I yearn to be an outsider.
To stray from society...
All in order to be
Who I'm truly
Created to be

I'm willing to face inner and outer adversity
All in the name of freedom
Judge me
Ridicule me
I care not, for I yearn to be
Everything I was created for
Living life purposefully
Breaking societal norms
I care not for the path created by
The government
But rather live happily
Fruitfully
In accordance to
Who I am created to be.
Wandering Unconventionally.

Habits
Gluttony
Greed
Bribery
Lustfulness

Passed down
Generation
After generation
After generation
After generation
Okay, I get it, it get it
You get it, you get it.

Let's get personal
Born set up for failure
My statistics not looking bright
First baby born of color born into
A family of strictly whites

Grandmother beat my mother
When she discovered
The life forming inside of her
Was half black -
Don't cry mother, or I'll whither
Inside of you.

I grew and grew
Taught lies upon lies
About myself
The other half of me.

The only love I knew was of my mother.
There was no other -
Until she started to take it out on me

Habits
Passed
From generation upon generation.

She was sick and tired of being
Sick and tired
Stomped to the ground due to her
Kindness
Abused emotionally due to her
Selfless-ness
Mistreated physically due to her
Weakness
She took it out on me.

Cornered me to a wall
Choked me up
Laughing - she couldn't get enough
Of the amusement of my pain
All done in vain
Because she couldn't stop the strain
Put on her brain.

Scarring my face
Pulling my hair
Public places
Not a care -

Kicking
Scratching
Pulling
Biting
The agony
The hate
The battle wounds
The hurt
The scars -
On my heart.

Habits
Passed from generation
To generation
To generation

I was sick on the inside
My heart - suffering -
never ending bleeding
My brain
Psychologically ill
Flashbacks
I locked myself up in my room
Head in pillow
Screaming louder than your annoying baby sister who throws her unnecessary temper tantrums

In the middle of the night.
I tied myself up mentally
Stuck
Self-hate
Self-abuse
Self-hurt

In the sixth grade I to myself -
I wanted going to ****
And my victim was myself.
Filled with the poison - I was ill
Injected with self-hate
Hated my family
Hated all my traits
Hated all forms of humanity.

Habits
Passed
From generation to generation
To generation.

Please excuse the gore
Of my poetry
For
It is inspired by the craziness
Of the chaotic mess that tore
My ligaments into ****** pieces

Family
Irony

All I've ever desired in life
is the simplicity
Of love - sick of strife
All I've ever cared for is creating
A love between family

I'm sick and tired of family
Filled with "**** yous"
I hate you
The irony

You alone
Ease my mind
Just by the sound of your voice
Nourish my soul
Just by wrapping me in your joy
Replenish my body
When yours is against mine enjoying
The simplicity
Of your skin on my skin
My mind wandering
Into another realm - lost within
The depths of your soul not wanting
To be found
The lost wanderer
Happily lost in paradise.

Bound by the painful infliction of your words I bleed
Never imagining that family
Would be the ones who hurt fully
Raised me
Stabbing me
Continuously
With your words
I still bleed

My grandma never believed in me
Mama never defended me
It's okay ma, I love you
How could you free me
If you yourself are still bound in captivity?

I yearn to the moment you and I are free
But the possibility
Of this task is greatly
Unattainable

How can I
Break the curse
of the words
That bind you and I
If you
Are still locked up and I
Well I - am a coward.

A prisoner and a coward
Will never move forward
So I must break myself
And set astray
But don't fret mother - just pray.
Know I'll be there at the end of the day
Despite our hardships
And your past brutality
You whipped me with
Words of discouragement
But I blame you not
How can you possibly provide encouragement
When you have never had any
Pent up anger - with no one to vent
No self confidence

But it is okay mother I love you
And if you love me
You will let me break free
Temporarily
As I rid my baggage and come for thee

I can't free you and I
Or think about we
If my escape tactics must be sharpened
But don't worry mother
I hover over you spiritually
Until it's time to break you free
Through me
And the tactics I've uncovered through my journey.

