its harder to speak than to yell.
and harder to yell than to.....think.
but.
as the slumber passes, and the daisies awake.
i feel as if i could talk to you.
just talk.
it might not be a real conversation.
because i might jut blink. and the time i felt i could talk.
would have dashed away from me.

in the night, the stars form into flowers.
others see constellations, or space stations.
but i am unique. i see picturesque flowers bathing in the night glow.
iris. rose. both in bloom. blossoming from the roots of the starry night.
it is really easy to know.
just harder to
speak.

when did i leave the ocean last night.
i was thinking.
engrossed in my on thought flowing with the tide in my head.
i thought i left the sea, at 1:03 am.
i was there all evening. chatting with the waves.
gliding through the barrel, the greenroom.
with my feet on the deck of the surfboard.
covered in wax.
when did i leave the ocean.
i didn't
i'm still here.

will you cry. when i leave you.
i hope not. i hope you are smarter than that. i will always be with you. thick and thin.
so my love. don't weep or scream or cry.
just smile. and i know its hard.
when someone you love has just left.
it seems so rude to leave.
like leaving the table without excusing yourself.
why?
i left because it was hard. i was soft and didn't know what to do.
now i teach in the sky. dancing with satan or whoever is really up here. as much as i would like to tell you.
i keep my mouth
s h u t .

ruby.
you make me smile when i'm down.
you read me.
if you feel down and i am there.
you are always there for me.
forever you will be.
forget me not.
dont sway.
keep with me.
always be by my side.
if you move across the field will follow.
i want you to know. that i am sticky like glue and will always be like that.
please dont let me down.
forevermore x

the sky turned black today.
everyone acted as if this was normal.
why? am i crazy or is the sky black?
i was the only one who noticed, the only one who cared.
i got lost.
no-one looks down corridors or stairways or dark alleys anymore.
as they no what happened.
as their own sky's turned black, they ran. they knew what type of person would pounce.
i didn't know.
i didn't run away from the black sky.
but i stayed. and now i have to.
i have no choice.
confidence.
thats all i need.
give it to me. please.

my love.
standing in the daisies. i wish you were closer.
standing strong and not letting go of the reeds beneath your feet
i always hope that one day. you will trust me again.
i know that what i did was unforgivable.
but today i stand.
alone.
what i said i meant. i will not change that. but how i said it.
i am disgraced. please believe me.

i
love
you.

∞ ∞ ∞

everyone despises of
the ******* cat, as it yells
across the forest as a 3 year
old would do.

he writes his stories on stolen
leaves of the lonely pine tree.
shaking awake the jungle as it
sleeps into the whispering wind.

he struts down the moss carpet
as no one else would do
the trees even give a glare
as sharp as his claws.

everyone despises of the ******* cat

∞ ∞ ∞

one day you are my best friend.
the next. you pretend i don't exist.
you played me.
just like you play your music. on and on.
i didn't realise it until you ran away.
you said "we just had to get something"
thats *******. it feels like more.
when we are alone. you are mine. we do everything together.
i sorted my life out for you.
in a different way. we are sisters.
we share a family. entwined. and yet.
when the moment strikes, you leave me. and pretend nothing happened. and thats what hits me the hardest.
the fact that you don't recognise the hurt, pain and agonising feeling in my stomach. it hits me like a knife. digging deeper into my soul.
and you don't know.
but. i keep coming back for more. and each time i do, the cut gets deeper. and deeper. i cry. kick. scream.
for you.
and i shouldn't but i do.
i can't believe that you did it without me.

when i was told as a little girl.
"think before you speak"
i knew what mum was getting at
and what dad tried to get me to do.
but.
now i'm older, only a little older than yesteryear.
i was in a slumber.
now i have turned to my night-dreams.

if i thought before i spoke.
maybe i wouldn't have even said a single word.
maybe i would have been so lost in my thoughts
i would forget what i was saying. or thinking.
no one would no what i meant when i thought about tomorrow afternoon. they would stare into my starry eyes and wonder why they even bothered to talk to me. would they?
but i will never know. because.
even when i hurt someone through simple sounds flowing from my mouth. i would still make them cry. kick. scream. yell.
they would always know. that i never thought before i spoke.

or would they.

i know its not a poem.
its more of a thankyou.
a sorry.
a reply.
a hello. and maybe it could be a goodbye.
I just wanted to thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
for you have followed me.
right from the start.

today was yesterday and they lied about tomorrow.
it doesn't exist. just like you.
you are only one thing in a world of hatred recklessness.
you were never planned. you are nothing. let me make it clear.
i don't want you to think that you got it easy. because you didn't.    
no-one ever does. its a myth of constellations in the sky.
i want. * don't say it * it breaks people and keeps them in eternal darkness. you are asking for something they can't extrapolate from themselves.
what are you going to take from this. nothing.
you fit. thats all you need to know. you certainly don't fit in. but you fit. within a world of your own.
because of me. i wanted it to be perfect. it wasnt. it never will. and this is now my punishment.
take it from me.

yours sincerely,
past

why or why not do we all have to change.
the shadows in our heart, evolving, but in the same shape.
when i begin to drift off, all i hear is silence.
then a roar.
at that moment, i know things have started.

i will never be the same again.
∞

to believe that i would make it.
i was a fool in my own mind but in my heart, i glowed.
i walked into the trap.
unaided.
not secure.
bait for a fisherman.
who
took
me.

i don't know where i stand.
nobody wants me.
i think it's time to take a minute for myself.

yeah so thanks x

Be honest they say as they drift away
But it’s hard to make that promise.
A friendship gone, a friend fray.
She won’t dare to look at me they all try to say.

Be honest, even though your friends afar.
A loving friendship now a broken heart.
Hours upon hours, gazing at the stars.
Locked in arms, fingers enclosed, linked within the horoscopes.
Magical times drifting down a dark, damp *****.

Be honest, but darling it’s just so hard.
Striding all alone, no one to hold, in the old courtyard.
Bruised, batted, scarred but hard.
Head up little one, time to make amends.
Even though, you and I know, it seems like we’re hitting dead ends.

Be honest and look her dead in the eye,
let all emotions float, relieved, elevated beyond the sky.
But wait there’s one more, don’t let them all break through
There’s just one more you need to know.
Love, it ties frayed ends and threads a string, entwining our hearts.

The freight train inside you has chugged on by.
No more fear of it breaking your inner walls.
Now you’ve been honest, times stopped us all.
You’ve followed the steps to being honest.
Look, float, wait, go. Look, float, wait, go
Be honest they all say, until we meet again