"definetly" poems
I put her in this book
I write her down as "Z"
Because I have a Beautiful
Little secret.
She's only made,
for me.
I got inside her heart
On that day I travelled
To this new Galaxy
But it's never been
Dark.
It's filled with...
Dreams
Goals
Aspirations
We have...
Destiny
I fall in-love again
every time I see her
Face, the smile she has
Can never be replaced
And when she just,
gets me my heart is
First in the race
Minds and Memories
Never erased.
From this whole book,
of what you are
And I hope to spread it...
Everyday
Together we've already
Created our own
Legacy
And when we use similar,
words like...
Jealousy
Envy
But we wouldn't mean
To do it on purpose
Only the purpose by
Fact not Chance
To show people,
the meaning of...
Truely Happy
So take my hand,
and walk with me.
And sometimes
The Way you look at me?
It takes my breath away
Sometimes I even.
Forget to breathe
And sometimes I'm lost
For words and I look and
Smile, reasons being
It's just to see yours...
If only for a while.
The way you push your
hair to the left to cover
Your face so nobody else
knows.
But it's the face I want
To hold and show people
Of what I have
The core of the earth
Stronger than Diamond
The Way I can pull you up
From the lowest of your lows.
With my hand in yours
It fits perfectly.
The way a kiss
Can make your whole day
And the way it speeds up mine
For the next time.
You know?
The Passion Of being there
I'll be your best friend and more
Hoping to open all the doors
And take a course
In You
The way we've made our promises
And the days we send pictures
To show the way
Where it's hard when We Leave
And the way I Miss You
But...
It's the way I Miss You
Feeling soo numb,
Has never been soo?
Familiar?
Can you imagine
Being in the desert with no water?
Being on the bungie with broken rope?
Being the kid with no hope?
Being in the darkest cave without light?
Two working eyes and no sight.
So now small parts of me
Are processed in ink,
cut deep within an put
On paper.
Because I feel?
Alive
I've got this case,
Of Love so put me trial
Give me the life sentence
You're definetly going
To be worth while.
Feb 19, 2014
Feb 19, 2014 at 6:11 PM UTC
A castle built on sand,
Falling appart by the striking wind, storming, raging, rampaging over the land in a furious devotion only a lunatic would be able to know,
No purpose, yet trying to make one, a nihilistic attempt of a deserted hell, forgotten through ages and generations, left to rot, perish alone,
I do not know the meaning of life, but alike you it has to exist,
Trying to put a broken heart back together, is alike trying to find the pieces of a cup which has shattered into a million, tiny, shards,
I cannot imagine each piece to be the same, because they are not,
Left to be never whole again, after my companions who shared the same naive dream I held dear, fell one by one, only their will remains,
The morning glow we dreamt of was more than just the sun rising,
In brilliance, the roaring sky should have embraced in light then shone even brighter, a firestorm of events as if it was an illusion,
The mission I took up, to become angel like became chains which bound, tied and overwhelmed me with their unimaginable strengh,
Even if no one understands me, giving up can never be an option,
If they worry about me, saying my ideas are twisted and silly,
And even if they speak ill of me, saying my dream to be an angel one day is beyond being naive...I will definetly stay positive!
Bearing my wings, I will keep fighting until someday I fall,
Like a simple feather
~ Umi
Apr 25, 2018
Apr 25, 2018 at 6:24 PM UTC
at first i did not realize what you meant when you said 'i love you'.
i thought you'd said it because you knew just how vulnerable i was to you.
you knew what i felt was real. but what you did wasn't
you were hiding behind a mirror that only reflected the love i had for you.
the things that weren't really there.
i did love you
i shouldn't have
but i do not regret kissing you that night under the lamppost
and i do not regret staying in my room all day long with you
but i do regret that first kiss
by the ball field
the night you vowed you would never stop loving me. the night that i was truly undoubtedly beautiful to you
i felt that.
but now i feel nothing for you.
you were the closest thing I've felt to true love and definetly the closest to heartbreak.
for months i couldn't breathe
my eyes were the red of blood
my checks were puffy as clouds
my skin was salty and id lost all passion for mascara because it only seemed to run down my face within minutes of applying it.
i laid in bed nearly all day
i couldn't move or speak
you had shattered me
and here i am
being you're friend
watching you kiss her
watching you hold her hand and watching you love her.
but i don't feel pain anymore.
i feel something worse
i feel empty
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 4:11 PM UTC
Talking with him,
Makes my head spin.
