Right now,

The mind flutters.
The body clutters in emotions.
In motion.
Trying to sip on a potion
While staying in devotion to something.......
I try to be it all, yet I cant control this
This
THIS ——- flutter

Yet, falling freely.
Seeing me be me.
Really,,,,,

I stay away
At bay. Yet fragment, moments, ideas
All collide into an explosion of the possibility.

And my mind flutters
Like a butterfly
Crashes like a falling airplane;
Freely, painfully
As I hold onto the railings on the bus. There is a single stop
I crash - again, again.... When, I say stop
Again -
Reality -  
A shattering crash.

And I flutter, more
More,
More.

Nothing will stop, nothing.
This fluttering flies away and I am left shaking

A wound
Is opened, in front of you
I want crash now. Because my explosion in front of you
Will hurt you
You will stay

Yet I think:
Please come (I flutter)

Please go —-

At the same time..

I am an open wound in a world of bandaids

I lock myself
beneath layers of doors and walls
when the pain becomes terrible enough
to cause my heart to shift and tremble
in the very place it feels safe.
I may feel sheltered behind these barriers,
my being may as well.

But I must open myself up,
even though it may feel nearly impossible.
Those who want to help
are only filled with love
and will do anything and everything
to help me when I need them the most.

Those who adore me do not
deserve my abrupt departure.

Do you ever wonder if they care as much as they say they do?

Why can't they answer your message?

Why do they only give a few brief words?

Why does it feel like you're the only one trying?

If you have theses or similar questions
then it might be time to cut yourself free and wait.

Wait until they ask you how you are.

Wait until they answer your message.

Wait until they try to put some effort in.

If it never comes, then they don't.

It’s like everything is still in slow motion, but also a silent film.
It’s like I’m not even sneaking out for a cigarette anymore,
I light one in the room with the door open.
It’s like I’m not trying.
My grades are dropping as well as my bags are growing,
They ask me if I’m sick and I say, yea
It’s the cold
I have a cold

I am looking at the door and
My heart is ever sore
My hands are aching
From forever slapping at the door
I know that golden memories are there.

When I stop slapping at the door
I stand naked in despair
I realize that love is there somewhere
Somewhere and everywhere
It keeps me straying from the truth or dare.

That love is always somewhere
Somewhere and yet so near
Neither less in spirit form
Neither more in earthly norm
Love is always here somewhere, so close.

I am looking at my feet
Bare and on the floor
And deep within my heart I find
There is an unlocked door
To feel that love has gone before.

I turn the **** and
Open the door at will
To find the golden memories in there
I grab the shackles off my heart
And pull out the storm
To blow away my heart's despair

Now I understand
That love, your love is here deep within my soul
Love is here and everywhere
I have only to let it flow.

Don't tell me that you understand.
Have you scooped out my eyes?
Like they were vanilla ice-cream.
Have you cut them open?
To see what they have seen.
Have you dug up all the memories?
To see what was buried in them.
Have you tried?

You will never know
what I have experienced.
Even if you took my eyes,
you wouldn't be able to feel it.