I walk
I walk to get around
I walk and listen to natural sounds
I walk in sunshine
And mostly in twilight
Sometimes the things I see
Seem subliminally superb
And slightly more special
At night
I listen
I listen to the problems
And issues of others
Because I know I've most likely been there
Before
I listen
To ludicrous outcries
And lacivious and lustful Lamentations
Looking listfully luxurious
Our eyes meet
And it passes
I speak
Rarely,
And usually only within my mind
Because I know
Nobody is really interested
In what I have to say
Silently I suffer
Because some have it worse
Most have it better
But that point is moot
Shoot
I've rambled
Rampant revelling
Revealing raucous and ****
Riotous rituals
Relinquishing my radiance
I fade
Into an abyss
Created from my loneliness
I am alone
And some times I feel
It will always be so
I've made mistakes
My mind mauling
My insides
Meticulously melting
My very memory
Merely a moment
In time
I fear
I fear that one day
A chalk line will
Slowly and surely
Produce a vague image if me
An outline
An ode to my sadness
Of course I know it won't
But one can't have this much pain
And not fear these things
It's obscene
The things I say to me
Taught by torment
Tutoring myself in torture
I'm mean
To myself
And no one else
I hear the things I say to me
And shudder to think
The damage my words could cause Another
Music
Sets me free
And alleviates this anger
In allegory allowing the air
To absolve my anguish
Almost
And then.....
I change my train of thought
Too touchy is this subject matter
Or not
But mostly.......

I walk.

Darkness
And pain
In my mind
They reign
My life is just a stain
On a cosmic napkin
Celestial garbage
So to speak
And my knees?
Well every day
They seem a little more weak
Every night
Life gets a little more bleak
How can we survive?
Pull up a chair
And have a seat
Let me tell you a story
About the meek
For its we
Who have the power
To change......

I can't tell you
How many times
My mind
Finds
The end
Looks mighty friendly

The world is painful
Its cruel
Am I strong enough?
What does this feeling fuel?

My mind watches
As a bullet rips through my brain
And blood stains my walls
And I'm left as a shell

But then.....

I picture
My sister
Finding me

My niece crying

My ex dropping to her knees
From the phone call

The paramedics covering my face

And my daughter's smile....

And I cry.

I cry because the end of your life
Brings pain to everyone you've loved
And every life you've touched

I would rather bear my pain
And carry on

Then hurt the ones I love

And so I kept on living.....

This is a verse for George
This is a poem for Philando
This is a memory of Oscar
Continuing the fight for Malcolm
Venerating the wisdom of Martin
This is a call to action
Even if just a fraction
Causes this cause to gain traction
For people tired of the inaction
The people have spoken
And decades have passed
Nothing has changed
Protesters still getting gassed
With years behind them
Trying to stay quiet
One ******
Two murders
A thousand
It's no surprise
That this protest is now a riot
Flames flitting in and out of frame
Guns glinting
as bootlickers offer more of the same
Tin badges holding themselves
As above the rest of us
I scream in disgust
What gives you the right
To ****** my neighbors?
What gives you the right
To brutalize my friends?
These fires ignite a memory
And makes me sing
Noting the similarity
To Martin,
and also Rodney king
I'll stop now
My angry rambling
I'll leave you with a quote
Most would think
It was said by Malcolm
But it was said by Dr. King
It's not absurd
He said it
"A riot is the language of the unheard"
That is the wisdom of Martin
That's why we continue to fight for Malcolm
That's why I remember Oscar
I wrote this poem for Philando
I wrote this verse for George

A bleeding heart
With a beating mind
Right from the start
Its hard to find
I keep on searching
Am i ******* blind?
Love me
Or hate me
We're out of time
We're out of place
Quicken pace
Stuck in this race
Theres nothing left
Inside this space
You knock me down
Spit in my face
You hate me now
But i love the taste
My depression dealt
In determination
A detriment
To my salvation
Caught in a loop
Of desperation
Take my breath
My respiration
Im not looking for revenge
Or reparation
My mind is muddled
Mysteriously moving
Marveled by mild
Meticulation
I see you shudder
With anticipation

Life is confusing.......

