My eyes are glued to the door,
waiting and praying
for you to show up,
hollering
"April Fools!"
And yet the doorway stays as
empty
as I have felt for months now.

sometimes i feel hopeless
like it's never going to get better
it's been a roller coaster
of ups and downs
mostly downs
i want to get off this ride
too many hills
too many loops
too many abrupt halts
but i can't
i can't get off without hurting someone
what's one person though?
not like i have so many people
who love and adore me
who care and are concerned
i'll give this ride another chance
life is like a never ending rollercoaster
ups and downs and sideways
all i can do is go up, my friend

'Why is it so painful to grow?'

A seed.
Just a seed buried under the ground.
Under the pressure of the soil,
It fights to grow.

The seed cracks,
such a sturdy little seed,
opens with a painful snap.

A sprout coils out.
Out of the cracked little seed.
A sprout now crushed under,
Under the pressure of the unforgiving ground.

Yet still... It grows.

A little sprout,
Now reaches up.
Up and away from the little seed,
and up to the light of the sun.

Pushing and groaning it bursts out.
Out from the unforgiving ground.
Yet now new dangers are to be found.

Will it be trampled
Or eaten alive?
The possibilities are endless,
The ways it could die.

And still.. it grows.

The sprout toils endlessly,
always stretching and growing
Reaching for the crimson sun.

The rain falls down
beating upon the sprout.
Pelting it's skin and whipping it about.
It skin hardens painfully,
and sprout becomes stem.

And still It grows.
The stem keeps reaching,
Stretching to the sky.

The stem then splits
It rips in two a bud appears
A little bud,
With so much to do.

Then the bud breaks
A crack appears
a petal unfurls from within.

Then it's a bloom.
Such a sweet little thing.
Until the crack stretches
So the bloom can grow
In to the beautiful rose
We've all come to know.

And still.. it grows.

Thorns burst free
Breaking out of the stem
And petals billow and grow in the breeze.

Then you see me,
And my beauty delights you,
So you wish to see me every day.
And your scissors encircle me
To give you your way.

They cut me in half.
They slice me in two.
being a rose,
There was naught I could do.

You carry me with you,
Your hands coated in my blood,
I'm dying slowly,
All for your love.

And now... I can't grow.

So as I bleed and wither in pain,
You place me in a vase
Or press me in a book,
All to save the bloom for another day.

And as I gasp for air,
Among your dry pages,
You leech me of all life,
Perfectly preserved
just so I could last the ages.

Or else I am drowning
In glass and water
My beauty wasted
hour by hour
Day by day
All to satisfy your whimsical ways.

And now all I wish to know,
'Why is it so painful to grow?'

I am here, breathing...
Living the days I've been promised
So as I travel from dawn to dusk,
There are countless things;
I might have missed

I carry on my chest, a burden of regrets
And run on a road full of thrones,
How I wish;
that all this pain would be enough,
To pay the price of my sins

Cause life does not spare anyone,
And now it's my turn.

Every day is like
Falling into a deep pit,
waiting to hit the ground
Hoping to reach home safe and sound
On my way, I tell myself;
"This  void inside  needs to be filled;
Somethings in life need to be fixed"
No one near me, seems to get a hint
So I keep it that way;
hide it all behind a wall
For even if they knew,
There's nothing much they could do
I see how they complain;
Still manage to live their life to the fullest
Maybe this is an art, I need to learn
Just to get rid of this pain
Cause God knows
How long will it take,
For everything to be better again.