But in a good way.
I want him to stay.
I can definetly tell,
He'll be the main fill,
In my poems for a while.
I hope he won't read these files.
And if he does, I hope he'll smile.
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 2:18 AM UTC
“Are you OK?” “Yeah.”
Not really, but you wouldn't understand
“How are you feeling?” “Great.”
Terrible but I can’t tell you because you’d ask why
“Where’d you get that cut?” “Rollerblading accident.”
That’s always the perfect excuse
“Is there anything you’d like to confess to?” “No.”
Yes
“Do you regret anything?” “Yeah, going ice skating.”
Being born.
“Have you felt sad lately?” “No, I’m really happy.”
I feel sad all the time
“Why were you crying?” “Just finished a sad book.”
You don’t want to know
“What book?” “Looking For Alaska.”
The book that told the story of my life
“Are you sure you’re OK?” “Definetly.”
Definitely not
Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 8:14 PM UTC
There was a story hanging there
from the edge of my bed
but its teller I didn't want to know
so the story went unsaid
I thought I could ignor you hanging there
leave you to gently be
but after days you're still there
I'll admit you terrorise me
You crawl in through my eyelids
to my otherwise peaceful dreams
you mock me as your silence
seems to amplify my screams
and they keep on getting louder
because I keep them locked inside
and so they rage right through me
until everything I once was has died
They ***** my dignity
disemboweled my calm
tortured vociferously
my very entity
after knawing through the logical side of my brain
so that the only part remaining
is the part that is insane
Now as I swing from side to side
from the rope you've spun for me
I see you joyously scurry by
maybe we're both now finally free
And from my perch in heaven
If I ever look back down
I look at you and reflect that
I'd have done it differently second time round
I'd definetly heard you're story
I'd have given it a chance
maybe we could have been great friends
and we could sing and laugh and dance
There's plenty of your kind in heaven
and they're all great dancers too
I regret I didn't know you before
but now I look forward to meeting you
Oct 14, 2012
Oct 14, 2012 at 6:54 AM UTC
I stared at her face, it bloomed like a flower,
as she talked to him, her eyes sparkled.
I sense that it was a love so vast,
Yes, this thing might definetly last.
What is this love can truly build?
Why does it like being gild?
What is in this thing that brings insanity?
How did this made beings overtly?
I keep on discerning this kind of thing.
While I am waiting for someone to cling.
Perhaps I will find all the answers,
when God reveal my long-waited lover.
In my state, the choices I have,
is to wait willingly and pray to Father above.
And, no, my heart is not in a hurry;
it won't show any sign of fury.
A day will approach when waiting will be over,
God will grant me love so tender,
Aesthetic pleasure for the lovers I am seeing,
which makes me inspired and not get tired of waiting.
Jul 9, 2014
Jul 9, 2014 at 11:33 AM UTC
There's a hole in my ceiling
the roof caved in a bit
There's a hole in my ceiling
dust keeps falling in
There's a hole in my ceiling
I have to turn off my fan
There's a hole in my ceiling
I wish there wasn't
There's a hole in my ceiling
here's where it gets personal
There's a hole in my ceiling
it was definetly not optional
There's a hole in my ceiling
maybe it's telling me something
There's a hole in my ceiling
what if it had fell in on me?
There's a hole in my ceiling
and it's got me thinking
There's a hole in my ceiling
bigger than the one in my heart
There's a hole in my ceiling.
where's the button? I need to restart...
Aug 8, 2015
Aug 8, 2015 at 4:22 AM UTC
after all these years of hurt and pain
I ve finally met a person who has made those lost tears drain
I speak upon a woman whose fire heats my spirit
My mind and soul
Thats why i plan to love her in whole
When im feeling down
She always brings me up
Shes like my 4 Leaf clover
Cause when i think of her i feel luck
I write this poem upon a woman who has taken me as hers
So for her Gift is a man she deserves
She understands me more than my own family
And friends
Shes never judged me cause she sees something special in me that no other girl saw
Maybe this is the reason why i ll do anything to make her happy
Cause shes not only helped me but shes also made me better
I say this to the Lord above
To please help me make it to this woman
Whom i truly love
Shes is the best thing ever thats came into my life
And definetly plan on making her my future wife
I speak my words right here today
To motivate you in every way
Cause as long at day the sky is blue
There shall be nobody like you
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 11:45 AM UTC
Im ripping your heart
From your chest
I don’t ever
Want to be friends
I taste sweet
,but Im definetly sour
Like thorns
On a beautiful flower.