What is real?
Life?
Love?
My existence
Your resistance
Sound and resonance
Pain and arrogance
Humanity
Or vanity
Gluttony
Under scrutiny
I feel it's time for mutiny
We've been fed lies
Though we have open eyes
No one is watching
We're just waiting
While hating
And baiting
The hook
But it's out there
Not sure where
Don't quite care
But I can't just sit an stare
If you seek truth
Just look

Another story
sad and lonely
My life is chaos
Spinning out of control
There was only one person
Who has the power to hold
To calm this storm raging within
My family offers little comfort
Without you
I realize my mind is broken
Was broken long ago
Then in to my life walked you
Holding that tube
Of gorilla glue
You pieced me back together.
Now you're gone....

I know I'm not perfect
And I've never
Endeavored
To be

What do I do....

I'm so ******* lost without you.

I've seen it all
Nations rise
While empires fall
And I realize
We're nothing
If not small
My soul
Has watched
And waited
Wearily
Wrestling
A restless mind
I find
There will always be time

And my soul endures

The passage of decades
Which become centuries
And centuries
Become millennia

And still my soul endures

I have popped up in history
Too many times
For me to mention

The common
Correlation
Correcting
This cosmic
Chaos
Cautiously
Catering
To a cannibalistic
Consciousness
Corrals me in contempt

But I'm content

I know and remember my lives
All of them
I see their memories
And I see their deaths
I see their enemies
Whenever I take a breath

I see monsters
And ravens
In my dreams

I feel those personalities
Pushing at my seams

A claim like this
I know
It's bold
And I will always endure

As the Millennium soul...

I see her
Shining silently
Across the void
Across the galaxy
Across the universe
System is binary
Though close
To mononova
Honestly glad
The past is over
Mon cour et tien
She says
In her eyes
I know it's true
And patience
Is my strongest virtue
The vastness of space
And still in one place
My heart is moving
Breath taking
Where this journey
Ends I do not know
But I'll make the trek
With a new light
Mi estrella
Mon Etoile nouveau.

In the night
I have been thinking
When I sleep
I've been dreaming
About my old friends
No
It's not what you think
But can you believe
It's not a sound to be heard
My old friends are words
They make me whole
They fill the holes
That sadness can bring
Though my life is happier
The sadness is still a memory
A memory can be harmless
But it has the power to destroy
Or annoy
It all depends on your point of view
And few
Share mine
This time
I'll try to explain
My brain
And its happenings
A labyrinth
A maze
But I still have my friends
You chew them up
And you spit them out
And consider it speaking
Yet your logic is weakening
As you hear the truth
I have a task for you
To change that point of view
Assemble my old friends
And let's paint a picture

Life
And all its endeavors
Usually end in forever
But never
Surrender
Your smile
Death
Is an unjust
Punishment
But never
Surrender
Your smile
Power comes
When weakness grows
But never
Surrender
Your smile
Evil will triumph
A time or two
But never
Surrender
Your smile.

Because smiles have power
Smiles are infectious
Even when life is sour
Smiles' sweetness silently severs
Our connection to pain
Pleasantly putting to perspective
This putrid pestilence
We call progress.

So when you feel down
Never.
Surrender.
Your Smile.

Nice guys finish last
An old adage
I've been contemplating the meaning
The feeling
Has me reeling
In laughter
Despite my narcissism
I am considered "nice"
Because I care
Do you dare?
Ask me why its funny
Why my sides are sore
An adage I used to abhor
An insult?
No
There is hidden meaning
That'll have you screaming
Even squealing
With delight
As my seams begin to burst
I ask "hey ladies?"
Do you really want a ****
That "finishes" first?

I'm writing a letter
And you know why
Dreadful demeanor
In a dastardly disguise
My pain an endeavor
Of your corrupt design
Take hold of my collar
Tear me from the rind
You are beautiful
And tragic
And I still wish
You hadn't left me behind

You knowingly hurt me
That's okay
I understand
I'm hard to live with
Sometimes


But you use her as a weapon
In a one sided war
I have no desire to fight you
A pathetic notion
I'm sure
Because underneath the anger
I just want what we had before

You put in effort
Over the years
To paint an unfair picture
To tweak everyone's ears

I really don't comprehend
Why it's so important
To tell the world I'm terrible
When I want them to know
You're Wonderful

I'm sure you think I hate you
I'm sure you'll never read this
Here's hoping that you do

I forgive you
For everything you've done
Everything you've said
And I apologize
For all the same

Please stop the slander
Please stop the hate
You say i'm a villain
While I think you're great

I feel like I'm trapped
Lost in a prison
With nothing

Nothing

But a vision.

