she cried
for night on end
her weeping eyes
drenched her pillows,
all for a boy
whom she loved
with every last inch
of her heart.

he never loved her back.

going off on me for expressing my true feelings online
reminds me of when you used to do that in real life
if I ever spoke up when I was sad or angry
you would get so mad you would hit things around you
stomp off and leave
tell me I was crazy
while I was left crying so hard I couldn’t breathe
my eyes welled up red
wondering
if I wanted to live like this for the rest of my life

i stand and watch you leave
the doorway fraMes your unsteady form as You walk out of my life
the whole scene reminds me of a haPhazardly taken polaroid pIcturE
in my white-knuCkled fingers
as i hold onto your mEmory as tight aS i can
for deAR lifE
because this moment here
is the breaking apart
i have Spent months grieving your loss
before it even arrived
and yet
this is harder than i Could even imagine
because watching you go is easier than seeing you gone
because the gentle ambiguity of your not-goodbye
is nothing like how you lived your dAys with me
fast-paced, breakneck speeds
every breath thaT flowed from your open heart sTormed right through the walls around mine
and without those i am suffocating
i am shattEring like a broken mirror
and you were the light i once reflected
every one of my fractures spreads and cRacks like a spider-weaved web
and i am the fly
i am too weak to say goodbye
so i let your “see you later”
shatter mE
because the you i may see later
will not be the same you that i know right now.
so i shatter and splinter and crack
as you slip out of my hands
and all my pieces are shattereD across every memory i have with you.

Should of started your good bye
Right when you arrived
Cause i wasn't ready
Time wasn't steady
You we're here a minute
And gone the next
Was that 20 minutes
or a couple secs
Or wait a minute
I'm just a wreck
When you're around
time passes wack
My eyes are fountains
I want you back

My mind is content
  
……… then
……… memories are stirred

A familiar smell,

A song we sang,

and here I am missing You

Again.

i.
an ailment of the mind,
incorporeal, a ghost that flits between
worlds, festers and grows —
a thumping tumour.

ii.
sick, but not really sick.
(does it hurt? paracetamol might help).
you are exaggerated and foolish.
count your blessings.

iii.
potent to change reality.
stronger than any mushrooms.
a single thought, the words and the images,
gunslingers to misery.

iv.
hook that reels in,
boding some ominous fate.
fish out of water —
flippity-flop; people sunbathe around.

v.
plodding is what it is.
plodding through a tempest,
freezing, crackled skin,
watching everyone else walking in sun.

vi.
you want to scream but don’t.
you want to explain but don’t.
you let them form their own ideas
and agree. you feed on it.

“Don’t ruin my artwork”
He said to me when I was still his canvas
But he grew less fond of my colors, now dull
My blues to greys
Fading away
The white washed over me
And I was no longer his masterpiece

Hot breath warms her face
As it settles in thick blankets
Making it harder and harder to breathe.

The rest of her body feels chilly
As a fan circulates cold air around her,
But her face only grows warmer.

As she tells herself all the things she doesn't want to hear,
Yet would feel incomplete without,
The heat only begins to rise,
Swelling from her eyes,
Like thick globs of lava,
Crashing into the tightly held blankets.

She opens her mouth,
To tell herself to stop,
That she has no reason to be this upset,
That shes embarrassing herself,

But her throat fills with hot air,
And she lets out nothing,
Only sobs,
And hopes that tomorrow is a better day.

Golden Radiance met in Reflection
Penetrating all areas of Infection
The warmth and the love of Affection
Altering Perception, Mirrored Perfection.

Silver Light, Pacifying
Little Child, I see you crying
Silver Eyes Dancing Rain
Droplets of life: escaping the Vain.

Though like a Vine you Tilt.
Though like a Flower you Wilt.
My Will is Endogenous.
The Light of my Soul is growing within.

And as I lift your spirits, With my Consolation
My Comfort grows in you to hold your weight.
My little Blue Spirit, what shall you create?
In the Nous, that is your Space?

My little Blue Sun, what shall you create?

Your Dawn of Dreams awaits.

Letting go is accepting that something better is waiting for you on the other side.

It's realising that the person who, you hope, will take a bullet to the chest for you is actually the one behind the gun,

Even though you still have time to jump out the way you find yourself debating wether you even want to.

See, we very quickly forget that closeness is a lot more hurtful and damaging than we lead ourselves to believe.

It’s the valentines day morning in the kitchen alone with a cup of coffee, in your pink fluffy robe, fervently reminding yourself that the only love that matters is the one you give yourself yet you know that is a complete load of ****.

It feels cold outside but it’s really not, that’s just you.