Just like during a shower
when the rain falls down
On a summer afternoon.

The sun shines later
Unveiled from the clouds
Like curtains being pulled back.

Evaporation takes over
And the remains of rain
Are gone.

Except for.

The damp grass
And shiny cars caught in its path.

That's how we were,
Here one minute
Evaporated the next.
And I'm still feeling the effects
Of getting caught in a shower
Without any protection whatsoever.

In the back of my mind
Your voice is there
Whispering right
When I want to do wrong

In my long term memory
I see you there
Keeping me calm
Helping me along

In my short term memory
I see last week
How things seemed odd
How things seemed different about you

In this moment right now
I stare at my phone
Nothing appears
Because you've *disappeared

It's a blanket on a cold night
So comforting at first
But slowly
Its warmth burns
You try to escape it
But it's wrapped
Tightly around you
You stop fighting
Give into its pain
Silently you cry
Scream out for help
But no one hears you
It muffles your voice
Your swallowed whole
Until the morning light **gleams

One night
The skies fell
As you drove away
I couldn't watch you leave
But I couldn't just walk away
The stars crashed around me; falling
Each one hit the ground with my tears
I expected you to turn around and come back
It's been a month now and my skies are black

Sometimes the moon shines so bright
and it reminds me of you.
It lights up the darkness
just like you did for me.
Sometimes the sun shines too bright
and it reminds me of you.
The rays can burn you, hurt you.
just like you did to me.
Every little thing in this world
reminds me of you.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
it all flashes before me.
Sometimes I wish I could change it
or at least stop the flashbacks from happening
But we aren't are lucky.
Just like I wasn't when I met you.

I only read what I relate too 

I only write what I think or feel
I only talk when spoken too 

I only listen to music that sparks emotion

I try to have meaningful conversations

I overthink poetry

I overthink situations

I am silent, but I think a lot 

I have my own opinions 
and dreams

I care too much 

sometimes I’m too emotional 
sometimes I’m too emotionless

I’ll cry all at once 
or
never at all
I’m sometimes funny 

sometimes too sarcastic and rude

I’m black, white and grey

But this is who I am 

I am only me.

After all this time
I still reminisce
About all the times we shared

But if I could go back
To that campus in that town
I'd do it all again, no questions asked

Minus this and that
I'd still lay under the stars
Or sit on the fountain ledge

I'd still hide in the bushes
I'd still read beneath the trees
Even still be the third wheel

One thing though
I might take back
All the hurtful words I spoke

Another would be
The shyness
I let hold me back

I'd be more vocal, outspoken
But since time has passed
I'm stuck living in today

I'm watching you all walk by
Without even saying hi
Because you do not know my name

Its the in-between time
Stuck trying to figure out
What to do now?
You could get a job
Catch some zzzs
Stay out too late
It's the in-between time
That changes things
People leave
They move on
And you're in the same place
Wondering "What the hell is going on?"
You didn't sign up for this
When you crossed that stage
Its the in-between time
That hurts the most
It's when you get a taste
Of how your life might turn out

This pen and paper
Will never be enough
These thoughts are too much
And my ink has run thin
I can't put into words
What runs through my head
The sentences won't form
It's just a bunch, of jumbled up words
I have so much to say
But I'll never know how to get it out
If one day it comes
Pray I have ink to write it

Your words hypnotized me
I was under your command
Listened to every word
Like it was the gospel
You got me alone
Took advantage of the moment
And I didn't stop you
I was lonely
Your kiss paralyzed me
I craved more
The attention was electrifying
Until
Just like time
I slowly faded away
Like a kid with a toy
when you finished,
you left me
Confused, angry && tear streaked
To play with another gullible girl
Right in front of me..

I don't make resolutions
But this year could be different
I think it's time
For a little change of my own
No more waiting
No more letting others
Fight for me
I'm standing tall
As tall as I can be
I'm giving up the fight
Of caring for others
Who don't care for me
I'm going to be
The person i always knew I could be
But was too afraid to let show
This year I've decided
To be a new me

it took me loosing sleep,

waking up at 1, 2, 3am

sobbing into my pillow 

and making myself sick

to realize something I knew all along

I can’t wait forever 

it’s been long enough 

I can live without you 

and I guess I have no choice 

*but to

My mind has been fixed
All of these recent events
I just can't stop thinking
About that one long kiss
When I saw you with her
My heart sank low
Reality swept over me
Quickly reminding me of the past
Why you were a bad idea to begin with
I fall for the dangerous type
Ignore all advice given to me
Which is why I'm still here thinking
Of that *one long kiss

On Sunday afternoons
Vinyl lulls me to rest
I'm reminded of those days
When life was so simple
I dream like I'm there again

On Sunday afternoons
Vinyl lulls me to sleep
I lay there, close my eyes
Or stare at the ceiling
Lost in a sea of ever changing thoughts

