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Lawren Jun 29
I am the glass in your window.
Your eye struggles to see me,
Not through me.
Unless I am cracked, soiled or ajar,
Spewing air that makes you uncomfortable.
You keep me for protection
And because my appearance makes
Your house look good, inviting.

Every once in a while,
Your eyes catch a glimpse of your reflection
In me.
So you cover me up,
Hide me from the light
And shield your eyes from seeing
Your true nature.

If I shatter under attack,
You scold me for being too fragile,
Sensitive to the hurt thrown at me.
If the sun shines too bright,
You blame me for being too transparent.
If the rain patters too loudly against me,
You chastise me for being to resonant.

But you knew what I was when you chose me,
Picked me to be here.
I couldn't hide even if I wanted to.

Over time,
The forces pulling me down
Leave me uneven.
Because though still I may seem,
Inside, I am just
A collection of millions of atoms
Constantly moving, vibrating, changing.

Care for me you could,
But instead you choose to ignore.
Eventually replacing me with something newer,
Shinier,
And more like the others.
What it feels like to be ignored.
Lawren Apr 28
Despite outward appearances,
we are the same inside.
My heart beats like yours.
S1, S2. lub dub lub dub.
My lungs expand and collapse as yours,
My eyes observe yours watching me
And we are one.

Our lives, separate but concurrent
Have hardened our skin,
And softened our hearts,
Weathered our faces,
And strengthened our resolve.

I, the carer by title,
and you, the receiver by name,
the roles are readily reversed.
I am healed by your trust
And you by my ken

For we are commensal parasites--
Each requiring the other to live
While we sit, vulnerable,
Ready for the taking.

In my white coat,
And your white gown
We meet, as humans
To heal.
Lawren Apr 3
Since the age of 4,
I’ve wanted nothing more
Than to heal, and feel
Like I belong, therefore

I struggle and try
Pretend not to cry
While you laugh and laugh
Elated to simply standby.

I plead and seek your aid,
Instead of help, you evade
All I ask of you, is for you to do
The job for which you are paid.

My blunder I can’t ascertain
My fellows you guide time and again
Until, I yet see, that the error is me
Teaching me is from what you refrain.

But the real problem here,
Is that I can’t be clear,
Of this skin I was born in,
It doesn’t exist—a veneer.

On the ground I must lay,
Your knee crushing my airway,
While to me you tell, that all is swell,
My lips blue, no air left to say

That since I was 4,
I’ve wanted nothing more
Than to heal, and feel
Like I belong, therefore

Though scared I may seem,
And left no self-esteem
I continue to fight, for it is my right
To keep pursuing my dream.
How it feels when teachers refuse to help you because of a characteristic or feature or part of you that you were born with.
Lawren Sep 2018
Alone I walk,
To no one I talk,
No fingers with mine interlock.

Day by day,
In bed I lay,
Wasting my whole life away.

Sad without tears,
But drowning in fears,
My voice is mute to your ears.

Always seen through,
Weighing all down like dew,
With joy, my life can't imbue.

So with no motivation,
and minimal mentation
From life I'll have full dislocation.
Wanted to pair rhyming (typically associated with happy poems) and a very depressing/somber topic.
Lawren Apr 2018
What is appreciation,
But a love for what is
Exactly as it is.
An attention to the details,
Every crevice, curve and bend
Without expectation of change.
Quietly observing the natural truth and beauty oozing from within.
Savoring every moment, sad and happy.

I appreciate you.

It is more than love for love's sake.
To appreciate is to hold in high value not only the tangible,
But also the nebulous. The aura. The shadow. Whole.

I appreciate you.
Not what you do, but what you are.
Not what you say, but what you mean.
How you breathe. How you move. How you embody and exude your authentic self.

I appreciate you.
not yet finished. not sure how to finish it so need to think on it some more.
Lawren Apr 2018
Through death we learn how precious life is.
We are given the gift of your first and last home.
With the first cut, your struggles, your joys and your scars are all revealed.
And we see you.

We see the physical pieces, tissues and organs that you inhabited.
The lungs that expanded with your first breath and collapsed with your last.
The heart that beat for the first time in synchrony with your mother's.
The womb in which you created life.

But when we see you,
We also find foreigners who took your space for themselves.
The cancers which suffocated and starved you.
Sutures, scars, and remnants of past surgeries intended to extend your life.
Abnormalities and deformities that not only defined your perfect imperfection, your humanness,
But also evicted you from your physical being.

So lucky are we to learn from you.
So indebted are we to you
For your generosity and humility.
Like all great teachers, you have made great sacrifices in the name of education.
And for that we are truly grateful.

While your ears cannot hear our "thank-you"
We know you are listening and watching over us
As we pursue the knowledge and empathy we need
To become great doctors.
I wrote this after the Catholic Mass was held for our cadaver donors and their families.
Lawren Nov 2015
The way in which you love,
So truly and deeply,
Is felt in my soul.
From the marrow in my bones
To the tips of my hair.

Just a glimpse of you
Warms my blood and
Floods my body with joy
And I can't help but smile,
Even if only for a millisecond,
No matter how deep into the darkness I've traveled.

And for that I am grateful.

You are the North Star that shines bright with diligence,
Guiding me through the treacherous night
Toward my freedom,
And away from the ******* of self
That enslaves me,
And keeps me shackled to my negative thoughts.

Like a mother cat to her kitten
You teach me not to **** where I eat
And how to always land on my feet when I fall,
No matter how far.

And for that I am grateful.

Your hugs are morsels of love,
Radiating with the kindness, acceptance and patience
Ingrained in your DNA,
That all transfer from your heart to mine
When we embrace,
Left to left,
Calming my anxious spirit
And once again I am grateful.

Because I know that no matter what,
You're on my side.
That the ratio of good to bad in the world
Increases every time you interact with someone,
Dropping little high-pitched bombs of wisdom
That explode with the positivity and joy we all need,
Not only to bring us closer to our own inner selves,
But also to see through the façades of others
And have compassion.

For we are all connected by an invisible web
Much bigger than us
And not created by us
But that traverses oceans and time alike
And brought you into my life
When I needed you most.

And for you I am eternally grateful.
For someone I love and respect dearly who is a mentor and happens to be  short with a high pitched voice (just so the references are clear) for her birthday. I hope it doesn't sound romantic bc it's not meant to, but it expresses how she affects my life and I hope she likes it. (And you like it too!)
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