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Holly Jan 2020
My mother was
a cruel joke
taught with a raised voice.
Her pain
the foundations
for the better half of
my childhood,
her loneliness the next.
There is a forceful kind of sadness
that comes with being raised
by a woman
destroyed by her past,
your future is determined
by her emptiness.
You are left to wonder
how you could ever be
any different
than those who came before you
If living hurt this much.
But I want to be more
than what I was taught to be.
More than skin
and bone
and a raw heart
always ready to stop beating.
I love my mother
but her tragedy
was slowly becoming mine
and I couldn’t deal with that.
Holly Jan 2020
My body is a house
for a horde
of emotions,
locked away
in all the different
cavities of space.

Anxiety rents the room
at the bottom
of my stomach,
coming and going
whenever he pleases.
An open door
into an isolated room
filled with never-ending noise.
Messy.
Unpredictable.

In the middle
of my sternum
is where you find happiness,
her glow
- sometimes hidden
but never permanently
gone.
She warms my chest
when it feels
too cold
for anything else
to live there,
and keeps my hearth going
in times i was sure
it would die out.
Comfortable.
Simple.

I feel anger
in my lungs.
Their mass pressed against
My rib-cage,
tightening unbearably
against the bars around them.
They like to be the one
to break the valuables
I hold in my hands.
Hot.
Uncomfortable.

Embarrassment,
She comes to party
right underneath
the surface.
All skin
and no substance.
My capillaries
burst into patches
of reds and pinks,
the colours
she likes to splatter
against the walls.
Always the unwanted guest
that turns up
without an invitation.
Irritating.
Despised.

And loneliness;
Well,
they like to
make their bed in my head
Wrapped up
and suffocating any air
around them.
Boxes of memories
towering around them
with no motivation
to indulge in
anything that would make
their place livelier.
The lights are
always off in there,
so i can never see them
but i always feel their presence.
Dark.
Desolate.

My body is a hostel
available for purchase
from any feelings
that need a
place to sleep.
But it is the
one place
where the only person
who doesn't feel
at home
is me.
tryhard Jan 2020
you arrived unexpectedly
like some sort of calamity
maybe an earthquake or a tsunami
assured i was prepared
for whatever havoc
you would cause
but i never saw it coming
flooding my senses
you were all around me
and as the ground shook below
i fell with no one to catch me
and not much noticed
but with all these walls
i could have built a city
keep it locked and guarded
then you showed up with a key
surprising how you opened it
i could have sworn it was rusty
were you surprised too
when you looked inside
and found everything empty
you see
it was never a question
of casualty or severity
for how could you destroy something
that was too shattered already
i hate how corny i've become and i hope i get well soon ****

ps i know technically tsunamis can be predicted but this is poetry so uhh i took some ~artistic liberties~
Blind Eye Dec 2019
⠙⠊⠎⠁⠏⠏⠕⠔⠞⠰⠞⠀⠋⠥⠇⠋⠊⠇⠇⠎⠀⠮⠀⠗⠊⠧⠻⠎⠀⠌⠗⠂⠍⠎
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https://dennislaj.wixsite.com/website
Max Neumann Dec 2019
countless nights
the same dream:

awaking in black water
dressed in jeans and a
rugby-shirt

legs under water so i
am trying to protect my
cell phones from

damage
24 HOURS. Keep coming back.
Empire Dec 2019
trigger warning: self harm, cutting


unsheathed my blade
and held it to the light
and there, along the edge
a line of red
dried on
from night after night
of being used
over and over and over
in a desperate, futile attempt
to feel something
to control something
to see the damage
to see the pain
to attain release

and as i clean my blade
i'll wipe away the bit of me it took
to make myself bleed
so many times....
all over...
and then
i'll put it away
and move to wipe
my blood-soaked wrist
Aver Nov 2019
my chest hurts just thinking about you
my feelings clawing out of my chest
like an animal caught in a cage
i feel bound by the idea of you
glued to the image of us two
my body can’t forget your touch
my skin relives each moment
every neuron sending dopamine straight through my tired brain
serotonin seeping through the cracks in my depression
oxytocin making me high just for a moment
before the anxiety kicks back in
cortisol replacing common sense

the smell of your cologne
something old and outdated
yet so perfect with your chemistry

i miss it
our chemistry
the aching pull towards your body
even when all we did was scream and cry
i needed to feel you against me
i need to feel you against me
one more time

i need to know if it was real
i need to know if we could heal
could this slipshod marriage of hope be renewed

i said i wanted nothing serious
you said the same thing too
we were fools
but love’s a fools game
and baby we were the best at it
until we started breaking the rules

the thing about hindsight is
it’s not 20/20
it’s more like 50/50
half reality half make believe
i see rose colored street signs
rose colored tears
everything stained with pink
from our single shared year

everything that’s rosey
turns black and blue
but god how i’d be so willing
to be covered black and blue
if i was doing it with you
how i’d pay to cut myself open
just to let you back in
the deepest of heartache
was from our own sin

maybe it was both of us
who sunk this old ship
but i am the one
who is still waiting adrift

yes i’d go black and blue every day
if i knew at the end of the night
id be coming back home to you
i know it’s over and done and i know we were broken beyond repair but some nights when its cold and lonely id do anything to have you laying beside me
holding me instead of this blanket keeping me warm
Meggie Delaney Oct 2019
I was with a man who would bake glass shards into strawberry shortcake

I would thank him while biting into the frosting and the fragments

It became our routine

Sugar and sutures went hand in hand

Sometimes I think I craved the pain. Perhaps I earned the shredded esophagus and internal bleeding.I never had to part my lips.

He was the one who walked away after all I swallowed. I begged him to come back. Wrote poems about my hurt. He was my home.

But even I found others.

Other ways to get the glass fix.

It was never my intention to keep swallowing shards

But with a spoonful of sugar...

I still cry from all the ugly damage that's been done, by myself and by the others. With my soft tissue shredded, I see so much ugly. Sometimes I can feel my vessels thumping underneath the spidery scar tissue. Phantom pains stab and hot panic puddles in my chest like a pool of blood.

It's moments like this that I wonder if I'll ever heal.
Feedback is greatly appreciated! Everything I write comes from a deeply personal place but I worry I sometimes come across as trite because I don't fully let my guard down and the poems fall flat. Any comments good or bad would mean the world. Thank you!
Ruheen Sep 2019
Heaven rains down.
Hell rises up.
At dawn, they begin
Their search for dusk.
We mind.
We matter.
We run.
We scatter.
In the war between
All the higher powers,
All we are is,
Collateral damage.
We are used by all.
Favored by none.
Dakota J Dawson Sep 2019
You are here
Hope into love

I'm not ready
For you

Torn
Corrupted

Dreams eclipsed
With unreasonable detergent

Shot down provisions
Unequal complications

How come
You're in my life?
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