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Maria 13h
I’ve got to pull myself together.
I’m loss.
I’m scattered roughly by the wind,
Back and forth.
I’ve fallen to the ground, and all crows
Are on top.
They’re circling, circling, restless devils,
And don’t stop.
Shhh! Fly away! I’m going to.

I’ve got to restore myself to this body.
It’s the right way.
My body's awkward, enfeebled indeed –
Just get away!
I’ve lived in it, learnt a lot in it.
I swear!
I’ve loved, created, broken and lost, but lived
Just anywhere!
Shhh! Right-on. It’s my body.

It’s time to go out. There’s nothing to do here
At all.
No need to catch emptiness or uselessly freak
For all.
Believe, disbelieve, wait or don't wait
Any more.
It’s time to go out. I don’t want to stay here.
What for?
Shhh! It’s enough! I’m get tired of lies.
Maria 1d
I saw you off that day. I exiled you!
You came back to me the very same as a pigeon.
You flew through the opened door deliberately
And wisely as if it should be so. You were sure in.

I packed you off that day. I removed you.
You returned to me like you didn’t even notice.
You closed the door behind, looked steadily
And smiled as if you were looking at an Indian lotus.

I forbade you to suffer privations with me that day.
You as though didn’t get it and stopped at the same thing.
You made fresh tea and stayed by my side that day
And began to make silly jokes to set me kookily laughing.

I don’t let you go! I’ll keep you close to me everywhere.
I’m stuck to you! I’m trapped inside you in whole!
If you didn’t go that day, then stay evermore, for all time.
I love you much! I need none other in my life at all.
Maria 3d
It's broken, scattered in pieces, in shreds.
What was immoveable, now is crumbled.
It morphed from spool into puny threads
And got so futile and so unrequired.

All is gone, both faith, and repentance.
And what is now, no meaning, no goal.
No one needs excuses or blaming.
Neither of those who needed are gone.

All is trampled down, mixed up.
All is stupidly wasted in whole.
And only one mediocre Zero
Is stayed with no shame at all.
Maria 5d
I didn't leave fast,
Just bit by bit.
I didn't leave all at once.
I stood and I waited.

I vanished not quick.
Just drop by drop.
I vanished as a fog,
Till I determined to stop.

I couldn't stay more.
I had to leave quick.
We had to break up.
We both were like sick
Maria 7d
I draw your name with a thin twig in a sand,
Like touching the surface of meanings by breath.
Sand grains flows together like dots on a chequered sheet
And lay down one-line in letters as shibboleth.

In every sand letter of your name there’s me,
Untalented, hopeless, irrelevant, but so tender.
The stray wind will blow away your name from me
And I will stay alone on a sand, unshod and in surrender.
Maria Feb 10
I blend in with the crowd
Of those, who’s kin to me.
Who’s tattered, needless and empty,
Extinguished and bowed as shouldn’t be.

I blend in with the crowd
Of Others, who’s no place,
Of Others, who’ve lost all faith and nerves,
But all the still saved their face.

Of Others, who’ve had a rough lesson
From life and those in flock,
Of Others, who’re walled-up to the limit,
Whose souls are under the barn lock.
Maria Feb 9
I’d like to talk about spring,
About nature’s breathe with fresh
And breezy mornings, sunny days,
About feelings in spring plesh.

I’d like to talk about love,
The one that takes you all, in whole!
It’s in your heart! It is inside!
It makes a magic just for all!

I’d like to talk about myself,
The one that I don’t even know,
About myself with different fate…
But truly, I guess I’d better go.
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