I think cats have 6 senses
No, make that 7

1. Touch
2. Smell
3. Taste
4. Sight
5. Hearing

6. Emotion
7. Comfort

Yes, I think cats are the best animals
when it comes to intuition like that

They come to you planning nothing more than a mew or two
and when you break
They stay
right by your side
to roll onto their sides and let you touch their tummies
                                            (something they'd normally never do)
to stretch their backs and lovingly swat at your sweaty crying face
                                            (something they'd normally never do)
to careen their necks and allow you to stroke their ears
                                            (something they'd normally never do)
to raise their hinds and beg for you to hold them
                                            (something they'd normally never do)
purring the whole time


Yes, I think cats are the best animals
because unlike dogs, who love too easily and all the time
                                             (something I'm far too familiar with)
their love is reserved
for just the right time
when you need it most

And you know it's genuine
When it's love from a cat.

She Tried so hard and it Hurt
             when she Failed

covered in scribbles and light gray lines,
             she couldn’t erase.
sour notes, wrong keys that Frustrated her

                                                            ­ No matter how hard you try

a trail of dust where a ball hit the ground,
             she was out.
so many different ways that Never Quite Satisfied

                                                      ­      No matter how hard you try

smiles in corridors at people and Inwardly,
             she laughed to herself.
Awkward conversations and vital Missing Details

                                                        ­    No matter how hard you try

so many opinions they Hid behind masks,
             she in her room.
word after word that just Couldn’t get the point across

                                                         ­  No matter how hard you try
        
                               ... you will fail
                               ... until you don’t

        She grew impatient.
        She Gave Up.

I am tortured by you.
you and your lack of words
               your lack of emotion
With each step you take I fall further behind, and not just because
your stride is bigger than mine
but because you won't talk to me.

The frosted glass window cracks
because you built up the pressure inside
and it builds
and it builds
and maybe you don't even realize the explosion your actions would have
on me.
or lack thereof
because maybe to you, there is no such pressure rising
There is no shrapnel aimed at you

For all I know it's in my head
where cocoons break and butterflies emerge
And the glass keeps cracking
My disjointed mind.
that makes something out of nothing
day in and day out
with every small thing that you do
or don't.

when that frosted glass window to your mind shatters
and the truth comes out
and the pieces embed in my skin
never to come out
Then I'll know it's over.
Dig your frosted claws into me
Rip open my skin
Tear out my heart
It loves too much too easily anyway.

I yet again wasted my butterflies on someone who was
unwilling to give back.
a fate I'm doomed to repeat
Because the butterflies are never satisfied
no matter who they land on
and for all I know it's my fault for breeding those bugs
in the first place.

I can’t get my brain
To shut the hell up.

I don’t want to talk right now. please leave me alone. it isn’t you i
  promise, it’s me and
N othing can stop me from thinking that it’s my fault and
  everything is my fault. why are things this way and why did i
  lose you and my friends? i can’t help but think and
F eel depressed because i love you. i don’t want to lose you but i
  have and i’m not happy, i’m almost never happy anymore. or
  maybe i never was. emotions exhaust me but they’re all i know. i
  don’t usually get angry but when i do i go off and
J ust shut up! you’re wrong, i’m right. why can’t you see that? i
  need structure, it’s how i function and you are so incredibly
  unpredictable which excites me, even if no one knows, because
  that’s risky and i like new adventures but i need stability which
  my life, my existence, can’t provide

because i’m too complicated to make sense,
My life is contradictory

It's been a while since we've talked
         but I remember everything

You used to always tell me
- You always know what to say.

And I'd say
- Of course, it's my job.
I love you.

The best part is
I honestly didn't
I never really do
Words just happen when it comes to you

it was never a job
it was a privileged
it was so many things
        Like late night giggles
              **** talking those we hate
                     And all the jokes no one understood but us
                      (even if they weren't really that funny)

So of course I always know what to say
That's why you're my Best Friend
         the only one who really gets me
         or who I really get
Because people are hard
         which is something we both get

its all smiles here
always
no matter what
or how far apart we are

Am I losing you?
I feel like I am...

maybe it's just because we don't talk as much anymore
and whenever we do
it's catching up
and then silence

we make jokes
reminisce on the crazy **** we did
and laugh our ***** off
       too much for the joke itself
       but if we stop laughing— what then?
so we reminisce some more

You were always one of my closest friends..
       maybe not my best friend, but you were always there
We did everything together, our group. The Boys. Our Group.

now i see you twice a year
and each time is less frequent than the last

And I'm not ready to let you go.
       maybe it's because i know i don't have anyone else like you
       definitely don't have anyone else like you
       and i forget how to make friends
       the new ones aren't as good
I don't do well with change.

       i'll text you occasionally and talk about the unimportant stuff
       but that spark that united us to begin with is gone
       you've changed. i've changed
Our worlds are different now
So what do we have left to connect us?

i don't do well with change

Sometimes I wonder
All the time actually
   if it's bad that I think about things like this

You've given me very few reasons to feel
Any way that isn't bliss
   but I still find myself questioning
   things I shouldn't think

I ask myself
What it means to
Be In Love
   because in the end
   isn't it just a word?
   even though I know it's a feeling too.

I ask myself
   why do I always put you first?
   and forget about myself
Because I'm good at blending in
I'm good at conforming
   to avoid conflict
   and make myself more likeable

In the end,
I'm not outstanding.
I'm not really funny
                    or interesting
                    or unique
I'm not really very pretty either.

