the night’s as silent as the still seas
but the loudest noise screams inside of me
the city sleeps, faded lights and empty sidewalks
but i’m alone in my head and i can’t talk

i want to dance, to run wild and free
but my demons and monsters won’t let me be
and i am lost, but do i want to be found?
i think no one is going to come around

and i tell myself, hush hush
yet my heart screams in technicolor
but all these billboards and meaningless chatter
tell me “nobody listens, you don’t really matter"

and i am frozen beneath the surface
i am scared and i am nervous
but maybe i’ll get used to this, feeling all alone
writing letters to nobody with no one to phone

i'll pick the blues that you carry
in your heart like flowers.

let's crawl up trees like Morning Glory vines
so we can watch the world, just us two.

let's make our hearts burst into petals
with all the love we can give to each other.

let's sway with the wind like fields of Dandelions,
let's dance the pain away
even though i have two left feet.

let's be flowers,
let's love tenderly and beautifully,
and heal our torn leaves
under the light of the sun.

your heart is a room
with wide windows where the sunlight pours in
so perfectly it kisses your face,
the wind blows through the curtains
gently whispering of its constant love
through all the seasons,
it is warm and it is bright,
it is where one can run to in the night
when the stars make their way to shine
right on top of it
as you whisper your secrets;
its walls will listen, it understands, it will never judge.
your heart is a room
where one can snuggle in so perfectly
and wonder: "where has this place been all my life?"
it is a room that has welcomed
so many people—relentlessly and willingly,
it is in the way you love so limitlessly.

your heart is a room, a safe place
with walls built on love and grace,
and i am glad to have found it.

manila, a home forever in my heart
tokyo's* electric soul on my mind
bangkok's heat and energy in my bones
seoul's autumn breeze in my thoughts
hong kong's thrill in the pulse of my veins
shanghai's mystique in the way i feel
san francisco's color in my dreams,
i keep with me all the places i've seen.

Your face may lack symmetry
but it was carved by the hands of angels
who loved you so much,
they made sure you were brought to this world
in the most beautiful way possible.

Your song, like the sound of heavenly harps,
rings through my ears night and day,
and I pray to God
and to the angels that made you,
I plead for their guidance,
because as the days pass
I fall deeper and deeper in love
with you.

i only ever feel the weight of my heart
when i look at his face,
when i hear his laughter,
when i listen to his song—
i know i'm in love
with wonderment and fascination,
but with those feelings,
shouldn't the heart feel light?
indeed it might,
but here's the catch:
i carry the weight
of knowing
i'll never get this love back.

i entered a room i haven't been to since forever
suddenly it was smaller than i had remembered it to be—
wasn't it just yesterday when i was ten years old,
neck painful from looking up at the ceiling that was too tall for me to reach
and wishing i could swing from the chandeliers that hung from them like vines?
and now i'm suddenly seventeen,
caught between here and there
the rooms i know seem much smaller
and suddenly i don't need help
in reaching for things from the cupboard
in fact, i no longer need help for a lot of things
but why do i feel more helpless than before?
why do i just want to go back to when
rooms seemed much bigger
and i could easily hide in closets
whenever i wanted to be alone?
now i'm seventeen
and i can't ever be alone when i want to;
i'm caught in between here and there
but the problem is
i don't know what "here" and "there" is anymore

we love in laughter and in tears
in song and in speech
in sighs and in swoons
endlessly and honestly
simply and strongly
with open arms and bright eyes
for as long as we can.
when we love,
things fall into place with each other.
when we love,
we see nothing in this world but one another.

if you think you have ignited
a flame of anger in my soul,
you are mistaken.

instead, you have forged winter
in a summer heart
where flowers once grew
and rivers once ran.

you had already made your way deep
into the summer,
found the heat and drought
beyond the breeze,
you had treaded lands
where no one ever has
and seen the parts of my soul
i could never dare to show anyone else,
in trust as steady
as sunny afternoons on the porch.

but you are a catastrophe—
you changed the world's climate
with momentous feelings
and carelessness,
instant gravity
and secrecy—
you have shifted the tides
and now the sun has gone away.

so in this heart,
the season has changed.
the summer has gone
and there is only an aching winter
where the snow is a million feet high
and the moon sinister,
the night is almost unkind,
but it is not angry,
instead it lingers in silence.
the air is so cold
and almost impossible to breathe in,
and there is no longer any warmth
but the coldness of a broken heart.

