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Feb 1 · 133
The Butterfly
Amanda Feb 1
I long to break skin
To breathe, to take in
A breath of weathered sky
Watch the end of nights lullaby
As brittle with early dew
A rising sun is born anew

As I batter with fists against this cage
The walls crack with the rage
Too long in silence, my quiet room
This butterfly has broken from its tomb
Blinking against the growing pale
I spread out wings, fragile and frail

Wary, my steps slowly lead the way
From the darkest room, to a brightening day
I can smell the scent of tomorrow
And I can see the world, coloured rainbow
I’ve been too long hidden, out of sight
Now I fly, as my wings take to flight
Jan 28 · 154
The Dutchman
Amanda Jan 28
How quiet is the rolling breath
Of foam upon it’s seeping death
The grey winds taken from the shore
As sand and rock are left no more
For life will not tally beneath the sail
Of crisp white linen, slashed by rusted mail
No more, no more the bell will chime
Upon the passing winds of time
The dead are sailing upon quiet seas
Their hopes are scattered in the breeze
Far from home and far to go
These unquiet souls lie below
Cursed forever, to sail and roam
This Flying Dutchman will hold no home
No port awaits this journey’s end
No harbour sits around the bend
It sails through twilight, night and day
The bow holds its course, the star leads the way
Dec 2020 · 250
Christmas Tree
Amanda Dec 2020
Under the boughs of prickly green
Golden spheres of glass, set the scene
Catching light in prism sparks
As fairy lights bloom amongst the dark
They twist and turn, a glittering glow
Like stars exploding in a Cosmic show
As voices sing the joy of the season
Wonder is seen through eyes of children
For dressed in magnificence for all to see
This living, shimmering Christmas tree
Tis the Season
Dec 2020 · 208
Hands..Face...Space
Amanda Dec 2020
Hands are not for high fives
When meeting up with friends
hands are not for taking selfies
Of parties with strangers at weekends
Hands are washing for 20 seconds
while singing a special song
Hands are for clapping
For our NHS, thank you all, be strong.

Faces can show a thousand signs
Of emotions we hold inside
Faces can show life's lines
As we smile, and laugh and grow
Faces can be all of these
But in this we must beware
Faces can also cough and sneeze
So cover up, wear a mask, don't share

Space is not the outer space
Where men travel to the moon
Space is not the parking bay
Where I park, and be back soon
Space is not the inner space
Where time's taken to reflect and grow
Space is the distance between humans
2m to stop the passing of Covid flow
COVID Lets all do our bit to keep ourselves and others safe. Only by the actions taken by us at this worrying time can save lives in our families and communities. Vaccine is here ,but lets not let our guard drop until everyone has had the lifesaving cure. Be safe..Be well **
May 2020 · 100
MISSING
Amanda May 2020
Missing traffic on a tarmac road
A plane scraping sky with it’s holiday load
Missing the roar of fans, match day
And Music concerts where people sing and sway
Missing the sound of footsteps in the city and town
Pub crawls with friends, starting from the Rose and Crown

Loving the quiet, the peace that silence brings
My heart could break at the song the blackbird sings
Loving the air, I can smell the grass not the emission fumes
How clean the sky, as the Earth breaks into flora blooms
Loving this time that the planet has been given
To take some time, a breath of air, a habit broken

Time to spend in deep reflection
Taking the space to find further direction
Time to look at what you really need
Not what you want in this modern greed
Time to see the world anew
A living breathing home for all, for me and you
Mar 2020 · 171
Starbursting
Amanda Mar 2020
I can hear the sound
Another star burns
A roar of wind
Hot and dry
Warms up the frozen universe

Then a shock of light
Ignites the night sky
Poppy red covers my eyes
My body consumed in
A blaze of fire

