of great things without realizing it. You are your own worst enemy, but also your own best friend.
You live with yourself for a good long time, at least be someone you enjoy.

Do not internalize the pain someone else causes you.
Life is too short to be sorry you didn’t speak up.
If someone hurts you then say something because you will like yourself far better than if you did not say anything at all. Silence is the biggest regret one can have.
Thievery is the biggest sin, do not steal ones right to the truth.
No lie will be better than speaking your mind.

Also:

Do not listen to me,
I have done all these things. 

And I am still just as terrible as you are.
This is not advice at all actually
Amy Ems Sep 2013
why do you feel so alone?
your rumpled bed sheets say all I need to know
about your restless nights, your insomniac eyes
the bruises on your walls can't be covered up
darkness does something to you that I can't understand
so quiet, always lost in your labyrinth mind
I'm afraid of breaking you

letting people in has never been easy for you
the locks on your doors keep more in than they keep out
what haunts you?
your fears are unknown, so you hide from the world
anxiety is tearing you down, burning your keys
you invited in what you thought would comfort you
but loneliness crippled you instead
everything's been dark lately, like something bad is about to happen
Sally A Bayan Sep 2015
Start slow...
     warming... up...and...below
         forty five degrees
            to the left...right...others go nineties...
       some freeze...from locked knees
   they don't mind...they'll recover
          before the hour is over...

Detach self
    from what
       surrounds
             but...still aware
                connected...
            agitation
        soon to be lessened
   eventually....calmed

Focus...
   exercise
       stabilize
    synchronize
        visualize
     internalize
  energize!

Endure!
               An ant bites at the back of your ear
         something's  crawling on your tummy
     beads of sweat, drop across your eyes,
or inside your ear...you feel the cold touch within
    
A bee, a wasp...sometimes, a fly
      circles very near your face
           makes your wall of
                concentration, crumble
              tempting you to lose count
          of the movements
      testing you...
   if you might still stray...even
      a step away...
          if, to your weaknesses
      you would still succumb

          will you be distracted?
             or stay focused?

Let eyes, and mind blink
     One...two...three...quickly!
            be grounded!
                stay on the right track.....

               Exercise!
               ...visualize....
               ... internalize.....
               ...never give up!



Sally


Copyright September 21, 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
***starting the week right...too much chinese noodles this weekend***
Francie Lynch Sep 2014
I would've given birth
To you,
Endured whatever
Mothers do.
Instead, I did
What Dads do.

I rocked you
Til my future shook;
Watched you til
I couldn't look.
As you changed,
I changed too,
To do the things
That Dads do.

You were bathed,
Dressed and fed;
I loved you so much
I was saved.

If there's credit,
Well, I get it,
For teaching you to read.
I took the blame
When you got bored
With school's ABC's.

I followed you
In all your roles,
Your teams,
Your solos,
Your trips,
Your shows.
First to clap,
Last to sit;
I taped it all,
From start -
To finish.

I taught you
How to tie a lace,
Ride a bike,
Golf and skate.
When time arrived
For you to drive,
You learned
On standard,
Never stranded,
You came home alive.

Your highs
I took in stride,
By example taught
Humility's pride.
Your lows,
I couldn't internalize,
I dropped my guard
With my eyes.

When Dad's do well
It's a double edge,
The future wedge.
The world
Revealed
Desired you too.
I don't dismiss
What mothers do,
But when Dads do well,
Both lose you.
Steven Fried Jun 2013
Gaze over the bay and
recline with me.
Appreciate the beautiful trees that ebb and flow in the wind,
join them and become one with the flag on the breeze.
Don't mind the intruders.
There is juxtaposition with
the two red satellite beasts.
The bay is waging war with technological innovation in the twilight before dawn.
The towers are malignant tumors.
There can be no explanation...
Speak on things far deeper than the common vernacular.
Externalize your feelings, internalize the images, worship the stars.
I have a sheet, and an uncomfortable bed, but I need you to listen,
for a while longer yet...
Robb Aug 2013
See the sadness in my eye, if you took the time to look
But most people believe the lie, sinker line and hook
Embarresed to talk bout the feelings in my mind
So I internalize it all, get used to it in time
But the darkness never fades, it is always on the edge
Looking at these lines, that are dropping A from read
The scars will never disappear, remind me of my past
Even though I have moved on from that, fear that they aren't last
Still plague me in my dreams, wether waking or asleep
So I try to ignore the demons creeping out of me
They escape in time alone, but surrounded I'm no better
Short sleeves it's apparent, kinda like my scarlet letter
D for depression or M misunderstood
People say they're here to help, but tell me how you could
Do you get the pain I live with? Is it something you understand?
Do you lay awake at night, with a razor grasped in hand?
Does your arm run red, when the worlds too much to bear?
Or do you have another means to get you out your head?