he laughs without a care,
knee slaps and applauds in boyish fashion
he speaks only the truth
with an electric presence you'd keep your eye on
he lives life in technicolor
and you'll never get rid of him—
'cause the boy's got rhythm,
the boy's got soul
a beautiful one at that, enough to make me whole

while i was sailing freely
under pretty blue skies
on a calm blanket of water,
who tied an anchor to my ankle
and pulled me down
towards the torturous sea floor
eclipsed by darkness,
in the depths of my mind?

i searched all over the seven seas
as if i were searching for Atlantis
and i found the answer, i had forgotten:
i did it to myself
it was me, it was me.

scream into the void
run into the night
stop these voices
fix this broken heart
listen to this voice hoarse from screaming
heal these bruises
forgive these sins
wipe these tears
close these wounds
lift the weight
get me out of this mess
get me out of my head.

being a city girl with dreams is no good
when you're stuck in the middle of a grid.
you're choked by the smoke,
blinded by the lights,
trapped in the traffic,
and silenced by the busy streets
so much that if you sat by an open window sill
and screamed your heart out,
you would not be heard.

i've heard stories like legends about you
they say you are wildfire;
danger, trouble, sweltering heat that hurts.
you set yourself ablaze in hearts that are bound to turn to ashes
and these ashes, you take and merely blow away into the wind.

yet in the dark of night,
i saw your light
and not knowing i needed it so much,
i followed your fires even if the stars told me to turn away
and when i was close enough, i did not see the horror i always heard of
but instead, i found you, in all your radiance, in your sunlit smiles

i am in love with your light, but i've been told to never play with fire

as i inch closer and closer to you
i feel your flames
blazing, dancing, scorching my skin, blinding me
but still, you light the way home

Your gaze on someone else
while mine's always been yours
Numb my feelings, mute my heart
I don't want to feel for you anymore.

has your song ended?
have the instruments been put away?
has the singer gone to rest?
is this the end of the day?
are the dancers all tired,
the floor no longer filled?
do the spectators never come,
because they've lost the will?

will i never see you dancing,
waltzing through the room?
will i never hear you singing
under the light of the moon?
has your broken heart unlearned to love
all too quick and soon?

here
i am
floating
not on a cloud
not carried by space dust
but floating on my own
caught in between
two sides:
i'm not happy and i'm not sad
i'm growing older but i want to stay young
i want to be foolish but wise
and soon i have to go
but i don't want to leave yet

is it so hard for time to slow down?

eyes fixate on you
and everything else disappears
(but you and a happiness which wrapped so warmly around my heart)

my gaze which has traveled around the world, which never stays in place,
in those moments were only for you—
you are not just some photographs taken in a rush
of which i have spent time viewing on screens,
you are not a holy icon placed so far up
on stages which someone like me could not possibly dream of reaching
you are not a fabled prince who can only be found in stories—
you are just a boy in love with songs
who speaks in rhythm and rhyme,
you are just a boy to whom movements come so naturally
especially when you are thriving,
you are just a boy with a heart big enough
to be split into thirteen halves,
you are just a boy with a smile so warm
and eyes which speak volumes of words you do not say,
you are just a boy with a soul so grand
that the world found you and just *had to share you
(and i am glad you found me.)

with this i know my heart is safe in your hands,
and with this, i’ll keep loving you for as long as i can.

radio blasting Bowie
and the manila heat so strangling,
messages streaming in
only to be ignored,
deadlines pile up
and so do the dreams
and the skyline,
visible from the window
is a reminder of what's beyond
the mundane and this difficulty,
a reminder of what i've yet to see.

i always hear your whispers,
they are snakes that slither from my ears
and they travel down the same way
your breath would on my neck.

i remember looking out the window
and i could feel your gaze in the shivers down my spine
and i'd tell the stars about my desires,
i'd tell them about you.

deep in the forests,
in dead-silent houses,
in deep blue seabeds,
in dusty shelves
and empty streets,
you shall be light
you will rebuild yourself
among silence
you will do all the things you want to
and be all the things you wish you could
you will be fire
blazing brighter than you
ever thought you would.

