even on the brightest of days
there was darkness within my soul

the burning cold scythe whispers for
a paradise tomorrow and release from the
butterfly pain

everything cuts and the reaper has feeling
a once clinical mercenary tinged by the darkness that followed me
into hell and out
back and up
out and nowhere

death's regrets paints mercy on a face that wants none

so i tell him:

swing in the darkness
cut the air of oblivion

you'll find it hurts just as much
as the first time

wisps and willows paint the sky with your blood
apparitions dancing in the dusk of trees that
can't bear your sight

branches swinging to **** with purpose -
to end the unholiness of you

smoke breathes and hugs the world
the devil won't **** you, and
the umbrage of my small love
can't even admit to the fact

carved into my soul with
the permanence of
a tragedy

i will not have this life but there is no
killing you

i have no idea how to feel free
my skin is a cage and my mind is a
whip around my throat

the pain is numbing, but i tell myself to love it anyway

everything is boring
and nothing is the same,

but this awful feeling of
a dead man living in my brain

if tomorrow never came
would you still wait for the sun to rise

your eyes are hollow
and your mouth is set

you don't seem to notice
your heart leaking out of your chest

and the trail of blood is miles long
snaking past years of agony

that you dare not tread on

I take your heart and hold it out to you

you are not mine and you never were
my hands are singed by the holiness of your essence

but the pain is numb to me and you are all I feel

take this from me
I don't want it

your name breaks hearts upon my lips and
I am too weak to carry the empty love

my paper spine breaks at each end
though I had already collapsed

i've killed myself and
i haven't even loved you yet

carry me home!
-your heart is too heavy of a stone

but home is where the heart is
and i am all alone

Life's become a lot like laying down... Laying down not because I'm sleepy  or exhausted, but because I'm tired in a way that's quite different from the norm.

I lay down, and everything seems to fade into obscurity. The light is hazed, and the background of my white ceiling is shadowed by my second sun.

This state, this sort of stasis, doesn't end when I have to get up. Everything is endless, and I don't know when I'll feel something. Days go by and all end the same.

It's like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, and I haven't hit the ground. My voice is weary from screaming and my eyes have gone dry. Every day I fall deeper and deeper, yet I haven't hit the bottom.

I'm tired of waiting. My life's always been about waiting. Waiting for love, for happiness, for success. I'm not waiting to hit the ground anymore. I'm just being. I am, I am, I am. I am tired.

While I've been spiraling into demise, I've realized a lot of things. Being stuck in this oblivious life gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. This way of living makes a mirror of a man. I no longer see only one shade of gray, although I would like to see some color.

I've been trying to change, I've been trying to live, and be happy. I've been blessed with beautiful people that care for me, but this is my battle, and I don't know when it's going to end. And it's not going to end with me having waited.

I can tell you the world is wrong. Good things don't come to those who wait. I have been waiting years, and the only good thing I've gotten was wisdom. Not the kind that comes from a spiritual awakening. The type of wisdom you get from being beaten by the world and surviving.

Now, I'm no starving child, but I might as well be dead.

I can't seem to live outside my head.

This fall is infinite, and I won't wait for the end.

i stood before the water,
and watched the dance of an elegant snake charmer.

his serpent moved like liquid emeralds.
he glared a ruby stare that made life ephemeral.

he craned his neck and hissed incantations into my ear,
oh how my heart could feel evil near

because now i take the lonely stride,
and know the devil thinks of me alone this time

maybe it was my induced state of certain strife,
that made me believe we'd love each other in another life

a sure thought that ended with a knife
by my own hand,

oh how i hold darkness within the light

do you know
what it feels like
to become a grain of sand
and get pulled from shore?

into a pool of love,
i choke
and only want more

so i make my heart into fist
and fight back,
to swim along the tides
forevermore

born in a storm,
i was dying.
perhaps that's why my tears rain down-
no, that's just crying.

"but mom, i'm always trying!"
my soul's fighting for you,
so i can keep living life,
although i'm lying.

and all though no one's buying:
i promise,
i'm always trying.

my soul's fighting for you,
but i'm still dying.

upon the sight of your face,
i grew a second heart,
because all that i saw in you
was a new start.

i carried heart #2 in my hands,
to make sure you saw its crimson shine,
and all my brain told me to do was to bide my sweet time.

but then every heartbeat became an earthquake,
and my spirits began to flatline.

time of death, i awaited
while my second heart's beat declined,
until all it became
was an echo

with every tear
i hold myself responsible

because a human that would jump off a cliff with no rope
deserves to feel the fall

my new home is oblivion,
where there is only silence and night

and now my last burst of sun
seems a lot less bright

so when i speak to emptiness,
i pray for the light
of the moon

who would perhaps be kinder