i miss you
but i also miss who you used to be
when you cared
and weren't headed down such a dark road

when i look in your eyes
i can still see him
but you're killing him
and i'm not sure if you realise

i will never be with you
when you're like this
because i care to much
to just stand by
and watch your death

s.s

she was an angel
with a grin of utter gold
and voice honey sweet

s.s

i crave you
like an addict
searching for their fix
oh sweetheart
relapse
has never tasted so sweet

s.s

i really love
the thought of being in love
but i don’t really love
when push comes to shove
you off the bridge
into reality
where we
were never meant to be
this love things an illusion
a man made fallacy

and your ring finger
only holds a shiny rock
because his promise of forever
is long gone
with his ****
down her throat
as she’s on her knees
choking back
secrets of her own
because little
does he know
her husband
is at home
all alone

and neighbor is laying
with a pretty boy
between her legs
that distracts
from the one
laying in her head
and they fall asleep
in a mess of a bed
to wake up
and pretend
to be in love instead
of facing
the loneliness and dread

so we get off
completely unaware
that love is a lie
to pretend we are fine
i would love
to be in love
if it was love
i could trust
but there in no love
in this world, only lust

s.s

Childhood is supposed to be blissful. Kids are supposed to be innocent. Children are supposed to be learning how to face the world, not fighting it head on. I look left and right and see kids with as much pain and fear in their eyes as soldiers coming home from war with half of their limbs blown off. These children have been fighting since day one; some of them thrown to the curb before their eyes even open. They're supposed to have a family they can go home to, but instead they're getting shoved into homes with strangers or family members trying to pick up the slack because mommy and daddy are falling apart and their broken pieces are laying all over the house waiting to cut you open and drain your insides. There are kids who know more about drug abuse than the average adult because they've grown up watching their family stick needles in their arms. There are little girls and boys who flinch at any sudden movement or sound because the only thing they can picture is fists flying at them and pinning them to the ground. There are children who look at trauma and pain as if it's just another day because they've been dealing with drama since the day they left their momma or maybe their momma left them. There are kids you can't touch without them weeping because they've had hands on them creeping to places they scream you can not go but some people just don't understand the word no. There are adolescents that don't flinch at gunfire because they heard the same sound in the bedroom next to theirs before their sibling’s funeral. There are babies with bruises and kids with cuts just because mommy and daddy don't seem to love them enough. Childhood is supposed to be blissful, but instead there's kids taking fistfuls of pills to wash away the pain that shouldn't have been there in the first place. Kids are supposed to be innocent, but instead their lives don't make sense and they grow up to be numb like fog covers their brains all because their upbringing was outright insane.

s.s

i miss you
like i miss the stars
in sky above the mountains
when i wander into the city
these street lights
just don't compare
and i miss you
like i miss the river
gently rushing over skin
this empty shower
just doesn't compare
i miss you
like nature
after deforestation
to our love
it was breathtaking
and it's fall
haunting

s.s

hearing you say
you're proud of me
is all the reason
to stay clean

s.s

closer
closer
hot breath
hot skin
sweat dripping
mind tripping
come in
come in

s.s

closer and closer
comforting yet electric
sets your skin aflame

she had hurricanes in her head
and flood waters in her heart

s.s

i can not decide
whether to say i miss you
or try something new
and let my cold shoulder
freeze you over

s.s

looking at you
felt like coming home
after being away for too long
comforting
welcoming
love at it's finest

s.s

she sat in the sand watching the sun slip below the horizon and thought the words she couldn’t say to him

i wish it would have turned out differently. if i had a different home life or he didn’t think so much. maybe if we had less lonely souls or could turn back time we wouldn’t be where we are now. i wish it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. i never wanted it to end with the thoughts i give up i can’t do it anymore in my head, but now i have no idea what’s in his head and i would love nothing more than to understand his thoughts again. i can’t stand the confusion and mixed signals. i don’t know what i ever was to him, let alone what i am now. we are broken kids in different ways and all i know is that we melted together so well; he made me feel less broken. i just don’t understand why the universe would put two people together that can’t seem to be with each other because my god it’s so much harder to get over someone you’re still in love with, but i suppose that’s how life is huh, complicated.