I am starbursting
Atoms take flight
Across infinite expanses
To worlds not yet found
There they fall and grow
Jan 2020 · 220
This Living Book
Amanda Jan 2020
Summer days are past
The way we were
Lost in dimming days
Of rose scented gardens
Frost has taken the perfume
And taken you with it too
Hard to remember a time
When I did not have your hand
In mine, warm and secure
Hands are now frostbitten
From the untouched chill
Falling snow fills the landscape
A canvas of white, unwritten
Choices ready to write the verse
Of future episodes
In this living book
Jan 2020 · 185
Heart Speak
Amanda Jan 2020
Tell me
What your heart
Has spoken
The word enlarges
In your chest
Your hands can’t keep it
Inside
I hear the beating thrill
Of wings lifting your feet
As the word carries you high
Say it then
Lift me with you
Your eyes hold joy
Your mouth
Speaks
I Love You
Jan 2020 · 66
The Veil
Amanda Jan 2020
The veil is laid down
I can see inside
You are there
I thought I was lost
In the dark
Where time made me blind
Language was unknown
Deaf in the gloom
Stumbling numb
Crying alone
Behind the veil
Coloured black rain
I thought I was lost
But you are here
I can see you inside
The veil pulled down
Nov 2019 · 231
Violet Scented Horizons
Amanda Nov 2019
Looking across the purple plain
Swallowing scents of violets
They fill my soul, lift my brain

My grandfather’s smile takes my hand
Leading me into an unknown land

Fear drips away like poison from a vein
I can breathe in the future possibilities
He is showing me. I can live again

Mistakes are like a pointed stick
You can’t escape as they **** and *****

You tell yourself that school is out
Hard to relearn a new life skill
Fighting against the smothering doubt

But my grandfather is my steadfast critic
My moral compass, my super heroic

His calming tone speaks quiet and clear
Don’t dwell on the past, its gone and done
The future awaits, so be brave, don’t fear

He died on a Tuesday, the sky was a heavy grey
My tears never dried, so it rains each day

But I can still smell the purple of the violets,
His garden was filled with the delicate blooms
Times spent talking, watching golden dusted sunsets

And if I could choose the scent of heaven and floral plume
Then it will be clouds of purple and a violet perfume
Nov 2019 · 173
Venus
Amanda Nov 2019
At the end of day, on the edge of night
The evening star sends out its light
In it's wondrous state, it rules the sky
The clouds dog its path, as the winds drop a sigh
To see your beauty, oh Venus, you are
To the world a far planet, but to me a bright star
Wrote this when I was twelve, Amazed i can remember it !!
Oct 2019 · 107
Season Flow
Amanda Oct 2019
Summer leaves are dying
Turning into reddening rust
Forgetting the warm rays
Of sunlight golden dust
As birds head to early roost
Days are dropping hours of light
And a gathering chill mists the breath
Of a bear sleeping his long, long night
Dreaming of a spring cold river
Where salmon dance against the flow
And a cold silent forest
Shakes off the last flakes of snow
Sep 2019 · 127
Guiding Hands
Amanda Sep 2019
Can’t sleep at night
Whispers fill my head
They are known to me, these
Voices of the long dead
Looking for guidance
I should listen to their counsel
But who am I fooling.
There’s only one voice in this skull

Guess I am just missing
The guiding hands that raised me
Always there to turn to
When life got a little scary
So now I have to be the strong one
Trust in the decisions I make
Be true to the values they taught me
And hope I don’t make a mistake
Sep 2019 · 145
Love tracks
Amanda Sep 2019
Pen make tracks
Across the artic expanse
Of this paper flat
Write me a sonnet of love
Purge this heart, swollen with words
So this ink can flow
Bleeding with every beat
Of my hearts love poetry
Sep 2019 · 130
Dark Road Into Oz
Amanda Sep 2019
In my head
A thought splits into thousands
And days become the dead
As hours pass like seconds

I can’t recall
A moment when I smiled
And I saw a star filled nightfall
As a sun was left defiled

I didn’t see
A change, it arrived uninvited
And naive I pulled it into me
As the world became blighted

I fell voiceless
A mute that told daily lies
And you were fooled, spared the darkness
As you only saw my thespian guise

I mislaid me
A year of constant misery chipped away
And I grew into this dark personality
As I woke into a unknown day

