life is never what it seems to be, always reoccuring with a thought as put upon the length of arms that revolutionize this thought. . .for those that can be bought,
is day like today less then feeling of want to rot, because so simple as a breeze brought down your temperment to be pleased. . .caught in a storm, that has outlasted
longer then your heart to feel content and warm, to feel the essence of a breath among a group of bad breaths, in other words, to breath among a group of brothers and sisters
from whom you can gain so much. But life is never what it seems to be, instead you look yourself in the mirror pointing at me, you, fool. Glowing from ragging frustration,
the toll blows for you unsurpassable deflation, because it is not for your hand that grows for the motion, to pick which ******* **** you want to lotion. Spearing the reasons,
the ego is your hero, born to work zero, and trusted with such hand to uphold all by command. To twist on the ****, that opens your door, to circumstances i certainly care less
the **** to continue to explore. But with this slight little mention, please pay close attention because this song is a *****. At least to explain the message, my whole is a
whole that takes life time to experience and grow, and appreciate the things that stoop all the levels around me, no barrier, no door, just genuine life experience to bring me
to come to this point to explain to the world something within the self, that is described by astute persons, for whom these ideas carry on to fulfill an immense part of
something that is casually slipped in and never thought about because it is told within reason that humanity cannot be without such astute person's idealogy. For **** sake my
friend, if your have many common sense, think of the common thing that has driven you to come to the conclusion that you have come to about anything. Everything is absolute and
existent and is evoked through the means. . .from the time of your dissapating freedom, as kids, not as adults, because look at how adults are this days. They teach their kids,
and they let others teach their kids, but the kids never get the feeling of being free. I promiss you, that cry or emotion you have experienced due to lack of friendliness from a
neighboring ****, it is an instillement that sparks up many motions of your life to believe into bizarre things the world portrays. For myself, I find the starting point of my
when I first breathed my first sensible air, when I walked in my own two feet without guidance as to where my eyes were seeing. How can a mind be so tender, lost by the misconformed
train thogh after train thought. That is why I find schooling such a fascinating ruthless thing that can be broken into several fashions as to why is that case. But not even
reason to fashion an answer that I know will and is definetly can be viewed to abhold a societal dismark of "wF"is wrong with that guy's mind. He must be **** casing a storm to
bring an ideaology of thought or some **** religion, but that's what so funny to me. I find everything in life comedic, non concerning except at times if I feel similar to
someone adjacent because that is their essence in my prescence, and I feel the need to comfort it, to bring back the importance of that self. The part of life I find so comedic,
how bits and bits and everything with **** have all so many fascinating
things to learn from, the progression of one's mind never attains self worth in the world with something interfering. That something interfering for example, is me personally
writing what is can be taken as pointless and presenting my writing to you how I say I do. But did I say how I am presenting this writing, absolutely not. So brings the funny,
that school teaches the aspect of disfigurament of a person's essence. This thing is a complete oblivion to everything and anything, that because even though I did not specify
how I tone myself on this paper, there is the predicament to assume that I am very angry deranged person who but pokes charasmatically at something no one can grip, because he
is portraying me the image the way I was bred to see. But then it is so **** funny, you can also take my words describing
all that I intend to explain and stick them against me to simplify your circumstances as to the causitive feeling your experiencing, and maybe the confusion that I am creating
noting a significant point that I do write intentionally without any figurative wording, just simply talking about this to evoke a presence of an essence within you that is hindered,
by what type of **** everybody is wearing, where they are starring, who is ******* and adoring, and who's simply the **** because they don't fit in a deranged group, developed by
ego-centric level stingers, who but want either good for you, or it is the drive to profit from you everything. That is, words blah blah, can take stroll
on one day's role and make no complete sense, and all they did were live the sense of a tangled mind that fostered on what has been in some form, taught, over
what you can call a lively existence, considering how much traumatizing headaches this could cause, and resembled among a group of similar constituents with similar reasons
as to whatever the situation might be. I could point this out within one sentence, but it wouldn't hold any deeper understanding of this essence, so instead I decide with all
my reasoning and tremendous experience that even to some, even at this gritty expertisians who grease up the world to guess everything based on study and reasoning by other humans,
who believe all these ideas are shifters to the mind but always stem the relentless, functioning without any perspectives open to the idea that mold humans into one spatial and far better
so called community, which in all it's case has lost the essence to preserve the self without a ***** on the back. That ***** of course is the communal ****, that builds from a
trigger of words, then they teach the brain as if it is known how to be as a functioning unit. The amount doesn't matter, the amount that is thought brings hope, but the most
amount to the self is the function of you, like I feel I function amongst anyone because I have come to terms and realize what really important things I have learned from my life.
My life to some is gripping, only because it sounds unbelievable, but of that life I found the same driving forces that drive madness even today, and has been reaccuring for as
long as some form of expression has been. And in all humiliation of humanity, or as I consider it digression of being self around the bounds of comfortability, it has been
a grand experience to see many a people transgress from the point of my meeting them with a continuous contact to the point of now, and then, and future plausible. But then
and future plausible for me stand out as notions needless of evocations due to the fact that the self is a dwindling factor hung by a rope to swing the way the self first portrayed
to me, and then to the direction away from the first encountered mind. But in all, without senseless ignorance, I do understand these things are studied for a reason, for a reason
that is workable to be as they are for some variables do affect person's in many different way. That is why, the sense of one roof and too many aloof is but a big spoof. With
sensibility, how can forging something into your life help you to achieve greatness within self to portray it in a manner plausible. The only way is as a current flows, so do
the gulls.



