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Holly 2d
I say your name,
and it's like the room
becomes a graveyard.
Everyone has left
and a cold emptiness
sweeps it's way in
to settle amongst
your headstone.
They all
buried you
a long time ago,
while i still pick dead flowers
to throw on top
of your grave.
My hands still grasp
at the pain in my chest
while everyone walks around me
with dry faces
that pretend
they don't see your ghost
still sitting on my shoulders.
It's like I never attended the funeral
they all threw
to cast you out,
and now i'm stuck
mourning somebody
no one wants to talk about.
funeral death mourning trauma sad depression cry graveyard
Holly 3d
I thought my heart
would be safe in your hands,
until I realised
I had given
the most private part of me
to someone who had no plans
of keeping it
out of the fire.
Holly Mar 14
Some people
will have you believe
that damage can be beautiful,
and it's true
that you can find
the sunlight through the clouds.
But my trauma is not pretty.
It is an ugly bruise
that everyone thinks is okay
to poke at,
and watch the black and blue
attempt to change colours
when it heals.
There is no beauty
in crying alone at 3am,
spilling alcohol down your shirt
at a party you're only attending
to drown your issues in,
swallowing tiny little pills
to feel somewhat okay,
avoiding any comfort
because you feel you deserve less.
It is a lonely place to be,
stuck in a broken mind
with one-way windows.
I can romanticise my pain
as much as i want,
but it will always be
a toxic relationship
i have with myself.
And it is not beautiful.
Holly Mar 11
Some days I drown
in the sea of distance
you let come between us.
The salt in your voice
clogging my head
with words that cut me
to the bone.
The sloshing of emotions
that brim inside
feel like waves crashing
against my rib cage,
trying to spill
over the edges.

How could we let
what we had
slip right between
our fingers,
as if we were
only grains of sand
that were so easily let go.
I suffocate underneath
the pain of watching you
walk away from me,
A million pieces of my heart
tearing apart
trying to follow you.
My legs feel trapped to the floor,
like seaweed tangling my feet
and keeping me anchored.

It hurts to know
that you gave up
trying to save me.
Instead you left me
to be swallowed up
by the hole
you left behind.
And most days
I feel so numb
That I barely feel it
When the riptides
Of your memories
pull me under.
Holly Feb 25
I miss you
the most
at midnight.
It’s too dark
and not dark enough
and I’m just not myself
crying over you
for the third time tonight.
I think of the way
you always laugh at my jokes
and how it feels
like sometimes
you understand why I’m not laughing.
My bed feels like
a prison at 1am
when I just want
to hear you say my name
and you’re somewhere else
with someone else.
I can’t think about
your hands
and how I know they feel
on me
except you’re no longer
on me
but someone else
much better.
And it’s close to 2am
only now I don’t miss you
but the girl
I used to be
before you let me believe
I could be someone different.
She’s somewhere inside,
rotting like a corpse
because you’ve made
my room feel like
a graveyard.
Now it’s 3am
and I’m just wishing
for this to stop
so I don’t have to feel
so alone
anymore.
Holly Feb 20
I know you thought
reviving me
would fix the problems
that lay between us.
That if you
collected enough
pieces of me
that broke over time,
you could put them
back together again
perfectly.
But those broken
shards
were not pretty,
and they do not fit right.
You have reanimated
a gruesome monster
in a body
similar to mine.
I am cold
and terrifying
and I will ruin you
until you are nothing
but a corpse
beneath my fingertips.
I wish I could be
human enough
for you,
but I am not alive
Inside
anymore.
There is nothing left to me
but flesh
and ****** hands
and an empty chest
I will never exist in
again.
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