I can’t be
A happy copy of who I was
And I will hold onto the love you give me
As I fight against this dark road into Oz
Had a year of illness, fighting my way back!
Aug 2019 · 156
My First Day
Amanda Aug 2019
Counting steps, watching you fly
I can’t catch your wind
It’s gone in a deep billowing sigh
Seeing your wide smile, but I am thick skinned
So, your scattering insults will bounce away
Into the dark halo around you
Did I really want you to stay?
Go, leave these happy days, so very few
I won’t be sad, no tears will wet my cheek
I can breathe deep again, I can take a breath
I can become the strong, leave the meek
Rise up from this suffocating death
So, fly away, find another path, Leave
Without a glance behind, I won’t be there
Waving in sorrow, I will not grieve
For now, suddenly my dancing has flare
And I can laugh out loud, sing off key
Find friends that you pushed away
For they saw, what I now can see
Me. Without you. This is my first day
Jul 2019 · 170
Everlasting
Amanda Jul 2019
You carry me softly on a sweet melody
So clear, it cries with the wonder
Of innocence, born into a blue fringed day
I feel the vibration of my heart-strings and see
Loves poetry begin to stir
And your eyes hold me, they say
Everything

I was living a dream of existence, it was true
Happy on my independent rock
Treading through the dating tide
Seeing so many, wanting to be you
You, who brought this life change shock
Lost my wits, as the walls were stripped aside
Baffling

Softly, as a sigh that swung like a hammer blow
You spoke and I was suddenly deaf to the world
Only your voice filled this earthly plane
I was the gravity for your living blinding glow
In its growing warmth, my closed heart unfurled
Like petals welcoming the sun, putting on a show
Startling

I could lose my way in your forest brown gaze
As they look deep, into the soul of me
No-where to hide, my secrets all laid bare
I can foresee the future of my days
Can you read my mind, can you see
A love entwined, so pure and rare
Everlasting
Jul 2019 · 180
Different Tracks
Amanda Jul 2019
Eyes open onto a damp Tuesday
One dismal day out of the seven
Where clouds heavy with rain, stay
Blocking the promise of a summer heaven

I can smell the static of a brewing flash
And a false calm brings a hush to natures chatter
A boom breaks the silence, lit by a lightning clash
Storms in summer are worse, but does it matter?

Joy of chasing the rain in puddle splashes
Was a childhood game, and I still recall
Bright lightning sizzles and thunder bashes
As our laughter challenged the electric fireball

Heroic and rash, we ran with the changing wind
Years and years of foolish choices
Grown from our parents disciplined
Hand, we began to speak with our own voices

But storms can twist lives and how they change
Pulled apart onto different tracks
I saw you fall into a world dark and strange
You lived with strangers, zombie insomniacs

Laughter left your eyes, leaving them dark and hollow
I tried, I did, to show you that there was another way
But where the pack leads, you follow
You didn’t see me, had nothing to say

But like the storm, I always will look for the spark
That lighting bolt, that will bring you the strike
Of reality, so you can see a way out from the dark
And I will be here to help you back into the light
Jul 2019 · 137
Promised Ghost
Amanda Jul 2019
You told me you loved me
But it was lost in a day
Time was given, but I see
The world turned the sun away
I was holding onto a promised ghost
My fingers slipped into the mist
Nothing to hold onto, we almost,
Almost believed it when we kissed
But the poison grew and grew
I saw your battle turn into war
Your eyes gritted pain, looking for rescue
Then, and then, you were no more
Lost in a day
We were given time, but I now see
The sun has turned away
Now I don’t have you, loving me
Jul 2019 · 174
Before I Wake
Amanda Jul 2019
Kiss me before I wake
Before my eyes see the day
Want to feel the last moment
Of the night’s fervour wind
Not ready to see morning break
With its golden bouquet
I’m still lost in the enchantment
Of your dark spell. I’m pinned,
Tied to this last desire keepsake
So, before passion is taken away
In the cold heat of day, take this moment
Kiss me, and hold fast our nights ardent wind
Jul 2019 · 111
Cocktail Hour
Amanda Jul 2019
Dusk brings out the moth
Wings dusted in moonlight
It flies to the radiating glow
Of the glitter ball disco
And all creatures small, enter the thrall
Dancing to the nightly pull
Of intoxicating jasmine
Lit by a thousand worm’s fire
Night flowers open their eyes
Displaying wares for all to see
Sweet nectar, shared by all
In this nightly cocktail hour
Jun 2019 · 248
On the Other Side
Amanda Jun 2019
I am on the other side
Of the door
You are solid
As I am pale