So is that why I conform?
To be what I imagine you want
Because I'm afraid of losing you
   even though you've never given me a reason
   to believe that you'd leave me
   if I were anything but myself

Is it really Love
If I ask these questions?

Will I ever find an exact match?
Someone who thinks like me
    or act as I'd expect?
Because my expectations are unrealistically high
So I'd never find someone better, right?

I blame the movies.

You know those nights?
The ones when you’re driving alone in the car and the radios playing old songs like
               “Dust in the Wind”, Kansas
               “Come Away with Me”, Norah Jones
You know, those ones?

and there’s this feeling of loneliness
                                             sadness
                                             emptiness
but they aren’t bad—
Just Comforting
it reminds you of a rainy day

as you drive you can see into the windows of the houses you pass
they stand out against the pitch blackness
    the smothering darkness
    the wool blanket that covers your head when you’re cold

stars shine soulless white
which contrasts with how you feel
but it’s nice

and you know you can’t touch it
you can hardly imagine its vastness
                                           its endlessness
                                           its infinity
all you can do is ponder
    ponder the midnight navy blue sky
    ponder the peculiar comforting houses and what they do inside

Do they laugh?
Maybe they're watching your favorite TV program?
a child could be crying, or trying to stifle laugh
    Maybe their mother is asleep?
    or baby brother?
Perhaps no ones home?
they just forgot to turn off the lights

You will never know
Although you can ponder
                                 dream
                                 imagine
                                 wonder
                                 think
and you want to go inside

Perhaps... its best to keep driving

He said he couldn’t believe he was flying
He said that it was the best feeling ever
He said my breath on his face was exhilarating
He said my golden hair had never been so within his grasp
He said my radiance would leave his cheeks redder than before
He said he wanted to hold me in his hands
He said look father I can almost touch her
He said he would never again be able to stand on solid ground
He said or forget seeing my face this close
He said Don’t worry father, I’ll be fine
He said Just a little higher

I remember his father’s face
I remember seeing his feathers fall off one by one
I remember him slipping through my fingertips
I remember the splash
I remember a beautiful girl,
crying on the beach
I remember her calling out his name
I remember her hair behind her:
As she jumped after him, off a cliff
I have been waiting a millennium, to forget
I would have liked to catch him
It would have only scorched him worse

Welp
You did it.
You made me cry.

It’s been so long too
    so long
I was doing alright —
    shoving stuff down
    because thats what im good at

But this uncorked a whole bottle
    of my Grade A Premium Tears—
    youre welcome by the way
    theyre nice and aged
    i know its your favorite drink

I wonder if you even know—
That you made me cry...
and if you do, then are you gonna apologize?
    because ive got stuff to do
    that wasnt just an excuse
        So... I mean, that wasn’t really called for.

I wonder how long you’ll take
This time.
    its never been that long before
    itd take longer if it was genuine
You’re good at saying sorry but you never mean it.
    youre like the opposite of my last one

Usually it’s, “I’m sorry, I love you, I know I’m a ****.”
And I say, “It’s ok, you are but I love you anyways.” —
    because for some reason i do
    i dont know why
    i probably shouldn’t, you really are an ***
    but like... youre hot
    and im *****
        So—
        I’m 95% sure I do love you.

I wonder if it’s you who made me mean?
    or if it was them
    theyre ***** too
Maybe I was always mean, and you brought it out—
    i wouldnt be surprised
    i can be a *****
        That’s why this is a problem anyways.

I do know
You made me cry
It’s been so long.

The world is full of
           Inequality

No matter where you look
No matter what they say
The world is full of
           Inequality

It’s said that fire can destroy anything
           if it burns hot enough
           if it burns long enough
even if that anything is as tenacious as steel
because steel melts
and it can be bent to my will

I am fire
I will burn
I can bend the world to my will

The world that’s full of Inequality

Because I am a woman
Because I am resilient
And no one will tell me otherwise.

For years
I’ve kept it down.

It’s a
         pillow over mouth
         blanket over head
         Duct-tape and Gags
sort of feeling

Because I’m ok
    (they have to think im ok)
    (i dont know why but they have to)

It’s been
               Building
               Boiling
               Burning

               music in my ears
               words at my fingers
               Ties and Shackles

I have to be ok
    (if i tell myself that it has to be true)
    (i dont know why but i have to)

Really I’m Fine

then she told me
        - Maybe you should talk to someone?
        - I mean maybe... Ill be fine tho
        - Trust me, thats what I thought too
           but I did, and you kno the story better than anyone
        - If I find time then I guess so
        - Yus! I’m glad. Itll be goooood for you

Too bad my schedule’s full.

It’s fine
I’m fine
    (this hasnt been enough of a problem)
    (its been ok up until now)
    (this has always been there though)

why do I feel like this though?
              What do you guys talk about in that chat?
              Why do you like me? I’m a *****...
              Haha it’s not stupid! Why don’t you like it?
              *******!
              I make myself laugh more than I do others.
              Is this normal?
              HA!! Oh sorry...
              I’m a very self-aware person, self-reflective. It’s hard to explain...
             What? Is that stupid?
             Haha... yeah...
             im sad

I feel weird...
Why do I feel weird?
    (it isnt good. whats wrong? somethings wrong)
am I normal?
can someone help?
What am i doing wrong? whats wrong...
    (its not ok)
           im sad