I really wish that i could love you.
Your words
**** me like a knife
Your silence
Breaks me all the time.
Im the *****
You happen to love.
That ***** you cant get enough
Sorry.
Tragic tunes with endless *****
It’s crystal clear,
your not wanted here.
I’m miserly and cruel
No love from me
Honey, Sparks need fuel.
i really wish i could love you.
Your words
**** me like a knife
Your silence
Breaks me all the time.
Im the *****
You happen to love.
That ***** you cant get enough
Sorry.
Aug 4, 2012
Aug 4, 2012 at 12:30 PM UTC
I'm going to Paris in a few days,
Definetly going to Quartier Latin and then of course steal the mona Lisa and start a revolution
Let's get the barricade boys
Don't trust the baguette
Aug 2, 2019
Aug 2, 2019 at 6:42 AM UTC
Where do I start with you. Thief. Taking all of my belongings. I remember when you first grabbed my attention. You still haven't given that back. Now I'm glued to the channel that is your perfection. As the series got intense you stole my focus. Almost like you knew what made me attentive. So relentless. After a while you snatched my spare time. Every free moment I had became dedicated to you. Where are you keeping it all? Thief. Where is my dedication. You took that from me and had a celebration. You pick pocketed my time. Every minute I should have had to myself definetly wasn't mines. You should be convicted or indicted. Because you took this poem. Im sure you can recite it. And when you do, ima stop and listen. So when you finally take my heart I hope you're ready for the consequences.
Oct 27, 2010
Oct 27, 2010 at 12:44 PM UTC
Hey dad,
Remember when you told me to walk the 10 miles from my middle school to our house, oh wait sorry your house, because you were out with your flavor of the week girlfriend?
Yeah, that was awesome. And when I got there the house was locked. But dont worry (you didnt) I climbed aladder and opened the window to get inside.
Remember when you called me a lair and told me i was an accident
in front of my closest friends for not telling you I thought I could be a lesbain?
Yeah, that was not the first nor the last night I cried myself to sleep. But you never heardme even though you wer just in the next room.
Remember when you hit me and blackened my eye for only scoring 13 points in a basketball game?
Definetly. And I never said a word about it when a teacher called child services. We can't have a beloved school board members good public name tarnished can we?
I once asked about you in school and how you had positivly affected my life.
I coudlnt think of an answer.
The most positive thing i can find in you is that you are more of a ***** bank than a father.
Mar 16, 2014
Mar 16, 2014 at 2:44 PM UTC
You say my face
Resembles beauty
You say that my heart
Does too
But when you tell me
I'm beautiful
It's not what I see
It's not how I feel
Maybe I am
But imagine not
Being able to Understand
Why someone
Can look at you
And say your beautiful
And you sit there
Trying so hard to believe
But you just
You just don't feel it
You don't feel that's what you are
Your more
Like nothing
Not ugly, but definetly not
Anything like beauty
Jan 13, 2014
Jan 13, 2014 at 5:56 PM UTC
Lately I’ve been dreaming,
Of the old days. Oh its amazing,
How things have changed. Back then,
When nothing made us worry, Back when
We were free, I loved it when you smiled
At me. I’m sure it was you, who was first
To make my heart skip a beat.
I remember how we used to hold hands,
Every second of every day, whenever we had
the chance. I also remember the feeling
Of holding you in my arms, and how you
Always made me happy when I was sad,
Afterwards saying something like “Psh, that was hard.”
Your sarcasm, geez,
Something I definetly dont ever again want around me.
But you know, what I remember most,
Are the things you had to say, Before
You went away.
“Before I go, I just
Want you to know, That I
Wont cry anymore. That I’ll never be
Lonely, because all the memories of you,
Will keep me company. I wish I could stay,
Even if it were for just one more day.
You’ll forever be in my heart, and I promise
To never forget your name. There are
So many things, I want to say to you, but
I have no more time left, so listen because
I’m going to say the words I hold most true.”
“I Love You.
I Love You.
I Love You.”
Never again,
Did I ever get that same fuzzy feeling.
I tell my friends about you all the time,
But they just don’t believe me.