Days, they no longer abide
Sleep, is no more
You sink in the flood
As I quietly sail

Farewell is a whisper
Seeping through the cracks
Bricks in the wall
I can’t climb

Memory is what we were
A spark in the flashbacks
A fading footfall
It’s my time
Jun 2019 · 2.4k
Night Train
Amanda Jun 2019
Looking through the window
I am surging ahead, fast forward
Flying straight as a crow

Clickerty Clack, Clickerty

A rhythm like a heart beat
Takes me to a future not know
From a past I left incomplete

Clickerty, Clack

I am held, as the world turns below me
Frozen in time, I can stay
Where I can be hidden, No-one can see

Clickerty

Bags are heavy, but guilt is a weightier load
Left you, and your angry days
Sorry, I wont be there when your fists off-load

Clack
Jun 2019 · 184
Winter Rain
Amanda Jun 2019
Words form on the tongue,
But they fall from your lips unspoken
Like winter rain
They crystalize pain
My burning heart feels the chill, it’s done
A tear says farewell to a love turned frozen
Jun 2019 · 482
Dancing Queen
Amanda Jun 2019
Spending time in solitude
Alone with my scattering thoughts
Ears filled with music from
A Favourite playlist

My mood fitting the songs as I
Dance full pelt in the kitchen
Hope the neighbours can’t see
Oops, too late! Grin and wave
As I pass the window again.

But I am the queen of my castle
And the moat is just a dream
So, I spend my nights in solitude
Dancing like an Abba queen
Jun 2019 · 122
How to mend a Broken T
Amanda Jun 2019
Trust
She didn’t
But he wanted to
Speaking in foreign tongue
She was blind to the words he spoke
And tears fell as she broke into song
He laughed and his voice soared
Love brought the harmony
So, she did
Jun 2019 · 240
The Arrogant Gene
Amanda Jun 2019
Life is living in bright colour
Prisms of gold and green
Kaleidoscopes of wings, twist and whirr
Above a carpet of reflective sheen

As golden eyes, with silken fur
Look with greed on the human gene
As it reaches up a hand to a clear azure
Ignoring the wonders that breathe unseen
Jun 2019 · 113
Life Again
Amanda Jun 2019
Can sleep bring blindness?
And dreams block sound?
I no longer
See, submerged in nightmares

I haven’t seen the sun today
Or heard the birds on the bough
I have been
Deaf, to voice and song

I thought I saw a spark
But it was brief in its illumination
A short-lived
Awakening, before sleep pulled me back

Here I can be lost, so I can be found
By you, who is gone from the world
I can still
Feel, the touch of your hand

You tether me to the living
Where voices sing and rainbows dazzle
I want to
Feel, life again, without the pain
Jun 2019 · 288
Two-Way Street
Amanda Jun 2019
I feel the living earth under my feet
Soft mulch between my toes
Luxuriant in leafy peat
Its presence vibrates like blows
And my heart picks up the beat
Life is thriving above and abiding below
This bustling ecosystem two-way street
Jun 2019 · 197
Over The Horizon
Amanda Jun 2019
The Sun has gone to rest
Over the horizon to the west
Leaving the last sleepy rays for best
It's beauty, quietly expressed
Jun 2019 · 193
To Be Rich
Amanda Jun 2019
I want to be rich
Want the wealth abundance
Of all that can be collected
But not paper, or gold, in heavy weight
No cost is paid for what is learned
As a human, living a humane life
Jun 2019 · 138
Spotlight
Amanda Jun 2019
Light can be smothered by shadow
But shadow can be scattered
Under a blazing spotlight
Love illuminates and
The darkness
Lifts
Jun 2019 · 165
Melody
Amanda Jun 2019
Birdsong can swell a ripened tree
As cherries hide their stones
In tender sweetened meat
I can almost
Taste the
Melody
Jun 2019 · 632
Salt Blind
Amanda Jun 2019
Pale tears fill a salted sea
You are lost from me
Grief scattered in rock filled pools
Lit by sunlight shards
They glitter and spark
I am blinded
My sight of you lost to me
As tears salt a pale rising sea
May 2019 · 182
Sleeping
Amanda May 2019
I remember the pain
As the needle
Pierced the vein
And then darkness fell
Taking me into slumber
Of this dreamless spell

