there is still love after your death
that trickles from my tears
and the sound my string quartet makes
from the symphony where my heart once lay.

there is still life after your loss
though the flowers aren't quite as vivid
and the way the sun beams peak from the clouds
no longer chokes up a sense of joy, but sorrow.

there is still chaos from the clarity, that was you--
no matter the love
no matter the life
and no matter the heartbeat, it's not you.

no joy will suffice like the melted time
and melted lives we once knew.

and--
if there is still love after your death,
why must the sun run from the moon?

To you, my true, my sweet--
Your love once kept me safe
In the misery I keep.

Your touch, like fireflies,
On a warm Winter's night,
Now hangs in the hollows
Of the dreams I hold inside.

The sun may beam and glow
Day by Day
But without you by my side,
I only see the looming clouds;
Gray. Gray. Gray.

I can still remember the way my name rolls off your lips like a sweet songbird in the morning.
I can still hear the way you call for me across the house, repeating, just once.
I can still feel the cool cool breeze that engulfed your bedroom, while we slept close, but apart.
I can remember leaving, in a rush, as to not miss my plans I made, without you.
.
.
.
I can't remember your smell, on all the clothes I used to have, and on my body after we made love all day.
I can't remember what you last said to me as I left down the empty, shaded stairwell.
I can't remember the last kiss we shared--it wasn't special, but it was the last.
I can't remember when I lost you, both seeing the same world, apart.

If I could, I would probably try to forget anyway.

the leaves are rustling outside of my bedroom window, kissed half with sweet sunlight, and half with death.

the branches, broad, and bows dancing, twinkle the leaves; entrancing.

the roots are deep, steadfast, and true.
unlike the man I thought I knew.

I can never tell you what you mean to me. For you to see the truth in my words, in my position, will be a stretch. I know you view the world with jaded rosy glasses. But you like them. They still fit. They're comfortable. I get it. Perhaps that is the chasm that I couldn't see from the beginning. Because I forgot my glasses. I saw everything. And now everything is upside down, spinning. Has it always been this way? I panicked. I'm paranoid. I've been hurt, deeply, too many times. I was a doormat for so long I became one, to my core. And that's when I knew. Break it off now, there's no way it'll be reciprocated-it never is. I thought you would be the one to prove me wrong, but I fooled myself. Because you fooled me. The ******* hormones in my brain were having such a good time getting to know each other that they forgot where the hell they put the keys and where they were going and what year it is. How? Why? When?

My soul sings for you. It cries for you. But you will never know this. I tried to walk confidently on the frozen lake, but you were quick to remind me that our weight together will make us fall in. Apart, a small distance, we can be together. But only sometimes for a short while.

Do you know I love you? I am, truly, in love with you. But hey, I don't know how 'serious' you'll take me. I'm just a silly blonde girl. Like the blonde you dated for a month before me that felt the same way. We're all the same to you. Our love? It's something dreams are made of. Ethereal is the only word in this world that comes close.

All I know, is that I'm done. I'm done in the way that scares me inside. Because I'm not alone now. My shadow friend is back. I haven't seen him in two ******* years. Can't say I've missed him, but he's back here now. The ball isn't even in your court. I think we both lost the ball, or maybe, just maybe, the ball left us.

The shadow person is back.
With the shadow hat and cloak and blanket that makes you oh so comfortable.
Forever inviting, to a place you swore you wouldn't return.
I'm still here existing.
Blowing the dust off the happy mask to wear.
So the shadow person can have me.
Who know's when the sun will rise in my eyes again,
Maybe a week, or two.
I think the shadow person knows, but he keeps secrets for quite some time.

To this day I know not why I don't take my own advice.
It's as if I thrive on the turmoil and rainy day parade I create.
There is no cure for hopeless optimism in Love;
Only the realization that some things are meant to be eternal
In a different way. In a dreamland.

So instead of being the one to be heartbroken,
I have chosen to be the one who tears down another's world.
I shatter the dreams I long for. I am the one that gets the final say.
It's a different kind of high-to finally become the pedestal from which I knew I should have been on the entire time.

I can't say the view from where I stand in my mind is clear, or better.
I can't win in the game of Love. But in the game of War, I am cruel at heart. Cruel in a way that is honest, in fact, not cruel at all. I wonder some days if the passive voice inside my head is actually my sense of worth, escaping the quicksand that it's been under for far, far, too long.