where do you. . .come from. . .so many leagues unbeknownst among my dreams.
life is never what it seems. . .until i met your eyes.. . that built
my stongest implication, dire in desire to live a life inspired. . .
but then so is, to dream upon what tends on building motivation. . .
life is beautiful sensation. . .
from the first rainfall with you meeting outside spontaneous realm. . .
we fought the solemn wind to calm our cumbered spirits. . .taking flight,
fighting what might have been. . .semeless to even entertain. . .lost in
each others warmness. . .everything we built tended harmless.

now see how we have. . .related to each other's hearts. . .left the scrutinity
at obscurity prolonged on scale of mirror. . .where it has always belonged.
now it's just time darling
i promiss it wont be long until our roots bind the maximum strong.

from even across the plains, and mountain long trip stains. . .i feel
less pain. . .from what's the phrase non loose then gain, consorting time
absorbing each other's essence in rhyme.
the deepest of sensation of you. . .the meekest of me, makes me be the simple thing
that i've reconnected to . . .to realize, the sensation of you. . .from our first
encounter, i felt deep into your eyes. . .what agree's none behind with lies. . .
you evoked the deepest motion within my sphere of emotion not to betray myself within
this realm and dark frivolous potion. . .for my first set of emotion set on your tone behind
this potion. . .

i face you eye for an eye of every day until i die, but will ever will i die. . .not with you
never. . .darling angel, angel you are my expressive tone to call you so. . .nothing more
is the essense of you that you seem to implore, how busy life must be. . .we need feel free
to good ridance from this fee that life doesn't instill our good griefs beyond simple joys and beliefs. . .
for simply darling we are each other's heart beats, if it's simple smell of you
i will carry out my deeds in hell. . .beneath on hearth this earth, where all of us have been given
birth. . .but sent to spend what is driven by multipolluted cord, the time in blunt approach from
the thing that planted our roots. . .

how i feel you is simply too rich for some dirt to enrich you. . .i simply love and cherish
every bit of your essence, it has lifelong presence that even doing what they call
reminiscing, can't surpass living without missing what they have been reminiscing. . .
i cherish you beyond what little faith can teach about having bigger faith, when all my hopes
ride faithful slopes without elongated stops and rope bearing hopes. . .
my life i see to the extent to remorse only what some feel beyond scope of too openly. . .
but how can i retreat on what i can't stop to feel to protect you from, to their heads we are getting closely. . .
how in the scope of your first essence, can i give up to give way to ruin such pure essence. . .

i understand the world makes a feeling for such pure feeling is counted by blessings. . .
and in order for us to make it, that thought i feel senseless baking . . .constant roll of assorted
reasons for why we bleed to them treasons . . .for how can i express, how simple love doesn't
just digress, or something with time you invest. . .it's simply have been a joy of building
together a foundation for our nest. . .**** the rest. . .**** the pest. . .the world is the best
when sleepers are put to rest and the spark of commune are dwellers dwelling on these mischivers'
locked up chest. . .
to find out that darling. . .you simply are a joy to give me whole, that i'm not uninspired troll
reluctant to breath beside the one he placed his greed upon. . .or her, or it. . but all the essence
is closed and beat, by some known with ideals humanity can't consider too farfetched to bare to grit. . .
and sway to the essence that i hold in my glances. . .are as simple as these branded constructed norms
that most tend to manipulate and distort to one contorted form. . . .so all can bend into one socket for 365
degree view that most tend to agree. . .but never really see.

i know it's many there with this essense around the breeze of an aura, that simply are stranded too far apart by such horror.. .
to relent their essence with their prescence. . .to whom Barbarians find the essence is planted full on messes.
but how can we relate to such things darling. . .when the first glow of your essence showed me life full
of memories by the smile in your eyes, glowing beauty of any sort. . .i feel the world will someday . . .
take flight. . .in my way, but **** that. . .i'm to speak when my message is too simple, provoked only by the
thought, "protect the world its miser mother has been beaten". . .i can never relent, the message that is never
but to contradict what's life has not eaten. . .because of the times put to squares, living life, fostering a step back, into recluce. . .these biches wont even
say cause their too ****. . .to figure out that there's a worrior to stump them pleaded sheets out of wood. . .
i say this out for your sarcasm, elongated this song a bit to give you big ******. . .so when you repose, you
think nothing but what side are the pro's. . .and enter them into oblivion, grasping each by the billion, how
can i repose for i know, without one word it is and has been always come down to the special chosen million. . .