Feb 9, 2011
Feb 9, 2011 at 9:47 AM UTC
Dont want to let you go,
Wanna be there in
Your tomorrows,
To see your smile
Like lilies of nile,
That soothes my soul,
My world of fantasy,
Almost everything actually,
I hold you forever in my arms,
With all my regards,
A juicy drop fallen
In a very dry paths,
Whispers into my life,
Like wind in morn
Which solemnizes me ..
Odour of mud in my rains,
Cool shades of island
At the shores..
Like brighten rays of sun..
Appears from the rift of clouds,
And smears gently & warmly into my heart,
They crossed many valleys and roads..
Even i watched him disappear behind dim delight,
Passed through many countries,
And still shinning
All honor to you!
The heroic host of the interminable path,
Definetly puzzling in your head..
But im quite well meaning..
But the curves are always there to protect sun as i !!!
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 5:11 AM UTC
I am not what you think I am.
Colourful, joyful, laughter and excitement.
I am dull, gloomy, serious and calm.
I do not find joy in loudness but in stillness I do.
I do not find pleasure in pleasing anyone because i cannot even please myself.
I am not picture perfect like you see me on pictures but i am raw, a mastering hideous perfectly formed flaw.
I do not have the perfect smile because real smiles do not exist in my real world.
My body is not what you imagined it to be because it is a skeleton out of it's closet.
I am not free as i may seem because i am trapped.
I am trapped in the flamerous and distructive thoughts of mine that are beckering at what i have become.
I am so afraid of what i have become, i have become so poisenious to myself.
I have become so out of value , i was once a diamond and now i am gravel.
I am used as a road for growth for some and a road of example of an expired female to the rest.
I am done, i am a dead body with a soul trying to live but soon will be ready to take it's life.
There is really no other way to describe myself other than expired, disasterious and into ashes.
I am trying so hard to cleanse all my past, my wounds , my flaws but the more i cleanse them the bigger they fluster.
Maybe the scars of all the heartbreak i have been through has marked the outside of me.
Im fighting a war with my inner self and outer self.
What is outside of me is building the monster in me.
The last time i checked what is in the inside brings what is from the outside but in my case it is the total opposite.
I feel like my past is haunting me and i see it in my reflection on the mirror.
Maybe this is a way of God's punishment to me.
For breaking all the laws he breaks my outer self inorder to break my inner self.
Day by day i destroy myself by impeckering at what i only succeed in which is my imperfections.
The burning gaze i receive from the monster that i see infront of my mirror lurching and mocking at my past written all over my imperfect body.
I am haunted, haunted by my thoughts, haunted by my feelings, haunted by my imperfection that is lingered by my haunting past that haunts my future.
Maybe this is what i was born for , i was born to be flawless in imperfection.
Maybe i was born to be seen as glorious but as soon as they get to know me they realise how into ashes i am.
I died, I died the day i lost my morals and i died the day i realised how i will never be good enough.
Not good enough for myself and most definetly not good enough for anyone.
I am alone once again.
I am alone yet i have so many people in my life.
But that's the thing, i have many in my "perfect" life that is a living lie and i have myself and only that in the real world of my nakedness and loneliness.
Maybe this is it, this is the hell that i was warned about when i was once innocent.
I died the day i lost my innocence and i was born again in the life of hell in a cell.
My life is a hell in a cell because i am imprisoned.
My whole body is marked and outlined by my past.
My thoughts of my past mistakes are locked in my brain and not willing to rest until i have no dignity left in me.
See what i mean?
I am not what you think i am.
I am not over my past.
I haven't overcome my flaws.
I have not found my confidence.
And i am not perfect at all and never will be.
But with time I will maybe be what i wish i could be and that is perfect in my eyes, unhaunted by my past and set free by my thoughts.
Sep 7, 2017
Sep 7, 2017 at 2:09 PM UTC
Time stands still when I’m with you
It’s chaos and stillness all mixed into one
Just enough air to breathe but not enough to speak
Arms wrapped around one another as if to brace ourselves against the clock
I’d open my eyes but I’m far too weak
Eyes closed, but definetly not asleep
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 7:28 PM UTC
I'm not always good;
That's just how life is.
But just because I'm not doing something good in your eyes,
doesn't make me bad;
It just means that you don't approve of my decision...
for one instance ... or maybe multiple.
I can't always be good in your eyes,
It is not physically possible.
So I won't try.
Honestly it isn't worth the energy,
when all I'm gonna do is fail.
Can't you just accept me for who I am and
all the quirks that come along?
