What is this feeling in my chest?
It's like a thousand fireworks going off at once,
Mending the shattered parts and rejuvenating the rest,
Making me more alive than ever.

What are all these new colors I see?
They make the world so much brighter,
Kissing life into the dark places and thoughts
Making me feel lighter.

Why do I feel this jealousy?
When he looks at another,
Darkening the clouds and making things once again gloomy,
Making my blood seem to boil.

What is wrong with me?
Thinking thoughts such as these,
Twisting reality making me wish I was normal and free,
Making me drunk on this sudden highlightation of life.

They say I have a crush,
But really I'm a million miles away,
Hoping in a rush,
That it is alive on both sides instead of just one.

Shallow tears,
Plastic fears,
Show me who you are.

Open up,
Don't cover up,
I won't leave a scar.

Let me in I want to see who is behind the mask,
So far it hasn't been an easy task.

They can't tell how the other feels,
They can't see that there's something real.

What bitter sweet tragedy,
That they can't see.

She secretly loves him and he secretly loves her,
A mystery how such thing can occur.

They don't tell one another,
How much they love eachother.

Such a shame,
That life had to put them in this game.

Keeping the truest of love apart,
Never giving it the chance to start

Thoughts spinning round my head,
Making me wish I was dead.
But I cannot die,
I can only cry,
Wishing that my wings could fly.

Ideas March around inside me,
Like a humming of bees.
Twisting me down dark roads
To the croaks of lemon toads.

Spiral pathes,
Brick bathes,
This is insane!
Vibrant colors,
Flowers like 'find anothers',
Are all over.

Here in a world of my own,
The madness here has grown.
So please save me,
By lending us a bit of sanity?

Eyes closed, there is no escape.
Might as well not look
Or pretend you're asleep.
A struggle. You lose.
A cry emerges. "You ****!"
There are more noises, violent
Slapping you into silence
You are not heard.

Restraining you, they care
For none of your words

Slowly, but surely, you mimic a caged bird
Maybe a squeak here or a scratch there
But nothing more, you cannot be heard

There's no way to raise the alarm, no way to escape
Might as well not look
Might as well give up.
Might as well break.

I wake up, sometimes
Next to you
I know you know
The feeling there

I run my hands
along your chest
And smiling back
I know you stare

But you won't express
in words; I know
Because it's like I've known you years
You'd never say 'I love you so'
For you that seems too hard to bear

I do not mind;
I simply know
The feeling present
When I'm there

It's in the acts
You tend to show
A love that makes me sure
We share

But
When you've lost
And when you're scared
or I have no way
To show I care
I'd love to say
'I love you so'
If they weren't words
You'd hate to hear

I've been set free
Into this new existence
My room quiet and lame
As I fill the distance

With pictures, presents
Memories and thoughts
Fragments of moments with you
I've almost caught

But you, beyond the picture
Beyond my laptop screen
Are hidden from me
And all I see

Is the space between us
These mazes lined up to block my favourite view in the world.

I can't reach you with my fingers
And I can't feel you smile in my sleep

But if I could, I would
Wrap you in my covers
And lie with you
In this bed I've made for us.

Today I don't want to think.
So I'm going to drink.
I'm fed up of life.
I'm going to drink.

I'm going to drink, drink drink
Until I'm comatose
And hopefully then
To death I'll be close.

Yes, I shall drink
And I don't care what people think
This epitomises the worst attitude
I can have; I'm on the brink
Of dying by the drink.
And I don't give a ****
If I have the worst attitude....
I DON'T WANT TO THINK!

OK!?
IS THAT SO BAD?
Dear, alcohol, CAN'T I AT LEAST HAVE THAT!?

Who the **** rhymes drink with think?
This is so debilitating; I need a drink.

I've lost it. I've lost the plot, if I ever had one.
Almost certainly lost the plot of this poem
But who cares? I can't.

I want to hide, see no-one and die.

I need to hide, see no-one and die.

So I'm just going to drink.

I found a baby doll
3 days later
I cradled her in my arms
Careful not to wake her

She was but one head bigger
Than my own perfect doll

When she was alive

I buried her in a shoebox
And said my goodbyes
I said my sorries
And dried my eyes

But they never stopped leaking
And she never stopped sleeping

No more is she alive.

In the same strong blanket
I wore as a babe
She'll rest in peace in pieces
Inside that grave
For I am weak
But she is brave
And I'll never know
The love I never gave