The only thing burning in this August heat is my mind rewinding our time; repeat

The only thing burning in this August heat is my mind rewinding our time; cease

My Forever Limbo Love-
I mislead you in believing
That this heart you once ignited
Would be mended in my leaving.

My Forever Limbo Love-
I'm trying to do as I said
To love you beyond this world
And again when we're both dead.

My Forever Limbo Love-
Do you know the anguish in me?
Knowing my heart forever belongs
To an angel faced demon?

My Forever Limbo Love-
Don't you worry about my being,
For without you I would not be alive,
But merely a shadow, dissipating.

My Forever Limbo Love-
You've found happiness again now,
But knowing you're still there
Means our infinity will always matter.

There comes a time
When your choice of words
(Is really all you own)
But even more powerful
Than words you choose,
Is the silence
(that chills you)
To the bone.

Love me?
Touch me?
Kiss me?
or
Remain a stranger?

I used to think I would never be the same, that my world and life would be forever in a deficit from our time together. But the truth in life is that the only happiness to be obtained is entirely up to you. I have found that what we shared was love, is love, and will always be love. Not because I want it to be, but because it simply is. We simply are. Just because I have not met someone that has reflected the same love back does not mean I never will again. But I know now that no matter what, I will always have you. You will always be on my side. And I will have no problems or worries in my life knowing our love will keep me alive, while we lead two lives apart. Not by choice, but because not all love is meant to be shared, but rather, realized.

I mustn't question the journey
I could never conceive a way
Until the day you entered my life
And all my worries went away

Even in my depths of despair
I was never unlucky
Loving you

Nothingness hugs me
Nothingness puts me to sleep
Nothingness understands me
Nothingness lets me weep
Nothingness is my enemy
Nothingness is my everything
Nothingness isn't you
Nothingness is always me.

If the bud of the rose soon
Dries and dies apart on the ground
Is it better to clip it at the source?
Or is it better to bloom unbound?

The sweet gust of flame
comes and tickles my nose,
the scent of the same candle
we will both always know...

I wonder what you're up to,
when I look at the moon,
like the slightly cloudy nights
when I was standing beside you...

Like the flame that flickers
as the candle is soon to go out,
my love for you fluctuates
from distant memories, to now...

What clouds my thoughts most,
is not the web we wove,
but how we should move forward,
in this garden of thorns.

To pretend we're both happy
would be deceiving to both;
Should the rose be cut for pleasure?
Or should the rose be left to grow?

I hope my whispers to the sky
Make their way to you
By way of love
In our faire of friendship
Touching the crevices of you
Only exposed
When the soul is weak
To remind you, that you and I,
Are not so different
But much more alike
Than the stars in the sky.
May the love we have
Not be troubled by torment
But rather,
Contently drift with the gusts,
To where they may lead.

I blame you
For holding on
Not giving me the closure I deserve.
I blame myself
For holding on
Not admitting goodbye is the cure.

Drifting through this realm
That we dwell
Never did I believe
Or imagine
Our souls would cross
And align, so well
Once a lone ghost
In this cold reality
We call home
I can only hope for your return
But for now, we remain
alone...

A chasm'd lit spark in the sky
Once was the love
That brought together
you, and I

A solemn howl of natures fury
Once foreshadowed the love
That would escape
you, and I

A slight warmth of skin
Felt on my flesh
Reminicent of the days
Well kept, and spent

A breeze dancing blissfully
Once ignored by the rest
Now is all my heart feels
Tucked beneath my breast

You confuse me
In the most mysterious ways
You admire me
With the most consistent grace
You break me
With the most passionate lays
You love me
In lieu of your face

A part of me knows love
Can't be stopped
Because it's a riddle
That only the heart understands
In time; yet,

A part of me knows love
Isn't meant to last
Because something forced
Only then falls apart
Just as fast...

Part I:
I, on the shore, so longing to dive in
Felt your race car fast waves
As they licked at my skin.
I must admit, I was afraid
Of what the murkiness hid
But what intrigued me more
Was how should I run in

Part II
Immersed in the water
Both frigid and wild
I felt a calm sense of self
A peace, an everlasting smile
Basking in your glow
We fed off each other's auras
What is the tide without the Moon?
The ocean without it's shores?

Part III
Shivering, teeth clenched
I was unprepared for this swim
I only wanted my feet wet
Now I'm left alone to fend
It's not the ocean I despise
For leaving me questioning and cold
It's the reminder of the choice I made
To race into the unknown.

Who then could be called sane
When facing love's deathbed?