Lawren Sep 26
Alone I walk,
To no one I talk,
No fingers with mine interlock.

Day by day,
In bed I lay,
Wasting my whole life away.

Sad without tears,
But drowning in fears,
My voice is mute to your ears.

Always seen through,
Weighing all down like dew,
With joy, my life can't imbue.

So with no motivation,
and minimal mentation
From life I'll have full dislocation.
Wanted to pair rhyming (typically associated with happy poems) and a very depressing/somber topic.
Lawren Apr 30
What is appreciation,
But a love for what is
Exactly as it is.
An attention to the details,
Every crevice, curve and bend
Without expectation of change.
Quietly observing the natural truth and beauty oozing from within.
Savoring every moment, sad and happy.

I appreciate you.

It is more than love for love's sake.
To appreciate is to hold in high value not only the tangible,
But also the nebulous. The aura. The shadow. Whole.

I appreciate you.
Not what you do, but what you are.
Not what you say, but what you mean.
How you breathe. How you move. How you embody and exude your authentic self.

I appreciate you.
not yet finished. not sure how to finish it so need to think on it some more.
Lawren Apr 30
Through death we learn how precious life is.
We are given the gift of your first and last home.
With the first cut, your struggles, your joys and your scars are all revealed.
And we see you.

We see the physical pieces, tissues and organs that you inhabited.
The lungs that expanded with your first breath and collapsed with your last.
The heart that beat for the first time in synchrony with your mother's.
The **** in which you created life.

But when we see you,
We also find foreigners who took your space for themselves.
The cancers which suffocated and starved you.
Sutures, scars, and remnants of past surgeries intended to extend your life.
Abnormalities and deformities that not only defined your perfect imperfection, your humanness,
But also evicted you from your physical being.

So lucky are we to learn from you.
So indebted are we to you
For your generosity and humility.
Like all great teachers, you have made great sacrifices in the name of education.
And for that we are truly grateful.

While your ears cannot hear our "thank-you"
We know you are listening and watching over us
As we pursue the knowledge and empathy we need
To become great doctors.
I wrote this after the Catholic Mass was held for our cadaver donors and their families.
Lawren Nov 2015
The way in which you love,
So truly and deeply,
Is felt in my soul.
From the marrow in my bones
To the tips of my hair.

Just a glimpse of you
Warms my blood and
Floods my body with joy
And I can't help but smile,
Even if only for a millisecond,
No matter how deep into the darkness I've traveled.

And for that I am grateful.

You are the North Star that shines bright with diligence,
Guiding me through the treacherous night
Toward my freedom,
And away from the ******* of self
That enslaves me,
And keeps me shackled to my negative thoughts.

Like a mother cat to her kitten
You teach me not to **** where I eat
And how to always land on my feet when I fall,
No matter how far.

And for that I am grateful.

Your hugs are morsels of love,
Radiating with the kindness, acceptance and patience
Ingrained in your DNA,
That all transfer from your heart to mine
When we embrace,
Left to left,
Calming my anxious spirit
And once again I am grateful.

Because I know that no matter what,
You're on my side.
That the ratio of good to bad in the world
Increases every time you interact with someone,
Dropping little high-pitched bombs of wisdom
That explode with the positivity and joy we all need,
Not only to bring us closer to our own inner selves,
But also to see through the façades of others
And have compassion.

For we are all connected by an invisible web
Much bigger than us
And not created by us
But that traverses oceans and time alike
And brought you into my life
When I needed you most.

And for you I am eternally grateful.
For someone I love and respect dearly who is a mentor and happens to be  short with a high pitched voice (just so the references are clear) for her birthday. I hope it doesn't sound romantic bc it's not meant to, but it expresses how she affects my life and I hope she likes it. (And you like it too!)
Lawren Jul 2015
Though excruciating,
I have delicately incised my heart
And left it open for you.
Blood and all.
I am completely defenseless,
Truly surrendering what is deepest within me.
All of me is on display,
And I am vulnerable, exposed.
Our environment, unsterile,
Makes me susceptible to infections:
Hate, judgment, abuse
That spread through the words and actions of others,
Attacking my system.
And, subconsciously, I internalize them,
Accepting them as my own.
But I trust you to care for me.
I believe with conviction, I must,
You have washed your hands
In preparation to touch my heart
With the gentleness I need
And cannot provide myself.
Because alone, I am unfixable,
Permanently damaged and slowly losing blood.
Dying behind my seemingly perfect demeanor,
A closed facade.
I trust that because I have exposed my pain
To you, solely you,
We can begin to repair the destruction
And stop the hemorrhaging,
Together.
Thereby providing the means by which
This earthly vessel, and in turn
The fragile soul inside,
Can finally begin to heal.
The virtue of trust
07-18-15
Lawren Jul 2015
When I discern a goal I want to meet,
I must fully commit to the process.
3 steps forward, 1 step back.
While it may not be perfect,
I am moving forward with resolve.

A slip is not a fall
Unless I put my hands down
And a fall is not a failure
Unless I accept defeat.
Because I was born with the power and strength
To stand up against gravity
And anything else that tries
To bring me to my knees.

But it is determination that gives me
The courage to keep going
When burdened by fear of failure
And the unknown.

When a tornado picks me up
And violently plops me down
In the land of insanity,
It is determination that returns me home,
Even when I thought it impossible
Because crazy had become my new norm.

And it is my determination to discover
My place in this world, my value
That keeps me present in my body
When all I want to do is run away.
The virtue of determination
7-17-2015
Lawren Jul 2015
I am peaceful when my mind is still
And my heart is gentle.
My actions must align with my beliefs
Tall and orderly like the vertebrae in my spine
During quiet meditation.
I am not accepting of labels which others place on me,
That are in dissonance with my inner self
And what I know to be true.
Because only when I am genuine can I find clarity.
Clarity to discover my serenity
And be able to watch my emotions
Pass through me like vagabonds,
Instead of latching on for dear life
As my knuckles turn white
And my lungs turn blue.
The virtue of peacefulness
7-13-15
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