s.s

your drunk words
got me buzzed
on old memories
and surpressed feelings
i was sober
until i heard your voice
now what am i supposed to do?

s.s

i can't seem to differentiate
reality
from the memories
i keep playing in my head

so forgive me
for still being in love with you

i can't seem to tell the difference
between what you were
and what you have become

s.s

congratulations
you did it
you found the last straw
my breaking point
you lost me
and probably didn't deserve me anyways

s.s

count the freckles
that dot your skin
as you would count
the stars in the sky

s.s

i do not understand
i     do    not     understand

how can someone brighten all your darkness
yet strip away your light
how can someone fix all your broken pieces
yet break them more than ever
how can someone promise to stay by your side
yet abandon you at the first opportunity
how can someone leave you when they said they wouldn't
yet expect you to be there when they crawl back
how can someone tell you that you don't care about them
yet you have told them countless times you care more than ever
how can someone tell you they will just forget about you
yet you could never erase them from your memory

i just do not understand
how can love be such a contradiction

s.s

he loved her when it was convenient
when substance soaked his system
emotions boiled over and he had no where to pour them
so he used her
like a therapist
and when the session was over
she never crossed his mind

s.s

you still give me butterflies
and make me grin
uncontrollably

s.s

she wants to talk with
him more than anything but
sorrow consumes her

a memory of us
along with the words i used to trust
words that were truly lies
only daggers in disguise

s.s

eyes like the dark soil i'll be buried in
mixed with the bright sunlight that heats the cobblestone

s.s

you don't see the dark side of the moon

and it always lights your night sky

so i don't show you my demons

so i never dim, only brighten your life

s.s

find me
under the stars
and we can make memories
that will sting your heart
months down the road
and fill your mind
like the full moon lights the sky

s.s

you never saw it coming
i was just your daughter
how could i **** you without even taking your life
but somehow i have
i have killed you in a way only i am capable of
broke your heart into pieces not even i can put back together
but i am just your daughter
so you never saw it coming

s.s

i understand, we are a dead end. we reached our final destination as strangers with complicated memories and there’s no turning around. there’s no way to walk backwards into the past or reverse time, but that doesn’t change the path we took. there are still all those memories behind us. every choice we made was another chapter in our story and those don’t disappear, so even though it is pointless would you stand at our end and admire them with me. although the film is over, stay and watch the credits. replay the good in your head like we were a fairytale and appreciate the bad for the lessons it brought. keep our story on the bookshelf of your memory but promise me you’ll pick it up and flip to your favorite pages at least once more. i understand, every good thing has it’s end, but please, for the sake of my sanity, let me know it was worth it. let me know you wouldn’t change our path even if you knew what was at the end. let me know i was worth it because love, you were worth everything.

s.s

everyday
i am learning to love
the imperfections
that litter my body
the same way
we find beauty
in the petals
of dead roses

s.s

she was beautiful
but if you looked close enough
you could see
she was broken

and the light in her eyes
was far gone below the surface

simply mimicking dead stars

my lovely boy
you look so pretty when you lie
it's a shame
you had to be
such trouble

s.s

love, what do you want
in your heart what would you choose
to be happy, right?

i hope her smile brings you a euphoria your drugs could never match
that her touch is like ecstasy and sets fire to your skin
i hope you crave her more than you crave death
that she brings on waves of love induced delirium
i hope she fills you with passion
that pours out of your eyes and into hers
most of all i hope she makes you happy
because that is the one thing i couldn't manage to do

s.s

i am weary
because i fear your departure
for you have left once
and i'm sure you will disappear again

s.s

i am over you

head over heals
or over your existence

depends

s.s

a girl of honey and pills
the type to give you chills
energy drinks on a night with no plans
tripping on your own feet
bad singing in an empty house
warmth and cotton sheets
a messy one
a gentle one
a different girl
unlike anyone
quite chaos with shaky hands
tired eyes dripping gold
pretty words
pretty soul
tight hugs
proud smiles
the best girl you’ve met
in quite a while

s.s

everything about you
was soft
from the way you brushed my hair away from my face
and gently kissed my cheek
to the way you rested your hand on my back
or slipped it securely into mine
everything was soft
except for the way you looked at me
for your eyes were hungry
and drowned in desire
but they were rough waters
i would love to slip under