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression

It's sad how no one gets it, get judges it's so offensive
Like an expletive instead of answering a question
It's me, my scars my life
Not you, your kid your wife
Your ******* a bit too tight
Try to loosen up inside
Cause it's not your life that's ******
Not your problem you're in luck
Never wish this **** on anybody, no ifs ands or buts
Tormented by day, live with terror in the night
Cause the shade envelopes me no matter how I fight
Just gave up, my wall collapsed
Defenses didn't last
So I caved in let the darkness have a blast
Say it's just phase, **** I wish that **** were true
But it disappears then returners stronger in a day or two
The numbness creeps up higher, reaching for my brain
Then finally it's became part of every nerve and vein
Encompasses my body and it takes over control
Until the days fade together, looking like a blur
This is not a joke, you just probably don't know
Ive been dealin with this it's begun to take a toll

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression

I get so **** frustrated when I hear these people hate
About how weird those scars look, they don't take a second or wait
Try to figure out the meaning, or the reasoning behind
All the anger or the sadness that could cause the kind of drive
That would force the decision to drag across your skin
A razor or a knife or a lit cigarette end
But to me that **** means something that to you it never could
Because livin it myself has brought me closer to
The truth that lies beyond what these people have forgot
It's not your place to judge anyone who's cut
Cause chances are your wrong, and you probably make worse
Cause from experience that won't make them think first
It's just another reason to be done with your surroundings
To disappear inside and become hard as granite
To live to die to choose
Some alleviate with *****
While others turn to pills or *** to get them out the mood

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression
Song lyrics
Roy Vazquez Dec 2013
When I was younger
I liked to spin and spin
I would get dizzy and fall
and I would laugh
because things were good
and life was kind

When I was a little older
I liked to follow my brother around
I would get tired and fall
because no matter how hard I tried
I couldn't keep up
but things were good
and life was kind

The day I became a teenager
I began to internalize
and I would get dizzy and fall
because I was different
things were not good
but life was still kind

When I was a little older
I made peace with my struggles
I got light headed and cried
God made me different
but things were good
and life was kind

When I became an adult
I met my first love
We would kiss and I would fall
because I knew he would catch me
things were very good
and life was kind

When  I was a little older
I made too many mistakes
I was so sorry but I didn't fall
because I had ruined his life
and mine
and there's nothing to be done
things got really bad
and life was not kind

Now the days go by
but things are different now
and when I think about it all
I get dizzy and I do fall
because not a day goes by
that I don't think of you
and how sorry I am
for the idiot I was

but life goes on
there's not too much I can do
the little that could
was done
and we've moved on

The day I'm a little older
I'm sure I will see you that day
and I will probably get dizzy and fall
but I hope enough time has passed
where we are able to smile
because things are good
and life is once again kind
Absent Minded Oct 2010
Let me find your lips
softly finding my way to your heart

Let me feel your pulse
still knowing tomorrow may not come

Let me internalize your scent
then drift inwards towards dream filled sleep

Let me go wanting more
more of you as you are in the light of day

Let me hope for more time here
to further understand who I am with you
LL
Andrew Rueter Nov 2017
There is a fight
It is internal
There is a plight
It is infernal
There is no light
In this ******

There are many things people callously say
Like I'm the last person they'd expect to be gay
Delivered like a compliment
Burning like a sulfur vent
I have to remember not to say thank you
To save someone some discomfort down the line
When it's easy to let these sentiments internalize

You'll see this in the homosexual community
They don't face the hatred with impunity
Some call themselves masculine
And blame their plight on the effeminate
But no matter what
They'll still be called degenerate
So the community internalizes marginalization
Though this prejudiced stop is no original station
You'd think your own kind would allow vacations
From the population of an uncaring nation
That will never grant us any veneration
Because of the nature of our *******
Yet we **** ourselves for their placation

There is hatred within
This hatred imprint
When we fractionalize marginalized groups
Into the "good" ones and "bad" ones
We say the bad ones are the reasons the good ones must be hated
Whether they're cops or criminals
Christian or Muslim
Gay or straight
We find reasons to hate
When we live our life in the grime
Of the negativity we've internalized

— The End —