She told me to write
So I did.
But now I'm left in a pile of poems and prose
That no one will ever get to read.
Feeling more emotions than I have in years
Too afraid to let them see that side of me.
My lies are bigger than I am now
So I walk in their shells
Attempting to pretend that I know what I'm doing.

She told me to write
Because what I make is beautiful
That the way my words twist and contrast
Make her interested.
That my raw emotion speaks to her
But she only saw my most prized pieces
Would my average work disappoint?

She told me to write
To let others see how I feel
Express myself in a way
That maybe they can comprehend
And attempt to understand.
But how can they possibly understand
When I'm too afraid to show them
What I actually feel like.

She told me to write
To work towards being okay
To continue putting one foot in front of the other
Because it was the only thing keeping me alive.
So I tried.

When my heart beats black inside my chest, and the days I have are filled with death, and the girls I know won't walk with me, then I have my choice in misery. All the birds have died, and the plains are dry, the skyscrapers aren't lit up at night, and the city's sound sounds like nothing, then I have my choice in suffering. People talk a lot, but they hardly speak, all their voices creak in the summer streets, everybody walks but they're not moving, I try to only observe but then I start screaming.

I ******* hate the way that you look at me, your skin's so ******* clean that it feels *****, your eyes move around but you're not seeing, the way I hurt each day but you say nothing. If I tried to leave you might be happy, so I sit and be and go out at night and cheat. I would break your heart, but it hardly beats. You're my walking dead, my darling zombie.

Each day is second rate, I bore so easily. It's like the day we met ended your pleasantry. I startle all the time, you seem so unaware. I chose you number one, you chose to not even care.

I caressed you once, and undressed you thrice, you abandoned me in the middle of the night. All the time I halved, you had your own account, of every thing we did, it wasn't the right amount. Now I hardly care about the drugs you're on. I'm quoting blasphemy out of every psalm. Even the words I write don't tell half of the truth, about the way I felt chasing after you.

What the hell am I supposed to do?
With you used to be easy,
Meant for two.
Now it gets harder,
As the days drift by
We used to be so close together,
Why did you say goodbye?
She paints a pretty picture
But no one's there to see
She paints her tears on paper
And then she looks at me
I can't help her pain
I don't even try.
I just sit here crying,
As she dies inside.
I'm singing, "Oh, oh, oh"
I can feel her pain
To sacred to even stay
I tried to warn them all
But no one listened to me
They all ignored
While I had the key.
She paints a pretty picture
But no one's there to see
She paints her tears on paper
And then she looks at me
I can't help her pain
I don't even try.
I just sit here crying,
As she dies inside.
I'm singing, "Oh, oh, oh"
I can feel her pa-ain-ain
To scared to even stay
Too sacred to-
Save her life
Stop her tears,
They fell like waterfalls
That no one can hear.
Until they stopped-
She painted a pretty picture
But no one was there to see
She painted her tears on paper
And then she looked at me
I couldn't help her pain
I didn't even try.
I just sit here crying,
While she has gone to die.
Now that she is gone,
I hear her in the wind.
Endless cries of laughter,
Endless days of summer
Endless...days of...
Nothing to live for
Nothing to gain.
Now that she has gone away.
Nothing stays the same.
I paint a pretty picture.
No one's there to see,
I paint my grief on paper,
She cries down to me,
Tells me "Stop!"
As the paper turns red.
I see a figure
All dressed in white,
I see a figure,
Dancing through the night.
They paint a picture
of her and me
They turn around
And it's her I see and she's forgiven me.
Clouds of white
Blue skies below
I am with her.
Forever home.