s.s

the devil looks just like me
she resides inside my head
permeating all my thoughts
assembling words better left unsaid
she stares back at the mirror
and shrieks in pure disgust
whispers every single flaw she sees
reassuring that it's her i trust
her rambling is so piercing
that it shatters the glass with ease
and shards lay so unnerving
pulling me to my knees
so she hands me broken fragments
to glide across delicate skin
and with one last sickly smile
i finally rid the devil within

s.s

when asked
i always choose left

this must be just another way
i never make the right decision

s.s

her mind felt jmubeld
all mixed up
and her love felt
unfinis

s.s

she was a riptide
the kind of disaster you can’t see
but once you're pulled in
oh god, you can’t get out
she was a crooked smile
a terrible laugh
too much of this,
too little of that
she was a mess
but she was golden
an 11:11 wish
you’d later regret
chaos in a quiet package
something that is
better to forget
she was something to fall for
until you realise
all she does is fall
she is a mess
and always will be
her lungs are filled with panic
and her veins laced with turmoil

s.s

don't fall in love

it is a chemical chaos
out of your hands
where nothing ever goes
according to your plans

you're giving your heart
to someone new
my love, people are clumsy
their words aren't always true

s.s

i am not okay
it is that simple

i left three of my classes today just to go breathe in the bathroom so my peers wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes and i could stick to the lie that i'm doing fine without you

my day was **** because i saw you and you seem better than you've been in a long time and the fact you're so happy kills me to the point where i dont want to even look at you, but at the same time i'm glad you're doing well because i feel like hell and you dont deserve that

i kept thinking of you on the ride home and couldn't stop crying because your laugh just replayed in my head and the boy next to me wouldn't stop asking what was wrong but i told him nothing and his comforting pat on the shoulder just made me flinch  

i say i'm doing okay but my close friends see right through it so they hug my shaking shoulders and hold my trembling hands because they know how much i cared about you and how much this has hurt me

i dont want to go to school because i am afraid to see you because it ******* hurts not being able to hug you, feel your lips against mine, or even just talk about the **** going on in our lives

i wouldn't erase our memories from my head but if there was a pill that could fast forward time to the point where i am over you and the thought of you doesn't make me feel ******* miserable i would have swallowed five by now

i am not okay
it is just that simple

s.s

i feel dope sick
when you're not around
because your eyes
are euphoric
in a way
no one elses are
and just one look from you
makes me feel
indescribable
and i realise
i might just be an addict

s.s

i love you
you don't get that do you
i get so upset
because i ******* care about you
but i am tired
of the agony
you keep on creating
like this life
is just
        a game
a game
i am losing
so go ahead
with your life
but keep me out of it
because you are dragging me
d
   o
      w
         n
and i am tired of fighting it

s.s

oh sweetheart
     do you remember
whispering i love yous
in hushed voices
late at night

     do you remember
telling me stories
with your arms around my waist
under the moonlight

     do you remember
laughing on the floor
then looking at each other
and just laughing more

     do you remember
laying by my side
running fingers across my skin
and holding me tight

     do you remember
all those dumb things we did
when we were just happy
love struck kids

oh sweetheart
     do you remember
when your love for me seemed true
because unfortunately
i still remember it too

s.s

he had a heart in his hand
that he did not own but it was his
and it was heavy with the weight of a ****** up world
far to difficult for him to carry

so he dropped it
done with all the problems it carried
and she dropped to her knees
unable to breathe

s.s

lay me on your tongue like acid tabs
light me like a **** or dab
breathe me in like *** smoke
snort me up like lines of coke
taste me like a ******
shoot me up like ******
sip me like spiked tea
trip on me like lsd
use me
continuously  
like your drug of choice
and i will make you feel
otherworldly

s.s

drugs may **** you
they may drain
the color from your eyes
but they will never
break your heart
and walk away
still in love

s.s

seeds of doubt
sprout and flourish
stronger than the roses
that symbolized your love
for doubt is **** killer
and even enchanted roses
wilt away
in amorous decay

s.s

speak at my funeral
spill tears at my grave
know you did your best
but i wasn't someone you could save

s.s