because my darling, i feel the miser that this essence in me you inspire, is up and target for no good. . .for
these pleaded fockers granted themselves unrelentless priveleges for centuries, changing diepers to giving
blood diamond marriages. . .riding on what they call prestine carriages. . .oh what,you don't recognize this
what the world has come to building from everybody's demise. . .feeding on high rise. . .splitting cots in the
rots, most alluded with plots and continued building upon the essence of you, keeping you stewed, brewing up a flu. . .
to this day when i met you. . .
will never cease your memory by only that it was circumstance. . .romance among thieves denying our chance to dance. . .
with one glance, their world just plopped a chance. . .for i know they know who im refering to, without a glance
i'm sure they feel my stance just to look **** eyed puking. . .**** blocking their world to rocking, while else where goes to foster under
this ugly monster. . .stooped on a porch ******* their air, without any underwear. . .haha must be due to how
much pull goes to their hair. . .how do i, they feel ****** diddlidy ****, what, is this person a human or a
restored frame of mind living. . .i can't be what's in my eyes to be believing, but i simply am retarted man. . .
a ******* rough psychological fighting bluff, to them i would. . .but trust me, how could i in my life, i
never could.. . .fall to false pretention, that life is a great invention, that my desire's are for simple
hires. . .for i know my life evolves around that which your first essence, darling, we built stronger everyday
to our future of what we call present. . .

life with you, i simply can't resent. . .but figure out what's best
to make what we don't need to make. . . because the essence uproots life's shrivel of what they call romances. . .
rooting upward from the seed we planted on the day people deside to bleed
all over the notion, that this emotion they conquered stems from shot of elixir handed down from the heavens by
some they call cupid fixer. . .relentless, they push through many dances. . .all so strained and constricted by many
glances, restricting their free essence to feel in whole their life is shot down by simple messes. . . .
but you, none taken, broken and mistaken. . .how can simple things be so. . .when you know my essence for you is
far greater then what one instance can remark for the whole, i feel simply. . .protect you from their hole and
bind you with my essence that strives in whole. . .even through tormenting lonely dances. . .when i saw the world an ugly form. . .
nowhere to want to run to, or feel
resentment.. . where's life going to go. . .if my essence in a whole feeds you. . .away to their
mysterious goal. . .i wouldn't have the patience to ***** their abnormal pretence, as if life is sweet with
such mysterious fowl. . .create little thought to create bigger picture, many aditions just create tensities
among those who bicker, loosing control each time only quicker. . .that's why it's never lesser to speak for the lesser
dresser, or the person they showed you, that looked like he ******* told you, but instead they made the mistake
to grow lower. . . cowering even bolder. . . what **** is the point of that. . .to say it none meeker as if its meant to outcast the bleeker
. . .i'm not that so. . .to scowl like fowl crackhead, loosing self reliance to gr

I put her in this book
I write her down as "Z"
Because I have a Beautiful
Little secret.

She's only made,
for me.

I got inside her heart
On that day I travelled
To this new Galaxy

But it's never been
Dark.

It's filled with...

Dreams
Goals
Aspirations

We have...

Destiny

I fall in-love again
every time I see her
Face, the smile she has
Can never be replaced

And when she just,
gets me my heart is
First in the race
Minds and Memories
Never erased.

From this whole book,
of what you are
And I hope to spread it...

Everyday

Together we've already
Created our own
Legacy

And when we use similar,
words like...

Jealousy
Envy

But we wouldn't mean
To do it on purpose

Only the purpose by
Fact not Chance
To show people,
the meaning of...

Truely Happy

So take my hand,
and walk with me.

And sometimes
The Way you look at me?
It takes my breath away

Sometimes I even.

Forget to breathe

And sometimes I'm lost
For words and I look and
Smile, reasons being
It's just to see yours...

If only for a while.

The way you push your
hair to the left to cover
Your face so nobody else
knows.

But it's the face I want
To hold and show people
Of what I have
The core of the earth

Stronger than Diamond

The Way I can pull you up
From the lowest of your lows.
With my hand in yours
It fits perfectly.

The way a kiss
Can make your whole day
And the way it speeds up mine
For the next time.

You know?

The Passion Of being there
I'll be your best friend and more
Hoping to open all the doors
And take a course

In You

The way we've made our promises
And the days we send pictures
To show the way
Where it's hard when We Leave
And the way I Miss You

But...

It's the way I Miss You
Feeling soo numb,
Has never been soo?

Familiar?

Can you imagine
Being in the desert with no water?
Being on the bungie with broken rope?
Being the kid with no hope?
Being in the darkest cave without light?
Two working eyes and no sight.