lone moon up in the sky
perfect and whole
nurturing and silently watching
with many faces to show
you have always glowed in your own right,
but it's quite amusing—
your light has never been
dazzling enough to outshine other stars
and you have never forgotten
to let the sun have its time.
you give so much of yourself
to let things run its course
(and perhaps there are never enough rivers
to let you see your own, bright reflection)
but don't you know that
in the dark of night
you shine to everyone else?

you've had a long day,
you are bone-tired,
your heart has been emptied
of its feelings,
your mind has thought
all it could ever think,
your soul is no longer glimmering
like the stars overhead.

so darling
tuck yourself into bed,
exhale the weight you carry in your chest,
close your eyes...
*rest well,
sleep easy.

i don't know the feeling of seeing the first snow fall
all i've ever known is rain and thunder

you're seventeen years old
it begins with confusion and ends with thinking
you're too old yet too young
you want to be set free
yet you want to hide at the same time

you're seventeen years old
and you feel the gravity
of the sleeplessness
tug on your eyelids gently,
saying "go to sleep" during the wrong times

you're seventeen years old
and you think you've found solace
in the noise and silence
but you somehow hear the heartbeat
of cities far away
and you feel small in your own bedroom

you're seventeen years old
and by now you thought
you would have learned to love,
and you have learned to love
in the right ways but for the wrong people
and still you haven't learned to love yourself

you're seventeen years old
you've done the worst and best
and you need to be reminded of this:
you are still growing
and you will be okay.

together we watched sunsets
more than senseless television shows
in our minds we mapped escape routes
on the empty roads that wound on and on
the uniform houses with plain walls
made the city feel so far away
when that was where we wanted to be
all we ever knew were the same little stores
and lifeless gasoline stations
but with the lack of life around us
we were still storms brewing in our bedrooms
painting the grey town with the colors
of knowing we belonged in other places
and indulgence in undying dreams

i am distant,
i am drifting through space.
i am floating,
i am paddling through waves.
i am hiding,
i am alone among the flowers.
i am dreaming,
i am half awake through each day.

i am closing the door,
i am leaving this body,
i am okay with being alone,
i am saying goodbye.

nobody looks for me anyway—
and that's alright

times like these
i find myself short of words
to express how i feel for the wonder that you are
there's nothing else to say, but in the simplest of terms:

i miss you

there's always something or someone telling me what to do
there are deadlines to be met
and places to be
there's rules to follow
and a whole future to plan out
but what if for now
i just want to lie in bed
and watch the world pass by?

pick yourself up
after dark times, fighter
life's still got a lot to give
and things get brighter

i. when we die,
do our bodies become lighter?
do our souls fly away,
taking with it the weight our lives have carried
and leaving our skin and bones to drift in the wind?

ii. the other day i held you in my arms,
your eyes hollow and your voice a whisper;
you said it was just as a bad day,
i knew better than to believe you and i was afraid—
then suddenly, you were as light as a feather

Such a fool, I once was,
to even dare to think of us!
But still I don't regret a thing,
for you once made my dear heart sing.

I wish the clocks would stop
As the world would turn in silence
A moment frozen in time

For as I watch the trains speed past me
And the people shuffling here and there
I fear that all of life's beauties may pass me by
Before I begin to notice


Like a deer in the headlights
Time has left me behind
And I can no longer follow

the morning is kind...
silence fills the empty streets
where drunken people like sailors
once roamed,
now they sleep soundly
with the early breeze cradling them

bakeries and flower shops open,
the mailmen and delivery girls
make their way through quiet neighbourhoods,
the early birds rise
with a vision of coffee and breakfast,
and the sunlight is gentle on the skin—
go outside or sit by the window to feel it.
it kisses you,
inviting you start the daw anew.

my love,
you've no reason to fear you'll fade out.
your presence will echo through mountains,
your laughter is a song i'll sing for years,
your light will always guide
city dwellers as they make their way
to their little coffee shops and offices,
your dance will live in the way flowers sway,
your doe eyes will live in the wonders of the stars

and when the world turns to ashes
i promise
your golden heart will remain intact
and the words you wrote will never die
because how could i
ever forget a face like yours?

We wandered with no direction,
No boundaries in the grass land of dreams and cloudy skies,
No end in sight.