Years and years passed, a blink
My hair stayed brown
My cheeks and lips glowed pink
Youthful in form I slept
And as a world decayed
Around my room, weeds crept

A blanket of thorns
Grew around my home
And with a herald of horns
Princes tried and failed
To break through the wall
Every plan was derailed

Until the hundredth day
Of the hundredth night
True love will make way
Through the thorny plight
And loves first kiss
Will bring loves first sight

Until that day, I will be
Sleeping, floating in the void
Of a black soundless sea
Longing for the feel of warm breath
As lips, press onto mine
Releasing me from this living death
May 2019 · 145
Love v Passion
Amanda May 2019
If love is a wave
But a tsunami destroys
Then love must ebb and flow
Watchful, as passion can destroy
Loves deep rolling wave
May 2019 · 2.5k
Prevail
Amanda May 2019
I will always
Look for sun after rain
As it flashes through the prism vein
Of the coloured bow

I will always
Look for trust amongst a betray
For conscience will always have its way
And regret will show

I will always
Look for angers smiling frown
As turns a shout upside down
Allowing laughter to exhale

I will always
Let love control hearts hate
Over a constant populace of hate lovers
Hoping love will prevail
May 2019 · 135
Feather Flight
Amanda May 2019
Capture the flight of feather flow
On lifting swells of waves, high and slow
Soar over an ocean of freckle dancing foam
carried free, over land and sea, as I roam

Under cotton bleached clouds, moisture dry
The sun leads the way, across a lapis blue sky
Soaring on silent, soft feather flight
I glide through the hours, day into night

Watching as the planet turns below me
I can see electric lights spark up brightly
As cities become awake in the darkening gloom
Unaware of my continuing speeding zoom

I am caught up in an orbital ring
Kissing the moon as I pass, my wings sing
Lighting up stars against the universal black
I laugh, as I continue along the Angel track
May 2019 · 222
Desolate
Amanda May 2019
Desolate are the pages
Glistening white
As thoughts suffer a brain freeze
May 2019 · 201
Poison Apple
Amanda May 2019
Weighted heavy with sour green
The tree bows
And the branches graze the ground

There, hidden at its crown
A luscious prize
Softly it falls into my hand
So, I bite deep into the ripe red
But the saccharine juice
Is poison to me

Its flesh rotten, hidden, unseen
Under a covering of rosy glow
Its beauty, only skin thin
Apr 2019 · 176
Burnt Coffee
Amanda Apr 2019
Nerves fade under burnt caffeine
Slowly I sip the scalding, aromatic bean
And as my eyes close, I am lost behind the steam
Invisible in reality, I fall into daydreams
Where a life known, is not as it seems
I can pretend the lie hadn’t become mainstream
Everyone knows, everyone. Reactions so extreme
I can still feel the cold, as it filtered into my bloodstream
Sorry’s and apologies became a recurring theme
But they have as much substance as a moonbeam
Bouncing of your hurt like bubbling stream
Your words dumb, but your eyes, they scream
Why, why? And I can only hide in my fading self esteem
I saw our life, laid out, it was a pipe-dream
I lost love, but then I found him, a passion extreme.
Took my breath, heart away. I began to sparkle, to gleam
I was all I could be and more. Caught up in a rapture supreme
Leaving you, it was a tearing rent, not a rehearsed scheme
But for you and me, I had to ***** the bubble of the static dream
Let you find another love, who will want to be part of your team

So alone in a room, I sip scalding caffeine.
Thinking of you, and the lover who evaporated like steam
Apr 2019 · 253
The Way We Were
Amanda Apr 2019
You
One look
I was consumed
Pulled into quicksand
I was burning
You devoured
Me

I
Gave all
Under heated touch
Dissolving into steam
I touched stars
Tied to
You

We
Crested peaks
with passion glow
How we were
Loving, living, young
Consumed with
Us
Apr 2019 · 89
Slipping Away
Amanda Apr 2019
I’ve been waiting for the fire flash
Of killing light, see as it grazes the horizon
Then the wrench of sudden whiplash
As Earth breaks away from the sun

Each rotation slackens the pull to the ground
Like an astronaut without a tether, I am skyward bound

Spiralling clouds climb towards a darkening sky
I am slipping away from this celestial home, too late to cry

For we are on a speeding alternative path
See us dropping away, the last dying spark
And in this final gasp of this worlds end aftermath
A neon moon breaks away, in a bright, fading arc
Apr 2019 · 306
Candlewax
Amanda Apr 2019
Running down your face
Candlewax melted tears
You wipe them away
But they stick to your hand

Hurt is finding the truth in the blame
And
I am overflowing with acrid shame

Taking the trust that we had
And throwing it all away
I can see the opaque gauze fall
And your blue vision dims

Your smile unravels, love is packed
Away.
You are gone under a barrier of thickening wax

Sorry can’t hold the heat to burn it away
So, I will pull down the sun and swallow it whole
Take you in my arms, try to reignite the love heat
As I beg a thousand pardons for my infidelity
Apr 2019 · 208
Counting Stars
Amanda Apr 2019
Spending time counting stars
Watching them sparkle against the black
I can feel the silence between them
In a void empty and vast
Like you, like me
We used to blaze a fiery trail
With fire so hot we turned to ash
Love, so consuming. I forgot to breath
Loving you, Loving me
But fire dies without oxygen
And as we came up for air
The flames had flickered and died
So, we mourn the loss of the sun, and
The sorrow of you losing me
Apr 2019 · 187
Fast Love - Lived Slow
Amanda Apr 2019
Eyes lock
A kiss
Heart beats
With love hit
Stops time
Apr 2019 · 240
Brave
Amanda Apr 2019
Terrible times call for
Bravery
But to be brave
You don’t need to face terrible times
You just
Need to open your eyes on another day
Mar 2019 · 187
Questions of the Universe
Amanda Mar 2019
What if? Who are? Where did? How?
Doubt sits like cliff weight stone, the drop is too deep
To take the fall. For it would break the mind into particles
Of sand, filling a beach of infinite possibilities.
Mar 2019 · 124
Lifeboat
Amanda Mar 2019
Looking for the lifeboat
That is hidden amongst this life’s wreckage sway

Broken pieces of the heart, that fell from you, from me
Did we always have this hate, hidden away?
Now cracked open for all to see

Because loving you, changed into loving me
Want to be on a different path, live a different way
I want to find who I used to be, breakaway from us, from we

My love, there is no lifeboat
The poison is hidden too deep, accrued from our yesterday

A goodbye is our only release now, it’s meant to be
Don’t say another word, It’s our final day
Let’s leave with our shared true love memory
Mar 2019 · 438
Tri -Angle
Amanda Mar 2019
Kisses trace my lips like paper
They are distant in their touch
And your smile, barely shows
On your face, it says so much

Your words in their normal flow
Say you are here, but I feel you go
Eyes already looking to see the third angle
In this emotional waring tangle

Does she feel the same pull of me
As you leave her, does she see
How the tug of war plays out
When you say I love you, to her, to me

I saw her today in the park
Her toddler in her arms, his hair was dark,
And his eyes were your colour, warm brown
I sank into tears so deep, I could drown

I should cut the chord, let you go
But you have been so long part of my heart flow
It’s no easy break, No easy cut
But I know you love her. Isn’t there’s always a but!

So, a choice is what now faces me
Sharing the heart, you no longer share exclusively
Or let you go to be the father and husband
You can’t be with me.  But, isn't the choice already planned?
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