So now small parts of me
Are processed in ink,
cut deep within an put
On paper.

Because I feel?

Alive

I've got this case,
Of Love so put me trial
Give me the life sentence
You're definetly going
To be worth while.

A castle built on sand,
Falling appart by the striking wind, storming, raging, rampaging over the land in a furious devotion only a lunatic would be able to know,
No purpose, yet trying to make one, a nihilistic attempt of a deserted hell, forgotten through ages and generations, left to rot, perish alone,
I do not know the meaning of life, but alike you it has to exist,
Trying to put a broken heart back together, is alike trying to find the pieces of a cup which has shattered into a million, tiny, shards,
I cannot imagine each piece to be the same, because they are not,
Left to be never whole again, after my companions who shared the same naive dream I held dear, fell one by one, only their will remains,
The morning glow we dreamt of was more than just the sun rising,
In brilliance, the roaring sky should have embraced in light then shone even brighter, a firestorm of events as if it was an illusion,
The mission I took up, to become angel like became chains which bound, tied and overwhelmed me with their unimaginable strengh,
Even if no one understands me, giving up can never be an option,
If they worry about me, saying my ideas are twisted and silly,
And even if they speak ill of me, saying my dream to be an angel one day is beyond being naive...I will definetly stay positive!
Bearing my wings, I will keep fighting until someday I fall,
Like a simple feather

~ Umi

at first i did not realize what you meant when you said 'i love you'.
i thought you'd said it because you knew just how vulnerable i was to you.
you knew what i felt was real. but what you did wasn't
you were hiding behind a mirror that only reflected the love i had for you.
the things that weren't really there.
i did love you
i shouldn't have
but i do not regret kissing you that night under the lamppost
and i do not regret staying in my room all day long with you
but i do regret that first kiss
by the ball field
the night you vowed you would never stop loving me. the night that i was truly undoubtedly beautiful to you
i felt that.
but now i feel nothing for you.
you were the closest thing I've felt to true love and definetly the closest to heartbreak.
for months i couldn't breathe
my eyes were the red of blood
my checks were puffy as clouds
my skin was salty and id lost all passion for mascara because it only seemed to run down my face within minutes of applying it.
i laid in bed nearly all day
i couldn't move or speak
you had shattered me
and here i am
being you're friend
watching you kiss her
watching you hold her hand and watching you love her.
but i don't feel pain anymore.
i feel something worse
i feel empty

“Are you OK?” “Yeah.”
Not really, but you wouldn't understand

“How are you feeling?” “Great.”
Terrible but I can’t tell you because you’d ask why

“Where’d you get that cut?” “Rollerblading accident.”
That’s always the perfect excuse

“Is there anything you’d like to confess to?” “No.”
Yes

“Do you regret anything?” “Yeah, going ice skating.”
Being born.

“Have you felt sad lately?” “No, I’m really happy.”
I feel sad all the time

“Why were you crying?” “Just finished a sad book.”
You don’t want to know

“What book?” “Looking For Alaska.”
The book that told the story of my life

“Are you sure you’re OK?” “Definetly.”
*Definitely not

I stared at her face, it bloomed like a flower,
as she talked to him, her eyes sparkled.
I sense that it was a love so vast,
Yes, this thing might definetly last.

What is this love can truly build?
Why does it like being gild?
What is in this thing that brings insanity?
How did this made beings overtly?

I keep on discerning this kind of thing.
While I am waiting for someone to cling.
Perhaps I will find all the answers,
when God reveal my long-waited lover.

In my state, the choices I have,
is to wait willingly and pray to Father above.
And, no, my heart is not in a hurry;
it won't show any sign of fury.

A day will approach when waiting will be over,
God will grant me love so tender,
Aesthetic pleasure for the lovers I am seeing,
which makes me inspired and not get tired of waiting.

There was a story hanging there
from the edge of my bed
but its teller I didn't want to know
so the story went unsaid

I thought I could ignor you hanging there
leave you to gently be
but after days you're still there
I'll admit you terrorise me

You crawl in through my eyelids
to my otherwise peaceful dreams
you mock me as your silence
seems to amplify my screams

and they keep on getting louder
because I keep them locked inside
and so they rage right through me
until everything I once was has died

They ***** my dignity
disemboweled my calm
tortured vociferously
my very entity
after knawing through the logical side of my brain
so that the only part remaining
is the part that is insane

Now as I swing from side to side
from the rope you've spun for me
I see you joyously scurry by
maybe we're both now finally free

And from my perch in heaven
If I ever look back down
I look at you and reflect that
I'd have done it differently second time round

I'd definetly heard you're story
I'd have given it a chance
maybe we could have been great friends
and we could sing and laugh and dance

There's plenty of your kind in heaven
and they're all great dancers too
I regret I didn't know you before
but now I look forward to meeting you

There's a hole in my ceiling
the roof caved in a bit
There's a hole in my ceiling
dust keeps falling in
There's a hole in my ceiling
I have to turn off my fan
There's a hole in my ceiling
I wish there wasn't
There's a hole in my ceiling
here's where it gets personal
There's a hole in my ceiling
it was definetly not optional
There's a hole in my ceiling
maybe it's telling me something
There's a hole in my ceiling
what if it had fell in on me?
There's a hole in my ceiling
and it's got me thinking
There's a hole in my ceiling
bigger than the one in my heart
There's a hole in my ceiling.
where's the button? I need to restart...

