The clothes on my back...

I can feel them brushing against my skin~

The words of my family

I hear them flooding into my brain

Little flares of light,
I see them into a rushing blur
The responsibility of my age
Watching as the world turns to chaos

The clothes
They restrict me
Tightening
Groping
Strangling me all at once

The Family
They whirl around me
Words pouncing
Steps thundering
Conversations surrounding

Flares roaring
The sight
of the atomosphere...
Raging..........Sparking.......Lighting up
The storm of chaos...Pouring down..Winds of complete and utter colors whipping my mind into a blender. Everything becomes blurry, The stress from all the sounds, the color, the people, the lights, the feelings of clothes, remembering responsibility. Everyone telling me to CALM DOWN

HOW IN HELL am I supposed to CALM DOWN!!!!

My world is I flames BURNING IN MY BRAIN
THE FAMILY, THEY TELL ME I NEED TO CONTROL
CONTROL MY SELF!!! HOW!?!

I AM ON FIRE
EVERYONE, EVERYTHING
BURNING STRANGLING AROUND ME
EVERYTHING CRUMbeling around me,
my mind lumps together, turning to mush
my fingers becoming useless,
everything falls through the surface
as I leave the room
abandoning my responsibilities


The family thinks of me as a monster
I swore words in the form swords at them
All I wanted was the chaos to stop
All I wanted was to stop
the clothes to stop strangling
the light to stop rushing by
the words to stop pounding in my ears
the world,
I just needed it to stop..
Stop..

I am not a monster

I am not trying to be rude

I just wanted to breathe

I was just stressed.

Please
Don't think of me as a monster,
I do not mean to be.

I am just

Stressed.....

His eyes dripped gold
Streaming colors
Her eyes beamed bold
Feeling wonders

Drip Drop the Droplets of Guilt

His heart sank low
Loosing soul
Her heart rose high  
Feeling whole

Drip the Droplets of Guilt

His life lost hope
Sinking fast
Her life ran far
Afraid to look back

The Droplets of Guilt

His cold end
Splitting chills
Her cold beginning
Never feeling real

Droplets of Guilt

Padded Paws
Quirky Smile
Tip Tapping Claws
Skipping Fool
Knotted Fur
Jumping Attention
Everything Else A Blur
Funny Puppy
Extension of Love
Beyond Enough
Love I Hold
For The
Quirky
Funny
Puppy
Romeo

The voice from the dead came out to haunt
while the words of his mouth began to taunt
yet the demons played with my soul
even though I couldn't be sold
I know I'm not much of a human
when i creep and crawl
yet i know I'm much more of a person
than the purest beings who always fall
I want a way out
a way to be free
yet here i am worth nothing but a simple
penny
I need a light
a shiny being
to help me out
of my worst things
You there!
You with the perfect eyes
you with the personality that can't tell a lie
can I be with you?
can you see me?
or am i only a meaningless being?
i need you in my life,
the one i know who will give me rights
the person i need is the soul you keep
yet I'm still here without a leap
help me please
i know I'm not much
yet if you are an angel
then can't you have mercy?
can't you give me wings to fly?
to go up so high
till i can't breathe
till i am not even in the sky?
i just need a way out
i know the quite and the silence
brings you down
but please bury me in the ground!
i just need
i just need a single
way
out...

That ghost,
That ghost which stares,
That ghost which stares into my soul...
Where will it end up,
Where will it go.
In the dark
In the dark he goes
In the dark he slithers away.
Never to found in the light of day.
Living in the panic,
Smiling at few,
Withering away,
To be loved only by the moon.
I don't know where
I don't know how
I don't know when
I don't know who,
All I know is that ghost
That single ghost
Lurks in the reflection
Lurks in the eyes of you...
Lurks in the eyes of me...

When the nerd in the back dies with complexity
of not sharing simplicity
of not getting acknowledgment
of not receiving enjoyment
What is there to live for
with the dark days ahead
and the ruined ones behind
what is there to live for
other than the lonely scorch ?

I ask myself on single days
why do wait,
why do sing
to a lonesome soul
or a high pitched scream?
lonesome thoughts
swarm through my brain
wishing the better
of every single day
wanting with heart
craving with soul
what is there to live for
other than that 6 foot hole ?


The nature dies along without a cause
The fire burns singing screaming songs
when the old crow hackles
when the little mouse rants
I'm going to be hanging
from a little unknown branch
praying to my soul
praying for life
When that old crow hackles
Ill be sitting on a  mantle
with thee only thing left but
the ashes of my neck
What is there to live for
when I am only a spec ?

Questions like those,
come and go,
yet one always stays
which one I will never know
Along with the dreams
of a broken pain that lasts
Along with wishes
of a sad whimsy past...