On Sunday evenings
The vinyl has ended
And the sun has vanished
My dreams fade away
And my thoughts swell

On Sunday evenings
I put my vinyl away
I hit my lowest points
Not even the music
Can save me now

You promised you'd never leave
But times have changed
And promises mean nothing

I've been through this before
Each time it goes the same
Communication becomes slower
Then it ends all together

You promised you'd stay here
But life keeps moving
And you went along

Many nights I'm awake
Many nights I'll replay
Wondering where I went wrong
Wondering where I could've fixed it

You promised me forever
But times have changed
And nothing ever lasts forever

Snowflakes gently fall
Christmas lights illuminate the streets
Families gather insider their homes
And I just keep walking, searching for home

I took the nomad life, long ago
To find my meaning
To find my purpose
But now I'm just lonely
I never found, what I went searching for

Years have passed now
On this sleepy old town
But here I am
Back on the door step
Of the place I once left

I only knew how
To be a poet when
I was sad or
Feeling down

So when the grey clouds
Faded away revealing
Sunlight and warmth
I became silent

I only knew how
To write about
Broken hearts and
Broken promises

So when promises
Were kept and
Band-aids helped heal
I became silent

I only knew how
Pain stabbed
And tears stained
And thoughts cursed me

So when happiness came
I forgot what it felt like
To feel love & joy
I became silent

I won't say I'm better
Because I still have moments
But I'm done being silent
I'm not keeping this to myself

Space.
That's what everyone wants.  
They think it'll fix everything
Just like the words "I'm sorry"
Are supposed to heal wounds inflected.
But you see.
This isn't the case sometimes
The clock keeps ticking
Time keeps moving forward
And while one of us moves away
The other stays put, stuck.
This is you and me.
While you've been getting better
I've been kidding myself, lying.
Thoughts run rampart
Yelling and screaming about how I'm dumb
To think that everything would be okay after a while.
I just want it to be okay again.
They weren't kidding when they told me
It's worse than a relationship breakup.
Space.
That's what everyone wants.
They think it'll fix everything
When really it makes it worse.

I was doing better 

Until something hit me

I couldn’t breathe

I couldn’t move

My thoughts began racing

Just like they used too 

I couldn’t calm myself

Like the many times before

The only thing that could 

Left me long ago…

Cue the part where I
Start to question what we are
And I
Can't help but think that
Sometimes life has certain ways of
******* us over
We get so comfortable with
Someone and then
One day they just up and
Leave you sitting all alone wondering
What the hell went wrong?
You did everything you thought was right but
Obviously you ***** everything up so why
Should this be any different?

Everyone always leaves you and
You begin to wonder if it's you but
You think back on the patterns and
Every single time it's been a
Time in your life that just didn't seem right but
You thought you couldn't breathe without
Them, now your eyes are open to
The fact that you may have felt like you were drowning
A sea of loneliness and despair consuming you but
Reality hits you and
You're doing okay.
It hurts like hell and that's why
Sometimes people say loosing your best friend is
Tougher than loosing a lover but
You're surviving.
They replaced you and you've replaced them.  
Memories float around you and
The small things still haunt you

I guess this is my way of coping with
This since our conversations last less than a minute and
We haven't seen each other in months.
I know living 2 hours away was tough but
We always seemed to make it though and I
Just don't know you anymore and
My biggest fear is you
Telling secrets or using them to
Destroy me but you
Promised you'd never do that but then again you
Promised me a lot of things and here we are now.
I just wish we could talk it out
Without you turning into a monster.

I don't even know what happened
It was a gradual process and I saw it coming
I tried to stop it but it made things worse
So eventually I just let it run its course
Whether it was the experience or the boy
I will never quite know what
Tore you apart, stole you away.
To this day, I blame the boy but
I know that this isn't fair because
Things don't last forever so why
Did I expect this friendship too?

I just know some nights when I can't sleep I
Imagine every adventure we took and smile because
Even though sometimes I hate you I still
Thank you God for bringing you through and for
Teaching me to be a friend who
Never gives up on achieving things
I still pray we'll mend things but I guess
This is me saying
Even if we failed at this, I still believe
You were the greatest thing to happen to me

I don't know what's worse
A boy ripping your heart out
Or a friend doing the same

I don't know what's worse
Staying up late because you're physically sick
Or staying up late because you're mentally sick

I don't know what's worse
Sleeping all day and night
Or not sleeping at all

Either way
Either or
I don't know what's worse in this life
Than the terrible things we go through

We're just humans
We can only take so much
Before we give up
Or give out

I let it happen again
I let your sweet words entice me
Bind me up, hold me still
I let your sweet kiss silence me
Paralyze me, I couldn't think straight
I let your sneaky hands hold me
Go places, pull me into your body
I let it happen again
I'm weak in life
The slightest attention
I take ahold of
And let it put me under a spell
And this is a dangerous one