Im ripping your heart

From your chest

I don’t ever

Want to be friends

I taste sweet

,but Im definetly sour

Like thorns

On a beautiful flower.

I really wish that i could love you.

Your words

**** me like a knife

Your silence

Breaks me all the time.

Im the *****

You happen to love.

That ***** you cant get enough

Sorry.

Tragic tunes with endless *****

It’s crystal clear,

your not wanted here.

I’m miserly and cruel

No love from me

Honey, Sparks need fuel.

i really wish i could love you.

Your words

**** me like a knife

Your silence

Breaks me all the time.

Im the *****

You happen to love.

That ***** you cant get enough

Sorry.

after all these years of hurt and pain
I ve finally met a person who has made those lost tears drain
I speak upon a woman whose fire heats my spirit
My mind and soul
Thats why i plan to love her in whole
When im feeling down
She always brings me up
Shes like my 4 Leaf clover
Cause when i think of her i feel luck
I write this poem upon a woman who has taken me as hers
So for her Gift is a man she deserves
She understands me more than my own family
And friends
Shes never judged me cause she sees something special in me that no other girl saw
Maybe this is the reason why i ll do anything to make her happy
Cause shes not only helped me but shes also made me better
I say this to the Lord above
To please help me make it to this woman
Whom i truly love
Shes is the best thing ever thats came into my life
And definetly plan on making her my future wife
I speak my words right here today
To motivate you in every way
Cause as long at day the sky is blue
There shall be nobody like you

well... there's pindar...
    a great biographic entry,
when alexander the great sacked
thebes, pindar's was the only
home standing...
          that's great... but where's
the evidence that he, actually wrote
anything?
      that's a bit like stating that
descartes: really wanted to prove
he existed...
              no he didn't...
                  he didn't care to allow
thought to precipitate into being...
he already started working
on it being elevated to a god...
   but come on... running a poetry
website and withholding
   pindar's poems?
               i have a grand "metaphor"
to counter with that...
         it really was a day of constipation,
   i had to drink about half a litre of *****,
and a warm bottle of beer (ugh...
   that's doubly worse than the way
they drink ***** in england... warm... shots...
i find that warm beer is doubly carbonated)
and then finish the day off with some bourbon...
i did say i was constipated, didn't i?
    there are usually three tiers to the affair...
first one, fair enough, it's a whale or a squid
   about to plop into the pipeline...
the third phase is a bit like: not yet! not yet!
    tier two and three are shy *******...
   you have to wriggle a little bit to get them talking...
it almost seems like some army interrogation tactic,
but i'm not dealing with some taliban fighter...
i'm dealing with my own ***...
                      it's only past midnight that i get
the whole bulge out...
        like i'm some baker that a maine **** cat
makes fetish of, joining me in the toilet
and lying on the windowsill...
       cat ****? that's three times as rank,
human **** seems chocolate to animals...
                        but i am trying to take poetry
seriously...
               i just sat through half-an-hour of
grueling efforts to extract that remnant of last night's
egg-fried rice (yes, with scallion)...
                  but as it feels... i could have
just dashed a tablespoon of chilli powder into my ****...
     i'd rather chop a hundred onions and regard that
as tears forced by sitting with a girl watching
a rom-com than feel this dash of chilli powder up
my a-hole; because that's what it exactly feels like...
   it almost feels like the harambe injustice...
   last time i checked gorillas were vegans...
         unless it wasn't going to be a tarzan story...
no? it wasn't? oh well... there goes the dream!
yet they still have pindar listed on the poetryfoundation.org
website... and there are no poems enclosed!
            it could be great to have read
a snippet of his curriculum vitae...
           the curriculum mortis belongs to too many people,
and the essence gets lost in the tornado of history...
               then again... i know the difference between
    a .jpeg        and a .pdf
        but what's the real difference between
                        a .net     a      .org          and a .com?
           tiers? just tiers? like the national agenda of a .pl
and a .co.uk?
                                 well, there is the sunday times
newspaper... 15 year olds on sugar daddy websites...
           and how sergeant blackman was
  convicted of warcrimes... when he was a trained
killer... some said that people akin to moses couldn't
fit into our modern society...
                           neither could albert camus...
               it might still be considered an existentialist
movement... but it's definetly moved beyond absurdism.

