I am a glutton for your LOVE
Not the pink pedals from a rose.
But to engulf in chills of
Feelings - risen from YOU.

I yearn to be wrapped in YOUR
affection - that is enough.
To indulge in your passion poured -
From gashes but fearlessly entrust.

I yearn for you to give me all of YOU
The you that "you" keep encaged
Is the YOU that I long to love too.
I'll take all of you, have no fear.

Just let loose your baggage -
And let me love all of it
As I live to love you and ALL
That comes with it.

I used to dream
of being a great man
a heroic man
the kind that songs are sung of
stories are written of

The kind of man that leads people to victory
that sacrifices for the greater good
noble, honourable and courageous

But I realise now;
I am none of that - but;
I am a content man,
I am a happy man
In the end, I think I prefer to be happy
I think...

You could stray
in the dark.
And not feel a thing.
Wander on lonely sideways.
Slowly.
No demons' following you.
No boogyman.
No hooded guys.
They have melted away
till your veins went dry.

You could play
with fire.
And not feel the heat.
The burn.
The plumes of flame.
The sparkling ember
And still touch it.
"It was fun"

You wouldn't feel the rush.
that comes after.
The high.
Excitement fades
in your eyes.
Into pale pale
numbness.

Oh but without fear.
you could
walk on
rooftops.
on building-edges
on the highways.
And got run over.
Take bottles of pills.
With bloodied eyes and shaky fingers.
You could end the pain.
You wouldn't know it.
You could do it all.
But no one ever tells you.
And it seems that
no one
knows.

"How much is bravery?"
You ask.
"80 something years ahead, "
A life time
in exchange
It will **** ya'
Without fear,
no feelings.
no pain.
you could die.

Loving me is not a tragedy
It does not require any "settling" down
I can assure you there is nothing settling about my love
My love will not change you
But it might inspire you in ways that are unforeseen
My love will encourage you to follow every dream that has ever impressed itself upon your heart
You can travel as far and wide as you wish
But you will still feel my love in your bones
Because love is meant to be felt and it can only be felt by the courageous and the strong of heart
Love, my friends, is not for the poor
For the poor do not feel with their hearts

I used to idolize you
And I could never believe
You would deliberately hurt me
You didn't mean it
It wasn’t your fault
A million excuses
Exchanged for a million bruises
That lined my skin
In semi-permanent remembrance
of you

Five years later
I can still see those black and blue marks
That once blotted my skin
But now I am awake
And no longer oblivious
To your lies

5 years of slumber
1,825 days
Or 43,800 hours
And even 2,628,000 minutes
Of being blind to you

But the mathematics do not matter
Because you do not measure
Pain the same way
You measure time

Finally speaking, 5 years later
After being silenced by my own mind
Trapped by the fear that no one
Would understand
Let alone care

5 years of being scared and afraid
Like an animal
Who was hit too many times
Only because I was too ignorant
To run from what I thought
Was love

And now it has been three days
Since his return
Old wounds have resurfaced
5 years worth of scars
Of bruises
Of horrible, horrible memories
All oppressed by my notion
Of what love really was

I can feel my skin become tender
From where you used to abuse
Your power

But the difference now
Is that I am strong
I am not measly
Nor weak
And I will never cower
Below your shadow again
5 years of recovery
And torture and pain

But now I can live
The rest of my life
An eternity with an infinite
Amount of possibilities
Because I am not scared

Not anymore
Because after 5 years of being weak
I arise from my hibernation
And come out courageous

Courageous.
I go through stages.
I think about all I could do.
I am Courageous.

Afraid.
I contemplate.
I think about all that could go wrong.
I am afraid.

Brave.
I will do all that I crave.
I believe in myself.
I feel brave.

Fear.
It creeps up, whilst fulfilments of my dreams are near.
The possible becomes impossible.
I feel fear.

Fear, when brave,
Then feeling afraid,
All the stages, the rages - The angst of changes.
When I feel Courageous.

The vulnerability of baring myself fully
clenches the belly
panics the heart
stands my hairs on end.

It is truly the most terrifying thing
to stand in ones authenticity.

And yet. And yet.

The courage it takes.
The great tender strength.
The spine tingling elation.
The heart swells, and magic.
The naked beauty borne, in feeling you have nothing to hide.
The spirit touched ardor of a bare approach to life.
The openings and the mystery.
The expressions: tripping, falling, incomplete, misguided.
The wonderful mistakes, elucidating lessons.
The perfect imperfections.
The easing of honesty.
The engendered humility.
The profundity.
The sense of being touched, touching, and in touch with life.
The unmasked revelations, of full spectral undulation.
The this. The that. The I can accept it all.
The dropping of shame.
The incredible liberation, in shedding that shame.
The finding forgiveness for self, for other.
The quiver of unknowing.
The sweet caress of potential.
The dread. The sorrows. The uncertainties.
All making room for, in their acknowledgement:
Room for what else is there.
Room for laughter, and joy, and luminescence.
Room for flirtation, dancing, spontaneity.
Breaking open.
Melting into Love.
Soaring on the wings of Truth.
The hush, of anxious worry.
The Goodness bestowed.
The empathy.
The compassion.
The connection.
The holy restoration of creative flow.
The fires of real passion.

And everything.
And everything.
And Beauty.