Girl's got me crushing so hard
I'm like a black hole
Pressure bulding up
On all sides
The compressions so thorough
That even the light dies
And gets ****** inside
And i cant even hide!
Not that I'd want to
My heartbeat
Fretfully flutters
Like its fighting to fly free
From my chest
Breathlessly waiting
For just one glance
Notice me.....

So let me set **** straight
And try to illuminate
The essence of beginning
That you culminate
Nice guy?
Terminate
Erradicate
Attempt to dictate
With no knowledge of my state
At any rate
Sweetheart
You're nothing but a game
That thinks it can play
But hey
Sometimes
Deep down we find
Walking that straight line
Is getting a little crooked
Project your actions on to me
Because that's what I'm meant to be
I'm an example of who not to be
What not to see
Take the key
And open your mind
This world spins faster and faster
Hurling toward disaster

You think you hurt me
But you're just an after thought
You think you're pristine
But you're not.
My heart beats
With one girl in mind
And she isn't you
You look on me with disdain
While I smile
And rhyme away my pain

You had a friend in me
But now you've blown it
You think you know me
But you don't know ****

My temper was even

But

No more Mr. nice Steven

I'm sorry I'm not better....

Forgive me, I'm trying so hard....

My life is rebuilding....

Ever so slowly...

I will never hate you...

No matter the torture...

I wish I had been better...

I am a loser...

Clawing my way up...

Please stop the hate...

Please stop the punishment...

******* it, I'm sorry...!

Please forgive me...

I'm trying...

So ******* hard...

To hate you...

But I can't....

I'll start out slow
With knowledge I hold
Death grips your veins
As I take the reins
Don't **** with me, or else
I'll cut out your larynx so you cannot yell
I will not stop my rampage
Until everyone reaches a new age
Because, you see
I have power to steal
And people to ****






(complete work of fiction)

Thump Thump
My pulse does speak
Thump Thump
What do I seek
Angelic in my eyes
I begin to realize
I've been ostracized
I verify
To what I identify
Stupefies
My mind
As I try to find
My place

Sometimes I'm disgusted
By my face

Sometimes I cry out
In to space

Sometimes I want to win
The race
Or
Hang my head
In eternal shame

And all the while

Thump thump
My heart feels weak
Thump thump
My pulse does speak

I'm often sad
It's really bad
It's like my brain attacks me
Whenever I feel content
It's like my soul just smacks me
Leading me to contempt
Curled up in the corner
Contemplating counterproductive
Concepts
crippling me to my core
What a bore
She says
Yawning in indifference
Emotionless
In violent inference

After all this *******
I turn and ask you
Why?
How?
And
What the **** do I do now?

I am statue
Standing guard
A silent sentinel
Slowly slipping
In to madness
Patience
My prized virtue
Has left me
Blind
I can't see
Broken
In pain
Screaming in my head
In vain
Be still my bleeding heart
I don't have much left

It's a small world
This i know
Its a small world
Where should we go
The earth is spinning
Let it go
Faster we're sinning
How can we grow
The stone is rolling
This is so
No moss expanding
But the river flows
Mountainous peaks above
With valleys down below
Life lingers listlessly
Lamenting in a hollow
Violence in baltimore
A hard pill to swallow
****** of innocents
Loss of innocence
The thunder rolls
A monsoon of mayhem
Malicious and malcontent
Answer this question
Is it worth our sacrament?
You never know who you'll meet
When you jump
Or just plain fall
Because its a small world
After all

Smile for me
Can you do that?
Smile again
Yes I like that
When you smile
I feel my knees begin
To bend
And send
An image through my mind
Weakness
And circumstance
Make you seem so far away
And hey
I'm used to it
But it doesn't mean
It doesn't hurt
A hope to be understood
In the end
I guess I'm just no good