I'm not really good at not killing things
Especially the things I love

You gave me a rose bush
And I, and I lit it on fire
That's what you call desire

I'm misguided
My soul trajectory is off
Just like cupid plays with arrows of love
Sometimes God messes up
We are all astray



In this cosmic chaos
But I still met you and try love, you
In my misguided way

I try to put that soul into every cigarette I smoke
Inhale, choke, definetly definetly go broke
Because you can try
But, but it is all rigged like carnival
We're the ones telling ourselves the lies

We are Adam and Eve
As far as knowledge
We are only seeds

You can be certain of nothing
and anything
Superposition
You are, you are the fiction

Those petals, I want them to burn like those lies in September, the end the Summer kind of heat, humid like rainshowers above head in your throat in your lonely lonely bed.

So I put the cigarette down in an ashtray in a mirror house
I am tiny
I have breathed most of my life out

In ways my reflection is changing

Where do I start with you. Thief. Taking all of my belongings. I remember when you first grabbed my attention. You still haven't given that back. Now I'm glued to the channel that is your perfection. As the series got intense you stole my focus. Almost like you knew what made me attentive. So relentless. After a while you snatched my spare time. Every free moment I had became dedicated to you. Where are you keeping it all? Thief. Where is my dedication. You took that from me and had a celebration. You pick pocketed my time. Every minute I should have had to myself definetly wasn't mines. You should be convicted or indicted. Because you took this poem. Im sure you can recite it. And when you do, ima stop and listen. So when you finally take my heart I hope you're ready for the consequences.

Hey dad,
Remember when you told me to walk the 10 miles from my middle school to our house, oh wait sorry your house, because you were out with your flavor of the week girlfriend?
Yeah, that was awesome. And when I got there the house was locked. But dont worry (you didnt) I climbed aladder and opened the window to get inside.
Remember when you called me a lair and told me i was an accident
in front of my closest friends for not telling you I thought I could be a lesbain?
Yeah, that was not the first nor the last night I cried myself to sleep. But you never heardme even though you wer just in the next room.
Remember when you hit me and blackened my eye for only scoring 13 points in a basketball game?
Definetly. And I never said a word about it when a teacher called child services. We can't have a beloved school board members good public name tarnished can we?
I once asked about you in school and how you had positivly affected my life.
I coudlnt think of an answer.
The most positive thing i can find in you is that you are more of a ***** bank than a father.

Lately I’ve been dreaming,
Of the old days. Oh its amazing,
How things have changed. Back then,
When nothing made us worry, Back when
We were free, I loved it when you smiled
At me. I’m sure it was you, who was first
To make my heart skip a beat.
I remember how we used to hold hands,
Every second of every day, whenever we had
the chance. I also remember the feeling
Of holding you in my arms, and how you
Always made me happy when I was sad,
Afterwards saying something like “Psh, that was hard.”
Your sarcasm, geez,
Something I definetly dont ever again want around me.

But you know, what I remember most,
Are the things you had to say, Before
You went away.


“Before I go, I just
Want you to know, That I
Wont cry anymore. That I’ll never be
Lonely, because all the memories of you,
Will keep me company. I wish I could stay,
Even if it were for just one more day.
You’ll forever be in my heart, and I promise
To never forget your name. There are
So many things, I want to say to you, but
I have no more time left, so listen because
I’m going to say the words I hold most true.”

“I Love You.
I Love You.
I Love You.”


Never again,
Did I ever get that same fuzzy feeling.
I tell my friends about you all the time,
But they just don’t believe me.

the next morning i didnt now what to do with myself. i was in a funk, essentially. so i did the only thing i could think of. i wrote a letter back to him.

hi, um. im not very good at writing letters. and we both know im worse than you with expressing feelings. so im going to try. its probably going to be ****. anyways i like the mixtape, its cool. all my favorite songs. i like the thought. thanks. i hope you've been well. i've been ok, could be better.
hows your first year of high school? i hope the upperclassmen aren't too ******* you, because you are a 16-year old freshman. and i hope you found some biker friends.
i know you dont care about my life but i have no one to talk to, so i'll tell you.
well junior year has been- well its definetly been busy, but its been fun. i have a freshman in band that loves me.
well thats all i really have to update on my life.
i hope we can talk soon. maybe even in person.
sincerely,
K

i put the pen down and read over the letter. i was so lame. i sounded like a robot.

i picked up another piece of paper and started writing again; letting it all come out.