Or is that too much to ask of someone?
I'm not perfect and I'm most definetly not an angel.
My goal is not to get into heaven;
or whatever lies above.
My goal is not to always appear good to you;
my life doesn't revolve around you.
What is it then; you may ask, that is my goal in life...
To be me; wholly, truly, and unchanging.
To find someone who won't want to change me, but accepts me.
To live the life I want with the someone that accepts me.
And lastly; to not always be good...
because sometimes being good,
is actually bad.
Dec 2, 2012
Dec 2, 2012 at 4:06 PM UTC
I heard you were leaving.
Moving away from all familiarity.
Leaving the past and the present.
Starting anew somewhere new.
I wish I could say I'm happy for you.
But it hurts to think
that your leaving me too.
Just this once I want to be selfish
and beg you to stay.
But I know it is not my place.
I will surely miss seeing your face.
I will definetly miss hearing your laugh.
But I will be okay knowing your happy
living life.
Don't worry about me.
I will find my own happiness too someday, just not today.
-MPS12
Aug 7, 2017
Aug 7, 2017 at 6:17 AM UTC
I'm not really good at not killing things
Especially the things I love
You gave me a rose bush
And I, and I lit it on fire
That's what you call desire
I'm misguided
My soul trajectory is off
Just like cupid plays with arrows of love
Sometimes God messes up
We are all astray
In this cosmic chaos
But I still met you and try love, you
In my misguided way
I try to put that soul into every cigarette I smoke
Inhale, choke, definetly definetly go broke
Because you can try
But, but it is all rigged like carnival
We're the ones telling ourselves the lies
We are Adam and Eve
As far as knowledge
We are only seeds
You can be certain of nothing
and anything
Superposition
You are, you are the fiction
Those petals, I want them to burn like those lies in September, the end the Summer kind of heat, humid like rainshowers above head in your throat in your lonely lonely bed.
So I put the cigarette down in an ashtray in a mirror house
I am tiny
I have breathed most of my life out
In ways my reflection is changing
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 4:51 AM UTC
Time passes by,
But all ideas proceed to die.
It is impossible to think,
For it feels like your brain has a leak.
But I have a test!
I can't afford to do anything but the best!
No matter how much I try,
All I can do wait for an unlikely idea as I lie.
All of your attempts out of desperation,
Are met with no less than desecration.
And the longer you wait,
The more the oncoming test begins weigh.
There is always a solution though,
Wich you failed to know!
So you sit down at your chair,
And you begin to feel like you having more of a bearing.
You think of how you could change your thought process,
Using skills you most definetly have learned in class processes.
Then you realized,
You surely must not think standardized!
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 11:12 PM UTC
When you cant even say it.
When you dont have the energy to even say you had enough.
Then definetly
I can say
And people can tell
That you
Had enough.
Aug 27, 2015
Aug 27, 2015 at 2:55 AM UTC
It's here, again.
I hate it when it comes.
I don't like to cry but this time the tears go down trough my cheeks even if I try to stop them.
It's so powerful.
I'm exhausted.
I don't even feel sad, nor angry.
I don't feel pain, definetly I'm not happy.
I feel nothing, but a hole in my chest.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 2:34 AM UTC
Rooted in my howling void,
Where am I? It’s empty, I’m devoid.
I’m lost, in this chasm trapped.
Why? Oh, why did this mess in me I kept?
A monster lies with me.
Its shadow on mine is tied.
It grows, eating me piece by piece.
Together we coincide.
I’m not gone, on his fangs I spit.
I’m also feeding on it.
What is this that is within?
I’m in me with my evil twin.
Chained by a chain.
I’m waiting in vain,
bothered by pain,
it’s hard to maintain,
harder to explain.
The same I can not remain.
Definetly, I’m going insane.
I’m not walking the same lane.
It’s not the same rain.
It is not so clean and plain..
I’m shadowed by feign,
that gives me a big **** stain.
I can not attain,
I can not obtain,
I can not retain
my now twisted sane.
Oh, it’s so inhumane,
I’m going profane,
I’m turning mundane.
What? Oh, what am I doing to my last grain?
In me live Abel and Cain.
This monster I can’t restrain,
it hits me over and over like a train.
It continues it’s reign…
I can not regain
the long lost ripped up rein.
No more do I pertain.
This monster I can’t get slain!
Feb 13, 2015
Feb 13, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC