I am such an open book
I am the same around humans
in church, in school, even in the hospital
I never change how I express myself
Because I am an open book, people take this an opportunity to ignore and obstruct themselves from the the deep and mysterious me.
They never want to go near the boundaries that separates and defines the real me.
Immediately they see the open book, they are satisfied
And then they mistake me as someone with a good life
little do you know about what I face in the dark
The place where trouble of peace lies.
It is so peaceful that I am so troubled
I break into tears because I know something is wrong
Is this a dream or something worse
I know something worse than a dream.....
                       Reality
I have to go back there and be the open book that is easy to read
The smart girl who always whines and argue
I don't want to go back to that
I just want to stay like this,
as that girl who always think and meditates about deep things.
But I have to return to my daily duty
the role I am good at being a rook.
being an open book.

I kiss with my eyes open sometimes
I like to believe I can see into someone's soul

It makes me feel like I am a kid with her face pushed up against a window
Looking into a place of wonder.
I am the child
And you are the candy store.

I want to memorize
How your nose crinkles a little bit
How your eyebrows pull together in the center
How your cheeks flush.

When I kiss you,
The heavens open up.
How could I close my eyes
When the angel that I have always heard about in church
Was right here in front of me?

I kiss with my eyes open sometimes.

Deferred thought my mind speaks
but unable to reach
Since, lacking proper fuel
words are no more than tools
Idly on the shelf
All alone by themselves
Whether each has the skill
Makes no difference still
Needs a user to wield
The brain must be unsealed
Else it's nothing but noise
And will only annoy
To communicate one
Has to pay attention
And your message think through
It is important to

Listen right back
Without barbs or attacks
Open-mind speaking freely
Add diplomacy
Must employ use of tact
Support statements with fact
Do not rush; take your time
Critical? Then be kind
Not a must to agree
Can't force someone to see
Each of us has his thoughts
Throughout life we are taught
There are social patterns
Easily to discern
So, wherever you fall
Do not build up a wall

Keeping out you will win
As you lock yourself in
Rigid form without flex
New ideas will perplex
Ignorance and denial
Grow into a pile
On island alone
Statue made of stone
In your mind you’re entombed
Happy life is now ruined
Feeling always against
With a paranoid sense
A refusal to see
An unwavering tree
But a tree can still bow
Give and take it will show

Rigid thoughts become firm
Close your mind; will not learn
Placing all of the weight
Just for you; here to take
And must always support
Forcibly will contort
Having flex we adjust
This in life is a must
Something we can not do
Like to uncook a stew
Won't exist very long
People just not that strong
Or should they try to be
A journey incomplete
Happiness lies within
On these words please don’t spin

A sole island you're not
Harmony should be sought
Infinite universe
You can’t always be first
Finding balance in life
Like to see without sight
Each of us wants respect
But to give is to get
Listen up before talking
Use foot and start walking
Will find in due time
Not to bother or mind
People are free to think
From each other we drink
How we grow and evolve
Complex problems we’ll solve

Not a perfect system
But we gather wisdom
Always strive to improve
It’s the best we can do
To communicate we
Open our minds to see
And try to understand
Flawed and kindred humans

Right now,

The mind flutters.
The body clutters in emotions.
In motion.
Trying to sip on a potion
While staying in devotion to something.......
I try to be it all, yet I cant control this
This
THIS ——- flutter

Yet, falling freely.
Seeing me be me.
Really,,,,,

I stay away
At bay. Yet fragment, moments, ideas
All collide into an explosion of the possibility.

And my mind flutters
Like a butterfly
Crashes like a falling airplane;
Freely, painfully
As I hold onto the railings on the bus. There is a single stop
I crash - again, again.... When, I say stop
Again -
Reality -  
A shattering crash.

And I flutter, more
More,
More.

Nothing will stop, nothing.
This fluttering flies away and I am left shaking

A wound
Is opened, in front of you
I want crash now. Because my explosion in front of you
Will hurt you
You will stay

Yet I think:
Please come (I flutter)

Please go —-

At the same time..

I am an open wound in a world of bandaids

I lock myself
beneath layers of doors and walls
when the pain becomes terrible enough
to cause my heart to shift and tremble
in the very place it feels safe.
I may feel sheltered behind these barriers,
my being may as well.

But I must open myself up,
even though it may feel nearly impossible.
Those who want to help
are only filled with love
and will do anything and everything
to help me when I need them the most.

Those who adore me do not
deserve my abrupt departure.

Do you ever wonder if they care as much as they say they do?

Why can't they answer your message?

Why do they only give a few brief words?

Why does it feel like you're the only one trying?

If you have theses or similar questions
then it might be time to cut yourself free and wait.

Wait until they ask you how you are.

Wait until they answer your message.

Wait until they try to put some effort in.

If it never comes, then they don't.