P.S. well that first part was really lame, i apologize. but i didnt know what to write and i don't have any package to explain, so i was lost. anyways this is real; every following word is true. i might've never said any of these, i might've said all of them. but they are all true.
wow where do i start.
i guess i'll kinda react/respond to things you said in your letter.
i didn't believe in love at first sight until you either. i also remember the first time i saw you. well really saw you. because i dont really remember the first time i saw you. i dont remember much about laying my eyes on you those first few days.
all i really remember is you literally took my breath away. i don't think i've ever felt butterflies like the first time i saw you.
you were on your bike. and of course i thought that was really hot. and i saw you again that time you mentioned. i was so self-concious because i could see you looking at me. i avoided looking at you completely. thats why i walked away right away. and then again (i think that night) when i was beside the playground and you showed up and started talking to my brother.
that night i went to bed happier than i had ever in a while. and then the next day. that was fun, as little as we did, it was the most fun day i've had in a while.
you brought me happiness. even before, you know.
i thought it was the cutest thing how determined you were to get the soccer ball back to me that day.
i loved how you would show up somewhere a few minutes after us.
well i just put everything onto paper for you. your welcome.
i still love you too. but i don't know what to do about this.
you may be the same age as me, but im going to college in a year and a half. you'll still be in high school. what are we going to do then? i don't know. do i want to get back together? i don't know. i don't know anything right now. do you? if you have any idea what to do, tell me please: enlighten me. i really do hope we can talk soon; really soon. i love you. always will, always did.
love, K

i thought of something and ran to my room, coming back out with notebook in my hand.

*P.P.S. i've attached some things in a notebook. i'll let you figure out what they are by yourself. feel free to use the rest of the notebook for anything. i have other copies of the things in the notebook.
-K

Time stands still when I’m with you

It’s chaos and stillness all mixed into one

Just enough air to breathe but not enough to speak

Arms wrapped around one another as if to brace ourselves against the clock

I’d open my eyes but I’m far too weak

Eyes closed, but definetly not asleep

I'm not always good;
That's just how life is.
But just because I'm not doing something good in your eyes,
     doesn't make me bad;
It just means that you don't approve of my decision...
    for one instance ... or maybe multiple.

I can't always be good in your eyes,
It is not physically possible.
So I won't try.
Honestly it isn't worth the energy,
     when all I'm gonna do is fail.

Can't you just accept me for who I am and
     all the quirks that come along?
Or is that too much to ask of someone?

I'm not perfect and I'm most definetly not an angel.
My goal is not to get into heaven;
    or whatever lies above.
My goal is not to always appear good to you;
     my life doesn't revolve around you.

What is it then; you may ask, that is my goal in life...
To be me; wholly, truly, and unchanging.
To find someone who won't want to change me, but accepts me.
To live the life I want with the someone that accepts me.
And lastly; to not always be good...
     because sometimes being good,
          is actually bad.

I heard you were leaving.
Moving away from all familiarity.
Leaving the past and the present.
Starting anew somewhere new.

I wish I could say I'm happy for you.
But it hurts to think
that your leaving me too.
Just this once I want to be selfish
and beg you to stay.
But I know it is not my place.

I will surely miss seeing your face.
I will definetly miss hearing your laugh.
But I will be okay knowing your happy
living life.
Don't worry about me.
I will find my own happiness too someday, just not today.

-MPS12

Time passes by,
But all ideas proceed to die.
It is impossible to think,
For it feels like your brain has a leak.

But I have a test!
I can't afford to do anything but the best!
No matter how much I try,
All I can do wait for an unlikely idea as I lie.

All of your attempts out of desperation,
Are met with no less than desecration.
And the longer you wait,
The more the oncoming test begins weigh.

There is always a solution though,
Wich you failed to know!
So you sit down at your chair,
And you begin to feel like you having more of a bearing.

You think of how you could change your thought process,
Using skills you most definetly have learned in class processes.
Then you realized,
You surely must not think standardized!

It's here, again.
I hate it when it comes.

I don't like to cry but this time the tears go down trough my cheeks even if I try to stop them.

It's so powerful.
I'm exhausted.

I don't even feel sad, nor angry.
I don't feel pain, definetly I'm not happy.

I feel nothing, but a hole in my chest.

Rooted in my howling void,
Where am I? It’s empty, I’m devoid.
I’m lost, in this chasm trapped.
Why? Oh, why did this mess in me I kept?
A monster lies with me.
Its shadow on mine is tied.
It grows, eating me piece by piece.
Together we coincide.
I’m not gone, on his fangs I spit.
I’m also feeding on it.
What is this that is within?
I’m in me with my evil twin.

Chained by a chain.
I’m waiting in vain,
bothered by pain,
it’s hard to maintain,
harder to explain.
The same I can not remain.
Definetly, I’m going insane.
I’m not walking the same lane.
It’s not the same rain.
It is not so clean and plain..
I’m shadowed by feign,
that gives me a big **** stain.
I can not attain,
I can not obtain,
I can not retain
my now twisted sane.
Oh, it’s so inhumane,
I’m going profane,
I’m turning mundane.
What? Oh, what am I doing to my last grain?
In me live Abel and Cain.
This monster I can’t restrain,
it hits me over and over like a train.
It continues it’s reign…
I can not regain
the long lost ripped up rein.
No more do I pertain.
This monster I can’t get slain!

there's a part of me
that's supposed to keep
up with the queen
english,
   and the kennedy obsessed
over-usage of
the acronyms?
i'm not even english...
       e.n.g.l.i.s.h.:
even not glee, like
   it should: (definetly) hurt...
huh?
enlighten me:
i just need to listen to
the "loser" part
before another school-shooting
takes place!
you get to become a real
vermont intellectual then...
"then", when...
the worst,
and the last resort happens...
the pope is shot,
and...
   even though there
enough cardinal replacements...
but, none...
takes up to ingest
the "marker"...
     i'm just a dumb ******:
   i'm gagging to be enlightened...
where was x-men,
marvel...
  and norse mythology?
where i'm at...
   modern vevo?
    can't hear it...
         "ancient" songs
akin to: audioslave...
like a stone?
i forget...
was i ever to claim any
hereos
from the punk movement,
or the remnants
of david blowie?
        can, i, should i,
can't i just hope to be a
forgotten "one"
on the assured coast
off mombasa?
i ******* hate
afro-american
******* ******* off
about native kenyas...
i hate them...
  me... i want to **** on
them!
it's like "they"
managed
to congregate
into a singular
african identity...
what?!
like me...
******... with...
the germans and the russians?!
like that?
like...
you tell me...
when i dated
a russian girlfriend...
my parents were against it?
like i said:
but she was the love of my life
(not really):
i would be easier assured
by a black...
an indian: core...
but then they released me
into the wild...
anticipating what
kenya made available...
you can't exactly describe
ivory skin...
if not having to
experience it in
the tinge of moon-light...
  my skin is too fatigued...
i can only be
a progressive-racist...
  i fell in love with
a Kenyan
ivory beauty...
  and i will stand:
  as these words' worth
of anchor...
along with the ship...
anything...
anything to made antagonism
of those
mentally deranged ******
agitating the
white men into
mass shootings...
as if, impying:
                "exodus"...

yeah, i fancied a black girl,
but it was a black girl
among blacks,
it wasn't a black girl among
whites...
which made me think
of this post-colonial society:
so...
   you made...
a slave-trade...
with the retards,
or the gullible?
   who runs faster the 100m
race?
the white man,
or the black man?
so...  camel...
did you enslave the retards...
or the gullible?
n.b.a. athletes...
did you enslave
the retards...
           or the gullible?

neither... no "hands-up"...
o.k., good to know...
now "we" know how
to side
with the hispanics;
goths, spaniards...
who, once upon a time,
settled in:
current date:
   morocco;
with a past...
that's more akin
to             "morocco".

Show me your secret notebook
A reef under generic surface of water.

They've cut down my childhood tree
I used to climb.
                                      Pink Skies.



As she was walking away
from a car
The music gradually
Interrupted, like a radio
Losing its signal
And stopped.
S H E ' S H O T

As I drove,
I poured the music
out of the windows,
to mix it with
the sea of night.
Frogs of Winter.






O birds of spring,
You woke up too early,
your songs don't belong
in the winter's cold air.
You should have remained
silent and hidden
in your safe nests

I feel rather like
exploring self-caves,
Dark Mines of mine;
Dissolving under the blanket
of warmth and sickness
With my eyes closed.
(Do I?)
Definetly not fitting the machine.

Double-edged sword.
Endless wrestling with
Ego.
Say hello!



Once again(another day),
One more time,
She drifted into the night
and the music got torn
piece by piece
(Chopin, Nocturne op.9 No.1)
And I(We)
Were left in the brutal cold,
and dark, and silence
(Dead, pinned to the ground,
awaiting.)

     The moment a smile fades
     A switch that changes the masks
     Ancient greek theatre

Oh birds, you've found
Your small place
on a lake that froze
almost entirely.
Rejoy,
O lucky birds!



Veins of the city
remain silent beside us.
Conversations like ash
or leaves, or snow flakes
fall to them and dissolve,
but they don't cease to exist;
Remain hidden.

Old and new Things
got wed in an instant,
like wild thorny
carnivorous plants,
without us noticing;
Beyond the still line of horizon
-outshouted by the
Rush of Society.
Hidden old silent rooms.





I held a pipette
and gently instilled
the tiny sharp
drops of liquid Music
into the chill lake of Night.
They diffused in the black,
like a dark sapphire ink.

      Wind be a brush,
       for my long,
       slightly savage hair.

         Time drills and channels
          the canyons
          in the flesh of brain.

(Here is the bag with all the leaves
and withered twigs, rotten apples,
gray hair, used tickets, dried tears,
dirt and sebum scraped off the skin,
crumbled, tattered papers, alcohol
metabolites, angry emotions, *****
of thread, carcasses of birds,
feces, and rusty metal junk)

Thank you,
I am cleansed.