Running from the city's chaos
Towards home in each other's youthful freedom,
We let the wind carry us while our arms were wide open,
Welcoming the horizon and all adventure beyond it.


The only worry in our spinning, restless thoughts
Was removing the grass that stuck to the sun kissed fabric of what we wore
Whenever we sat on the ground to watch the world go by,
Because all was well, it was alright
In that wonder of land
Our Wonderland.

And although these moments, in all of its glory,
Are left to photographs and hidden journals
The still feeling thrives, wild and alive,
As the stars shine.

i wish we had spring
so that you could take my hand
and keep my heart warm

you are so young,
caught in a world
of stage lights and school deadlines
of rushing and huge crowds

but look at you:
you are a fighter,
you move with such passion and grace,
you laugh without a care,
and you are light
to the people around you,
you are so important, so special
and you were made to be as bright
as the fire dancing in your heart.

so continue taking on the world with no fear—
you are appreciated,
you are loved,
my bright little star.

you hold on to a bottle
the way you used to hold on to dreams
you sip and sip until your head starts swaying
and everything is not as it seems

you're on medication for the first time
and when it travels through your body you feel alive
"just one more pill" turns into a million others
the addiction kicks in, you depend on it to thrive

you sit alone in your room
and you sob and let your thoughts strangle you
you could choose to die or live; the world wouldn't care
no one could know exactly what you do

you kiss the mouths of ***** strangers
and let them touch you everywhere
you know this play is meaningless
but you're so hollow inside, you don't care

you're broken and you're lost
so far from home, you don't know who you are
but have you forgotten to look up at night
and see that what comes out from darkness are the stars?

i love you in your glory
i love you in your silly pajamas
i love you when you're happy
i love you when you hurt
i love you when you talk about the things you love
i love you when you are angry
i love you when you are lost
i love you in your morning drowsiness
i love you in your evening verve
i love you in your beauty
i love you in your mess
i love you, i love you, i love you.

there's a certain way some parts of the city
are covered in graffiti that's impossible to erase.
there's a certain way my parents never forget
to kiss my forehead at least once a day.
there's a certain way some gardener in the countryside
remembers to water his rosebeds every morning.
there's a certain way the waves
never leave the shore for any of the ocean's secrets.

and in those same ways,
i want you to never forget me.

you lead
i follow
you run
your speed
i can no longer keep up
you're living
i'm sinking
you're shining
i'm fading
you were the compass
but now i'm more lost than ever

drink the syrup
take the pill
swallow the happiness
and the side effect thrill

keep the chaos to yourself
cry to the morning sun
lose track of time and sleep
until the aching emptiness is gone

needless to say, you were an anomaly to me
nights and nights i scrutinized the case of your being
you were the stuff of high school dreams, wishes made in lonely desperation
and suddenly here you were, so close i could see you

i had thought i cracked the code and you were no longer a mystery
you had become a book i read a million times over
but no matter how many words you wrote down just for me
i could never comprehend the meaning between the lines of who you were

for days and days i longed to listen to what went on in your mind
but it turns out you had always been the one listening to what went on in mine

perhaps he sits down on his bed
eyes heavy from a long day's work

after the bustle of being
and the brightness of lights
and the noise of people
i suppose it gets lonely

maybe he wants someone to listen
maybe he looks to the sky
wishing that somebody out there
would listen

but little does he know
that somewhere not too far away,
someone sits by the windowsill
wanting to offer an ear
willing to give time
and would do anything to be the one
he would run to

Life is truly a wonder
The world is a place I live for
My heart swells with bewilderment as the sun rises
And when the stars twinkle silent and still, I watch them from my bedroom window

Yet, the only thing that doesn't seem quite right
Is the haunting hatred swirling in the shards of my shattered soul from the moment I wake  
For my heart wishes to learn to love myself
As much as I am in love with the universe

Tonight, I’d love to sleep
But the world screams again
Pointlessly, I try to weigh myself down on the sheets
But the chaos carries me away so often

Then it begins, the fire in my soul
I feel it fuel me then consume me
It ignites flames, illuminated and whole
But burns to ashes the nice things I used to be

And tonight, I don’t want to answer the phone
My heart says yes, my thoughts say no
I’ll keep to myself in the dark, please leave me alone
Turn the lights out but please don’t go.

lol