Insanity.
It festers in your ears,
It grows in your tears,
With each tick tock tick tock second
You live with that one fear.
Don’t try to hide,
For those who live within the pride,
Will someday find,
That one day where they will surely die.

You see, with your own eyes,
The pale, the white, the sticky, the slim.
Those maggot flies,
Which fill your mouth,
Slinking down your warm throat,
Now they’ve gone south,
Deep they swarm within your core,
Where you once were warm,
Now you are frigidly sore.
They flood in a panic,
Multiplying in a frantic,
Their slim drips from your ears,
Then the tears,
Finally all you can speak is that one fear.
They eat you alive, feeding their bone breaking selves,
All you can do is break your screaming cells.
You’ve met the thing that eats the dead.
Welcome to your 2 foot wide, 6 foot deep, wooden bed.

Her sun lit strands of gold streamed fluently down her body,
Her sharp crystallized eyes were engulfed in sadness, for she had nobody,
Her moonlight skin, dotted with the stars,
Brushed my rugged wounded face, capturing my heart.
She seemed to have a hard time standing,
For her heart and soul had never had a landing,
The damp clouds, reaching higher than the both of us,
Trickled the angel's tears, and darkening some of our trust,
She gracefully tip-toed with her delicate feet over the hard cold streets,
Dancing with a certain beauty, she spoke the words, "I love he"
My heart raced and spun, never having another one to hold and to love,
To kiss and to save, she was my new glistening wave,
The oceans weren't vast enough to hold our fast and moving hearts,
I knew right there and then, I would never let go of her, never would we part again.

Waiting here on this earth,
For what?
My life to start?
My debt from childhood to diminish?
My act is not together!
I know you say, I'll get there.
But let me tell you,
It never starts until you;
Realize that debt,
Money,
Work,
All of this doesn't matter!



In the long run how are you going to die?
With money and satisfaction of greed?
With no experience,
But the only knowledge of;
At least I didn't risk my life so I could get here...

Risk is life,
Never stop risking,
Never stop running from society,
Because once you do,
Your life has ended...

I feel the anger rise within,
Like fire I know I can't control it,
It's burns a hole through me,
I am now the monster I fear,
The monster I can't break,
The monster I can't get rid of,
The monster I know is festering within.

I hear the screams of my family,
They plead with me to stop,
I see their eyes,
So full of sorrow,
And all I can do is be the monster I am.

The itching of not finishing what I started,
The unfinished killing,
The unfinished taste of blood,
I itch for them to stop,
Stop screaming,
Stop pestering,
Stop pushing my limits!
I know what will come next is a demon,
Which is worse than any monster.

The black demon is bold,
It's vicious and cruel,
Always searching for a taste of blood,
Only stopped till the crack of the prized possession,
Or the rip of the human flesh.

Here it comes, I know I feel it,
My loved ones haven't figured out to stop fighting,
Stop!!!
I scream ****** ******,
They can't hear me, I can't even hear myself...

My little sibling throws a punch,
Setting off the one I fear,
The one who growls,
The one who bites the flesh,
The one who scratches, ripping skin...

I don't mean to be cruel,
I don't mean to be rude,
I don't mean to be fierce,
I don't mean to ****.
But here I am doing just that.
I killed the sibling,
Mom,
Dad,
All I'm left with is the tears of depression from my true soul...

I told myself from a young age,
This is how I was,
This is how I live,
This is how I survive,
With an abusive family,
Comes with a defense,
A defense that is under the control of them.

The more you pester,
Bite,
and Kick,
The more you suffer,
Bites,
and,
Hits,
My suggestion to you is;

Keep yourself controlled,
If you desire
never to waste an eternity of hours...

The shadows of the world echoed on the purity of the heavens. The chains of man hung from their place overlooking the freedom of such a one spirit. The golden being which lit the darkness of the world shone vividly through the details of the angel who sped through the air with such grace and elegance, that even the Holy ones on high gazed upon the girl in awe. The sea of the heavens captured the essence of the floating spirit with such magnificence, that even the passing stories of people focused their thoughts on such a girl. The wickedness of the people rest within the beating heart of the heavenly girl, weighing her baggage of life upon such soft graceful shoulders every man wishes to kiss. The chains of man have let her free, and all is needed to complete such an exchange of souls is you, gaze upon her in awe and realize your soul is saved within her fall.

Crisp is in the mountains,
Not kin with the sea,
Empty roads,
Not filled with busy bees,
Blank land forever reaching,
Not buildings forever creeping,
Wind is our sound,
Not sirens that can always be found,
Farm land is our job,
Not something you can rob,
Our sweat and our blood go into the dirt
Not by force, but by our work,
You see a potato, we see home,
Not some random dinner which you can let go,
I know you think the apple is great,
But it has a lot on it's plate,
And I'm sure it doesn't care for you,
As much as this warm potato stew,
Which was grown here in Idaho,
just for me and you...