I am a glutton for your LOVE
Not the pink pedals from a rose.
But to engulf in chills of
Feelings - risen from YOU.

I yearn to be wrapped in YOUR
affection - that is enough.
To indulge in your passion poured -
From gashes but fearlessly entrust.

I yearn for you to give me all of YOU
The you that "you" keep encaged
Is the YOU that I long to love too.
I'll take all of you, have no fear.

Just let loose your baggage -
And let me love all of it
As I live to love you and ALL
That comes with it.

Never have I ever
Met a soul who is more perfectly aligned
With mine
A mind with never
Ending complexity.

Never would I have fathomed
Such a unique bond
Between two minds, intertwined
Wrapped around each other
Infinite times.
Unwanting to unravel
Two vines.

Two seeds planted  
Growing from different places find
Each never anticipated
To be brought together
Created
To experience the venture
That life orchestrated.

A mutual understanding
No words
Gazing
Into your herds
Of thoughts Running
From your eyes to my absurd
Mind – reading
Into the eyes of your soul.

The rarity
Of someone like you  
Drives my mind to insanity.
Wanting to jump off of the moon
Landing into your arms – inhumanity.

Imagining days spent with you
Makes me relapse.
You just being – you
Are my morphine – body collapses.
You seemed like fiction brewed
By the side effects
Of loving you
Neither of us suspected
This perfect chemistry created by you and I – I and you.

Never have I been so blissful
Could such a human being exist?
Perfectly crafted – abysmal.
Completely convinced
You are my acid
An extraterrestrial experience
Through the collision of our
Unordinary
Bizarre
Zany
Intellectual passion.

Creating a beautiful collision
Of two journeys becoming one.
When what seemed unreal – fiction
Meets reality.

Let us join palms and live merrily
In unison.

I yearn your touch the minute it's taken away.
But yet I stray
Emotions imprisoned - I've been torn before

Ripped apart into tiny pieces
The destruction of my paper ligaments
Seemed to be justice
I excreted nothing but hatefulness

You and I paint the perfect portrait
The embodiment of colliding souls
Yet I'm suffocating with this corset
I pull the strings tight till I'm cold -
Breathless. Filled with morbid
Thoughts

You brought me to life
My soul soars
To new heights containing no strife
Craving nothing but more
More of you till the afterlife
Does us part.

My past comes to haunt me
A constant reminder
Of the previous killing spree  
It tries to slaughter
My heart and the love we
Share - you and I - I and you.

I seek to show you
The passion encaged within me
But it's lost in the maze I fell into.
Each time I let go of the cowardice
My heart turns blue  
Sinking deeper - powerless.

Who's to say it won't be slain again - but this time
No potion to spare my grime.

It is 2:13 AM.  I am up thinking, dreaming –
Yet still awake.
My dreams are my reality.
My imagination keeps me awake.
Brain is flooding with creativity,
Yearning to pour out –
A w a k e.

My dreams are my reality
Mind filled with blissful negativity – awake.
Dreaming of unorthodox fantasies.
Eyes wide open but mind floating in another realm – awake.

Blood flowing
Fingers throbbing
Pulse pumping
Heart skipping
A l i v e.

I fall, I fail but I still strive.
My mind aligned
With stars and planets – unconfined.
Letting go, trying to find
The mysteries of  
L i f e.

Are these mysteries meant to be discovered
Are they meant to be uncovered?
Everyone hovers
Till the day reality is
R e v e a l e d.

See, the world we live in
It’s a mere mirage created by oneself.
Lies created to hinder discovery.
Truth buried
Deep, deep down under
Not meant to be
U n c o v e r e d.

The beauty of life that it’s m a j e s t i c
Life blown into our bodies
Temporare - ily
Until the time for departure
A r r i v e s.

We attempt to leave legacies
To be looked upon in history
To be unforgettably
I n c r e d i b l e

To live forever

Forgetting o b l i v i o n is inevitable.